Holidays can be difficult.

Hi all~
I personally know that having chronic pain makes holidays rough. Do you have any tips and tricks for getting through the holidays and still have some 'gray matter' (brains) left? I will have several people over on Christmas eve and that's the one that gets me. The young ones are so much fun but the noise and occasional whining wears me out. I need to find something for them to do between arrival and package opening after supper. Maybe they should open a gift before supper and others after? And of course, when someone asks what they can bring I'm just plain stupid enough to say, 'Oh, nothing. I've got it covered.' Often hubby has other things he seems to need to do when I could use some cooking and/or household help.

But this year my plan is to cook and maybe freeze anything I can ahead of time. I can get the ham ready and then freeze it. I also fix a pan of lasagna (kid tradition) and that could be frozen also. Pies I do the morning of or day before. Frozen or canned veggies will work. And I can bake the dinner rolls the day before. That's spread out a bit but still looks like a bunch of work. Maybe if I start about now I'll be ready?

I'm lucky to have a doctor who's not afraid to prescribe pain medications if they are warranted. I'll take some ahead of the cooking marathons. It's so much easier than trying to catch up with pain that is out of control. And you'll usually use less medication in the long run.

How do you plan to celebrate any of the holidays that are coming up..... and survive them?
Chutz

ps... this will also be posted in the Fibro and Chronic Fatigue Forums.

Chutz:
I come from a small family (both of my parents were single children, so the “family tree” is more like a Carlie Brown bare spruce) but a family with Christmas traditions that dictated gourmet Christmas meals with fancy place settings and silver/china. My mother is a gifted cook who always took it upon herself to prepare everything. I became her anointed sou chef (a’la cleaner-upper). Years and years and years.

My mother is 86 years of age - healthy and active. But even she feels that she has fulfilled her lifetime obligation to prepare a Christmas feast.

This year, my family will dine at a woman’s social club that my mother is a member of. A year without the traditional cooking and cleanup.

I have decided to “opt-out” of Christmas. No family gatherings. No exchange of gifts. Yep, I have decided to keep to myself and simply let Christmas be a day of quiet spirituality.

I am tired. I am tired of trying to maintain an outer appearance and trying to fit in with the more abeled bodied. I feel no Ho Ho Ho.

I guess I am posting just to let others know that there can come a time, an inflection point of sorts, where it’s OK to depart from the expectations of Christmas traditions.

As far as your family gathering and anticipated children/youngsters, I might suggest that you have a few organized activities to occupy their holiday energy. My grandparents usually had a large table set up with a jig saw puzzle. They also had the floor game “Twister” that we played. Coloring books with crayons/colored markers. And my grandmother was great in always having an artsy project on hand for making paper angels with basic construction paper, glue, glitter, and tinsel. You want to have things available to entertain their interests.

Do not hesitate to order side dishes from a local deli or Whole Foods/grocery store. There are so many quality options now for out-sourcing menu items. Ex. Purchasing a quart of stuffing and gravy or a pint of green beans with onions.

Out-sourcing for some aspects of a holiday meal frees you to focus your time and energy on preparing the meal items that are the most important to you and to your family’s traditions.

I do believe that home cooking is an expression of love. Sharing of a meal is socially nurturing.
But no one needs to be Super Woman in the kitchen and do it all.

It’s OK to ask family members to assist with clearing the table at the end of the meal and to assist with clean-up. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and to assign simple tasks for all to share in.

Warm holiday wishes,
Karen

My kids wanted to take over the holiday get togethers. They realized how difficult it had become for me to be the one to do it all. I gladly turned the reins over to them & it has been great. We gather at my son's & everyone brings food. The cooking is not left to one person, we plan a menu & work off of that. We have been doing this 13 years or so. No one is tired or feels they have worked their self in the ground cooking. The past 2 Thanksgiving's we have all met for lunch & it was great.

I highly recommend doing this. We have several friends that do the same thing. They rotate the holidays with their kids & all congregate at one home.It really is easier on the little kids too. I was raised in the mother was to do it all era, sorry that is old school thinking. One day I will not be here & my kids will already have their traditions in place.

I read an article from a site I subscribe to & it gave great words of wisdom on how to survive the holidays. Below is a few tips i can remember off the top of my head.

1. Admit to yourself that you have limitations & do not feel guilty because you have them.
2. Do not take on more than you can handle & learn to say no.
3. Ask for help & delegate.
4. Do not get boxed in on committing to something that you cannot physically handle because of being afraid to say I
can't do this or that.
5. Pace all of your activities & have them planned out.

As far as keeping the kids busy, ask the parents to bring a game for them to play, if they are old enough let them play cards. My grandson & I play cards a lot. Consider buying each kid a very inexpensive toy, book, or coloring book from the Dollar store & let them open that present early. That will help keep some of the anticipation down.

Consider discussing a change in tradition while everyone is together. But, most of all, you need to be willing to hand the reins over to someone else.

I find every year gets a bit more taxing on trying to do the same things as I've done in previous years. But my mind is still that of a kid in allot of respects! I love decorating for Christmas inside and out! The colored lights and the smell of pine, and fresh baked cookies and the music! All of it! And each year it gets more and more difficult for me to do it! My older sister scolds me for still putting up all my outside decorations! As I climb up a ladder and put lighted garland up under the eves the entire length of the front of my house, and there are 2 peaks in the front of my house that along with the lighted garland I hang plastic gold bells with a big bow at each peak which is pretty high up! Along with all that I also hang a big 4 foot wreath above my garage door and numerous other outside decorations. The standing on the ladder just kills my legs and back! It always takes me at least a couple of days to put it all up. And yes at night and for several days afterwards I hurt like crazy and am in worse pain! You might say I always pay the piper for doing it! But for me I wouldn't have it any other way!! As long as I'm physically able to put up the docorations and bake all the traditional Christmas cookies, ( today I baked snowballs and Sandbakkelse's tomorrow it will be Cherry Twinkles and spritzs) and do all the other things that makes Christmas and the Holidays special! Then by golly I will pay that piper his dues, and then some! I will put up with the pain and muscle spasms that always follow! But for now I'm just not willing to give in and change and give up these things! Maybe some day I might have too! But for now I roast my turkey and make my giblet bread dressing and all the fixing on Thankgiving and I will have my sister and brother inlaw over for my traditional Christmas eve supper of Ribeye steak cooked out on the grill with baked potatoe and salad served and eaten by candle light!

I do understand how taxing Holidays can be! And maybe it is foolish that I still do all this decorating and stuff when it's just me here. But.......that's just how I am!

Anyway I Wish everyone on this forum a very Merry and hopefully pain free Christmas and holiday time! And I send a Special Christmas Greeting and Blessing to you Chutz and Straydog!

White Beard

Hi, Everybody...I also share the holiday concerns. I am still considered the designated ONE to pull the holiday stuff together. In the past I was really an excellent cook and indulged my family's tastes, making special things I knew each really liked. My mother helped with cleanup since she has never been a cook. I have found that after every Thanksgiving (the hardest one on me) I end up with actual damage. The cooking, cleaning, etc. is not for me anymore. The planning and executing wears me out and the physical strain has caused me to have surgical repairs months later. This year I delegated most of the work to my husband who was very eager, but when I was sitting around and he was working like a dog he did mind after all, lol.

It is very hard to adjust a family's expectation. They see you how they always saw you and while they might understand they don't really. I am sorry to say that I love having my family with me but even our small group exhausts me and I have trouble enjoying it. It is easy to get overwhelmed.

Chutz, I think kids these days tend to have video games they are absorbed with but cards sounds like a great idea...or Monopoly maybe if they are older.

Karen, you hit the nail on the head about the Norman Rockwell Christmas images. Boy, those were images ingrained in many of our minds the holiday season, lol.

Like Pitmom said her changes in traditions worked very well for her. While many of us do not handle change well, sometimes change can be good. I love the changes we made & everyone gets to enjoy it all. For years it was turkey on Thanksgiving, ham on Christmas. I decided many, many years ago to ditch the ham for a smoked brisket, smoked chicken, potato salad, baked beans, a real Texas spread. We have relish trays & any other special dish someone wants to make. My son makes the best banana pudding, my hit is cherry cheesecake & pecan pie. Not one person complains because we all like smoked brisket & chicken, lol. This is food that can be made in advance without spending hours in a kitchen.

Norman Rockwell images are just that, an image. There is nothing wrong with having different traditions.

You made my day with this post! I'm jealous of the recipients of the brittle. Hi to White Beard!

Karen, maybe a 3D printer?

Pitmom:
You “rock” for being proactive and taking care of your needs.

If lying on the floor with feet up to ease your back was what you needed to do, Good For You in adopting the position despite “what people might think.”

Setting new ground. Whoo Hoo.

On a sincere note, I am glad that you enjoyed being with family over the weekend. All families have dynamics that can be trying, but all families are precious nonetheless.

Keep taking care of you.
Karen

Family is too splintered and disjointed...and Xmas gathering stopped yrs ago however I been invited by my neighbour accross for bite been in a distressed and painful state.

I have adopted this young couple... and there kid. She speech delayed...we get on great and have fun parents glued to Xbox and headset!

I usually just be here and let the day pass...sis goes with her son...turtle never invited. Go visit mum at nursing home Xmas morning.

Be good. may blessings befall you all.