My Feet Hurt> Dadgumit!!

Yep, right along w/ my neck & lower back, both knees & left hip, hands & eyes (think I have another tumer growin on my eye, right where the last two were!), I'm so sick of wearin that dadgum sleep apnea mask every night then ripping it off at least 4~5 times so I can get up to pee (my lasting side affects of prostate cancer surgery!) and trip and fall all over myself cause my feet dont work!! And now have been wearing depends (diapers!) to bed for the last three weeks now cause I'm so sick of peeing myself in the bed once or twice a week and having to get up and change it then wetvac the matress, bleach the bedliner and wash everything else the next morning!!! My hair is falling out at a super excellorated rate cause of my testosterone shots every three weeks which also causes my manhood to shrink to pre-adolecent sizes to which I'm suposed to use this $600. electric pumping device daily the insurance co. bought me and take everyday Cealis (which I can't aford!) to help it from disapearing completely!!! Can't help Willy's two friends (Lester & Hank) tho, they are permently shrunk (I don't mind that part so much cause they have done their job> (Two wonderful sons) and now they don't get in the way like they used too!!! I don't sit on them anymore getting in my little car!!!) Jeeze> I'm a fracking Mess!

My Lovely Spousal Unit is over in Jacksonville w/ Son #2 helping him w/ his new apt. like I did last Monday~Weds. I'm home alone w/ the pets oh and Mom next door! I made a Big Pot of Chilly cause its gonna be in the 20's tonight (a Fla. Chilly & red wine night!) and invited Mom over! She can check out Facebook after dinner and check on all her Kids & Fams! She refuses to own such things!

Well, I gotta hobble down and feed the horses now! I'm sorry for whining in such a descriptive mannor but thats life in Peteworld!! I'm also sorry I haven't been around much like I used to trying to consol and help Y'all> I'm a bad man! I can't evan say I'll try harder cause I don't want to lie! I mean I want to but I get in these deep> dark> dank>funks and don't feel much like writing like I used too! I also have so much to do around here before it gets hot again> Which ain't gonna happen either! I do really love Yuze Gize> You know who you are!! and miss writing to you!

Well I really gottago> stir the chilly> I just smelled it>MMMMMMM! and feed the poneys>

Big Fat Guy (Yes I'm very big again! 285~290ish!GRRRRR!) Hugs to all!!

Bang Zoom Gone> Woosh!!> I'm purdy wooshish for my size!!

Pete

Hi Pete, sorry you are having so many issues. When I read your post I was flabergasted with your honesty and frustration, I don't know what to say. Now being a woman I don't know much about your plumbing and I will not embarrass myself by asking any stupid questions hell it took me 3 reads to figure out who Lester and Hank were. I hope you are feeling a bit better.

No worries on my end Pete I am in the same phase of life as your adoring wife. I have read a couple of your older posts so a little familiar with your spelling. There is a party at Sherrine's in the FM room so a few of the older members are there. Again I do feel bad that you are having issues this evening. I come here more as my pain increases, I keep thinking I want to stop all my meds but in reality I know I could not handle the pain without some help.
Anyway try to have a better night and I will stop boring you.

Hey Pete!  It's good to hear from you!

I can always depend on you to give the honest version and I get a real laugh out of it.  I must have missed your post yesterday (or was already crashed from my melotonin experiment).  Anyway, you started your post about your feet, but I didn't see anything in it about your feet (well, too much anyway).  I know the feet thing well and I hate it!

On the other side of things, I think many of us ladies reach a point where we are less interested :)  If you want some real woman advice, I can tell you that "most" women would be more inclined to participate if their man would clean themselves up, give them (the woman) some "soft" verbal clues to an event for the evening, have a nice meal planned (Chili works) and then takes the time to clean up and relax while snuggling and watching a nice movie that has a little romance, but not anything too adult.  I mention this because men are so visual and women need more "warming up" to be interested in a more mental way.

It's a problem for CP patients in general, I think because we need our minds to be interested and "as my dr says", the human body responds to pain in a negative way.  He also told me that it was impossible to be more "interested" if you know it is going to hurt.  Then pain meds dull sensation so that is another problem.

Lastly, on that issue...my very best friend's husband has many of the same problems you have and she is afraid to begin to be "involved" with him because he has difficulty and she doesn't know how to handle what goes on (or doesn't).  Perhaps talking to your wife in a neutral situation and telling her everything about how you feel and how you don't feel is exactly what you need to do. 

I hope you have an easier time soon Pete.  We miss you here!

Pete....I have only been on this forum since Nov/11, but reading your posts have made me laugh and cry. I understand fully about how you do not feel like the man you used to be.....I also do not feel like the woman I used to be and still mourn the loss of her at times. This CP has to be some kind of test for us I am sure....not sure what this ****** test is suppose to be but I sure hope there is some reward for all this suffering. It does suck!!!!

Don't think you are a loser...far from it....you are just frustrated and that is understandable, we all have days like that.
As far as your wife and your sex life....I also am going through menopause and have nil for sexual desire...I spoke with my doc about this and she said it is normal for women going through menopause to lose sexual desire...so try not to take it personally.

I look forward to getting to know you better...you sound like a wonderful person with a great sense of humor...I hope you get some relief soon....Take care

All the best, Amy

My dearest sweet petey, how i miss you hon. I just read all your posts and i am in tears. My heart breaks for you. You are such a wonderful man, inside and outside. To me you are a big snuggley bear. I want one of your bear hugs now. How I wish i could have gone out to see you this winter. I am gonna do my bestest to make it out there next winter. I have already told Red I am going out there, no questions, shut the door and i am there.
I hate to hear that you struggle so much. But look at the horses you look after and your buddy Rose. I can't wait to see the horsies again. I am gonna spend more time with those horses. I can see myself talking to them all the time and them making me smile. I pray that you will be able to go fishing soon cause i know that is your happy place. That and being with your boys. I hope you will be blessed with a grandchild in the future cause you will live those days all over again when you have one.
I am sure your mom is keeping you company too. How special that is to have her with you every winter. I remember when my mom and dad lived five houses down from me, oh those were such special years. My kids were spoiled rotten and developed such loving relationships with their grandparents. My dad is now passed but my mom is still here and lives one hour from me. I love her to pieces and she really keeps me going. I really don't know what i'll do when she is gone. So love your mom to pieces while you have her. I really enjoyed meeting her last year, such a lovely lady.
I am so sorry that things are not as you would like them to be with Lisa. I know how much you love her hon. I hope you can at least enjoy some kisses with her. Could some couples sexual counselling help you both or is she not interested in doing that? I hope she tells you she loves you. I am sure she is going thru menopause at this time as well and she probably even questions herself in regards to not being there with you totally in body and in mind. I know there has to be a lot on her mind as well regarding her job. What's the lastest there?
Just know that i love you lots and i am here for you sweetie. Perhaps it's time for me to put another care pkg together for you eh to cheer you up. If you want me to call you then just let me know hon and i'll ring you up.
Thanks for your horsin around video today. It's makes me feel so good to hear your voice, see you and rosie and the horsies.

Love you tons,
Suzane

Oh My Goodness!!! My two bestest Angels! Chart & Suz, sorry it took me a day to get back to you and thank you for your support and kind words as always! Yep I ams feelin better than when I started this post, mentally that is! My stankin feetz are still killin me! My apt. w/ my primary is tomorrow so maybe I can get a referal to a footzy doc!

Chart> Thats soooo cool that you like model trains!! We had a really cool Lionel set when we were kids that a millionair Mafia friend of my Dad's (No kidding> really!) gave my brother and I. Of course like everything in an Itallian Family> The oldest son gets everything so my older brother got them> no questions asked!! I still have a Lionel set I gave the Boys for Christmas years ago but it's all in a box somewhere like at least 75% of our stuff since we moved to the country into this little place! I would love to get involved in something like that and think I could be good at it (I love to tinker & build stuff!) but we don't have the space or $$$!! I'm so glad you have such a cool hobby to help take your mind off the> GRRRRR Pain!!

Suz, it's always great hearing from you!! You always bring a smile to my face!! Glad you liked the video, I knew you would "get it" as it was kinda borring and long to watch! All about the animals or I should say> the rest of the family!! I've been watching your posts on Facebook about looking for a doc for your headaches. I pray every day that you will find someone who can figure it out and help you!!! Of all my CP friends, I think what you have is the worst! I can't imagin what it must be like to have a sceaming head ache all the time!!! To me my foot hurts> (bfd!) and my lower back is worse than the foot and when my neck was at its worst> (pre & post surgery), it took the cake but a head? Everyone knows a pain in the head is by far the worst thing of all!!! I'm including eyes in w/ the head cause remember Ski w/ her eye problems? Does she still post anymore? That poor babygirl had such a hard time!!! Let me know about how she's doing if you know??? So Suz, I duno how you keep upbeat and are able to write to us, but I'm so glad you do!!!

Well I gotz to gitz goin here!!! I love Yuze Gize mucho!!! Thanks again for writing to me!!

Petie-pie!!

PS> I put a vallentine card on Lisa's desk this a.m. and she just came out and gave me a kiss and told me she loves me!! Then handed me a V-card that stated the same!!! Yipeee!!!