It's Time To Rant Again

There's nothing really new with me, I'm still in horrible, constant pain with no end, or relief in sight. I'm just really mad and frustrated and don't know anywhere else I can vent, other than my wife...I'm tired of saying the same things over and over again to her...she's great and she loves me and supports me always...but there's really nothing she can do for me. So here goes...sorry guys:
This pain just doesn't go away...ever! How much am I supposed to put up with and accept? God only gives you what you can handle, I've heard. Well I can't handle this any more, but I just keep getting more and more. It wears me out and makes me want to sleep all of the time. At least I can get a few hours without pain. That's not fair to my wife, because she's lonely and bored...But much of the time I can't help it. I just need to escape somehow. I have the pain even with pain meds, but the pain gets worse if I stop taking them. I'm pissed off, sad, frustrated, hopeless, annoyed, depressed, agitated, etc. That's all for now...I'm about to take some more pain meds and try to fall asleep...it's 2:40 AM...goodnight

Being mad is a perfectly normal reaction under the circumstances. I'd be pretty frustrated as well. Heck, it's only been in the last couple of months that I've managed to convince my doctor that it wasn't in my head.

If I wouldn't have had this place to vent, I don't know what I would do. Even my mom was getting to the point where she was upset. She knew I was hurting, and getting no help. That is slowly changing. The help part I mean.

Don't give up. Fight as hard as you can, you're stronger than you think. There will be some bad days to endure, and more frustration ahead. Accept that as fact, just like the sky is blue. It just is. That helped me open up to picking up the good things that are happening around me. They are there, but I know when I get tunnel vision, I miss the good stuff.

drjimmy - So sorry that you are having a hard time with the pain. All my problems stem from my spine and I experience varying levels of pain each and every day. But one thing is always the same - and that is, there is always pain - I can definately understand where you are coming from -

I know it is hard. I have also felt: pissed off, sad, frustrated, hopeless, annoyed, depressed, agitated, etc. I swear I slept for like 7 years of my life because of high doses of flexeril I was taking along with other medications turned me to stone. All I could do was make it through work and then get home and pass out.

I have been in cp since my early 20's, and now I am 35. Even after all these years of dealing with this, when I found out how bad my neck was in December, I sobbed...and I mean break-down sobbing like a kid, calling my mommy and having her end up sobbing too type sobbing. Those thoughts of: Why me? *** am I going to do? What about my kids? What about my career? Blech! I hate the pain!

Try not to feel guilty. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! It sounds like your wife is very supportive of you...and I know it is easier said then done, but it sounds like she loves you very much and would just enjoy spending that time with you...so just find little ways to do that and don't worry about the naps, unless it is more of a depressive sleeping pattern. CP and depression go hand in hand, don't let it take over and if you feel it is, then seek help. What medications are you taking? Are you doing any other therapy? There are so many different options out there, and different things work differently for different people - so what have you tried so far?

Hang in there - and anytime you need to vent, you know we are here for you and understand what you are experiencing. Sending positive thoughts your way...

After thinking about you and your post a little more, I have something to add. Hear me out...

Dealing with the things you have to is kind of like learning how to play a musical instrument. I say this because I'm a guitar player, kind of, and there are parallels. It requires patience, persistence, basically learning a new language (like reading sheet music), pain, frustration, and many failed attempts before you get it right. And what you start trying to do may turn into something else. Still something learned, just not the song you started out trying to play.

Now I'm no Eddie Van Halen, but I can strum along and make myself happy, even though I'm not technically proficient in it. I'm also not trying to win a Grammy or record a multi-platinum album. It's something I like to try to do. And I've been going through the practice, failure, trial and error, finger stretching, and building up callouses on my fingertips since I was 15 (so like 30 years).

But just seeing the guitar in the corner reminds me of the literal hours of practice, getting introduced to new and old music, teaching myself to fix guitars (out of necessity) and eventually how to build them. It's not what I started out to attempt, but it's something that I decided to do that is just fun for me now. And none of that effort I feel was wasted. It made me a better, more rounded person with a lot more respect for people who manage to do music for a living, and I learned something at the same time.

It's always a learning opportunity, and knowledge is power. The victories and defeats keep adding up, but you still keep trying, forget the score, because reaching YOUR goal is the point of the whole thing. Chin up, and when you need to lean on someone, we're in the same canoe. I might have to lean on you one day, and I hope you'll be able to do that.

Hey there...

Sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. I was just reading your last thread from back in January on here and you were going to look into Nucynta, the SCS unit, as well as possible nerve blocks again since nerve pain is your biggest issue.

Have you met with your Dr. since then and gone over some of these choices? There have been quite a few people as of late getting really good help with the Nucynta.

I also think you haven't tried Neurontin either? There is also a procedure called RFA (Radiofrequency Ablation) where it goes in and heats up the nerve to help with the pain.

We are always here to listen!