Sigh of relief with my pcp

I had to see my doctor today to get my SDI extended again. I was a little aggravated because I tried to see him last week but he wasn't there and had another doctor running his practice. She obviously wouldn't touch my disability paperwork but after talking to her for an hour she changed my pain meds for the better. This made me very nervous because doctors tend to hate changes that they don't make themselves. The good news is that he is going to keep me on the new dose, and he's going to extend my disability. What hurt was when he made me admit that I will never go back to work. I really loved my job and loosing it is a pretty deep blow. Thanks for listening and understanding, have a good evening, Jake

Very happy to hear it went well overall and when you say what hurt is when he made you admit that you would never get back to work, is that something you really believe yourself, that you will never be able to return. Just curious since this job meant a lot to you. Rufous

I have been trying not to give up hope but the physical demands of my old job were very high, literally. I don't know if I'll ever be able to climb 200 feet again. Perhaps there is something in the industry that I could do if I start feeling a little better, but just to pass the job physical right now is impossible. The thought of it is very difficult to overcome right now. I am realizing that I let my job define me. Now I sit here daily trying to redefine myself with my actions, but its not to bad of an outcome I guess. As I become more able, I'm becoming a better stay-at-home parent(or at least a I think I am) which is giving me much inspiration to try to keep going. So far, being a parent and a husband is what's keeping me sane through all this. Thank you for listening, Jake

It's good news on the medication front--and on the decision to extend the SDI. You have a bit of 'breathing' room because of that. But that 'made me admit that I will never go back to work' had to be a blow. Sometimes people actually love their jobs. ;-) And sometimes those people (like me) have a whole lot of their identity tied up into what they DO for a living.

I didn't get to return 'to the job I loved'. I was fortunate that the agency I work for wanted my brain and didn't mind what that meant as far accommodations for my body. It meant that I could still work, but it meant that I returned in another role--one far removed from what it was that I love doing.
I'm grateful that's how it played out, to date.
And I'm hugely sad and still in the grieving process--I had 37 years of something that I suddenly got to watch, but didn't get to actually do.

The reality is--I can't do what I loved, not physically.....not even emotionally. Pain interferes with that. And I can't DO less in that role, my integrity won't let me. But what I can do, and what I've been allowed to do, is something different in the field--something that will serve those I used to be serving in a different way.
Perhaps your employer will want your gifts and talents in another capacity. And if not them, perhaps another.

Whether that happens or not there's those 'identity' issues to wade through....that loss of a job you loved to contend with. And those are powerful, far reaching things to contend with, emotionally.

We can't change the facts and we can't wave a wand and make that emotional pain go away (dangit that I don't have a wand!), but we can support you and walk through that grief process with you.
Hang in there.....the YOU that you ARE, hasn't changed. That 'job' isn't YOU. It's but one thread of a whole tapestry.

*huge hugs*