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Does your parnter/SO have a anxiety about your pain meds?

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Posted 7/26/2012 4:46 PM (GMT 0)
To start off, my husband is the most understanding, best husband I could ever have imagined to have and I feel very lucky that over the last 13 years we've been happy and could count the number of "fights" we've had on one hand.

We've been on a roller coaster the past 8 months for sure since I started taking pain medications when my chronic pain escalated (I described more in depth on another thread), and my SO has never been truly even sick with a flu more than once or twice, let alone in pain or constant pain. He's always asking me if I am taking my meds like I'm supposed to, if I *really* need to take them regularly or why can't I just take them when I get into bad pain, just in general, he seems very suspicious of medications and of them "having control" over my life, but they DO and so I don't even talk to him about my meds anymore because I don't want to hear a lecture or see the look on his face where I feel like he's judging me.

I do want to switch to patches because he DOES have a point that it can't be good to be taking pills all the time like I do, knowing that at least SOME portion of them don't absorb properly and I end up sometimes, depending on what I ate before or after (remember, stomach surgery in 2010) not having them work at all and feeling like hell until it's okay to take another, bridging the gap with NSAIDs, which are contraindicated for my stomach issues.

I told him if I get approval to go on the patches, I will give them to him and he can monitor them if it makes him feel better. I know he would love if I was just not in need of anything, and one day, I truly believe it might be possible to get there, but I'm not there now and I'm trying to find a happy medium where I am able to control my pain AND not feel like I'm having to do it IN SPITE of my SO.

Because he's always been straight as an arrow, like won't even drink a beer at a party most of the time and grew up in a culture where even things like drinking were seen as very extreme, I feel like for him, he feels like I'm way outside of what he's comfortable with and in his mind, I might as well just go straight to rehab since the meds are something I "have" to take, equating it with addiction.

I WANT to be able to talk with him and have him understand in the way that I understand it or that I know it, but I have no idea how to do that. I feel so much pressure and actually a lot of guilt when I get a new rx or pick up my meds that I "shouldn't be" doing something as if I'm supposed to hide it when it's like any other of my meds that I "need" for my health whether it be my thyroid, blood pressure meds, whatever.
Posted 7/26/2012 7:00 PM (GMT 0)
The biggest help for our spouse/partner or close family member is to have them come with us to the Drs. and speak with them about their concerns. This way, the Dr. can explain the need for the pain medication....and that you are taking them the correct way.

And if you and your Dr. decide that the patch is the way to go from here. Your husband can be ok with this and know all about the medication...what it does...what the side effects are...etc.

It's ok for our family/friends to have concerns at times because believe me....if someone told me 11 years ago that I would be where I am today...and taking Morphine every day for my pain...I would have laughed in their face as well as think that was some major medication for dying cancer patients...

But obviously after so many surgeries...and starting from the lowest dosage/type medication...here I am today.

So they hear on the news all about narcotics addiction...and see us taking these powerful medicines....if they don't actually come and meet with the Dr. and/or do research online what it's like to live with the pain we have...it's much harder for them to understand.

This way your hubby can ask any questions he has about your pain and what is causing it...and what each medicine is for and why you need it...

I can't remember in your other post if you have shared what your pain issues are or not here....

The only time that someone needs to be concerned about us is if we are taking the medicine to "boost" our mood or energy...Or we take more medicine than prescribed...or we run out too early before our next appt.

Otherwise for those on the boards here....we follow everything to a T.

As well as we know as pain patients that an opiate is just one small piece of the puzzle to help our pain. There are many other modalities like:
Exercise, yoga/stretching, TENS unit, aqua therapy, PT, massage, acupuncture, ice, heat, injections, a muscle relaxer, a nerve pain med, an antidepressant if needed, a sleep med if needed, eating healthy, maintaining a good weight, not smoking, etc....

Having your husband know that it takes a comprehensive program to just keep our levels at a 5 or so with all of those things listed and our meds.

The more he can understand all of this....meet with your Dr....and learn about your health issues....the more his mind can be at ease..
Posted 7/26/2012 7:19 PM (GMT 0)
I totally agree with Snowbunny...have him go to your doctors appointment with you and if he is as understanding as you said he should have no problem understanding why you need these meds....like my doc said would people question you if you were a diabetic taking your insulin? I sure hope he will go with you to an appointment and get a better understanding of the reasons you take these meds.

Hope this will help him understand...good luck to you!
Posted 7/26/2012 9:50 PM (GMT 0)
To answer your original question, No, don't have that as a problem. My wife is a very experienced nurse, so she helps me keep my dosing straight, and knows enough if I ever accidently O.D. on something, which I find a comfort.

Sounds like you got a great husband, but sounds like he doesn't fully understand your need of the meds, as suggested, have him meet your doctor(s), and once he understands, it might make it easier for both of you. Doesn't sound like a "control" issue as much as a lack of personal knowledge on his part.

My main med is the Fentanyl patch, which I swap every 48 hours, and that makes it easier for me to remember, as I mark down all the changes in my daytimer thing.

Goodluck, and keep us posted, sounds like a problem with a fairly easy solution.

david
Posted 7/27/2012 1:03 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Chronic Cat Lady and Welcome to Healing Well Chronic Pain Forum. You have said a couple of thing in your post that to me, raises some flags. You mentioned that your spouse is suspicious of your meds and is always asking if you take them and really need them, and you also said you avoid talking to him about them because of this. I agree with others that this could be because of lack of knowledge of medications,, but may I ask does he have control issues?  I ask this because of you saying that you avoid talking to him about your meds. You also mentioned that you think the meds have control over your life? Is that correct? I am not sure that is correct, could it be that instead of the pain meds having control over your life, it is actually the chronic Pain that is the controlling factor?  One's body can become physically dependent on pain meds just as it does, medications for high blood pressure or diabetes or a host of other things. The medications are just used to treat or controll the condition.  But it is the conditon or disease that is really the controlling factor over your life.

 

One thing I would like to add is I personally think it would be a mistake for you to give your husband control over your pain patches if you indeed get switched over to them. You have the condition, and the meds are prescribed to you, and unless you are incompetent or unable to take, or addminister your meds to your self, I see no reason for you not to be responsible for taking or administering your own medications. I don't feel turning over your medications to your spouse, is the proper way to deal with his insecurities or hang up with you taking these type of  medications.  After all they are your medications, to treat your condition, shouldn't you be responsibile for taking them?

I think education would go a long way in helping your husband, if there are other issues then they also should be addressed appropriately.

 

 Chronic Cat Lady I hope I haven't came off harsh or anything as that is not my intention, I just am concerned about you, as I am about all the people who post on this forum, and I want only the best for you.  Just some thoughts to consider????

 

White Beard

Posted 7/27/2012 1:04 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the responses! I'm one of those PITA cases where a lot of my pain and other symptoms don't add up to a nice and easy diagnosis. My main problems, though, are SI Joint Dysfunction that causes me a lot of lower right back pain and I have some spinal damage from a botched lumbar puncture. I have chronic migraines and strange arthritic type pain, but we're still in the WTH is all of this (I left out a lot for the sake of brevity). I will say that after 8 months of what has felt like hell, I am finally with a spine/pain doc who is darn good and is right on with his observations, transcribes his report in the room with you, is very attentive and my husband did go with me to that visit, after the hell I've been through with some other doctors and so much diagnostic testing, getting docs to believe this is real, he was glad I have this doc now, too.

I do believe that all of the publicity about the huge pain pill addiction epidemic (he even heard a story about it in NPR today lol) it makes sense it would worry him, I do understand it. You're right that he isn't a "control" type of guy, it's not about that, I think it's fear for my health and because pain is such a "silent" illness, I guess it's hard to see as any other medical condition requiring treatment.

That said, I called my pain doc today and asked them if I would be able to try a patch delivery of some kind of medication since I feel like after the night I'm waking up in the am basically starting over in catching up with the pain. He did rx Butrans patches 5mcg which I'm willing to give a try and put my first on today. I thing my husband seemed relieved about that constant, steady, non-variable method and funny, some of the pain I have not been able to shake, even with my pain pills like in my hands and wrists, knees, it seems like at least for now that is gone. If this works, I have no problem staying on these.
Posted 7/27/2012 2:20 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the update....That is pretty amazing that you just called your PM today and he, without an appt. or seeing you, switched your medication to the patch and then you went to pick up the prescription?

Many Drs. will not do any type of med switch unless they see you face to face for an appt. Go over the pros/cons and document it all. As well as specifically instruct you how to use it and taper off other meds.

That is why I was thinking your husband would go with you on that meeting with the PM since that is where he has his concerns.

When will you see your PM again?

Hopefully the patch works well for you. I couldn't take the Fentanyl ones (those are different) because I like hot showers and it releases too much medication that way, I just didn't like not having control of what doses I could take...

So I am the opposite of you on that issue. I like being able to take less some days and then prescribed amounts the other days. My PM has my schedule very flexible which is "no more than x a day"....And most days I take less.

As well as what I wrote earlier....don't forget to add in all the other modalities to help lower your pain level so you never just rely on a narcotic.

Good luck...keep us posted on how it goes.
Posted 7/27/2012 4:50 AM (GMT 0)
I keep a notepad at my medication area and when I am not doing great I write down my meds I take and when and other notes like how I am feeling, my sugar levels. When I am having a foggy day I can always look back and so can hubby.
He was just going to give me my insulin when I started it that did not work out well for him and then he tried managing my pills and again it did not go as he planned.
I now realize it was hubby being a control freak but it did not work his way.
Good luck with the patches
Posted 7/27/2012 1:27 PM (GMT 0)
Ditto, to what everyone else says! My hubby says he wishes I wouldnt need to take them but wants to see me being able to function. I think it is harder for someone who has no need for pain meds.

I do tell hubby about meds and mark it on the fridge just incase something happens. While recovering from this last surgery I kept everything next to me, I found mysef taking things to often, sort of waking up and popping pills, so now I make sure I cant take things while sleeping. Makes hubby a bit more comfortable, me too.
Posted 7/27/2012 2:47 PM (GMT 0)
I have one of those 7 day (weekly) containers that have 4 individual compartments per day. Each Sunday night I fill the week up with my medicine.

That way I can easily see that I have taken my medication that day and that time.

I keep my Ambien in a completely separate dresser in it's own weekly, one a day, container because it is very similar in look to my OxyIR. And with the Ambien...if I haven't fallen asleep within a hour or so...your brain gets fuzzy to remember if you took the medicine or not. So I also have the month written out in a notebook next to this container and when I take the one pill at night I cross out the day's date.

CCL, hopefully with the patches you can set up your own system that is easy to remember. Many people keep a log when on patches and always write down the day/time they put it on and then set a reminder on their phone when it's time to take the old one off and put on a new one.

Let us know how the patch is working!
Posted 7/27/2012 5:26 PM (GMT 0)
I'm so glad I just live with cats....
Posted 7/27/2012 5:59 PM (GMT 0)
LOL Kaely!...

Although even with animals you have to be very careful and not drop your meds.....My dog is a food hound..lol...And he is so quick if someone drops something on the ground he would swallow it first and ask questions later whether it was edible or even tastes good! HAHA..

So I am so paranoid about this I take my medicine when I am home in the bathroom with the door shut each time.

But I will say..it's so wonderful to have our fur babies:) Mine is sound asleep right now snoring away again...(hence my signature line about him!)

Ok...sorry CCL....I won't hijack your thread...back on track!
Posted 7/27/2012 9:54 PM (GMT 0)
I am with you snowbunny...I also have a 7 day container for my pills makes life easier. And wow Chronic Cat Lady that is amazing that you got to talk to your PM and change your meds without even having to wait or actually see him/her...not here it would take at least a week and she would make me come in to discuss the change. I hope the med change helps you and makes it easier on you.
Posted 7/28/2012 4:55 AM (GMT 0)
You know I to have one of those 7 day pill containers, but with mine you can take out each days container separately and it has a timer thing that slides onto it and you can set up to four different times on it, and it has a choice of different alarms that you can use for each time. It is handy in the fact that it fits in your pocket, and you can take it with you, and the alarm will go off telling you it is time to take your meds. I fill mine every saturday night because it goes Sunday through Saturday.

White Beard

Posted 7/28/2012 6:41 PM (GMT 0)
For my patches, no problem. It's easy, I swap every other morning. To be safe, I have the days circled in advance on my Daytimer. I back this up, with a wall calender. I always take off the old patch first (dr. suggested that), get rid of it, then open the new one up and put it on. (Talking about Fentanyl here). I switch arms every other day, I put them on about 2" below my shoulder toward the front of my body.

Now its harder for me with the Loratabs. I now use a pill box like White Beard mentioned. Normally, I take them at Noon, 4 PM, and 8 PM, 2 at the time. Without the pill box, I would get distracted, and too many times I would think, did I really just take them, or was I about to take them. If I didn't know for sure, I would pass on taking any mor till the next time slot, didn't want to overdose.

The pill box makes it easier, I just set it up in the evening for the next day. Then if I look at the clock and its 1 pm, I can look in the box and see that the Noon ones were taken. Gives me a good sense of security.

Sure we all have our own system.

david
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