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Seems like no one understands!!!

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Chronic Pain
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Posted 1/6/2015 9:22 PM (GMT 0)
Oh man where do I start. Seems like so many of my friends and family don't understand. Besides my husband who sees the tears and has to help me out of the bed tub toilet etc and a few select and then of course my support team here. I had a friend say today well if the meds aren't working to get rid of ur pain then why take them. Bc I'm scared to not take them bc I know they have to be helping some. Then a family member says well I have woke up many times and my back hurts to where I can barely stand but I walk it out and it gets better. I wish I could walk it out to get better. She thinks I shouldn't let someone cut on my back again. No one understands that's once u rupture once it's likely to happen again so they blame my surgeon. Yet they want me to use someone that my pain management dr highly does not recommend to the point of if I use him I will be finding a new PM bc he will butcher me. It just one of those days. Pain is so bad right now I've cried all day. I just want relief! Sorry had to vent!
Posted 1/6/2015 10:45 PM (GMT 0)
I understand yours pain and frustration as does everyone on this forum. I had L5/S1 done in 2008 and now looking at more low back surgery and I am not even healed from my C4-7 ACDF surgery done in June. I too cried most of the day. Ones stomach is sick from all the meds, but if you don't take them you are in debilitating pain. I don't want anymore surgery either! What are we to do? Feeling as helpless as you my friend.

And I once had friends now they no longer come see me. It hurts to much to drive places. My husband and daughter who is close by get it because they see me all the time. No one else understands. Who can? I am so very sorry. We must choose to be strong eveyday! We must go on, we must.....
Posted 1/6/2015 11:39 PM (GMT 0)
My husband and kids totally get it bc they know that sometimes I struggle through the pain just to try and be an active mom/wife in their lives. They are very supportive and it is bc of them that I keep going. Well and I know God had a purpose with me. I'm sorry your struggling also. I had surgery in May and now will be having Surgery Jan. I'll be praying for u. I do have a some good Christian friends. It's just sometimes they act like they are fed up hearing when they call that I'm hurting. I know it must get old. So if I hurt I avoid phone calls bc I hate saying I'm hurting! That's what pushed my friends away. It's just tough I pray this surgery fixes this if not I don't know what I'm gonna do!
Posted 1/7/2015 12:02 AM (GMT 0)
proudmom it is often difficult for others, (especially if they have not experienced the type of pain your having) to relate and understand what your going through! I know all to well what it is like, and it is a lonely helpless feeling to say the least, and of course that does not help with the pain your already suffering from! Try not to isolate yourself though, allot of people suffering from chronic pain do that, and that only makes things worse in the long run! Keep your family and loved ones close and make sure you let them know how important they are to you!

White Beard
Posted 1/7/2015 12:21 AM (GMT 0)
Don't waste your time on trying to convince the other people that you are in the amount of pain you are in, that takes up too much precious energy. It is your pain & your pain only, they cannot begin to fathom what you are going through. People that do not have medical situations or chronic pain just simply cannot get it because they are basically healthy people. Just don't give them a thought because its not worth it. Your husband & kids know what you are going through & that is all that really matters here.

Whatever you do, since you like your surgeon & trust him, stick with him. Do not give the other dr a second thought. This will soon be over & you will be back up on your feet, hang in there, you have come this far.
Posted 1/7/2015 1:06 AM (GMT 0)
HUGS to you. That's why the 'pain is subjective' cliche is so true. Nobody is going to understand unless they've been through it. It's your body, your life, you're in charge - nobody else gets to decide!

When people say things to me, like 'hey, you should try this green tea and paprika cleanse! you'll feel so much better' or 'hang upside down like a bat for 14 hours a day, it will fix you!' I just say, yeah, maybe I should try that!

Your surgery is not long now!
Posted 1/7/2015 3:25 PM (GMT 0)
I"m sorry, and your not alone. Part of me says I wish this pain on no one, but the other part of me says, "if just for one day, or week or even one hour I felt what I do...!". I wish this with drs so badly too. They have a "you shouldn't be hurting THAT much mentality and treat according to the shoulds rather than whats actually there.
I hope you find relief from your surgeries and understanding from the family too.
Posted 1/8/2015 8:35 AM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry that you have friends/family pressuring you during this time of immense pressure facing back surgery. When others give their advice or suggestions I usually just smile and say " Really? Wow, that sounds awesome!" and then I do whatever my dr and my heart think best. I've had 4 back surgeries and I understand how you feel and relate. The naysayers just care and have good intentions but sometimes with my parents especially they would call all my drs quacks and tried to make me see the dr or do the treatment they thought best and treated me like I was supposed to obey or else! This offended me and put me into a defensive mode. But day of surgery they were the best and it was all forgotten! I'm new so I don't know what surgery you are having but I do hope that the dr finds the pain source and fixes it! Sending hugs!
Posted 1/8/2015 4:22 PM (GMT 0)
Proudmom, mckaren said it well, those folks questioning you mean well but have no clue. I had a person recommend I go off my pain meds and take some vitamins because she was able to get off her Tylenol that way! I seriously LOLed because it was so funny. People who have not experienced severe, debilitating chronic pain have no clue, and how can they? Once we didn't know either....hang in there and trust your doctors (if you don't, find one that you do). And as you can see there are plenty of people here that do understand. God bless you.
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