On Strike.

Go for it!!! You are completely right. We are often taken for granted in doing the "home" duties, even if we worked for 20 years and are receiving retirement and SSD. It's like we become the personal maids and keepers of the finanical, the cooks, the childcare, and the family go-to person. If we say no, then we are selfish because we are home all day "doing nothing". Hello....It takes more out of us to do one load of laundry than it does anyone else in the same house, but nobody even appreciates it most of the time. I'm sick of trying to pick up after an unappreciative family every morning when I can barely walk myself. I'm also sick of taking my child to school looking like a dumpster diver when I've had to iron the clothes and let everyone else shower to get ready. Then you help them do their hair or get a quick breakfast and keep the coffee pot made and ready for the next day. You almost never even get a cup of hot coffee yourself for taking care of the "little" tasks. For us, they are generally BIG tasks and take so much effort that we have to sit for hours just to get the pain to lessen for the rest of the day!

I tried the strike too and it worked for a while (still does sometimes) but I hate the smell of nasty dishes so I give in. I also have insisted I have some help around the house and now have a college student come in a day a week to vacuum, mop, sweep, take out some trash, and clean bathrooms. She's certainly not amazing, but it helps keep the house from looking like a bomb exploded after a while.

Let us know how the strike goes, please....and GOOD LUCK!!!!!

Oh Jim

Keep to your guns and go on strike!!!! Most of us share your predicament. Family always think that since Im home all day that Im well enough to cook a hot meal. I got news for them, Most of the time I hurt so much that I cant wash up myself. I put clean clothes on and style my hair and rest for hours after that to lessen the pain.

I hope your strike works for you.

Soft encouraging hugs
Betsey

Good for you Jim. I totally understand where you are at with this and I do not blame you a bit. I have had my strikes around here in the past. It is just myself & my husband here but, since he retired, omg, the messes this man makes in this house is unbelievable. Does he clean up after himself, NO! I have threatened to go out in his garage which is his workshop and totally level it, lol. IF he cooks something its with the burner turned up as high as it will go and he makes the biggest mess on the stove you can imagine & never cleans it up. I have a black flat top stove that is fairly new & you cannot imagine what he has done to the top of it burning food on it, just makes me sick. I do all of the grocery shopping too, he will go to the store & spend $200 and come home if we are lucky with a enough food for one meal, the rest of the stuff is nothing but junk. He has no clue how to look at prices of anything either. We are both now on a fixed income money wise and he just does not get it. He is stuck in the if I want it, I will get it mode.

I am with you on the weight loss, some of mine is because of crohns disease and some of it is by the time I get done cooking, I feel so bad I can't eat. In fact, I had my pump refill done a week ago Friday and they weigh me every time I go in. My nurse said well so far all of us have gained weight after the holidays from eating too much and eating sweet stuff. I said well I am quite sure I have gained because of all the sweets I ate, I lost another 2 1/2 pounds to my surprise. Standing is a real problem for me, I use a cane and I am bent over, I cannot stand up straight even with a cane. I have tried every trick in the book to help with this problem when trying to stand & cook, so far nothing has helped.

I am trying to find help to come in and clean my house. We live in a 2 story and it overwhelms me trying to clean all of it. I can't do the entire house, its just too much. Its takes me 3 days to just clean the downstairs, I have a lot mopping since I got rid of carpet except in the bedrooms.

I did not realize you had 2 other adults in your house, thought it was just the three of you. Stick to your strike mode, they did not realize what a good thing they had going, did they??? Take care.

Susie.... I had to laugh at your husband comment - and spending $200 on one meal. Good night - that's the truth here, too.

Jim - I'm w/ you. My philosophy is that whoever cooks - especially if he/she has health/pain issues - should not be doing the cleaning! I cook about 85% of the time - and I try to clean up as I go... but I'm NOT going to clean for a family of 10 after cooking. The boys rotate chores.

Hope your strike is short-lived... and you get some help!

--Tina

Jim, it does seem that those of us that stay at home due to whatever reason end up with the majority of the household chores plus some. I have alot of days when I am either sick or just hurting so bad all I can do is sit in the recliner. My husband always says to take it easy and don't do anything today. Only problem is that he doesn't do anything around the house either so by the time I am feeling better there are no groceries left, laundry needs done, the list goes on. So far I haven't said anything but my mind sure is working overtime.

I hope you get your point across and they start stepping up to the plate more. Has your son started school yet? That should help some when he is in school during the entire day.

If my 21 year old son doesn't get the hint and get with the program he is going to have to find himself another place to live.

Right now we are supporting him "rent free" until he can find a job, and like many here money was already tight before we added another mouth to feed not to mention the increase in utility costs and other expenses.

When he first moved in here back in early December he actually did pitch in and helped quite a bit, but the last few weeks he really seems to be taking advantage of the situation.

Anytime I get onto him about anything I get this "I am 21 and an adult" bit out of him and my reply is something to the tune of "Then act like one and do what you are suppose to do without being told."

Hi Jim,

I have been a chronic pain patient for 30 years now, and raised 6 children during this time. One thing that worked for me is that I absolutely refuse to cook if the kitchen is not clean. If you do the shopping do not buy anthing that requires cooking until this is resolved. Cereal and Milk or Sandwiches. I have even taken all of the pots and pans out of my kitchen and hiddent them.

I used to think it required a college education to make ice cubes, since I was the only one that ever did that. Finally, with 4 teenagers in the house I developed a list system. I had 4 lists posted on my refrigerator: Dishes, Trash, Ice Cubes, and Tea. Each teen was responsible for signing there name and dating it when they did any of these small taks. A quick perusal of the lists would generally indicate who's head needing to be on the chopping block (figuratively speaking here). .

My advice is to stand your ground. I no doubt exacerbated my back and neck injuries with all of the housework I did for many years. The herniated disks are now deteriorating and my doctor says my spine is in great shape for a 65 year old woman. I am 48. I can not undo the damage I caused by my perhaps obsessive need to maintain a clean home. I think perhaps I put such high regard on the cleanliness of my home as I felt it was something I could control, unlike the unrelenting daily pain. Still, I wish now I had just let some of the housework go and allowed my body to heal as much as possible. However, the children are now grown and I live alone now. I enjoy not having to clean up after unthinking and unfeeling offspring. I do love them, but I will never again be anyone's personal maid.

Hope it works out for you!

What great ideas!! My shrink told me I was a "caretaker" and would kill myself looking after others and pay no mind to myself, in other words a "martyr"-lol.

Hubby is great cook but as mentioned above, he dirties every pot, every surface, floor etc. I was raised to clean as you go. First, fill sink with hot soapy water and then start cooking. I always make LARGE batches so freeze one meal. That really helps on those nights (OK, every night) that I feel too crappy to cook.

My hubby does help but is also main culprit...my teenage daughter's mess is confined to her room-I choose not to fight that battle and close the door, she does her laundry and cleans her bathroom.

Hubby is a little anal about cleaning(grew up in military family) so when he complains, I tell him "if it bothers you that much, clean it up. (mainly clutter or clean laundry they refuse to put away) and my tombstone is not going to say "she kept a spotless home" it will read " aloving mother, daughter amnd friend"

How is the strike going?

Maggie