Argument w/hubby about my limitations

All I can say is that I can relate. It takes a long time for family to adjust when they've been expecting so much from us all along (especially us moms, no offense to all the wonderful men on this board).

I think it probably just takes time. It's a new life they have to adjust to, as well, to some extent.

It has taken my family years, years to accept. Turn the tables around. If he were ailing you would suck it up. Wo.en do it all and when they can't everyone complains. Sorry lived thru this tooo long. Take care of yourself. And let the chips fall where they may.

Okay, I can relate, but in the opposite way. We have one dog (a big fella and he's a shedder), and we have a big house. And,....that's it. Our family is the 3 of us. I'm on Disability and home alone. In fact, I spend a lot of time alone, and my 'time,' such as it is, revolves around doctor appts, vets, PT, gym, groceries, and yeah, cleaning and doing what I can.

The house is in no way that I'd feel comfy just having people pop on over (other than people who know us). It bothers *me* that I should be able to do more and get more done since I'm home alone all day. Not like we have kids or I have a job, right?

But it takes a lot out of me. My Hubby is the one who says, "Relax, our house is cleaner than a lot of peoples....you'll get to it when you can get to it, don't worry so much." Then he'll do the laundry or dishes and we just sort of work together to get stuff done.

It's a tough spot to be in and guilt (by self or by others) can erode....





M.

Thanks everyone. I will check out fibro partners.

Someone mentioned a role reversal. That happened back in February when he broke 6 ribs from a 4-wheeler accident. Granted he wasn't physically ill for years either but I did everything I could (even while in great pain myself) to help him during that time. In fact, up until that time when I had to pull on him to help him up, my problems were not everyday. It was after pulling on him to help him up and down that my problems became everyday and much worse.

He may think I sit home and crochet all day so I don't have to clean but what I'm really doing is making a conscious decision to rest my body so I can cook him dinner when he gets home. The standing to cook dinner kills me but I do it anyway because I know he works very hard.

I have to reserve myself to one 'task' per day. On a great day I may do 2 (if I do 3 I pay for it). And yes, yes! Standing to prepare and cook dinner is very tough. Sounds simple to people unfamiliar with CP but it's things like this,....standing for long periods (>10 minutes?), household chores, laundry, loading dishwasher, mopping, vacuuming,....they can set your back off for the rest of the day and then some.

I can work out and lift weights in a gym. Looking at "just that," I can see what some might not perceive me as a CP patient. That's in a controlled environment where I keep changing positions as I see fit. I may look perky doing groceries but that's because I'm trying to 'surgical shop,'....get in and out quickly, grinding my teeth (deli lines are the worse next to cashier lines)....for all that it takes me, I come home, grab the ice pack and meds (more often than not), and take a break. A big one.

I understand. Try to do one chore a day. That's it. Nothing long, nothing strenuous (for you). It adds up! I'm learning to break things up. My back does much better....so do my legs, hips, arm, neck....




M.

Hey BBCL...That's great that you have access to grocery service!  As for your fir babies...I would NEVER SUGGEST life without my Dalmatians (2). They are by nature strong and hyper, capable of injury though never on purpose. Our dogs are ALWAYS our babies...the sunshine in our lives=)  They have their own acreage and stay outside all day.  They come in at night to lie in front of the fireplace.  They'd prefer lap time (sometimes we do) but are happy to just spend time with us. I brush them daily like horses, but alas, the shedding.

I am a "recovering perfectionist" and find myself challenged to meet my own lowered expectations.  My husband is the opposite...He tells me that I obsess over our home.  He feels it's magazine-worthy.  He wants me to take care of myself, rather than the house.  He insists on running the vacuum weekly for me.  I prefer "daily" but I don't complain as we are fortunate to have heart pine floors that are lacquered to a mirror shine.  That conceals many "sins"...

Perhaps you could hire a housekeeper to come in weekly or bi-monthly to do the major cleaning.  That way you could manage the day to day.  It could always be worse...Last year BOTH of us were off our feet (literally) with knee issues for a week in October.  It wasn't a matter of the shoe being on the other foot.  We wanted to throw shoes at one another before it was over!

Life with pain is rarely funny, but we must exercise our funny bone.

  Dixie

I've got it really good as my wife is "Super Mom". I'm not disabled but in need of fusion neck surgery so I can't do what I once did. However I still do a lot.

My wife has a big role at work for 45 hours per week, comes home from work, does homework with one of our boys while she's making dinner. I have the other boy doing homework, after we eat we both clean up, get them prepared for school the next day, they shower, her and I hang with each other until bed. This is our life and I wouldn't change a thing. We do date night almost every weekend since our boys are older now.

On the weekends she's doing laundry and I usually try and work outside. We like making our house look good as we both have OCD. We don't have pets because of the OCD and I've already cleaned poo when my boys were little. I'm not cleaning poo now, I'm out of the poo business. Don't want to end this thread about poo, so pop a wheelie. I always say that when things get weird, makes it weirder.

One of the other Mods here made the same suggestion to me....and I'm seriously thinking about it because let's be honest with each other. It doesn't matter how much "time" we have at home to do whatever chores to be done. If/when we do them, they can knock our pain levels into the grandstands.

Even if it's once a month, someone to come in and clean. I'd love twice a month, I know it's expensive....but my friend, so is your sanity!! Look around at some services and perhaps get some estimates.

Hint: Stay at home and stay with them the whole time they're there cleaning, always.

I'm in the same boat, and have to make the same call....




M.

You guys are all great! My hubby does love me very much. The main reason the issue even came up is that he is starting to develop allergies.

I am looking into someone cleaning. My sister-in-law is supposed to find out some prices for me. But I'm the type that would have to clean before the cleaning lady came. lol

I do have a very nice office chair that he bought me when I was having trouble sitting in the old one. The old chair immediately made my back hurt worse. But I could try that out in the kitchen. Good idea

Judy2s comment is so true. I understand it very well but I don't think he gets it yet.

And Jpjr50 - you say pop a wheelie and I say quick like a bunny. It makes no sense but I like saying it. lol