Need advise please

For me...I would be giving tough love here....It's already gotten to where you are way too involved as you know everything about what he takes..when he takes it...when he goes to the pharmacy...etc....

I would make one phone call or meet with him if he is a really great friend and tell them straight that you think they have an addiction problem. I would print out information from online about the difference between addiction and dependence. Find some addiction specialists in your area...as well as NA meetings..

And then tell them you care about them and want to see them get help and unless they do...you cannot speak to them anymore. Give them all the printed out information..

But then you HAVE to stick to your guns and truly not speak to them anymore...period. Unless they have sought out help.

You have to also tell them that if they ask again about doing something illegal you will call the police.

You can only do so much for an addict because until they hit rock bottom and truly want to get clean...it just won't happen. They can't do it for you.

But you also need to not discuss anything about your Grandfather. You don't have to lie about anything...All you have to say is his health is none of his business...plain and simple.

If this person is married or you are close with the wife or parents then you need to speak the family and let them know what is going on as well. The more people that know the better. Unless you think this person could be dangerous to you...then this is what I would do.

But after that...you have to let them be to find their own way or else it becomes enabling...

These are just my thoughts about it as obviously none of us are medical professionals here. You can certainly even contact a clinic in the area that specializes in addiction to ask what to do or research online.

If this isn't a good enough friend to do all of this then you need to just stop speaking with them and delete their information. You can't risk your Grandfather's care or your own being involved with someone who obviously is doing illegal activities as it's a felony to buy/sell/give narcotics. I can guarantee that asking you wasn't the first time and they have already been doing this.

Good luck..

Thanks for the insights!! I should clear up what I touched on briefly with regard to my gramps. Between us, yes of course he takes hefty pain meds LOL but me lying and saying he takes T4 was my way of trying to protect my gramps. I would never even consider giving meds to anyone for any reason. That's a serious felony and I want no part of that and my gramps is my rock in the world, to do something like that and cause him to suffer even more than he already is... well that would be deplorable. My gramps is (in my opinion) the best man to ever walk the earth, second only to Jesus. I was scared and flustered when the friend asked and blurting out the first thing that came to my mind in order to attempt to protect my gramps was that he takes T4, which I know someone with an addiction to oxycontin wouldn't want.

SnowBunny, You are so right and you seem to be getting to know me well. My heart would be broken if I didn't step in and something happened to my friend. His name is Josh, there now I don't have to keep typing my friend over and over. LOL

After I read your reply (I needed to hear that! Thank you!! I needed the reassurance and I appreciate it SO much!) I called Josh and told him I'd like to take him to lunch today. He and I are meeting at 12:30 today, and I have a babysitter for my children so we can talk. I called my husband and he knows the whole situation, so if I'm seen out having lunch with another man I'm not in trouble. LOL I'm going to start by telling him how much I care for him as a friend and them let him know how I feel he has a problem with the pills. As we have been good friends for 30+ years, I pray he will listen to my concern. I will be telling him that I love him, but until he gets help for his problem I will not accept his phone calls or messages.

I will also be calling his mother and sister as soon as I'm done typing here. I think they need to be involved. If not at my lunch with him today, they can have their own conversations with him about this.

I will post after lunch. I pray I have good news to share, but knowing Josh he will be defiant and probably leave as soon as I bring up the topic.

Someone needs to make the Dr. aware of what is going on. He will make sure that this person is either put in a rehad programs or he will put him on something else and bring him down gently. My friend had cancer and she did the same thing. Even with terminal cancer they found other drugs to keep her pain down to an acceptable level.

The doctors only found out because she was not eating properly and almost died from three over dose experiences. Her family didn't even have a clue.

It is a very hard situation to be in. Sometimes you end up getting all the scorn from everyone.

Well.... our lunch was just 30 minutes ago and here I am posting an update, so needless to say it was awful! He was extremely upset and the 3 of us ended up in the parking lot, rather than inside the restaurant. He called me and his mother every name in the book, and then some. Bottom line, I told Josh that until he seeks help for his problem he is not welcome at my home, I will not take phone calls from him and I will not reply to any messages from him. It breaks my heart to be so unkind to him, but I must remain strong and remember WHY I am doing this.... because I want to see my friend get better. I don't want to be attending his funeral because he's overdosed. I don't want to continue to see him suffer with his addiction.

His mother and I spoke this morning before our lunch date and she said she is going to contact his doctor and let him know what is going on. She knows of a rehab facility closeby and is going to be in contact with them to get help to get Josh into rehab.

I miss my friend, but I love him enough to remove myself from his life until he gets help for his problem.

Thank you all for the support! This was such a hard thing to do!!

Just wanted to update:

After church yesterday, my cell phone started going going crazy with text messages. I read, but did NOT reply. One message didn't sound good at all, he was talking about killing himself. I forwarded the message to his mom and she called the police. They went and did a wellness check at his house and found cause to take him under a 5150 psychiatric hold. I pray this is a good thing!! He is in the hospital now. Hopefully this will be a step in the right direction (rehab) Crossing my fingers!!!

I read this entire thread and I just wanted to say that Josh is very lucky to have a friend like you and his mom sounds great also.

I also wanted to mention that please know and remember an addict will do anything for their fix. Even if it seems like something he would never do, trust me, they will. So please maybe help your gramps lock up his meds and hide them. Because eventho Josh thinks all your gramps has is T4's trust me that is enough to get him high and stop OxyContin withdraws when he runs out. It may not be his drug of choice but to a desperate addict it's good enough.

Also don't let him try to tell you he runs out four days early because he was hurting and needed a few extra pills. Because if you actually sit down and do the math that's a lot of extra pills he took! If he's prescribed three pills a day and runs out four days early, that's 12 extra pills. So yeah don't let him try to use his pain as an excuse. Four days early may not seem like much but when you think of how many extra pills that really is, it's a lot!

I will continue to pray for everyone involved in this situation. It's really sad. Keep your faith in Jesus Christ.