, Hello fellow sufferers! Bad attitude? Anyway, This is my first attempt to get/give some fellowship in a community of those who can understand what it is like to live with chronic pain. I looked at several sites similar to HealingWell.com, and this was BY FAR the best site out there! Pro-active people, current posts, a place for everyone, etc!
So, my story is as follows (some background is required in order to explain my need for some one's assistance):
I am a 52 year old mother of 5, grandmother of 2. Generally speaking, I have had a very healthy life. That is, until approximately 1997. One day I was trying to dress my 9 month old son and was unable to lift my arms to pull on his onesy. I figured I had a flu bug, so wasn't concerned, until 2 weeks later when it was only getting worse. I went to see my doc and told him what I had been experiencing. He began asking me seemingly unrelated questions, such as, "how is life at home"? or "how is your marriage"? or "Are you struggling financially"?
After about
4 of these probing questions, I realized what he was fishing for! He was doing the "Are you suffering from depression" quiz. After feeling offended and not understood, I was able to be my own advocate and said, "I don't hurt because I'm depressed, although I may be depressed because I hurt". He prescribed something to help me get more restorative sleep. I figured he's the doctor so he probably knows best. I took this med for about
2 months and gained about
50lbs. during that time.
I told him no more of this #*%^. Next visit he sensed my frustration and delved a little further into my pain issues. After a poking and prodding test and a few questions, he diagnosed me with fibromyalgia. I was familiar with this as most of the older females on mom's side of the family had been diagnosed with fibro as well.Being a skeptic, I ignored this at the time, thinking that was a "catch all" diagnosis when they can't figure out what's causing the pain. I took this as my doc placating me to get me to stop whining. Next came the anti-depressant, Prozac. Doc told me that there had been some success alleviating chronic pain. Again, I trusted him, although I hated the fact that I was taking an anti-depressant! I took my meds as prescribed and that's when all heck broke loose.
I ended up in the front yard yelling nonsense at the neighbors, throwing glass (that felt fantastic!), and swallowing whatever pills I could get my hands on. I was literally bat#*&@ crazy! Cops were called and I was escorted to my suite in the Behavioral Health Dept. of my local hospital. After 2 weeks, I had a new diagnosis, Yep, Bipolar Disorder. Med tweaking ensued and a couple of years later I was pretty much in control. Then came the real pain! After two hiking falls and an auto crash as well as breaking my tailbone 3 times, I was pretty much immobile. Back to the doc (a new one at this point). He ran all sorts of diagnostic tests, sent me to numerous specialists and tried every non-narcotic medication known to man. Allergic to Lyrica, Gabapentin, and neurontin, some relief with my anti-depressant, Cymbalta, but for the most part I was not so much living, but more like waiting to die.
My life was no longer mine. So, as a last resort, we discussed narcotic options. I DID NOT want to go that route (I had heard addiction horror stories, plus I have a history of substance abuse- speed or uppers were my drugs of choice). But I was really desperate at this point, even suicidal on the really bad days. We started off with a very low dose of both extended release and break through narcotics. Oh, praise God!!! I was able to function to some extent and my mood improved dramatically! But, anyone who has had to resort to opioids for chronic pain relief, our bodies have an uncanny ability to become tolerant after an extended period of exposure. So, we upped the dose. Some time passed, same deal. Again and again. Until now. I am at the point that my doses of both meds are fairly significant. I AM NOT comfortable increasing my dose again.
At some point I won't be able to ask for more. I'll top out, and then what. I get very little, if any, pain relief with my current dosage. I have tried all suggestions from my doc, as well as doing research on my own to find alternate therapies. I don't know where to turn or what other options are left, if any. Anyone out there experienced this conundrum?
The excruciating pain, lack of mobility, the day after day after day spent in bed with no human interaction, and mostly the guilt and feeling worthless, is getting to be too much! I have hit rock bottom with severe depression- something has got to give. Any comments, suggestions, ideas, prayers, whatever...will be appreciated more than you could know! Thanks for sticking it out with this LONG post. Sorry. :( Lynnette
Post Edited By Moderator (Blessedx8) : 2/21/2013 10:32:39 AM (GMT-7)