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"In my heart, you'll never be a bad mom"

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Chronic Pain
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Posted 11/1/2014 4:43 PM (GMT 0)
Just wanted to post this for all the moms on here who feel like they are somehow neglecting their kids because of their CP and limitations.

This morning I was having a conversation with my oldest (8). Lately I've been trying to do a lot more stuff WITH the kids, like playing and dancing. This morning I took it a little too far and kind of hurt myself.

So. My son says to me, as I'm sitting down "Mom, I know you hurt yourself trying to dance with us. I know you have pain all the time, mom, you don't have to do that just to be a good mom. In my heart, you'll never be a bad mom."

I gave him a hug and of course I had to turn away and tear up a bit. I'm sharing this with you all who have kids because I want us to remember that as long as we're THERE, that's what our kids need.

Roccky, especially for you, I wanted to share this. ((((hugs))))

And I think LauraBelle you mentioned your kiddos, too. So just remember how much they love you regardless of your limitations.
Posted 11/1/2014 5:09 PM (GMT 0)
My 5 year old is starting to understand my back. I might go to hug her and she will say do not pick me up daddy. When I am really sore she will ask to play, and says we can play barbies on the bed so you are not sore. It's nice to know kids just want you in their life and do not judge. Whatbis hard is knowing they understand your pain. You kust want them to be happy and care free. It sucks that at a young age they worry about you. We should be the ones worrying about them.
Posted 11/1/2014 6:44 PM (GMT 0)

SyXx said...
It sucks that at a young age they worry about you. We should be the ones worrying about them.

It does and it doesn't suck. I've always been of the opinion that it's not my job to protect my kids from tough things that life throws at us, but to help them deal with it when it does happen. I don't want them growing up too care free. I'm afraid they'll never be able to deal with real life on their own when it hits them.

So, I think it's valuable as well to them. It helps develop a level of empathy for others and an ability to be unselfish. At 5, it's very wonderful that your daughter has that capacity to care for you.

But trust me I have my humongous periods of guilt over things that I can't do for / with them and cry often abot how awful it is that this stupid disease has to affect them so much. My counselor reminds me of how it's helping them at the same time.
Posted 11/1/2014 8:32 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for posting this BTL. I always feel horrible for not being able to do a lot with my 5 year old son. He does seem to somewhat understand that I am always in pain though. Like if we are laying in bed together watching cartoons or a movie or something, he will ask me if he is hurting me. He likes to lay his head on me while we are watching TV and he almost always avoids laying on my stomach and instead lays his head on my chest since my pain is in my abdomen.
Posted 11/1/2014 9:23 PM (GMT 0)
I get lots of sharp pains like my hip is going to break on me that make me cringe, my kids know when that happens and try to comfort me. They are 6,4,2 and 4 months. My middle daughter Adeline says.." mommy, I can't walk my hip hurts" in a ploy to get me to pick her up. So, yeah they definitely get it. I hate that I can't hide the pain from them..I makes me feel weak.
Posted 11/1/2014 10:03 PM (GMT 0)

laurabelle1 said...
I makes me feel weak.

I totally get that - but you know, it is human to be 'weak'. Actually you are probably a VERY strong person and your kids must know that.

There's enough guilt that goes along with being a parent these days, we don't need another dose of it on top of everything else. (Mostly I think I'm trying to convince *myself* here.)

I try to think about what I would want my kids to do if it were them in pain and they were taking care of a family. I'd want them to take it easy on themselves and be happy with being 'good enough.' There's no such thing as a perfect parent.
Posted 11/2/2014 1:38 PM (GMT 0)
All kids really need is attention. I got a letter from a former neighbor girl telling me that I paid more attention to her than her own mom. She took it to heart and is making sure to give attention to her own children. In just caring, we accomplish more than we think.
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