I need help deciding whether to file for SSDI

Okay guys (and gals) I have come to a point in my life where I am utterly confused.

I have been out of work since December due to my hysterectomy. Now my chemo is almost done, and that will be over. Then comes the task of going back to work. Which I dread, because I don't meet the physical requirements for being a nurse. You have to be able to lift 50lbs frequently, and move patients up to 500-600 pounds MANUALLY. I can not lift more than a gallon of milk without pain. I have to bend, squat, lift patients up in bed, etc. Just standing more than 5 minutes, or sitting more than 2 minutes causes me severe, burning pain in my back. I have 4 herniated discs, with anular tears causing the pain. I have spinal stenosis, osteoarthritis, and I was told by my surgeon that I will be in severe pain the rest of my life and go to pain management. I've been in pain management for 2.5 years, and I'm now on Morphine every 8 hours, and every 6 hours if needed. That's nearly 400 mg a day.

I also have severe asthma, and severe chemical sensitivities, lupus, severe migraines (>15 month) which put me out of commission, and have most recently seen a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with PTSD due to being sexually abused as a child. He suggested disability, and he's whose got me thinking hard about it. I have severe depression, since my teenage years, and severe anxiety/social phobia.

What bothers me on a daily basis is the chronic, nagging, put-me-out-of-my-misery pain in my back; asthma that has me on my nebulizer to breath a few times a day, and migraines that make me nauseated and vomit all night and leave me unable to think and I lay in a freezing cold room with a washcloth over my head and silence. Those three things are the absolute worse, and I feel like "if it's not one thing, it's another".

I know I am leaving something out, but I can't think right now. Oh, I forgot to mention, being a nurse, I am not allowed to work while on narcotics. Doesn't matter what they're for, you're in violation of the state practice act if you do and they can revoke your license. They let nurses with multiple personality disorder work, and they let epileptic nurses work (nothing wrong with either of these diagnoses, just pointing out that once you are stable, why can't you work?). So I am between a rock and a hard place.

I talked to an attorney today to start my divorce. He has been sending threatening text messages and causing me a lot of grief. He is very abusive. He is trying to take my kids away (5 and 6 year old) and I am scared out of my wits. Some days it's all I can do to get off the couch to make them something to eat, but that's why I caved and moved in with my parents so they can help. Well, he's got a lawyer filing for full custody because I am an unfit mother and unable to care for them.You don't know how angry this makes me. I have paid his health insurance for the past 5 years, since we separated, he's never paid me a dime in child support, and he only sees the kids once a week. He's too busy with his new girlfriends and her two kids. My parents have bent over backwards for my kids. If it weren't for them, I'm sure we'd be homeless living in a shelter, because I have used up all my savings and all my 401k. I am broke. All I have are my children, and I couldn't live without them. I'm not thinking suicidal here, so please don't delete this. I am just trying to paint a picture of what I have been going through. I am a wreck, mentally and physically.

I don't know what to do. I feel terrible mooching off my parents. I feel like a loser. I can't provide for my children, and after all I have done for my soon-to-be-ex, he wants to take my kids away to make a family with his new girlfriend and her two kids. I am just heartbroken. I am the one who worked afternoons my whole life so I could be home with my children and then still be with them at night. He was at work all day. I have taken them to all their doctor's appointments, taken off work when they're sick (he's too busy at work), put band-aids on their boo-boos, paid for their health insurance and paid for their house, and their school, and everything, all without a dime from Mr Jerk. So I feel really violated that he thinks he can swoop in and file for full custody.

This, on top of being on chemo, and thinking about disability, and all this junk, has really gotten to me. I just feel so kicked down and I feel like no one understands.

I just had to get that off my chest. It's been brewing in my mind for days now, and it's making me nuts. Any and all opinions welcome.

My computer is giving me a littl\le trouble. Or maybe it is old age syndrome. I wrote to you somewhere and don't know if you got it. Anyway, as I said I worked for social securityand I have done some consulting after retirement. My batting average has been 100% on the consulting work. Listen carefully. YOU MUST go to the social security office and file an application for disability. No one can do it for you (easily) and nobody can tell you if you will be approved. The only way you will find out is to file NOW. As I said you must gear your answers to how your impairments makeit impossible for you to work. Consider all of them. The cancer , the pain, the anxiety and everything else. The SSA will request medical evidence, but if you have some take it with you. Bear in mindd that if you get benefits, and I think you mightt, you children will also be receiving benifits too. You may not get enough to afford a Rolls Royce, but whatever it is it is better than what you now have. But above all do not depend on what others tell you. Go File and get a formal decision. Do it Today. if you need to talk to me more, yoou can e-mail me or use the chronic pain forum. I will do what I can to advise you.

PLEASE ACT TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Arundinaria

Hi Rehabnurse:  Just read your post and I wish I was there to give you a big hug.  I know that things look impossible right now but tomorrow is a new day (and the day after, and the day after that, etc.) and things will get better.  The last post about going to the SS office is good advice.   Please do it.  Your kids need you!  You are young and even though, right now, it seems that things will never get better, they will!  Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and eventually, you will look back and know that you were strong enough to make it through.  I know you have a caring, lovely heart - you have to have that to have made it through nursing school and then while you were nursing.  Believe me, I know what it takes to be a nurse - especially to adult patients - I admire anyone that can take care of "big" people. 

Anyway, I wish I had some good advice.  All I know is that I want you to understand that you are cared about.  I have been worried about you for a couple of weeks.  Please hang in there and if you need to talk, just email me.  I think you can just click on my screen name here and it will take you to my email.  If not, post on here and I will post my address.

Hang in there, kiddo.  I will pray that God surround you with his love and hold you in his hand.  Remember, at times like this when you feel like there is no one there for you and there are only one set of footprints in the sand, it is because God is carrying you in his arms!

Dear Rehabnurse; My heart goes out for you at this time.   From your descript ion, it sounds like you feel that the entire world is closing in on you from all sides.      It must be scary and difficult for you but have faith, as there is a light at the end of the tunnel.   First of all, you need to stop mentally punishing yourself for moving in with your parents.   When all is said and done at the end of the day, family is the most important thing we have.   Just as you want to protect your children, I am hoping your parents are of the same mind set and want nothing more than to help you (their daughter) and your children.   There is nothing wrong with needing your family in difficult times. I am slightly older then you are, but we share many of the same experiences.   I divorced my first husband of 10 years when my child was just 3.   I also went though the non-child support payments, limited visitation, and an endless string his girlfriends, most of which were just over legal age and where nothing but novel play toys.   I cringed when my child has to spend time with them.   In the long run, the divorce was the best thing I even did for myself and my child.   After several years, I was fortunate to meet and marry a wonderful man who cares for me and my child with love and respect.   I worked at a professional career in the medical field for about 20 years.   I was off work for two years on a medical leave and then was required to filed for SSDI online.   I was approved for permanent SSDI within about one year.   I did have a diagnosis of a rapidly progressing non-curable neurodegenerative disease.   The hardest part about being on SSDI is that I feel useless and unable to give back to society.   There is something very rewarding and satisfying when you work with people.   There are very few volunteer opportunities that offer that same feeling.   Also keep in mind that if you are awarded full disability, the money is not large, so you may be faced with many financial difficulties for years to come.   Caring for children is extremely difficult when you are of the best of health, and it gets more difficult when illness, injury and pain play into the picture.   It takes not only physical and mental strength, but also a strong support system from those around you and   the financial means to raise your children.   When any of those items are lacking, the process is much harder.   Before filing for disability, make sure to that you review the possibility of any other health care positions you could do, instead of direct patient care nursing,   you might be eligible for that may have less physical demands.   Just remember you are not alone in all of this.   Many of us have walked a similar path and we are always here to listen and offer you support.   Take time to make the right decision.   Talk to friends, clergy or a counselor to help you sort out you feelings.   Don’t try and be super woman and do it all by yourself.