Which WHINE goes with TURKEY?

Hey Y'all...

I won't bore you with my issues, as there are mostly documented in my previous posts.  The shingles in my eye have never left completely.  My nerves are completely "shot" from the stress of holidays.  Of course, as you all KNOW, the stress intensifies the pain...always.  If I medicate per PM instructions, I guess I'd just curl up under my binky in front of the fire.  I'd drool and sleep my way through it.

Instead I'm STUCK on stress, pain and grief...I've tried everything to bring my family together each year for this holiday in our home.  My mom lives in a nursing home @ 88.  My husband always brought her here to participate.  She is evil, and would always manage to ruin my best laid plans.  She is now wheelchair bound, impossible for us to transport her without assistance.  That's actually a relief for me (sorry) as she was never one to co-operate, on any level.  I attend her annual Harvest Supper with her at the center every year (alone) as well as all other holiday festivities.  I can't explain what I don't understand, but my siblings practice "avoidance and diversion" with both my mom (and me).  They offer no support whatsoever.

If I do potluck, we're SOL (crude, but true).  For 2 years I required contributions from each family.  My husband and I did all the shopping, planning, prep and cooking/clean-up.  Every one of us 6 siblings (I'm the baby) is university educated and reasonably well off financially.  There's no reason they should refuse to help me with the cost.  I am their sister...not their mother.

I've not pursued their input this year.  I've just been struggling to survive, literally.  I SO LOVE Thanksgiving and want us all to come together.  I just have to call "calf-rope" on this one.  I have to face the fact that I cannot force my siblings to want it, too.

Thou shalt not WHINE...but there's mine=(  Thanks for listening.

I try very hard to maintain a sense of humor, so...Whaddaya get when you cross a turkey with a banjo?

~~Dixie

  a turkey that can pluck himself!

LOL, thanks for the smile. I know you have had struggles with your mom in the past ... I hope this holiday isn't *too* awful. I feel like holidays put so much pressure on everyone and a lot of times I wish we could just skip it all together!

Hugs

Thanks, BTL and Mira...

Believe me ladies, when I say I've tried EVERYTHING...I've tried EVERYTHING.  The truth is that for all of my mom's abuse throughout our lives, she showed "love" through food.  My husband and I always contributed, and I'd fight as hard "with" my mom as I'd fight for her...elbow to elbow in the kitchen.  When she went into the facility, my husband and I took on the holidays.  Well, my siblings want to just "show up" and take advantage, just like they always did at mom's house. 

That's not me...not how I do things!  It's not "open house".  I am a planner, as is necessary when organizing a family event.  I can't even get a decent "head count" or commitment when we host anything.  It's exhausting.

Bottom line...If I were "sane", I'd be running faster than a turkey from "family" at this point.  It's just an impossible situation.  They can plan/prepare/spend for SEC football season, but not for our extended family.  I've tried "assigning" dishes, but the results are not something I want on my buffet...It's truly shameful...pathetic, even.

I surrender...My husband and I will do this one alone, with our Dalmatians enjoying leftovers!  I'm just so disappointed and sad.

GOOD LUCK with yours, as I pray all goes well=)

HUGS~~Dixie

Dixie,
I wish I could help you. But hugs and prayers your way. And I hope a low pain day too. Rely on the grave of God to get you through. My heart goes out to you. ❤️Taller Now

I'd be bitter too, if I were you. Definitely. Hugs!

Dixie those Southern hospitality traits for us hillbillies are slowly dying out and as new generations takeover they just don't seem to value what Southern hospitality stands for. They all want to start their own family traditions and I actually just posted on fb about this very thing!

As a child growing up in a southern mountain region or a "holler " Thanksgiving wasn't a one day event but started in the wee hours of the morning before when rolling pins and the older women got to work on pies, cakes and dumplings while the "out of towners " usually meant over the next hill, were laid on pallets in every room but the kitchen body to body the older kids in charge of the younger and the men gathered outside around the tractor and wagon drinking strong coffee and waiting to go haul corn or stripping tobacco.

Every member down to second cousins twice removed had a job and did it to make dinner come together. Family was important and a couple of days spent with them a priceless memory and something we all couldn't wait for. Somehow in the busy lives of progress and invention those times have lost their importance. I saw family on that day I might not have seen or talked to all year and catching up took time!! We had a phone but couldn't call long distance, had a car but everyone had jobs or field work that couldn't be left for just conversing so with the coming of cell phones, train and plane fair being affordable even to the poor people caught up with what was happening in other lives. That made spending 2 days with folks lose it's sparkle and become a bore. Ask a teen to babysit 6 younger kids today so you can cook two days and they'll laugh at you as though you've grown dense.

Anyway you can see what I mean and I stopped trying to make my family appreciate what I was offering and what they nolonger had an interest in since most of them now eat out on Holidays, that's their new family tradition, and now I offer that southern hospitality to those who really do appreciate it. I cooked yesterday and out of 5 kids, 4 grandkids, 6 brothers and sisters, 58 neices and nephew's and greats, 3 of my family and their offspring and significant others were at my table when we sat down to eat but 11 others who had No family or anywhere to go and appreciated every minute and bite were also there and that fulfilled beyond my limits that inbred southern thing that demands I offer you whatever I have should you need it more then I. It was a blessed day!

Big hugs Dixie. I am so sorry. Family can cause so much pain. And it hurts bad. I will keep you my prayers 🙏

Thanks to all of you for your thoughts.

Vickie...I absolutely relate to (especially) the last 2 sentences of your heartfelt post.  I, like you, enjoy the SHARING of everything I have.  I don't intend to sound "selfish" in requiring my siblings contribute towards cost.  I think they more than received their "money's worth", as each of their extended families is large.  All any of them did was show up and eat, for 3 days.  My husband and I worked for 3 weeks shopping and preparing food.  They just don't care, about me or our family.  That's why they've pulled away, and don't "want" Thanksgiving at our house.  I'm the IDIOT here...for begging and pleading w/siblings to come together.  The work absolutely puts me to bed, and often into the hospital afterwards.  Yet, I still crave that coming together of family.  I always did it because I knew they would not show up otherwise.

I don't see any of mine creating new traditions.  They are too tight with their wallets, lazy and self-absorbed.  The entire family always TOOK whatever they could get from my (evil) mom and me (feeling evil and used).  Both she and I would collapse onto the couches while "they" all "went for a long walk" after filling their bellies.  Yet, again...I still crave that thought of family...damaged as it was.

My husband and I spent Thanksgiving alone this time.  I didn't reach out to beg, barter and deal w/siblings.  I cooked ALL of the traditional foods of roasted whole turkey, cornbread dressing, creamy giblet gravy w/boiled eggs and shredded "neck bone meat" from the turkey, cranberry chutney to die for, sweet peas...but skipped several of the casseroles because it was just the 2 of us.  My husband "found" some home-brewed/aged apple pie moonshine that could be dangerous=) We spent the day in our PJs, with a roaring fire in the fireplace...eating, sleeping, laughing and crying...crying some more.

Later I took a generous plate down to my mom, complete w/roasted turkey tail.  She always wanted the "part that went over the fence last".  She was her usual delightfully demonic self.  She was pouting, refusing to come to the dining room of the center.  It worked out, though, as her absence in the common area allowed my husband and I to deliver goodies and visit w/my senior peeps.  I love them SO MUCH.  My mom targets fellow residents that I have affection for (with verbal and threatened physical abuse).  Unfortunately, I have to be aware of this when she's out and about.  Let's just say I make MANY covert trips at night to deliver special cake requests to my peeps.  I bake w/Splenda, so they LOVE the yummies.  I love sharing with them. They, unlike my mom, are such a BLESSING to me.

This world is SUCH A MESS, starting with ME and my family...I've exhausted myself and sacrificed the health I have left to try to keep it together.  I learned this Thanksgiving that my husband and I can have our own special day with 2 spotted dogs.  It came and went, as will Christmas.  I have to celebrate what we have, rather than meditate upon what I think we've lost.  I ponder whether I could actually lose what I never had...a loving family beneath the pain of childhood...separate from our abusive parents.  Hm-m-m

Oh, and I'm sorry as the bitterness of this whine compliments nothing. FB-- Yea...Sometimes I can see why folks just drink their way through the holidays.  We DON'T because I've seen how that ends...never well.  However, a little APPLE PIE SHINE in your 'nog can't hurt!?

I hope that all of my HW cyber siblings had a tolerable Thanksgiving...As for me, I'm feeling like the lowly turkey carcass.

HUGS~~Dixie

 

Absolutely right, WB...It's good to know there are some of us "old geezers" (mid 50's) that still long for tradition.  I think I roasted my best whole turkey ever this time.  I injected breast, thighs and legs with ground peppercorn mélange and garlic salt mixed with melted bacon drippings/butter.  I then rubbed the outside and coated with coarsely ground peppercorn.  I had tried something new this year that I saw on Food Network.  I spatch-cocked a turkey.  I think the turkey won the fight.  I cut out the entire back bone and butterfly-ed the whole turkey.  It roasted beautifully and was so flavorful and moist.  I DO NOT recommend this method unless you wear thick rubber gloves.  Those sharp back/rib bones sliced my fingers up pretty bad.  However, the bacon drippings infused with the pepper/garlic salt is a KEEPER. 

Not exactly heart healthy with the "hog"...but what part of celebration is?  Your giblets will be inside your turkey.  I always buy extra livers packaged, though I hate working with them raw.  I'm okay, once they're cooked=)

It makes me smile to read of your excitement for the Christmas Season.  I'm happy that you were able to spend the Thanksgiving Holiday with your family!  Keep that Christmas spirit in your heart=)

Hugs~~Dixie