Upset, cannot get words out of my head....

I am opening up to you guys only because I know most of you can understand what Im going through right now.
I went back to school almost three years ago at 39. I had been dating my now husband at the time. Just a little backround that I think it important to the story from my divorce my house is paid off, I own it so we have no house payment, and I also get child support to take care of my children. My husband is making more money now than ever before, we do have two car payments and of course medical bills for me from when we were not married and I had no insurance. Anyway back then when I first started school he would always tell me even if I never worked it would be ok we would always be allright, because of my health there are more bad days than good.
Well I was in a surgical tech program, which I was supposed to graduate in May of 2013. I started clinicals in October and guys it was awful! When you are in surgery as a tech you are in a sterile space you hardly move for hours and sometimes have to hold a retractor in the same space for hours without moving at all.
I was in clinicals for 8 weeks and my health declined rapidly. We both decided it was not going to be for me. I finished out this semester and I am enrolled net semester to finish my associates degree which I only need one class for and I was also going to take some medical transcription classes as I only need for of them to take the certificate test. Well now he has just turned on me, he is very resentful of me changing degrees, last week was the worst he called me a loser and a quitter....Those are the words.. he has apologized since but I know he thinks that you can never take words back ever. I would never say that to him as I love him so much no matter what he said to me I could not retaliate with awful words. I am feeling lower than low....
I have to force myself anyway to get out of bed everyday to how I feel, but now its worse. Thanks for letting me vent I really have no one to vent this to because you cannot confide with your family these things they would never forgive him, nor would most of my friends.

Hey Mindy,

Ahhh, I'm sorry that happened.... I share many of the same feelings as White Beard, too....

I personally think that words hurt just as much as physical pain.... but, as WB said, things are said in anger/frustration/etc.... I've done it with my own husband and he's done it with me - just because of the extreme stress of our lives. Like WB said - I'm not excusing what your husband said.... it would have hurt me terribly too. But, sometimes as humans we screw up and say the wrong thing - and I'm hoping that's just what he's done....

I'm with WB too - I'm proud of you too for putting in so much efforts towards your degree. And, I too, think it's good that you found out that you need to change things up.

Feel free to vent here anytime, Mindy... I've been on here for over 4 years now - and I've done it 100 times (or more).... :)

Try really hard to not let those words define who you are and what you are doing. You should be really proud of what you are doing - despite having lots of health/pain issues.

Hugs... --Tina

Your vent is well justified, glad you had the chance to get it off your chest.

Words can hurt, forget about that "sticks and stones" nonsense.

It was a terrible cruel and insensitive thing to say to someone in your condition, but I am a big believer
in forgiving someone the "seven times seventy times" rule.

Sorry this happened to you.

david

Oh Mindy

I am so sorry you have had to hear those hurtful words. Yes he has apologized but has he said what made him say such hurtful words how he can say that is beyond me. I think when the time is right you have to talk with him about it and clear the air.

I have the best husband in he world but just occasionally he gets very stressed, he has had to look after me for a year now after back surgeries including a failed one, and then he might have a blowout. He is always so apologetic afterwards, I'm always hurt by it but it passes and life goes on.

It's plain for everyone to see, you are most definitely NOT a loser or a quitter. Most people would have given up long before now. You saw your placement through despite the pain and you are looking at ways to finish your degree, instead of just quitting. I'm full of admiration for you, you are a gutsy girl.

Ty not to take it too much to heart. When the time is right you can have a chat and clear the air. But in the meantime forget the words quitter and loser. You are an achiever, remember that.

Take care and Happy New Year to you from Bonnie Scotland!

Jane

Hi Mindy, I know all too well how deeply words can cut, especially those from your spouse. I won't say the things that were said to me by my ex-wife, but I will say that despite the fact that it's been three years since she said them, there is still an emotional scar where she cut deep into my soul. We all know that the pain from some things never really goes away, but like any wound, it will eventually close, and leave it's mark.

I can't say what motivated your husband to say those things, whether he was thinking it would motivate you in some twisted way, or maybe he possibly felt cheated, not by you, but by your illness; I think, in some way, it probably hurt him to know that you aren't able to do the things that you've worked so long for, and had enough anger in him, towards your illness, to forget just what he was actually saying. I can't say for sure what was actually going through his mind, but I think its possible, that maybe he really needs some help in learning how to cope with the idea that the woman he loves isn't ever going to be 100% well.

People tend to express anger in odd ways, especially if they haven't learned any tools to deal with it. I know I felt betrayed by God and the whole medical community when I figured out that my ex-wife was permanently, and unstabley mentally ill. She has schizophrenia, and I looked past it for a long time, choosing to buy into the lies that she said, and believing that she would get progressively better over time. Well, she didn't get better, she got worse, and slowly, as more time elapsed that she had been off her medication, I watched in horror, as my wife turned into a complete narssassistic, violent monster. In the end, she tried to kill me, and my son. Words just cant express how angry I was with the idea that I had fallen in love with, married, and fathered a child with something so evil and twisted. And I was even more angry knowing that my son would, and still is, growing up without a mother.

Anyways, alot of people around me took the brunt of a lot of misguided anger that I was harboring over situations that I finally realized, were way beyond my control. I think its possible that might be what happened here. I'm sure your husband loves you, and it probably tears him up to know that he cant help any of your health conditions.

I'm not trying to justify or condone what was said, and I could be totally wrong on my thinking of why. No, words can't be taken back, but if you can work on it together, after you've taken some time for healing, the two of you can get past this, and possibly grow more in love, and earn a deeper trust for eachother, than ever before.

Take care Mindy, you're strong, and you will make it.

I agree with all your responses and most of all if he is not happy due to this debilitating illness then here is your get of of jail free card, as much as I love him and I do I also do not want him to suffer