what does this week hold?

Well, I am finally back and kinda - maybe - sorta on task? The last few weeks have been a ride. We did not go on a second honeymoon as planned. Jamaica will be there another time.

I have been completing packets for the various Drs this week at Barnes Jewish hospital in St Louis. So far vascular, PT and pain management...still waiting on approval for the last two (neuro and imaging). These novellas range from 10 to 14 pages (each dept). I nearly cried filling them out. Not for the trees that died, or the muscle cramps from holding a pen....but they asked questions that pertained to my situation. They appear to speak zebra. This strengthens my belief that this is the right path.

Work has decided that I can tolerate an office position shredding papers, tracking packages, and answering phones. As pathetic as it sounds that is more than I can do right now. So I called the HR rep and asked if this couldn't be postponed until I see the nerve specialist this week. I can't dress myself without crying, and talking on a phone or typing are problematic *this has taken me more than an hour to finish. My arm just goes numb and drops whatever I am holding. Stooping over a shredder for hours is not desirable either. I understand that they want me to do something for the pay. I absolutely get that, I just cant right now. He agreed and we will talk again next week after I get back from the Dr.

If anyone can understand I know you guys will. I have been holding on so long for this. I only have one egg left, the basket was trashed months ago. Threadbare just does not adequately describe how fragile my hold is right now. I am terrified that they wont be able to provide a positive prognosis. Having muscles cut out and ribs removed is a last stand. I really, sincerely, desperately need a break.

Wed will be a very LONG and physically demanding day. We just hope the mystery will be solved and a treatment plan can be developed. That's what I am rooting for. Anyhow, thanks for reading.

Daesin, I can so relate to how you are feeling. Having to look at all of the specifics, the things we try to push to the background, just to be able to function for 24 hours, is so very taxing. I too struggled with the work/don't work issue. You will be in my prayers and I hope you get a solid answer.

Oh, Daesin...I'm glad you survived your family visit...Did they?   I've not been posting much due to my health issues and struggles with PM.  My sister made an impromptu visit that lasted for 8 days.  I love her, but I love fish too.  They say to throw it out after 3 days, right?

You know me and my dark humor.  It's an essential survival skill.

I guess I had your St. Louis date wrong.  I know the anxiety you are experiencing.  If you're not already sick, the required paper work will make you SICK.  I personally live in a sort of "denial" with a lifetime of injury and disease.  I don't allow myself to become emersed in the specifics and "think" my way into a black hole.  So...when I have to repeatedly provide the same medical history in this age of technology...Well, you know.  It's a necessary evil that you will "power" through.  I'm just sorry that you are bombarded on all fronts with your employer, too. 

You have much support here, as we are all cheering for you.  Keep us posted, okay?

Hugs~~Dixie

Post Edited (Dixie6) : 3/23/2015 10:08:03 PM (GMT-6)

How do I even begin? Our path has taken a nosedive into a giant cesspool of bureaucratic quagmire. On the day I am supposed to drive the 4 hours to see a specialist, insurance has decided they wont pay. I have been on the phone trying to get this squared away.

My ortho has nothing left to offer me. The damage is not ortho based....its the nerves being compressed in my neck and shoulder. The neuro guy says its much more specialized than he can deal with. The one Dr who knows this issue and can do anything about it is too far away the insurance harpie says. So they wont approve...no appeals no alternatives. Just no.

I mentioned that there are no Drs who are willing or able to address thoracic outlet syndrome in the permitted range. She said there had to be so I reminded her that she sent me to a 2nd opinion which was 169 miles round trip.

The complete story is so much more convoluted and painfully morose. I am sure many of you can fill in the blanks with your own horror stories.

I just feel so gutted. I don't know how many more times I can get kicked in the head. I thought I could see the end to this unrelenting, humor killing, soul sucking pain. Nope, it was all a mirage.