i quit.

Aw, Sunny, I'm so sorry things are so bad right now. I hope you keep coming. We need each other.

 

  No, sweet sunny, QUIT is not an option.  You've come TOO FAR to stop now.  I've written you extensively, both through posts and email.  You can say ANYTHING you want through email to me. 

FWIW...I've noticed a pattern, with your saying you "don't feel up to reading".  I understand, doll baby.  Many times I don't feel like writing to support others.  However, we MUST look outside of our own pain to reach out to others.  It will feed your soul, if only to realize there are others here that are fighting just like you. 

Lord knows, as I've said repeatedly, any ONE of the procedures you endured are life-altering.  The multiples require extended recovery.  YOU WILL get better.  It won't be easy, but it will come with time and patience.  Meanwhile, your therapy should offer coping skills...Are you being open to them with these feelings?

YOU is Kind.  YOU is Smart.  You is IMPORTANT.  from the movie "the Help"

 

We all love and care about you.  You can't go AROUND this recovery/surgically induced menopause.  You have to go THROUGH it.  We are here for you.

Hugs~Dixie

Quiting is for quitters. So now I may have turn into the drill sarge here but Are you a woman or ameobia? Your a woman with God given strength and the power to endure. Get up out that ugly place others have stuffed you into!!! Don't listen to anyone saying negative things about you who don't have to live in your skin. Imaginary. Fat . Whoa hold on there cow girl. You are trying to slay a dragon and this dragon has many counter attacks .take. It. From. Me. The only way to slay the dragon is to keep rolling the dice!!!! ( unless you played d&d no one has any clue what this really means but I hope the metaphor is good enough to get my point < you can't quit in the middle of a fight!) this is so familiar to me , your in self distruct mode and the shot clock is ticking. Now what you need to do is picture that you need to push on to save the life of a loved one. You can't stop. You love them too much to let them down. If you can't walk over the water you build a boat but nothing will stop you from being there to rescue them. Guess what though that person is YOU!!! Get going she needs rescuing. Because you are the only one who can find her. As my mother would say ( real liife army drill Sargent ) pull up those boot laces and get going !!!!
And let us know how you are , you have an army (us) as
reinforcements. You have all of our strength. (( hug))

Post Edited (Pain$herlock) : 4/14/2015 4:42:49 PM (GMT-6)

Aww Sunny we can talk about anything here just be choosey with the word play, Susie and I have to live by the rules, doesn't mean we always like them or agree with them but try to understand the reasons behind them. That being said I too am one of the medically induced menopausal women and being too young body and mind wise makes the state far more rocky. As we age and our minds and body's make the slow transition the desolate feelings are just not overwhelmingly present. At 30 even 40s our mindset and our bodies have not done the getting use to the idea or accepting of the life changes. Hormone imbalance is very real, very intense and very symptomatic. There's HRT but nothing comes close to our natural balance. It will get better but it's a slow process. Additional invasions and demands for your body's full healing powers is a overload of the highest form on your already exhausted state of well being.

Take time to heal and don't try to measure up to others mark of accomplishing that, others may have walked the same path but not in your footprints. Everyone heals different and everyone has differing coping skills. Some days they just run out on us hence the one day at a time mantra, tomorrow they may return until then you just hang on to those who love you and those who get it and let them carry you.

If you don't have a therapist who knows CP please find one they're just as important to my health care team as my PM or Ortho doc! Just as any other Healthcare provider they're not all created equal. Talk to your team even though your tired of repeating yourself let them know how you really feel not how you think they want you to.

Be kind to yourself above all.

Sunny, just try to remember that you've been through an awful lot very quickly. Big surgeries take a huge toll on mind and body, especially when you've had so much go before - and it's very, very normal to feel as you're feeling x

If you feel like you're not getting your message across to your team, something I've found sometimes helps is to write things down - I have my PM's email, but you could just as easily do it as a letter if you can't contact yours that way. I think sometimes when you're in an appt, you're in pain, emotional and just NEED answers, you sometimes don't do as good a job of communicating things as you need to. Putting everything - all your questions, everything that's working, everything that's not, etc., down in an email or letter, getting rid of the emotion and letting them read it in their own time, letting them think about things and get back to you, has sometimes helped me get a better result (especially when all I can do sitting in an appt is bawl my eyes out cos I'm frustrated and hurting).

Agree with Vickie about a psych or counsellor too. I've never found one that's worked for me, but if you haven't got one and can find one you click with it could really help - maybe not directly with your pain but just helping you feel a wee bit less stressed/anxious about things.

Be kind to yourself x and big hugs from down under

Laura

Sunny,
I think it's interesting that in your note it says I QUIT just above I HAVE HOPE. We understand that, not nearly as well as you do, but we just have to say it sometimes. It's good to see that you are posting on other forums. I hope your insurance works with you to get the best treatment possible as you recovery from your huge surgery and adjust to your different life.

Best wishes always for Sunny13.

I am overwhelmed with your love and caring and kind words.

I am doing a bit better, at least attempting to live my life instead of life overtaking me. Not easy.

Lots of docs and medical stuff in the works, not feeling well at all. Very nauseous and in pain lots of the time. But doing things in small pieces--went to a friends house for 2 hours yesterday. Mom is helping me clean today. Yesterday went to one store looking for pillowcases (small store, all bedding). Just little bits at a time. Mom is very good at helping catch me when i start getting frustrated/overwhelmed/tired/sick and telling me "ok, time to quit for today". Very helpful.

And like I said above, your words have overwhelmed me. I do not feel so alone. It amazes me how much people I have never met can/do care about me. I am truly blessed.


Gonna try to take a shower before mom comes over even though nausea is really bad right now. Thanks again for caring so deeply. I will write again soon and i hope when i get out of this deep/dark place, that I can help others the way you have helped me.


God Bless you all.

GOOD STUFF my sweet sunshine...Itty bitty baby steps, as long as you just keep at it.  Pace yourself...even schedule or use a timer like Pitmom does.  If you look at things as a whole, they overwhelm you.  That happens to ALL of us who struggle some days just to get out of bed.

I am by nature, a control freak.  It helps my physical state when my home is in order.  It has become harder to meet my own standards, but I've had to slow my pace and tell myself "That's good enough".  Self talk, if not negative, is a great thing.  Challenge any negative thoughts, Sunny.

My therapist told me many years ago to mentally take a paint roller and PAINT over those bad thoughts/visions of my painful life to BLOCK them out. 

 Sometimes it works.  Sometimes not.  I am more successful if I compartmentalize.  In my distorted mind (lol...maybe) I keep a card file cabinet.  I file away so many bad thoughts, memories, traumas, feelings of doom.  I even keep them "locked".  Sometimes they spring open and I have to deal with them.  I don't allow myself to stay in that place. I would surrender to the hopelessness, if I did.

Stay strong...nap regularly...Keep posting.  We ARE your friends you've never met!

HUGS~Dixie