When chronic pain/illness dictate your entire life

This is a rough day for me. I try to ignore it, pretend, hide it, think "new wave" affirmations and apply the dozens of coping skills I can come up with.... but days like today I feel like it doesn't really mean anything...does it? Because at the end of the day, what's really changed it? I've been back in the hospital and am back in skilled nursing and its all been for what? What??. I'm 54 yrs old and most of its been "being the sick one". I'm just pathetically jealous that other ppl and usually those closest to me have lives they go on to live while I exist like this. I feel invisible. I worked and gave my money to help others. My life's career was to help others. Now I have neither. I'm. So. Tired.

Alcie has a very valid point. It's part and parcel for being a CP'er.

I'm 51 and have also spent most of my life, from childhood, in various forms of CP. Sure I've had my share of acute pains as well, but that aside, I was always a sickly kid, sick teen, sick young adult, and well, voila, I've arrived here in much the same fashion....

Quite literally, I have had so many (diagnosed) diseases and ailments along with depression and anxiety, combined with having joints that,--as have been explained to me for decades on a consistent basis for decades,--are aged 20-years beyond my actual age....

It wears you down, it gets tiring and exhausting.

I'm not in the best of places myself, as I've just come home from a particularly rough week tending to 'personal matters'....and for my "recovery" I ended up sleeping for 13 hours, and during PT I worked out for 90 minutes plus cardio.

So yeah, I'm paying for it like crazy now, but the point of all this is,....we are but human. We need to remind ourselves of that....myself included. We need to learn to ease up on the pressure we place upon our own selves to feel and perform a certain way on a consistent way or basis.

We are not robots. Having down days is as real as having good days. Being able to make the distinction is what counts! :)












M.

Everyday I read these posts. I see the names and read your stories. What has this taught me?
Your lives have gone in directions which you never expected or desired. Pain rules and twists your path in its own direction without concern for your goals or desires. Everything feels heavier. Its just not fair.
My only comment may sound stupid....but it is true. I wouldn't still be here if I hadn't found this site. If I hadn't found your voices. Although you are suffering you have shown me hope. Something that no one else has been able to provide. You are teaching me to be stronger. Thank you.

It still isn't fair. I wish you didn't hurt.

This site in particular has been a total game-changer for me. Before HW I did not have any type of support system in place for CP, just a whole lot of critics and judges.

When you're amongst fellow sufferers who understand, it makes such a huge difference! It's true that CP takes on a life of it's own. Then it's up to us to choose to work with it or against it....










M.

Life isn't fair. It sucks. It's full of ups and downs, sometimes lots of downs. All that really matters is finding a way to get through the day. A way that doesn't hurt you (too badly) or hurt others, that is. Lol.

Because you never know what tomorrow will bring. It could be bad things, but it could also be great things, and as long as there's a possibility for good things....

I dunno, I just feel like giving up now would mean cheating myself out of the possibilities of life....which would essentially make all the bad crap I've already been through utterly meaningless. And if I've had to suffer through it, its gonna dang well be for a reason...even if that reason is just giving the gods of fate the finger on my worst day! Lol.

It might not make sense to everyone, but its been the thing that has gotten me through. I was born with my various conditions. I've never lived without the heavy weight of them. The pain, the frustration, and all the other unpleasant things that come with me being alive, have been my constant companions my whole life.

We all have our up and down times, I know I certainly have had mine! I have been on this forum for quite awhile now, (not as long as some, but longer than others) and for me this forum has been a real Godsend! It is not just knowing that I am not alone with my pain, (but that really does help allot too!) but the support and advice I have gotten over the years has been invaluable! Since joining this forum I have had two fusions in my cervical spine, and framinotomy in my lower back and went through a divorce, and just recently an implanted pain pump, and through it all, the kind compassionate folks here on this forum have always been with me, lending me their ears and listening, and giving me their support! That means allot! More than anyone can imagine!

 Here on this forum, we all help each other! And I think that in it's self, is helpful! At least for me it is! I feel trying to help others, is.... I guess.... for lack of a better term, it's: ""therapeutic""! Also hearing about their problems and what they have been through, puts my experiences more into perspective! As bad as I think some things are for me, there is always somebody who has it allot worse! In a weird type of way, just knowing that, helps me cope with my problems????? I hope that makes sense!

Anyway this site and forum is definitely a good place to come when your feeling down, and or frustrated with your pain, and condition, no matter what the cause or type! There is always someone here to listen and lend a helping hand!

And I still thank "Chutz" for introducing me to this fantasic forum and web site!

White Beard