Absolutely miserable

I have to work today after being off for 2 days. Honestly not sure how I'm going to get through the day. This pain is absolutely miserable, unbearable. Sucking it up as I've attempted for years to do, is no longer an option. This is more than I can take. It's bilateral hip and groin pain. I can't get comfortable. Standing is holding on to something now. My hips give and I move either forward or to one side or the other. Percocet has become a joke. It doesn't help. I also have Lorzone and Zanaflex. Ofcourse I take one or the other, not both. Nothing helps. And I have become bitter. I've never been bitter before. My next PM appt is Jan 7. I'm going to have to try a different med. percocet used to help a little. Now it doesn't even take the edge off. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. And I know there are many who suffer far worse than I am. But I can't take this anymore. It is just too much. Yes, I am depressed. I have Prozac I am taking. It's hard to swollow that the rest of my life will be like this, or get worse. I'm 45 yrs old, single mom with 2 kids. A peds nurse in a clinic. And don't need to be working anymore at all. But we need the insurance. Disability takes too long to get approved for. We can't make it until then. So I work, I keep trying. But it gets to a breaking point. I can't take this level f pain anymore. I hate what my life has become. I hate the person I have become. And I hate what this is doing to my kids.... They are so tender hearted. Yesterday, I cried. It takes a lot for me to cry. And looking into their eyes, seeing their heart hurting bc Mom is hurting, was heartbreaking to me. I messed up their Christmas.
I just needed to vent. I have to be at work in one hour. This pain is not a good thing at all. We will be very busy today. And I am not even walking good at all. Everyday is a repeat of the day before. I do it. I manage to get through the work day bc I don't have another option. I'm at the end of my rope. When it was just my back, I thought it was bad. But adding hip and groin pain, is just way too much. I don't know what to do. I slept a good part of yesterday simply bc I didn't want to be awake. Today, I can't do that. I HAVE to face this day head on. When everything inside of me doesn't think I can do it.
Thank you for listening. It's good to know people understand. Promise I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I'm not at all. I'm just fed up with this pain. It is more than I can take. Now...I have to get ready and get to work. :(

Sorry you are having hard time. As far as disability it all depends on how well documented and how severe your issues are. I have been fighting for mine for 2 years but my husband got his in 4 months. Hope you can find some relief.

Anice I'm so sorry and I agree changing meds is likely what needs to happen. Ortho is a good idea as well and I'm having hip issues too after years of back and knees I believe I truly just put too much on my hips, they tend to carry the load and pick up the slack from the other issues.

I know when I was still trying to work and I was an ortho /neuro nurse that worked 4/10s and days of never sitting down more then 2 minutes and always moving and the hospital corridors are not the best surface to trod 10 hours a day and then some giving report and getting out, no matter how good a pair of shoes I wore! Being afraid if I sat down I couldn't get back up so pushing even harder and feeling with 5 kids what choice did I have until one day I just didn't couldn't do it anymore. I made good money, had high debts, had returned to school and had a loan out, It didn't matter anymore because I was requiring so much meds to get through the work I was going to high and running in a fog of pain and meds and I was literally a risk to my patients and that just couldn't be and I ended a 25+ yr career and applied for disability. Thank goodness the employement counselor at my ALJ hearing was the kind who understood what its like to turn who and what you are into anything less and stated she could recommend no job suited to my FCE.

You will know when you have gone as far as you can go and done all you can do. I was 47 yrs old .

Thank you all. Obviously I had a bad morning, as you can tell. I made it through the day. In June I had my 2nd back surgery. The first was a laminectomy 5 years ago. This one was a 360 anterior posterior 2 level fusion. That was the worst pain I have ever been through. My back is a little bit better. But now with constant bilateral hip and groin pain. To take anything stronger , I won't be able to work. My PM dr is amazed I am working. But I just have to do it till I can‘t anymore. And I don't know what will happen then. I can't think that far ahead.

Be sure and tell your drs the details of how your ability to function is affected. If we don't tell them they don't know. Also get your medical records and be sure everything is written down correctly. Drs don't write down what we tell them or what they tell us. But, it is vital that you get it across to your drs that they need to keep detailed notes of your visits, complaints and their opinions. If you see a Nurse Practicioner or Physicians Asst be sure they are overseen by a M.D. that you see.

A diagnosis of a medically determined impairment by an M.D. is required. After that the focus shifts to your ability to function. You may want to start cutting out things that are necessary, things like cable tv, eating out, credit cards, etc. If your children are in the lasf few yrs of high school, they can get after school and weekend jobs. Some claimants are approved on their initial application, but the majority have to have a hearing before an ALJ. It can take 1-2 yrs for a hearing, after the denial at the initial stage. Some states have Reconsideration after the initial application denial and before the ALJ hearing phase, but not every state does. I am assuming you're under 50 and with that combined with your education, you will more than likely have to go before and ALJ. You will also need an attorney. They aren't required, but it is best. They are paid only if you win, they are paid out of your back pay, 25% or max $6,000.

I'm so sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. I totally, totally understand being at the point of I just can't TAKE THIS ANYMORE. Whoa, do I understand that. Big, healing hugs to you, I wish you the best, though I don't have any advice about changing meds or disability, I do have advice to just put one foot in front of the other and take it moment to moment. I can't even handle 'take it day by day'.

Your monthly SSDI benefits will be half of what you're making. And your children will be eligible for half of that until they graduate from high school, then it will stop, unless SSA finds them disabled. You need to start changint your life style now because it doesn't happen over night.

Very few drs know what SSA needs for disability. And many of them will tell you flat out that they don't do anything that has to do with disability. Basically all the dr has to do is keep good detailed notes of your visits. Any forms or letters a dr may do must be backed up by medical records. You will have to do a lot of the work. Even if/when you get an attorney, it will still be up to you ro be sure that your dr keeps good notes. You also have to tell your dr the details, at every visit. For example, if you have medication side effects and you only mention them one time and/or the dr only writes them down one time, there is no proof that they continue. Know what mean ? That is why yo uneed to get copies of your medical records before you file to see exactly what they say. SSA makes their decision based on medical and non medical evidence. Your word alone isn't enough. If you say that one of the side effects of medication is that you can't drive, but you don't say anything about who helps you with your errands and your children, it can be viewed as being inconsistent. After you submit your application, you will be sent forms to fill ouy. For example, Activities if daily living, things like bathing, dressing, preparing quick meals, etc. You need to be sure that what you tell your dr and what he writes down is consistent with what you put on your application and the forms.

Once approved for SSDI, there is a 5 months waiting period for benefits. Although for those who go to the ALJ level there is usually backpay for the 5 months isn't felt like it would be if approved at the initial stage. For Medicare, there is the 5 month waiting period + 24 months. Your premiums will automatically come out of your monthly benefits. By the way, your children Do Not receive any insurance coverage. Depending on your total household income, the children may be eligible for Medicaid. If the income is low enough, you may be able to receive help woth your Medicare Premiums through Medicaid also.

Post Edited (Mercy&Grace) : 12/26/2014 8:41:05 PM (GMT-7)

Just a couple of tips from one of your friends here who can't walk very far (me):

1. I can drive short trips just fine, but when I get to the grocery store it's too much to walk around. So I go the ones that have electric carts. They're a little farther away but I can stand up and load my cart. I like the self-serve pay machines too, because I don't have to lift my stuff as high.

Many grocery stores have at least a wheel chair you can borrow. I can't use them because of severe shoulder pain, but maybe you could check out this option - just to get out of the house. The grocery store is where I get to talk to real people. I have no one at home most of the time.

2. Housecleaning - I can't do the "heavy" stuff anymore, so once a month I have to have a housekeeper. My job is to keep things put away and surfaces clear. Her job is to do the dusting, including the "spidey" webs at the edges and corners of the ceilings. She does the vacuuming and hard floor washing and bathroom cleaning. I sometimes need help making up beds when I've had visitors, but I do the laundry. You could, hopefully, do what I do and have the kids do what my housekeeper does. It wouldn't be like cleaning a whole room for them, so not as onerous. The secret to a clean house is cleared surfaces.

When I was a kid living briefly in Mexico we had maids, but my mom wouldn't let us get too spoiled. The maids put all our stuff on our beds (which we were expected to make) so we couldn't go to bed until we'd put it all away.

I still don't put my hubby's clean clothes away. I fold his stuff and put them on the dresser so he appreciates that I do things for him. My DIL has a basket for each kid in the laundry room where she puts their clean, folded clothes. They have to bring their clothes up to their rooms, even the 4-year-old. That works too.

I don't allow stuff to sit on the bathroom counters. If you don't have a drawer for each person, maybe get a cabinet or a bookcase-style thing with baskets for each person. It makes the bathroom look great all the time.

Best wishes!

Great points! I certainly appreciate them. I'm trying hard to get my daughter more into cleaning. Not going so well, but hoping with consistency it will happen. And the clean surface part hit home. I hate to admit it, but most of the surfaces here are far from cleared. The kitchen and living room stays fairly clean for the most part. The rest, not so much. I can't stand it. Everything should be in its proper place. I do the best I can. I'm glad my 16 year old son helps me like he does. He knows I just can't do it anymore. It hurts me far too much. No idea how I push through the work day like I do. Guess bc I don't really have much of a choice. I wish for just one low pain day every once in a while. That would be so nice. We've had cold rainy weather for the past few days, which makes things much much worse.