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How to change my attitude? Serious chronic pain

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Posted 6/29/2015 5:57 PM (GMT 0)
I was in a bad accident 6 years ago. I have chronic and extremely painful sciatica as a result. I have a neurostimulator implant to help with pain but most days I can barely walk. I have young kids and this is making me feel like a lousy mother. I used to be a runner and a competitive athlete. Now I can barely walk. How can I feel better about myself? I am not going to do anything dangerous or drastic but I can't imagine how I can continue on like this.
Posted 6/29/2015 7:05 PM (GMT 0)
I understand.. believe many of us do. For myself, it took 5-6 yr to wrap my head around fact that I wasn't going to wake up 'cured & back to normal'.

Reading posts on this forum helped w/being grateful. As my mom use to say, "look around- there are always others MUCH worse off than you.

Have read others advise 'focus on what you CAN do'. i agree with that.
At some point I realized I could keep on being sad or I could change & be happy what I have.

Your kids will love you & appreciate what you do. Not whay you can't do. Period.
They WILL pick up on your sadness, your self doubt so save those for times when they aren't around... those will lessen as you begin to believe in yourself.

so you do things differently - your kids won't really won't care. You will find other moms & dads on here too with same concerns. I'm a grandmother & I wish I could do the same activities that I did pre-injury. I can't so I do other things- we read more books now, draw more pictures & sit down arts & crafts.. Montessori - self directed style. The more responsibilities they are given, the more they will do. (Cleaning up after themselves is one that comes to mind).

Other 'pick up my slack' by doing physical activites. Others being friends & family. Somewhere I have name of a stay at home, homeschooling mom who has chronic health issues that sometimes keep her in bed. In the Article I read she expressed same concerns as you did, that I do.

It's a win win.
Posted 6/30/2015 3:15 AM (GMT 0)
I'm in a similar boat. I have a 6 month old daughter and my biggest fear is not being able to do things with her. I don't have it figured out but my current plan is on my good days I will make the best memories that I can. I vow to not get caught up in work/projects that will take time away from her. Anytime that I am feeling decent is the time that she will get and I pray that it will be enough.

Post Edited (x2jmor) : 6/29/2015 9:20:17 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 6/30/2015 1:06 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you both. I am really depressed. I need to combat this horrible debilitating depression. It is made worse by the fact that I know I am fortunate. I don't have a terminal illness, I just have pain. I have friends battling cancer and that is something to really be concerned about. Mine is just pain. I detest myself for getting so down.
Posted 6/30/2015 1:44 PM (GMT 0)
"just pain"? Don't get me wrong, I understand the context of comparison, but our pain can be just as debilitating and life threatening as any other 'more serious' illness.

Try to realize that some folks are born into needing wheelchairs and other medical devices, but still raise children and do a great job!

You used to be a competitive athlete? Draw on that experience. What did you do at that point where you 'hit the wall' as a runner? When it was 'push time'? Do you even realize you are possibly more prepared than most to deal with your new situation?

Imagine what legacy you will be leaving your children...how much more compassionate they will be! We can impart things to them that 'able bodied people' cannot!

We can still do much! We just have to be more creative!
Posted 6/30/2015 2:04 PM (GMT 0)
You are right. Thank you. I was tough as an athlete and I can be tough now. I want to leave the best legacy I can.
Posted 6/30/2015 6:03 PM (GMT 0)
Hello & welcome to the chronic pain forum. Sorry to read of your struggles. Let me assure you that depression & chronic pain go hand in hand. Get the depression under control & the pain tends to lessen somewhat. They sort of feed off of each other.

Acceptance of having chronic pain is a major milestone for people that live with it. In many ways, until a person accepts that this is a new way of living its an uphill battle that feels like you can never win. However, once you do accept it, then you can move on to rebuilding a new life with chronic pain & it is very much doable. You cannot dwell o what you can no longer do, instead be thankful for what you can do. Some things you have to do a different way than before, but that is ok too. There are so many steps involved, its kind of like trying to peel an onion, you do it layer by layer.

Most of all, don't be so hard on yourself. Cut yourself some slack, its not like you caused these problems on purpose, remember that.

Your children will love you regardless. Its the quality time these kids remember the most. They will learn so much from you. Patience & compassion for starters. They will not view you as a mom that can't do things.

Keep your head up & if you need some professional help, do not hesitate in getting it. Many of us have done this in order to survive & there is nothing wrong with that. Take care.
Posted 7/1/2015 8:53 AM (GMT 0)
i can attest to dealing better with pain when i am better mentally. anti depressants might he of help. draw on your strength that you have-and ours. healing thoughts to you.
Posted 7/2/2015 4:34 AM (GMT 0)
Sideneckturtle please see my recent post:

Need as much help as you can offer

Maybe this will give you some ideas.

Best of luck to you. I feel your pain and understand your situation.

Our father raised all his kids with “you aren’t hurt get up”.

It made us tough minded, resourceful and gave us a never quit attitude. He called it PMA, Positive Mental Attitude.
Posted 7/2/2015 9:17 PM (GMT 0)
researched & found the name of the stay at home, homeschooling mom that I mentioned -

You might find some helpful tips..

Joyce A Meyers. (Not the minister)
She has lupus & fibro

Here is one site I found ..
http://www.homeschooldiaries.com/25-homeschooling-truths-i-wish-id-known/

There are numerous sites/blogs that popped up when I was searching for Joyce
Though you did not express interest homeschooling specifically, these are most likely supportive people.

http://fibro-moms.blogspot.com

Gentle hugs & positives vibes!!

Post Edited (DianeB) : 7/2/2015 3:47:33 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/7/2015 4:29 AM (GMT 0)
I often feel like a lousy mother to my 4 children (Lily-6, Michael-4, Adeline-3, and Isabella-1yr.) I have hip dysplasia and had a THR last year and the pain is still very much present. Some days are better than others, but most are very painful. I have the same responsibilities as anyone else with children. They are usually a big help and can see how much I suffer, even though I don't weigh them down with complaining about my pain, I just go with it. I'm sure you do so much work and are not lazy, but it does feel that way sometimes...huh.
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