PCP referral to PM

Hello friends. I just got back from my appointment with my primary care physician. He is referring me to a different pain management specialist. I am also starting back on anti depressants. It has all just gotten a bit overwhelming. I'll let you all know how it goes.

Pitmom.... I didn't even make it back to the PCP. Oy...

My PM doc released me, which frankly confused the byjeepers out of me given we'd just topped off the highest dosage of Lyrica and only gone 30 days. I have a longstanding history of losing effectiveness with medications--and sure enough I'm back to wearing my TENS unit to get through the day, ingesting OTC pain killers along with the scripted ones and having to exit my worksite meetings because I just can't deal with it. I have to stop the car multiple times just to get to work for crying out loud (yes, I'm whining...LOL!)
I called, of all people, my oncologist, who's provided me with ongoing care because he truly cares about my life (he's earned my respect and trust, trust me on that) and I have a depleted immune system courtesy of years of treatment under his care so he stays attached to me....just cuz.

*sigh* I started crying on the nurse that I've known for eons, which earned me a call back from the oncologist who wants me in to see him and who's referring me to a different PM. And all I wanted was advice. LOL He'd also made a call to my work comp nurse and "consulted" with her and she agreed. Hard not to with that man even though I argued with him forever!

I can feel the antidepressant coming.
Frankly, even though I take a small dose already, he knows well enough what it looks like when the fight is a tad bigger than I am. I needed that extra help when I was dealing with the huge losses that came with the breast cancer. It doesn't "feel" like it compares, but (as he lovingly reminded me) I'm 13 years older....and tired.

Putting that in black and white to tell YOU it's "okay", helps make it a little more "okay" for me too.
Sometimes it takes that person who knows you or who can just plain be objective enough to say "enough....you need help cuz this plan isn't working". There's no shame in that. You've ruled out what isn't working instead of trying to make what isn't "enough", enough.
And you deserve better, yaknow?

...k...WE deserve better.
I know what the 'surrender' means to me. But I gotta trust that there's something different for me. And sometimes I just have to have a bit of help to get over the hump while I deal with all the losses that have happened as I tried to just "soldier on".

*huge hugs*

Oh, and thank you.

Hey pitmom and mel...It warms my heart to hear that both of you have doctors who CARE about YOU.  I also understand how important it is to have your surgical oncologist as "back up".  I had the misfortune of "the perfect storm" within a few years.  My lifelong GP and my Oncologist retired and Darvocet was taken off the market. All 3 of those factors were the key to my survival...now GONE. 

I had to start OVER @ 52.  The GP/PM rules/laws for prescribing have SO changed...I'm too old and too tired to start over.  I'm really tired of trying to explain a disease I've never fully understood.  Oh, what I would give to have my doctors back (and a truckload of Darvocet).  No...It didn't cover all of my pain.  I was, however, able to tolerate without GI issues.  Oh, and I vaguely recall a semblance of QOL.

I wept when I read your words.  (((Big Ole Bear Hugs))) to both of you.

~~Dixie

Oh Dixie--you're such a sweetheart, so kind and loving to everyone who visits here. Thank you. You've made me feel very welcomed and cared about here, already.

It makes me sad to hear that you lost your long respected physician and the solution to your pain in one full swoop.
I'm so graced to have the oncologist I have (even though I fired him a few times....LOL). He's truly been a gift from G-d. And I'll trust him to fight the good fight with me.

I actually feel relieved. Even though nothing is different today, it feels a bit 'lighter'.

I think the spousal unit invited to take me anywhere I desired today. ("local"--he immediately clarified when I said Bora Bora! LOL) So I think a trip 45 minutes north to buy a packet of seeds (haha...I know that sounds silly), grab some gluten free pasta our small grocery store doesn't stock, and maybe a short walk along the Mississippi.
They need a support group for the people who have to live along side us and have to watch all this happening in our lives. Getting up and going somewhere today is as much for him as it is for me, yaknow?

Thanks for being so caring Dixie. You're a wonderful piece of this community.
And pitmom-- thanks again. I hope you're walking a bit lighter today, too.

"I've taken up photography cuz it's the only hobby where I can shoot people and cut their heads off without going to jail."

*laughing!!*

OMG...*laughing still!!.....Thank you soooo much for that link.

*hugs*

Well, my first appointment is set for April 8th, which coincidentally is Cushing's Awareness Day. The endocrine clinic called today to move Margie's appointment up to April 6th! We're just a bit anxious about it. Better than waiting till May 12, but on the other hand, does this mean it's more serious?

So, back outside go I! I moved more stones, brought the chaise lounge into the front garden and put the new cushion I bought today on it! I also got another section of fence to use as a 'gate' at the arch at the back end of the property. The bags of debris from the trimming of the ornamental grasses are out with the trash. Once all of that was done, I sat myself down on the cushy chaise and had a nice phone chat with a friend. If only I could stay outside in the garden!

Thanks for going through all this with me. I hope you all realize how much you help me.

I know I've mentioned this in another thread but I'm putting it out here too. Daughters biopsy did not get done yesterday, the doctor had some emergency at the hospital, so she has been rescheduled. We are still on for Monday with the endo.

Until I see the new PM, I just keep doing what I've always done. With how busy this time of year is for me, I'll be spending more time laying on the floor. It's the only comfort for my back. At least the new flat screen tv doesn't show 'negative' images like the old one from that position! That was the pits! And, the dogs have learned that me laying on the floor is NOT an invitation for a lick fest!

Thanks again for all of the support!

Sad today. We had to have one of the cats euthanized yesterday. Poor Sonny had allergies that would cause ulcers on his skin and upper lip. Each episode would get worse and I had to make the decision no pet caretaker wants to make. He is now in the front garden.

Daughters doctor called her personally to make sure she keeps the appointment on Monday. Now, we are really concerned! She was recently put on new meds and her cholesterol is through the roof even with Lipitor! Yikes!

The floor is my friend! lol I've also discovered that if I stretch side to side early in the morning, it alleviates the pain I wake up with. Still overdoing, but can't be avoided. Besides, might as well get as much done now as I can so that whatever the doctor comes up with I'll be able to rest and take it easy since I'll be done!

I'm joining Leila on this one. Though I am forever appearing "the voice of reason" for my (now adult) child, I get more concerned for her wellbeing than my own, hands down. I'm still sending prayers and positive thoughts. Freaking out isn't allowed, but I'd be concerned and filled with nervous energy. Maybe more garden time!

And I'm sad for your hard decision. I had to make that decision once and it was so painful I've refused another pet. My heart hurts for you.

Do some kind things for you this weekend. Give yourself some heart healing time.
*hugs*

TO Dixie:

Go to a Pain Management CLINIC. They cover a pain management doctor. I also had to undergo counseling with a shrink who specialized in pain management and depression. There is also a chiropractor who is unbelievably careful with me. I also had to undergo the nerve testing which hurts like crazy. Slight damage in my left hand since I tore my shoulder. But the first appointment is basically an all day event. It isn't just a "doctor" but you meet with the original doc and he might decide a different doc then him will cover you. I also met with a equipment guy who set me on my first TENs unit and a neck stretching device which allows me to stretch my neck without putting pressure on my shoulders, etc. I LOVE my PM doc. He has Crohns too as does his wife and his sister. Why that matters, well, Crohns affects women differently but beyond that, he understands what all the surgeries and whatnot have done. So, ask to go to a CLINIC rather then a pain doc. I've heard that clinics really can be much more helpful then just being referred to a pain management doctor. I told my PCP I wanted options besides just doing painkillers. Yeah, I'm on them now and I fought it for a while but when I finally allowed myself to start a long acting pain killer, my blood pressure finally normalized, as well as having more control over my QOL. So, good luck.

Hey there PM...I realize that no mom wants her child to suffer, but a definitive diagnosis provides the opportunity for treatment.  I am heartsick for the anxiety you are feeling and wish I could offer a big ole bear hug!

I understand your need to expell that anxiety on "projects".  It also seems to give me some sense that there is GOOD out there, even if we have to dig to find it=) My DH has never understood my need to be "productive".  He thinks that I should "take care of myself" by "doing nothing strenuous".  He's probably right considering we don't get a mid-life replacement of spine/joints.  Mine have far too many miles, with treacherous roads ahead.

I, like you, am not a candidate for further surgery.  My PM search for the Holy Grail is well documented in other posts.  I am a bull-headed force of nature (IF) I can just get a little break from often mind-numbing pain.  I think you and I could surely share some stories with a few giggles mixed in.

Joie...Thanks, doll baby for your suggestions.  My PM is not only affiliated with the hospital Pain Clinic, he is the department head. HUA, IMO=)  He has no interest in spending the time necessary to solve this puzzle. I need the strength of opiates, but my GI system rebels...even the recent trial of Fentanyl.  No one questions the necessity of PM...more so intrigued by the fact that I've muddled through life with little more than Darvocet and pure GRIT.  I had to.  I can't tolerate the "big guns" so far.

Yesterday I posted on a new member thread (I think) about the multitude of modalities I've learned to actuate over a lifelong history of CP.  Yes, many years ago when dinosaurs roamed the earth, I was placed in cervical traction (16 lbs.) for 6-8 weeks.  I even have a home unit now.  For me personally, gentle decompression of the C-spine brings some relief.  I can get myself into a bad way sometimes, to the point that nothing helps.  I would say that my lumbar pain trumps the cervical on most days.  My pelvic/vaginal/rectal pain is a constant companion.  I've run the gambit. 

In November 2013 I set out (once again) to find some answers, by gosh.  I saw a total of 8-9 specialists across 3 states (ONCs, GYNs, UROs, ORTHOs, NEUROs).  I even reached out to 2 of the most renowned teaching universities in the southeast.  They ALL concurred that although my body is indeed a trainwreck, they can do NOTHING more for me...Go to PM to establish a protocol to manage 24/7 pain.

 

I can only wish I had a "team" of doctors who gave a rat's arse about my issues.  Yet there's never been a shortage of onlookers in the operating theatre when this "enigma" is on the table.  EUREKA!  She's indeed effed up, but we don't know how to "fix" her.  I know. I'm bitter. Sorry.

Thank you for reaching out to me, Joie.  It means more than you know!

~~Dixie   

Post Edited (Dixie6) : 4/7/2015 10:16:35 AM (GMT-6)