Hi Taller Now, it sounds like your at a point where your frustrations are really getting high, and understandably so! Going back to work, ( even if it is still at home) can be challenging when your still hurting and not feeling up to par! Patients wear thin after a while, tired of the pain and wanting to so badly just be back to your normal self! I guess the only advice I can share is take it, in tiny baby steps, very slowly, and slowly build up as you are able. Please don't be afraid to take and use your pain meds! Most pain meds and muscle relaxers will not inhibit the healing process. If nothing else they will probably enhance it! Pain causes tension and stress, and those two things can adversely affect you bodies capability to heal. May I suggest something that I have done in the past, that I learned from the doctors when working on the Oncology unit. When we had patients that were scheduled for tests, that would often be stressful and cause the patient more pain, the doctors would order the patient, pain medications to be taken prior to having the test. It is easier to control pain before it gets a grip on you, than after te fact. Several months after I had my posterior fusion in my neck, I was scheduled for routine PT, before going to my PT sessions I would take my break through pain meds, and it made things so much easier and kept my pain under control. So before starting work, maybe consider taking your meds before you start feeling pain. Same with the muscle relaxers, it is always much easier to prevent them from happening that to try and stop them once the have aready started!
I know this sounds trite, but hang in there! Things will get better! You will never be the same person that you were, your body has physically changed, but you will be at least mentally stronger because of it! We are all her for you! and support you on your "adventure"!
White Beard