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when will this stop?? Will I ever know?? MY AGE IS NOT ME!!!

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Posted 4/28/2016 7:53 PM (GMT 0)
I'm extremely knew to this and don't know how to put or even say what my situation is. My name is Chelsea I'm 24 and have been dealing with chronic lower back pain since I was 8. I was molested for three years by my brothers father starting at age 6 I think to 9 when I finally got up the courage to tell. Some doctors believe part of whats wrong with me is ptsd I grew up with a mother who had explosive rage and was actually dealing with chronic conditions herself so I started cooking and cleaning the house when I was 7. She did have a ocd problem as well so if it wasn't done right and done FAST I got hit. I do struggle with explosive rage myself along with severe depression and anxiety. Which I do believe my childhood has something to do with my mental health but physical health I'm not so sure.

As I got older My back got worse. I am also bi polar but it doesn't stop there. I got pregnant at 17 and spent 30 hours in pain where the epidural didn't work like it should have it numbed my legs but not my groin and up but I did have a beautiful 7lb daughter at the age of 18 and that's when the pain got BAD. I was in a abusive relationship for a year that had taken me 6 months of planning to finally get my daughter and me OUT!!! I struggled as a single mom working fast food, or waitressing and struggling with addiction of pain medication where I would take them while I worked just so I could work and provide for her. I worked 6 to 7 days a week trying to get by and I had lost over 50 pounds in less than 2 months where I just hurt too bad to eat where I actually quit taking them for those 2 months. My family thought I was strung out bc I looked so sick, boney and pale I didn't look like me anymore but it was the opposite I was drug free!! so of course I went back to taking the narcotics. I don't have an addictive personality at all. I was just scared of the pain and knew I had a job to do My baby needed me!!

My pain just kept getting more intense every year. I did work out every day before I was pregnant I ran, jogged, walked a 1/2 mile every day but even then that pain was still there. Over the course of years I was put on every medication possible just trying to find relief without taking narcotics. I hate to think of myself like a druggie but I cant help it when I hurt that's all I think about and all I want is that pain free me. little did I know I had no clue how bad pain gets til I got pregnant again 6 years later. That is where my life just took a downfall while I was pregnant I kept loosing control of my legs couldn't walk 2 or 3 feet without stopping. I did have a small shimmer of hope when I found my 2nd pain management doctor who was the only dr that would see pregnant women. He told me I had a severe case of spatulated transversion process which made me realize why I hurt so bad for so many years along with degenerative disc disease, sway back, and have now developed osteoporosis. he said my back looked like a 40 year old. I ended up having a handsome 9lb 3oz son 6 months later. the delivery made the doctors realize something is wrong with my nerves bc the 8 epidurals they tried to do none would numb me I got to feel everything for that 10 hour labour.

I thought I would get back to the pain level I was in before I got pregnant but man was I WRONG!! I started loosing control of my muscles and it wasn't one it was several if I use the limb or area for a little while it would just stop. I cant even write a paragraph without my hand stopping and dropping the pen. I cant even pick the pen up and hold it during a "fit." I started having severe migraines. I have no feeling from my knees down. I can stubb my toe and not feel it but yet my bones still hurt. I get pains that run down my leg like electricity. My vision blurs if I try to read to long and it feels like my eyeballs hurt?!?!? its not right but about 4 months ago I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia which I had to SEEK out a primary dr to help me. my pain management dr had retired a month after my son was born and the new one that took his place was not trying to figure out what is wrong with me. once I had a diagnoses and was put on lyrica I felt like there was still hope that is til when I had told my pain dr about the new diagnoses he decides to DROP me as a patient and in his words "seems like your pcp is handling everything well.

Fibro is just a diagnoses they give patients when they don't know whats wrong. its not medically proven to be a REAL disease" Shattered me... What am I suppose to do? why aren't they trying to get my pain under control FIRST before they take me off the pain pills?? MY AGE DOES NOT REPRESENT ME!!!! I live like I'm old I lay on my couch until I hurt so bad I have to get up and walk or go sit. I cant even drive my car longer than 20 minutes before my leg quits and I have to use my hands to shift my leg to the brake and gas and also PUSH down to make my foot hit the brake or gas which is dangerous so I just try to find someone to drive me. Oh and my neuro I had seen when my son was about 5 months old told me its all in my head aka the ptsd and wont even bother doing an mri to see why. I have just had a horrible child hood and my life is getting worse!! The pain is just so bad I have tried to commit suicide twice since my son has been born which I do have a semi supportive family but I need help everyday just to take care of my son who is now 9 months old but the size of a 18 month old and I have basically exhausted my resources for help. I just stopped asking bc they stopped coming. why try to keep asking when they are always busy living their lives. I just feel so horrible all the time like there is no out. and that nagging voice saying you will never get better. They will never find out whats wrong with you. It is all in your head. Your too young to know what pain is.

Your JUST A DRUGGIE!!! I am on lyrica, skelaxin, Cymbalta my pcp is trying to find a new neuro and she is helping me the best she can just all these doctors keep looking at my age and it kills me I wish they could see my life the real me maybe then I wont be judged. I WANNA BE NORMAL!! I want to take my kids to the park or just outside. I wanna clean my house, I wanna cook again!! I was an amazing cook that was my escape when I was young and it stuck THAT WAS MY PASSION. and I cant even handle standing at the microwave to heat up canned food. They told me to eat right and exercise. They say it like its so easy to do and I try so hard to just to take care of my wild son. I force myself to walk to one end of the house and back to the couch 7 times a day and somedays I fall halfway there but I get up and try again but that's all I can do. How can I loose weight when I can barely move!! I have been to physical therapy (found out that can break the spatulated part in my back) which chiropractor wont touch my back bc of that I also don't have the bottom 2 ribs so I'm missing the lower muscle in my back that is attached to the rib. Its there just layed up against my spine instead of flared out so that muscle is not used properly I guess is how you should word that I just feel as if there is no hope for me I pray everyday to make the pain just stop for at least 5 minutes, but am I waisting my breathe?

I try so hard to enjoy my life with my family but how can I? I don't go to birthday parties, holidays, and I always attended those things and even would make something to eat for the events. IM USELESS and I still have my whole life ahead of me but I'm just so tired of fighting the surgeons refuse to do surgery bc of MY AGE!! so tired of it all WHEN WILL IT STOP?? AM I JUST A DRUGGIE??

Post Edited By Moderator (nvrthesame98) : 4/29/2016 1:52:28 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/28/2016 9:18 PM (GMT 0)
My heart truly bleeds for you. I have about a million things I want to say, but I think what I want to emphasize most is about the PTSD.

After 2 years of terrible pain even after surgery, and after trying everything the doctors could think of, I discovered (through going through JFB-MFR: "John F. Barnes Myofascial Release therapy") that my pain is indeed tied to past traumas. It turns out I was molested by my own brother when I was probably 10 and I didn't remember until I was going through intensive MFR treatment 32 years later (and my brother has since confirmed it's true). BUT, that is not to say "its all in my head"!!!!!!!! Past trauma, especially that which occurred during childhood can be so traumatic and affect our brain's development AND YES it can cause physical symptoms, including true horrible pain!!! Sadly most pain mgt docs (or any docs) don't know this. While pain may be driven by psychological factors, the physical pain is still real ... And often harder to combat because of deep psychological scars that are feeding them. But they can be changed. I know many people now who have been through many traumas and who had debilitating pain who are either pain free or significantly better now!

I'm actually in the process of developing a website that provides some information on trauma and pain based on my personal experience and it lists many resources (including books and scientific articles about trauma- and/or emotion-fed physical pain). Said pain is very real and can absolutely be debilitating. Unfortunately with my pain, this website I hope to make available is taking me some time to put together. But in the mean time, some books I liked that might help you better understand what's going on in your body are:

Peter Levine's Waking the Tiger,
John Barnes' Healing Ancient Wounds,
Robert Scaer's The Body Bears the Burden, and
Bessel van der Kolk's The Body Keeps the Score.

It wasn't until I started to understand the connection between past traumas (which included incest victim at age 10, near drowning when I was 5, and even my neck surgery when I was 40), did my pain really start to come down. With JFB-MFR they put pressure on your muscle's connective tissue, which, believe it or not actually holds memories. This MFR treatment helps your body release the tension and traumatic memories that are stuck in your body. SE (somatic Experiencing, developed by Peter Levine) is another effective technique, imho.

I'm still not pain free as I'm still working on resolving my ptsd-induced physical pain, but at least I no longer feel like I want to be dead (and my pain has come down significantly).

It's very likely your pain and symptoms are a combination of things that are added to or exacerbated by PTSD.

I wish I could wave a magic wand and make everything better for you, but please do not give up hope!! It can get better!! But it does take work, and unfortunately for complex PTSD it often takes money to get the right help. But it still is even hard to find people who treat PTSD to know or fully understand the link between trauma and physical pain (and other physical symptoms). (That's why I looked for a therapist who does SE, too).

To sum up, the mindbody and trauma treatment that have actually had a direct impact on reducing my pain have been JFB-MFR and SE (somatic experiencing). I'm currently trying EMDR, which is a type of trauma therapy, but I can't yet report on its effect on my pain since I haven't been doing it for too long.

Best of luck to you!!! I hope in some way some of this might help you.

Sending a million hugs to you!!!
Posted 4/29/2016 8:28 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Chelsea and welcome to the CP forum. I added paragraphs to your post making it easier to read. Some of our members have vision issues that effect tracking one long continuous post and I didn't want you to miss out on the advice they could offer by not being able to read your words.

First let me say they(Drs) are not crazy by saying its all in your head and neither are you for displaying all the symptoms your having. Both could be absolutely correct. Ptsd related pain is really possible and it doesn't mean it hurts any less. Its also possible that whatever underlying condition you have is made much worse by your own brain and the mental health issues you have.

Are you under the care of a psych doc? If not truly find one since they are priceless to CPers at points in our lives. Its difficult to deal with pain on a day in day out basis and not have issues. We spend years grieving the loss of our lives,self,abilities,careers,school,family and friends and sometimes everything in the search for diagnosis. One who is experienced in chronic pain is even better. They teach coping skills and provide insights into the harsh reality of a abusive childhood or relationship and shed light on why we continue to torture ourselves with guilt and regrets.

If wanting to have less pain is an addiction thing that I suppose I will just remain that kinda addict. Once you learn those coping skills and distraction techniques then treating the remaining pains not so much a challenge. Not one of the long-term members here use only narcotics as a pain reliever. We spend a good deal of time finding a good deal of things to help get the pain numbers down first and second go to our meds to get what's left. None of us are ever pain free.

There is a very good deal of experience here by people who have been where your at an came out the other side and are here to lend people such as yourself whatever pieces of their success they can share in the hopes that they too can learn how to live with chronic pain conditions.
Posted 4/29/2016 1:04 PM (GMT 0)
First, let me say Welcome and congratulations on your children. I cannot imagine what you went through. Both of my children were born by c-section.

Now, on to more practical matters...

Along with the suggestion to follow up with a skilled professional about your difficult past and your present situation, I'm wondering if you can find some support from other resources as well.

Back when my children were small there was a group called Parents Without Partners. We would help each other because we all knew how hard single parenting can be. There are some churches that offer help to those going through medical difficulties. The phone book usually has the number for the "Self Help Clearinghouse" listed in the first page or two. Families can only do so much.

I used to clean house for a parapalegic (sp?) through Easter Seals organization. Contacting them may be an option.

If you can get some help with even one area of "Activities of Daily Living" you may then have the strength you need for the other areas. You may even get some help with more than one area. At any rate, just being proactive can be a big help to our fragile sense of self.

Keep posting and let us know how things are going. We all understand pain here.
Posted 4/29/2016 2:21 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you to everyone for your words of encouragement and the adivice. I just didn't realize ptsd can be so bad. I was put through counseling for about 2 years after I told. I went to camps for other children in the same situation as me. So for years I thought I was ok it wasn't until my daughter turned 5 that I started rememberin my childhood and the nightmares that haunted me.

Worse part is remembering my older sister knew what was happening and never helped me she was just glad it was happening to me and not her. I remember being a child and begging to sleep in the bed with her and even confronted the man several times telling him I knew what he was doing and just wanted it to stop!

So maybe it does bother me I just thought it was done and over. My mother was abusive and that is one thing I never talk about. I love my mother and I understand that she wasn't getting help back then so I try not to hold anything towards her bc financially she always helps.

I forgot to say in my last post I am married to my son's father. So he is there to help with the baby but he works 6 days a week and 12 hour shifts just trying to scrap by on one income. So when he is home he gets the baby so I can rest or soak in the bath for a few hours but he doesn't clean or cook what so ever. We don't talk much especially about some of the things. he tends to be a ****** a lot but he is old fashioned and is a great father to my son and took in my daughter as his own.


But this is all the doctors I currently see gynocologist every month where he is trying to get my period pains under control and keep an eye on the high risk growth I have on my cervix. which I recently had an ablation surgery done through him. PCP.
Counselor at GA hope. Pain management. I have finally found a psychiatrist that will take my insurance only bad part is they can't get me in til June 15th :(


Also another thing that still bothers me a lot is my sister took care of my dad for 2 years and I tried to be there but her husband was a horrible man. I would wake up to him on top of me and back then I had no where else to go it was the day I finally left my abusive ex so I felt stuck I remember girls had tried to confront my sister about him just flirting with them and she NEVER believed them and actually got in fights with the girls bc she believed her husband over anyone so how could I tell my sister and still to today I can't bring myself to tell her.

First chance I got I moved but couldn't take my father with me I remembered he cried begging me to stay bc I was the one who always stayed by his side and got up in the middle of the night with him. He wasn't around as much as he should have been but at least he was there. And as a teenager would come find me no matter where I was to give me money when he was already paying child support to my mother. He passed away a month before my 20th birthday. I feel so horrible bc I last saw him Christmas eve. January 5th the morning he passed was the day I was coming to visit bc he had got 5 dollars to give me for gas and I didn't even make it to say goodbye. I just remember for a week he was begging me to come up but I had to work so my first day off

So now looking at it I can see where my traumas can be making me worse. Can scars make you hold onto things more. Even when I'm around people I always feel alone. I feel stupid for even crying I learned from a young age to be tough no one else was gonna do it for me. I just feel like there is so many other people that need help more than me.

I forgot to mention bc it's just so much I have been through and my brain has been horrible since I was pregnant with my son but me and my mother are identical with the health problems. Only she never went through everything I did. But also she didn't start getting bad til she got pregnant with my brother. And hers has slowly progressed while mine was really fast. She has always worked an office job whIle I worked hard labor jobs

Thank you again for all those who have read and just listened it really does help so much to just vent to someone. I feel comfortable being anonymous and telling my story than telling my family or friends but a lot of stuff I intentionally leave out bc I love my sister and mom and wouldn't want to ever hurt their feelings for speaking how I feel and being rejected if I did. I will stay updated and try to fill in any gaps that I keep leaving out of my life. Tmj is another symptom I was diagnosed with so I have to eat extremely slow I have already broken 5 teeth now in less than a year.




Healingfromchronicpain.

Thank you for the suggested books. I was told the psychiatrist I'll be seeing will help me with the ptsd so I just have to hold in there until then! Sending a million hugs back!
Posted 5/1/2016 8:39 PM (GMT 0)
Actually seeing things that had been long hidden coming out in black and white can be cathartic, cleansing.

I'm glad you are seeing this for yourself. Keep coming!
Posted 5/2/2016 10:46 AM (GMT 0)
Welcome to Healing Well.I'm gonna step back and let the Ladies talk to.You've found a great Forum here.Lots of great caring folks.

Glod Bless and Comfort you.

Take care.

Rick
Posted 5/26/2016 12:20 AM (GMT 0)
thank you to everyone who reads and listens to this mess I call my life and everything is not in chronological order this is just a update of my life since last posting! and thank you to words of encouragement and prayers are so greatly needed for my family, my mother in law, and myself! it starts out as once upon a MESSED UP WOMANS LIFE...


I had finally got up the courage to tell my mother and uncle about everything that has happened to me unfortunately my life got worse since telling. I finally got in to see a gastrologist to figure out why I cant eat. everytime I eat it sends me into these painful cramping spells and within a few hours I have diarrhea. Well I go with my 6 year old daughter and the dr came in and said he was gonna examine me and had to grab his nurse and he would be right back.

Nurse came in he pressed around on my stomach helped me up to a sitting position on the table then automatically said he was gonna run a scope into my stomach to look around so he walked over to the wall to grab a paper and the nurse walked out and shut he door behind her and that's when he walked back over to me to "examine" some more and was basically humping my knee!!!! he pressed his penis all the way into my leg like LEANING ON ME AS A PROP.

all I could do was stare at his croch!! his zipper of his pants was dead center on my knee. he then stepped to my right side and just rubbed all over my is soft circular motions and I starred at him in a ticked off look and he actually reached his hand around to my left side and was rubbing down my thigh then ran his hand back across to where he felt my butt crack. I asked him what he was doing and his response was "I was filling for any tender spots" HE IS A STOMACH DR!!!!!! I was so sick and to top it all off my 6 year old daughter was there. but I will not be weak anymore so I reported him to the medical board and police.



Thanks to a amazing attorney talking me through how to go about this she told me to google his full name and complaints to find out He has already done this to a woman back in 1996 where he was charged with sexual battery and actually pleaded nolo where he was suspended for 10 years and just got his license back in 2009!!!! AT THE SAME OFFICE AND EVERYTHING!!!!!! That nurse was not suppose to leave me a lone with him!!! MY DAUGHTER WAS THERE and she left us in there with that sicko and shut the door behind her which is NOT their protocol there it was intentional!!!! trying to find a new gastro now and a pain management but pain management cant get me in til next year!!!


and yesterday I received a letter from wellcare to inform me they are not gonna pay for my lyrica or skelaxin which was the LAST AND ONLY medicine they found that helps me deal with my pain so I'm not back to where I was after I had my son. I couldn't even walk my legs and arms would not work I couldn't even continue breast feeding due to not being able to hold my son. and they are just taking it away!! called my pcp to see about putting in a appeal and she is not even gonna TRY!!!! just prescribed me gabapentin and tizanidine which I have already been on this medicine and it didn't help me what so ever. I also had a random drug screen at my gyno who was giving me a pain prescription and failed it for morphine and oxycodone yet I only take hydrocodone. due to oxy DONT WORK ON ME!!!


they sent it off and when the results came in where they sent it off it said I had been taking hydromorphone, morphine, oxycodone, hydrocodone!!! I ONLY TAKE HYDROCODONE!!!! I keep trying to tell them there is no way that's in my system even when they first done the test I BEGGED for a retest and the nurse refused... Oh and she let my drug test sit for almost 10 minutes before reading the results...


I don't understand why my life is like this I try to do all the right things I'm always nice to people who are nice to me that is... talked to my pcp and all she told me was I need to live my life and enjoy my time with my kids... HOW CAN I?? I just cry all the time and lay around I'm useless... I don't wanna live but with this case with my attorney I wanna hang in til he is IN JAIL and can never hurt anyone ever again... I'm so tired of fighting... that drug test alone has RUINED any chance I had of getting any type of pain medicine now!!!!


I have had a TON of drug tests and never had this happen to me I have failed 3 drug tests in my life and everyone was for thc and that's it!!!! I feel so bad I just wanna run away... I can barely take care of my son while my husband is at work. I'm a horrible mother I'm not there for my kids like I need to be I feel its better I leave and let my husband find a better mother for my children. But he does need me too we found out Tuesday that my mother in law has cancer we are going june 2nd for a biopsy... she needs me as well bc her husband passed away last june so her and my husband are having a hard time already...



but what use am I?? I cant even cook... I keep begging god to please help me and my life just keeps getting harder and harder every day!! The pain is so bad I just wanna die!! I wanna go away and just die so no one can find me or my body!! but I cant bear thinking that my kids would think I left bc I didn't love them which is the opposite I love them so much I just cant bear the pain and the doctors and being molested or rapped all the time!!! this is the 6th time its happened to me since the age of 6!!! I have been in pain since the age of 8 and I had to be a adult at a very young age due to my life situation I started smoking pot and drinking at the age of 9!! IM JUST TIRED!!!



I want surgery so bad so maybe they mess up and I can finally REST!!! God I just don't think I can keep going... to top all this off I am having to be retested for muscular dystrophy due to last time I was tested I was a child in the 90s the md that runs in my dads side of the family doesn't activate til late teens to 20s!! So I could have the same disease as my father and all my cousins and uncle!! It is very common on my fathers side of the family!! so there is that worry in my mind!! atleast it will explain a lot bc all my symptoms mimic md!! I just don't wanna go anymore I don't wanna keep fighting!!




I have had a edit life since I could remember and it keeps getting worse. I do have a wonderful husband and 2 beautiful kids and I thank god everyday for them... but I always have a constant reminder that I cant do it and once I'm off my lyrica I wont be able to move... before lyrica I layed around all day screaming and crying from the pain... I had a sliver of relief and they are taking it away... Please tell me how can I keep going or how to fight this life I live in!!! I don't even know why this keeps happening I'm a over weight red head why does it keep happening!!!!!!!!


Just so it is known I do talk a lot about what is on my mind but never would I ever commit suicide!!!! I do have so many loved ones that do need me and I could never put that hurt and depression on the people I love!! and they are the reason I have fought this far and will continue to fight on for them!! It killed me when my father died and I could never do that to my 2 beautiful and wonderful kids!!! Also seeing what my mother in law went through when her husband for 39 years passed away due to a unknown leakage in his body that caused his body to slowly shut down... I could never put my husband through that either!!


GOD PLEASE HELP ME THROUGH THIS TIME OF SORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




Chelsea I had ro edit a couple of things in your post. The owner of Healing Well has rules set out here & one is use of language. Healing Well is a family oriented web site & since we never know the ages of our readers we have to keep it clean.

Post Edited By Moderator (straydog) : 5/25/2016 8:20:53 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 5/26/2016 2:42 AM (GMT 0)
I am so glad that you reported this sicko. I probably would have just kneed him & then started screaming at the top of my lungs. Hopefully his license will get suspended permanently.

I wish I knew what to say to make things better for you. It seems like you encounter a lot of stumbling blocks for whatever reason. All I can say is hang in there the best you can, your family needs you & work with your drs the best you can.

Take care.
Posted 5/27/2016 3:57 AM (GMT 0)
Susie thank you so much for editing my post I am so sorry for the explicit language! I was so frazzled and stressed when I had wrote the post and didn't even realize I had wrote those words!!


But I had to update I finally have hope I had met an in law today who told me about a methadone clinic for people in my situation. He said they had helped him and his wife and was telling me they are like taking a hydrocodone. That night I had wrote the post I finally fully devoted my heart soul and mind to god! My life has been completely turned around!!!

All it took was for me to fully apologize for all the hate I had in my heart thinking it was god who hated me when in fact I just never fully committed myself so the devil was beating me down further and further on my life of misery! But never again will I ever doubt him. He has opened a door and told me to come on in.


The man and his wife was in my situation they couldn't get help from any doctor due to their age and that they would get addicted and could work through the pain which is what my doctors tell me now. He said the clinic has helped them in so many ways and took away all their pain so they could live their lives and take care of their children and be able to get out and do things without dreading to go.

We are struggling so bad due to me going to all these doctors just trying to get help and I'm just looked at like I'm a piece of crap. And talking to me like I'm a drug addict and the whole fact we will have the money to pay our bills but I have so many bad days I can't even force myself to get up and go pay the bill.


I have been like this since my son was born. My leg gets so bad I can't even walk let alone handle pressing the gas or breaks. There is hope and it's like this huge weight has finally lifted and I can breathe again. I can not wait to go tomorrow!!! I can finally do the things with my kids that I can't even do now and I can live my life and do right by my children!! Thank you again to everyone for reading in I know my story is so scattered and so insanely bad but for those out there who are struggling and living a life of misery hang in there it will get better!!


KEEP FIGHTING ON YOU WILL PERSEVERE THROUGH THIS!!! you can do this and you will make it through this. I know it took me a while and this forum is one of the things that has helped me so much just to get all this secrecy out in the open and for those who are like I use to be your story and life is important and from what I seen there is so much help out there and so many kind and encouraging words. Thank yall for not thinking I'm just crazy and that do listen and believe me!!


I have been so scared to tell my story worried no one will believe me and not making fun of me or my life. I always say I don't care what people think about me but I always lied in my heart I do care and it does hurt. I am hoping I won't have to rely on anyone to help me just to go to the grocery store ever again!! I pray that everyone here will get the help they need and find peace and find a way to be pain free!!!


You may not see our pain on the outside but inside it does exist and it does hurt!! Oh yeah I am going to a neurologist Tuesday fingers crossed and prayers that they do finally find out what is wrong with me and I pray to God they can fix me so I can live life without all this medication even dropping me down to only needing one pill a day or even just 5 would be great!!! I hate taking all these different kinds of pills just to have a slight bit of relief so I can get out of bed and onto the couch with my son!!


I am just so happy and so thankful for this forum and for all those who just listen and for all the help for everyone who comments back!! Keep your chin up it will get better is all you have to keep saying and for those who are Christians god will get you through this I am living proof that you can be strong even at your weakest/lowest part of life!! I truly understand everyone's pain and it's so great to have a support group of people who know what I'm going through and what it feels like I know my husband is not being supportive here lately but it's great having yall to turn to thank yall so much again!!!! For everything yall do for me it has been so amazing!! Oh and I see my psychiatrist June 15th!! Life has really turned around for the best!! I am getting the help I need finally!!!


GOD BLESS!! :-) :-) :-) :-)
Posted 5/27/2016 2:06 PM (GMT 0)
Chelsea, I urge you to use our search feature here at the top & type in Methadone. You need to educate yourself about it before taking that big step. Its not this wonderful drug these people have hyped to you. Oh it can work for pain alright, but it comes with its own set of problems. Educate yourself your family deserves it.
Posted 5/27/2016 3:16 PM (GMT 0)
You've been through a lot and the up coming neurologists appointment is good, right down everything that happens to you, like not being able to drive for very long. Keep us posted what the neurologists says, they might want to do blood work, nerve testing and possibly a spinal tap and mri's, so you have a lot more testing to get done and hopefully when it's done you will get a diagnosis.
PTSD can be hard, very hard to recover from, please seek out good help with that.
Never let anyone tell you that fibro is in your head and not a real disease, it is and causes a lot of havoc on it's own.
Prayers and well wishes to you and keep us posted on how the neurologist appointment goes, will be thinking of you. Stay strong the worse of the abuse for you is over, your a good person, you are a good person.
Posted 5/28/2016 3:43 AM (GMT 0)
Continued prayers and wanted to let you know that you've made it thru so much, that you will get a diagnosis. Plus your free from all that abuse, you are awesome. You will make it...Your kids have a very good mother in you...
Posted 5/28/2016 3:59 AM (GMT 0)
Methadone Clinincs are for drug addicts, not chronic pain patients. Not all insurance covers them and they are expensive. Based on what you have said here, a Methadone Clinic is not the answer. Once you have been treatd at a Methadone Clinic, you aren't going to find a dr that will treat your pain in the future.
Posted 5/28/2016 4:58 AM (GMT 0)
I have done a ton of research about the methadone clinic and called them today to talk to them about it all and they did tell me they would never tell any of my doctors that I go there it is completely private due to the hippa act well here where I am. I talked to then about the pain management they said as long as I don't get narcotics I can go to both since I'm only going so I can try to get my lyrica and skelaxin approved so there may be hope on that yet... they said if I get prescribed anythong new to call them before taking it bc they have a full list of what has interactions with it and informed me of all the medicine that has interactions with it forsure and to let my doctors know that I just can't take it like one is Xanax so all I have to do is if they try to write me a script I'm allowed to ask for alternatives automatically.


The first time you go it takes about 4 to 5 hours to do a full exam and tests also getting my full history to see if it's right for me. I do understand that it is not a pain clinic I just have been taking pain pills for about 6 years now more here the past year than ever before so I have to seek out help where I'm not getting it from any of my other doctors what so ever. I can't keep going the way I am. I have read about the withdrawls and how they are so much stronger and that methadones are no joke and are not intended for abuse due to how easy it is to overdose. He explained I would come a lot the first few months just so they can monitor me while I'm on them and that continues through out the whole treatment he said I can even come to check out the facility and even meet the doctor and counselor that I'll have before I make a appointment


The man I spoke to was so nice and understood what I was going through since he has been through the same thing they even said that they have plans where you come everyday and it's 12.50 a day you get a discount if you do weekly which I don't mind since they can keep me monitored and they do not accept any insurance what so ever. So far it sounds so nice and there is some down sides but in my position I feel it is the right decision and the doctor will also decide whether or not if I can as well and will keep a check on me weekly or daily just to make sure I'm not having any bad side effects or nothing I have heard from a lot of people that have chronic pain are being prescribed methadone for their pain as well. The reason I can't get help through my doctors is bc of my age!!! They have all straight up told me that I am too young to be on any type of narcotics since I'm young enough to "manage" my pain.



Thank you so much for all the help and advice is so great to hear people believe me and actually be supporting me. My best friend of 3 1/2 years told me today that I was a idiot for wanting to go to a clinic and that I could never financially go and was basically a idiot for even trying to seek help!! Told me I need rehab before and clinic. Oh and that she can not stand by me or be supportive. "Nothing makes since to me about the situation and how i said bc he didn't get what he wanted that basically he didn't pay you just doesn't sound right I can not believe you said that what kind of doctor or man would do that"


She knows everything about me and here lately i have gotten so much worse and I have told her everything in confidence thinking she would comfort me and be there for me just for it to all blow back in my face!!! She has seen me at my worse and seen what I'm like when I'm not taking any kind of pain medicine I'm completely disabled!! Can't even get out of bed she was coming and helping me back then bc it was so bad!!! Then she wants to go and say some stuff like that!! How can I fake this!!! Why would I ever say something happened when it didnt!!! That hurt me so bad hearing that from someone who has been there with me through some bad times!!! I have also helped her and her husband out many of times!!! Also her husband goes to pm and have him on percocet and methadone together...



Even though we had been struggling a bit I have always found some way to pay her back for everything she does do for me so it is basically a fair agreement! Whether it be food or medicine or money we have always done our best to help them But it is said and done and like I had told her she doesn't really know how my life is she doesn't live my life and is not feeling the pain I feel!! She has not been through all this abuse that i have yes she has been through some abuse and all that but I was molested for 3 1/2 years by my brothers biological father every single day!! When the cops picked him up and told him his charges he said plain as day with a smile on his face "yes every night"


The cops were shocked and he said it in front of everyone at the carpet mill and HIS BOSS!!! he was proud of what he done and didn't deny it!!! Then dealing with the rape and abuse from the age of 16 to 21. Once I got with my husband it finally ended!! well that is til the doctor!! ! I do thank God every day for meeting him and for my amazing and wild children lol


She has not been through that much and pretended she understood me for all these years but when my life kept getting worse with all the doctors and me telling her how they treated me and still are treating me the same now as they was then yet she doesn't believe anything I say and she did make sure to let me know she does not support me suing the practice or the dr bc she believes it didn't happen that I'm just mad he wouldn't give me any pain pills! I couldn't believe what I had read! I have felt so sick and have a horrible head ache since I read that awful text.

I have always been there for her through anything she just had to say the word and i was there!! I would stay up late to talk to her when she was having a hard time needing to vent/cry and never said any negatives about her life to her and try to give advice and be there as much as possible and will miss her and her daughter greatly I considered them family. Even her daughter and brooky were great friends!! My daughter is sad as well bc she doesn't get to see her anymore due to all this. Even when she made bad decessions I was still there for her even when I tried to warn her and she still done it I WAS STILL THERE!! and always believed her.


It's great coming on here and seeing all the words of support and encouragement along with advice and I take it in and read a lot of it over and over again it's so great just reading all the great things yall have to say and knowing that I am believed I know it does sound crazy ever since I was a child I have had the most worse luck ever. Seeing it in black and white it does sound like I can write a 7 series novel of all the bad things that has happened to me and im only 24.


But there is always hope and faith I can get better or at least get on the right medicine to have relief and be able to do the things I wanna do with my children like go outside or to the park, even take them swimming by ourselves and not rely on someone else for help. And go to any pool and not hurt myself worse getting in and out of it. I am strong and I WILL FIGHT THIS. with God and my family, plus friends and all yall by my side I CAN DO IT!!


I did delete my fb and am doing nothing but surrounding myself with positive things. Fb has way too many negative stuff going on and with what I'm going through and with my anxiety and nerves I just can't handle seeing it it kills me seeing these videos of people being attacked or hurt and NO ONE HELPING just videoing so they can share it and try to go "viral" to be popular or famous I wanna live my life and if I was there I would call the cops or try to intervene if it wasn't too dangerous of a situation. Not video someone suffering it is so bad and with having that negativity around its just putting me down further so I just done away with it. I felt great after doing it too honestly


I had already not been on in 4 days due to my severe depression/anxiety mode of my bipolarness where I don't wanna talk to anyone or even see a picture of a person. I do come here just to read all the comments over again and I do have this now as well so I have some where to vent without having judgemental or bad things said to me and I'm finally getting my story out there!! Yall are such a amazing support system and so nice about giving advice!! It feels like I have a safe place finally!!


So all in all I'm getting rid of the bad and worrying about the good in my life and will still pray for all those who need gods help and maybe help them become better people when they are willing that is. God bless!!
Posted 5/28/2016 4:27 PM (GMT 0)
Once again you need to read the posts here about Methadone. You have no idea what you are getting into. The Methadone Clinics rx a much larger dose to addicts than what a CP patient would be rx'd. If your plan is to stay with a Methadone Clinic, be prepared to lose your teeth & possibly develop heart problems. This is at the top of the list of side effects of Methadone. Currently they are looking into taking it off the market for CP, because of the accidental overdose rate. It has a half life which makes it easy to OD on. Most drs are not educated enough to rx it to a patient. I think you listened to some couple you spoke of & convinced yourself this is your way out. It works differently than a narcotic & works on different pain receptors.

By the way the Methadone will show up in your urine on a UA test so trying to hide it from your drs is not a good idea. The path you are taking no PM dr will ever take you on as a patient & rx pain meds.

I am not trying to be rude or harsh, just honest & hate to see young people try to go down a yellow brick road they know nothing about. As the old saying goes, if it sounds too good to be true it probably is, remember that.

Take care.
Posted 5/28/2016 5:42 PM (GMT 0)
Straydog is correct.The way things are with Pain Management Doctors now and the fact that most States have it where Doctors and Pharmacists are all connected with a Data Base,there are 2 things that a PMD could hold against you.


Taking Suboxine or Methadone from a Clinic.I was at a low point several years ago and if the Methadone Clinic had been open I might have become a patient there.

I'm glad they were closed that afternoon.

Ultimately,it's your decision to make.I only hope that you don't get into something that's not what you were led to believe.

I've taken Methadone in a pill form,for 5 months,It was great for pain but I was only on it a short time.

I've known 1 person that went to the Methadone Clinic.I remember them taking a lot of naps.

We're all different.

I hope you find a Doctor that will treat you as an individual and not put you in a demographic because of your age.

Take care and God Bless.

Richard
Posted 5/28/2016 7:20 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all to the advice but I reached out to the clinic and talked to the counselor there myself. He has me coming Monday for a tour and more info. I won't be getting drug tested through my pm due to not being on narcotics here they dont do the drug test unless you are going to or being put on narcotics which my last appointment with my pm he told me I would not get them until I'm a lot older due to my age. I had a test done when I was there to see what all works with me and what doesnt and found out I'm not just saying nothing works on me besides the narcotics the test confirmed everything I had been telling them he even apologized for keeping me on the oxy when I begged him to change it just for him to leave and I got stuck with a different dr who just refuses to have me on pain meds due to I'm too young and can work around the pain


. I have talked to others that go to the clinic. Well they are friends of that couple who I previously spoke to of course. Which the wife did go to the clinic for abut 2 years all while she was in pain management she said even though her pain management didn't know and still does not know she has been there. I still have 3 other people that they know for me to interview and talk to and yes I did search the forum about methadone and really didn't see a whole lot of negatives besides the teeth and heart problems. I have 6 broken teeth in my mouth now from my jaw muscle not working right and closing my mouth to eat or talk and my bottom jaw stays sideways.


My insurance will only cover to have my teeth pulled or a cleaning but that's it's and I need several crowns and can not even begin to afford those procedures. So just from what's wrong with me I am looking at dentures now. What I'm not understanding is meeting people who are on these pain patches lIke fentyl or butrans... which are actually the same thing as methadone, and even more and more patients around in my area are being put on the methadones in a actual PAIN MANAGEMENT DOCTORS.


I'm telling yall I have talked to my family over and over again I have told them and my family and yall of my situation to talk to people about it to make sure this is the right decession... for the past month with my depression I wanted to actually do heroine and just runaway to be a drug addict so I can quit hurting and finally become what these doctors are treating me as!! The pain is so bad to me that it is worth it!! I'M 24 YEARS OLD and when I have no pain medicine I'm useless I cant get out of bed or nothing and that's how bad I am when I am off of the pain meds for about 2 1/2 weeks I slowly progress where it's just harder and harder to do anything. So I'm spending everyday just trying to find something so yes I do feel like a drug addict honestly bc I don't want to hurt I don't enjoy the pain what so ever


I don't believe your being one bit harsh at all your stating your opinion on how you feel as I can see you do truly hate it which is fine many people do.but these pain patches and this other "new pain meds" it's methadone being recreated bc they are trying to find new stronger meds for people who are on pain meds.


And all pain meds have one thing in common with all these other drugs like heroine or cocaine and it's opium which means they have a lot of the same side effects and do cause heart problems in them all. I did my research on any medicine before I ever take it I have been like that since my daughter was born due to have a bad interaction with tramadol. Tramadol kills many of people as well where it makes people stop breathing!! All these medicines we are taking if you look up the side effects it's HORRIBLE and stays so hidden where doctors fail to mention anything.


But as said it is my decision and with any type of new medicine it's all about if the good out weighs the bad honestly. There is risks to everything we do everyday from the nasty processed food I am left forced to eat bc I can't cook to what we drink. Life is going we are all eventually going to die it's inevitable but it's how we spend the life on whether it's worth it and yes I wanna be a mother to my kids and be able to cook and clean again or even take a shower more than just once a week. No I dont want this forever... if it can help me til they can fix me (if they can) or until they decide they wanna help then it's worth a shot.


This clinic gives you the methadones there and they will only give you a day or a week supply at a time that's it so it bypasses the pharmacies and he said that I can go to pain management and the clinic at the same time. I do have a right to deny a drug test but when I called my pain management they informed me that unless I am on narcotics they dont drug test since the drug test is only for narcotic patients to be checked on and monitored.


I still am doing more research so prayers that God will lead me down the right path and that these doctors can find out what's wrong oh and the clinic does a drug test EVERYTIME before they can give you methadone and I was informed that if something narcotic other than the methadone showed up they would kick me out so they have extremely strict rules. If they would just legalize medical Marijuana I wouldn't need all these doctors and all these pills but I live somewhere where it will never happen. Guess that's just more of that luck.

And gain thank yall for the advice I do so greatly appreciate I am talking like I'm going to but I am just doing research right now I have been comparing methadone side effects to other medicines that a PMD would prescribe and it is insane seeing how many medicines are identical to methadone where they just made it into a different form then called It something else so it is basically under the radar for other patients my mother is on butrans and when I told her about how similar it was to methadone at first she didn't believe me then she looked it up and seen it for herself so now she is more understanding of how they could help but again this is not something I want long term at all I want to be fixed not just "managed" I have been praying that God just shows me the way!! God bless!!

Post Edited (fkdlyfe@24) : 5/28/2016 1:37:57 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 5/28/2016 7:39 PM (GMT 0)
I sincerely hope it works for you amd gives you a better quality of life.

If you start taking Methadone please let us know how it's working.

Like I said,I'm not very experienced with Methadone,so I welcome more information.

Hope you get good results.

Take care.

Richard
Posted 5/28/2016 9:02 PM (GMT 0)
Well you have been sadly mislead. First the privacy laws do not cover addicts,second methadone has absolutely nothing in common with fent,or any other opiates,if you think your bypassing the pharmacy getting your methadone at the clinic you couldn't be more wrong. Where do you suppose the clinic gets the methadone your given that comes in a labeled for you only in your dose by a pharmacy? It's also submitted to the state narcotics tracking system and if anyone like a Dr pulls a check it will clearly show what you get from where just like it does if you fill at Walgreens. You will be counseled as an addict and you will take scheduled urine tests and see your counselor every week and if you fail to do any you will be discharged from the clinic and as for a counselor telling you he won't tell anyone? He's bound by laws to disclose any medications and medical records to your insurance company and physicians.

You will be flagged as a addict in the pharmacy registers and drs will know,after that pain management cannot treat you in most states you have to be treated for pain by a addictologist.

I got tired of preaching the evils of this drug because its given at a time when most are suffering withdrawals or topped out on the opiate dosing scales and its designed to give you a false sense of wellness,immediately stops any withdrawal symptoms your having and that's a battle mere words can't fight.


I was a nurse for 30+ yrs and a CPer for the last 20, I spent 7 of those nursing years behind the cage at the clinic handing out methadone every morning, I spent 12 yrs on it and 3 getting off after two postponed surgery procedures for a dangerous qts wave in my ekg,lost over 56% of my hearing,all my teeth and part of the jaw bone,and just about lost my mind and left with 20% dementia at the age of 45.

I leave this hear and let it speak for itself and remember one thing about all those happy campers pushing the greatness of methadone,they haven't had to come off yet.

Want to read my nightmare of methadone and getting off just search under my name and all the years will pop up for you.

Good luck to you.
Posted 5/28/2016 10:33 PM (GMT 0)
Vickie I wanted to say I'm so sorry to about your withdrawls and suffering I do understand that they can be hard and wouldn't even know how methadone withdrawls are. When I had searched fentyl and butrans it has a lot of the same ingredients and I was told by PMD that they was a man made opioid knock off. I was just going by simple facts now but from the clinic talk he did tell me they do not accept any type of insurance it's a self pay and they do not take down any type of insurance information. But that is what I was told but I have decided to wait and talk to my PMD and ask about other options they can do to help and give it a month.


After that if they can't help me or fix me then I will have to do something I cant just suffer like this or always be trying to find a way to get pain pills just for a hour or 2 of relief!! I promise though to give it a month from June 6 to July 6 I will read as many of the forums and others who are at the clinic. And get a privacy policy at the facility to read up on and this will give me plenty of time to decide if this is truly right for me! Thank you everyone for every bit of advice and like I said I do listen to every comment and actually take it in. My mom always said I can be stubborn at times so apologies for if my comments come out kinda mean or deffensive. I am actually comfortable to have an opinion her to be how I am with my mom. Lol I do appreciate all the comments and prayers as well.


I will keep on with the research and do write down everything and actually do homework but I am gonna have to be pushing myself and this pain is always here to remind me this is gonna be so hard. I have met so far 6 people who are going to that said clinic to basically interview along with this forum as well. But the pharmaceutical companies are coming up with a lot of new pain meds that are man made opioid knock offs. I know 2 people who have been on some. They are always creating new kinds of things and re creating others as well.

God bless to all and many of prayers sent yalls way :)
Posted 5/28/2016 11:58 PM (GMT 0)
I keep looking at these forums on methadone for more adviceand it's pulling up a lot of good things for whatever reason but it's more forums about people saying heir dr gives it to them so they are all supportive if a actual PMD gives it. So is it bc I'm thinking about going to a clinic where they deal with withdrawl people and anyone can go so it's not ok?? Bc it's not making sense to me what so ever so if anyone knows of an exact place to go where it's a lot of people sharing their input of all the bad side effects feel free to post them please. Thanks on advance.
Posted 5/29/2016 12:51 AM (GMT 0)
You may want to check out the Fibro forum here at Healing Well. Yes, it very much is a real medical problem contrary to what some people may believe. There is a wealth of knowledge among members over there.
Posted 5/30/2016 10:11 AM (GMT 0)
The clinic is part of the issues here,your a very young chronic pain patient and could be looking at years of treatment and the clinics going to jeopardize that for you. I worked for the clinic and my methadone was prescribed by a PM Dr. I explained to you why people on it give high praise,they have not been on it many years and experienced its effects on their health and they have not had to get off of it. If you are reading in addiction forums then when you consider the alternative of where these folks were in their lives,likely spending 100s of dollars a day on their drugs of choice and stealing to get the money and having run ins with the law,homeless and having lost everything over their addiction and now in the clinic they are rebuilding their lives and relationships then methadone has been a answered prayer for them. You however are not a addict.

I urge you to speak to the Dr about subutex and if you're going this route at least consider the lesser of two evils. Its not as hard on your body,doesn't carry the same burden in getting off and covers as much pain as methadone actually does and many of the addiction clinics offer it as well. Drs can prescribe it and many Drs dont have an issue with using it.
Posted 5/30/2016 11:24 AM (GMT 0)
I'd think carefully about the clinic. You shouldn't have to keep hide the fact that you are getting pain management from other Drs. That's a big gun med, and you'd hate for something to happen where another med could be prescribed resulting in an interaction. It needs to be on your med list and records. Imagine what would happen in an ER? I've woken up in the ER with treatment already begun. Everything is listed in the system, so no foreseeable interactions.

It is extra complicated because of your age. You have a long road ahead of you. I entered the lovely world of pain management in grade school. Being young means you will constantly have to juggle meds and dosages. I know you are having difficulty finding a Dr, but if at all possible, try to widen your search area. Would that be an option? I know folks who travel quite the distance for care. While it's not for pain management, I travel 3hrs for some of my specialists. When I'm not physically able to drive, I have others that can help. It's a HUGE inconvenience, but I'm a single mom and have an awesome kid. He's 12 now, but it's been just the two of us from day one. My then husband decide to take a field trip while I was pregnant. Anyway, I know how hard it is to struggle with pain with young children. I definitely think we are some of the strongest chics you can find.
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