When the pain is so intense

So I am new to this message board. In my first posting I explained some of my problems, dealing with chronic pain. I received several posts back which were all fine and good, the only problem I did not gain any new information.

I underwent a nerve block injection on Monday. This was not a long term fix, only a test to see if I could be a candidate for the actual nerve block. What I was told, medicare will not pay for the nerve block if the first two tests do not show positive results. So, here I sit suffering in pain.

The nerve block injection lasted for approximately 5 hours. During this time I had 80% relief from my pain. Now, I must wait two weeks for the second test, than another two weeks for the actual nerve block. I do not understand what the issue is. I am in pain, this is an observable condition my doctor documented. BUT, until I suffer more, I must wait.

Yesterday, walking through the grocery store with my wife I nearly collapsed, due to my pain. The pain took over and I could not move. I managed to find a freezer to lean up against. All my poor wife could do is watch as I shook from the pain.

I am getting to the point, I cannot function during the day. As I place this post, I am in my office chair, the only chair I can sit in for more than 10 minutes. My day now has nothing more than waking up, suffering in pain as I try to move around my house, eating when the sunsets going to bed.

My biggest problem right now is I am unable to find anything to do to keep me occupied. Before my injury I was a 60 to 80 hour a week person. I maintained dual income and lived good. Now, I am barely able to tie my own shoes.

I've read and re-read the posts, for these I am thankful that someone is listening, someone who knows the pain. I made the conscious decision to no longer take pain medication, due to the levels of opiates I was taking. Now, being free from the opiates, I find the pain is just as bad as the opiates. I was once an avid reader. Now, I cannot get through a chapter. My mind is unable to focus on the story due to the pain constantly racing through my body.

Please let it be know, I am where I am because of decisions I made. My back problems came because of situations I made and the result became worse than expected. I guess I am saying, I just needed this forum to vent, because right now I am just about ready to explode. There is so much I want to do, and all I can do is nothing. I feel completely useless and empty.

Forgive my ramblings, these are the frustrated words of a broken and suffering crazy man.

Chromius, there is nothing to forgive. I think we've all been there. Danged if you do, danged if you don't. Such a catch 22.

I too, was an avid reader. Not so easy anymore. Learning to pace myself was not easy. Some days, I'm lucky if I can get through a newspaper or magazine article!

I stinks that insurance companies have so much say in our treatment plans. "Can't do this until we do that." etc. I feel your frustration.

One of the best things about this site is that we have a 'safe' place to vent. It has helped me keep my cool with my family (a.k.a. my 'hostages')!

Hopefully, the time will go by quickly and the tests will give them reason to do the permanent block.

Meanwhile, have you thought about writing your own book? I've started mine. Not that I ever expect to have it published, but it is a good outlet for my thoughts.

I've heard that "Expectations are nothing more than premeditated resentments.". Take it easy on yourself.

I understand that you do not want to return to taking opiate/narcotic medication.

I have been in the unfortunate situation of being in intense and unforgiving pain. Pain enveloped my entire sense of being. I felt to be a prisoner of my own body.

Would you consider taking opiate/narcotic medication on a short-term basis until the nerve block procedure can provide you with a measure of pain relief?

The misery of uncontrolled pain is a misery unlike any other.

The practice of gentle yoga eases my pain. I focus on breathing and find that yoga's postures and stretches let me "feel" my body without pain at the forefront. I also keep myself occupied with working on needlepoint. Focusing on a stitch pattern keeps my mind focused in a productive way. I also subscribe to NetFlix and have find watching a movie or drama series (ex. "House of Cards" and "Breaking Bad") as a means to tolerate high pain days.

I truly hope for you a measure of sustained pain relief.

Many blessings,
- Karen -

Chromius, just wondering how a warm bath with Epsom salts might do for you? Perhaps even getting in a heated pool, just to surround yourself with the water and take some pressure off of your body?

I am going to shoot straight here,your asking us for something we don't have, a magic answer, a one stop fix ,sadly for CPers everywhere we have no magical pill or concepts. Those of us who have been living this Vida loca for years have gotten where we are by trial and error and sheer madness at times.

Each of us at one point didn't want to spend the rest of our lives on narcotics we also didn't want to think about living 20 or 30 yrs in this pain. It's what it is, why CP is well CP, its chronic, long lasting, not easily managed and no known cures are available at this time. PM, the art of managing the pain not a cure.

Opiate dependency is a harsh reality of our lives and the vast majority of us hate that we are dependant upon any one thing just to do what millions of people do daily, crawl out of bed each day but until someone finds a miracle what are the choices?

The psych meds really do help people, the Dr's were not trying to pull any tricks, millions of CPers suffer from neuropathy which is untouched by opiates, anti-inflam meds and most anything else yet these meds are tricky and only finding a perfect balance produces results and that takes patience and perseverance by us the patient and knowledgeable drs but its worth the effort and inconvenience if it cuts those pain numbers by the smallest of size. We then have to turn our attention to the state of mind that this horrible disease has wrought upon us, depression and grief from the loss of ourselves, our life as we once knew it, for the harsh reality of the effects on our friends and family as well as ourselves. Once we get to the acceptance stage of the grieving process we can begin to find the little things that help some, hydrotherapy, yoga, distraction techniques, hot/cold therapy, stimulator, creams, gels, exercise, changing sleeping positions or places, ex: recliners, memory foam, temperpedic, sleep number, pillows no pillows, etc. We design our days around best known times doing tasks at our best times, we teach ourselves how to not sweat the small stuff and there's no right or wrong or normal way we do things like vacuum, dishes and laundry, we turn our lives into the easiest taking into account every detail of every venture such as shopping at times the lines will be least, preping meals ahead of time for those days we just can't. We do every thing every day knocking out each number on that yard stick of pain until we are positive we are at the best then we turn to the opiates to seal the deal and throw in whatever it has to offer yet keeping our expectations real. Real in the sense we will always have pain lurking in the shadows, knocking to get in, hovering around us at every moment and accepting that it's there as well as a diabetics lack of insulin, a heart patients arrhythmia, or a thyroid patients lack of or abundance of thyroxin.

We research and we increase our knowledge of CP and new modalities, we join support groups like healing well and keep company with others who get it, we share what we have found in the hopes we can help others and we scream at the injustice of all the things and all the people who don't get it, making our lives even more complicated. At the end of the day we pray to the universe that some new young brilliant mind finds that miracle of a cure but until then we keep doing what we know the best way we know how to.

That's the only answer we have to offer you and its not what most newcomers want to hear so we were not ignoring your questions just postponing the answers or rather lack of.

Very well said indeed. Grieving for all the losses is normal, however, we cannot let ourselves linger there. Get some professional help, a lot of us have done this. You have to get past your old life & start building a new one to survive. Most of us cannot do the normal things we use to do, but we have learned how to do many of those things in a different way & some are not possible. I have literally lived two different lives. I am now thankful for the things I can do, they may not look like much to someone else but that doesn't bother me. Kicking yourself in the pants & putting yourself down is not the answer. You have much worth & life left, you can't see it right now, but its time to do something different.

I understand the narcotic fog, I have two years I cannot account for, nothing, its gone. There is not one thing I can do about that. Had I been smarter about narcotics I probably could have prevented that from happening. I reduced my amounts & just dealt with the pain but at least I could remember what I had for lunch. I would imagine your pain receptors have been reset by now & perhaps trying something mild to get the edge off would help. Someone else suggested this as well. We are talking taking the edge off, not getting rid of the pain. Try it on a short term basis until the procedure is done.

As for having to wait 2 weeks in between each procedure, I think that is pretty standard. I always had to wait 2 weeks & that was back when I had private insurance not Medicare.

Have you tried listening to books on a CD? Several of our members do this. With the right voice it can be somewhat relaxing. Take care.

I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I know what that's like. Unfortunately, pain puts most of us between a rock and a hard place.

How long has it been since you've taken the pain meds? If its been a decent amount of time then your tolerance levels should be low and you should *hopefully* get relief from a far lesser dose than you were at when you stopped.

To be honest, I'm not sure you'll be able to relieve the pain you describe without adding meds back to your arsenal.

It sounds like you need to find the right cocktail of anti inflammatory meds, pain meds, muscle relaxants, and non meds like ice/heat, lidocaine patches, relaxation techniques and distractions etc.

I use a half dozen different things on any given day no matter how silly.

Don't give up and don't be afraid to go back and revisit things already tried. Trying will make you feel more in control than not trying and at this point what can you lose?