Feeling blue today, in need of a good cry!

Hi all my CP'ers. Today is an especially bad day for the pain. I am clear to a 10 today and cannot even move to go out tot he hot tub for some tub time. Stuck in bed makes me feel so blue and sad that I feel like crying. Yesterday I had the best day, as far as pain I was down to a 7 which is pretty darn good for me. But unfortunately those days do not last long and as the clouds are rolling in and it looks like a rainy day in my little corner of the world, I feel as bad as the weather is showing.

I hate these days and wish that it would just go away! The big C (constipation) at least has resolved itself thanks to all your ideas of prunes and other things . So at least that is resolved. But, it sucks that I am at this point in my life with only one option in my medical situation that will actually help. As I have said before if I just had to handle the back pain I could deal with that cause its not so bad and could be treated with OTC pain medication. But the leg pain is where the worst of the pain lies and to this I am stuck in bed today with horrible shooting pain down the legs.

Not fun eh? Seems odd that this has been there for the last 4 years and not one doctor that I have seen (a total of 7 in 8 years) this before and have told me about it. Anyway guess I'd better get some rest. Have a LPD hugsss


Scarred


Update: Spoke with my WC adjuster and she wants my PM doc to send her a detailed report on their findings and what they feel the reason for the Stimulator and then I will be set up with a second opinion to see if the surgeon disagrees or agrees with this course of action. If so then I will be sent for a Psych evaluation and depending on this I will either be denied or accepted for the trial. So that is good news sort of and whatever hoops I have to jump through to get this to happen then I will do so. I feel that this is a good thing and will do anything to get the relief to happen.

cry away!!!!!!!! i am here, vent shout moan get angry do what you have to do to get the blues away. I had to near enough fight my hubby for the laptop he was playing daft games, but i am here now, tell me if you want my email addy to have a realy big vent!!! always here to help. I may not be able to offer ny good advice because my pain is diff to yours, but i will listen! im here give me a shout if you want

my shoulders and ears are yours for using!

amanda xxx

p.s i do so wish i could take your pain away for you. wish i was magic

Thank you Worse, I do appreciate your support hun. I'm just real frustrated with this pain since I am stuck in bed today and feeling totally worthless. Staring at the ceiling (by the way it needs a coat of paint too) and hoping the pain will cease if I stare hard enough but nope it's here to stay I think! Talked to hubby awhile ago and it seems his mom is getting worse ranting about someone stealing her car even though its sitting right where it was 2 days ago when it got stolen and calling the bank every 4 hours repeating that someone is out there with her checks running her bank acct in the ground, which is totally not true.

This has made hubby very sad and he is feeling depressed knowing that his mom isn't going to remember him in two years at all. I feel so bad for him and want to just hold him but he's the type of person that holds things in and doesn't show his emotions. MIL has the beginnings of AD and I think that hubby is afraid that he too will come down with this when he gets up there in age. I have tried to console him but it just seems that I am failing in this.

Two I think without a doubt that he is worried about me, wondering if we will be able to convince WC to put in the Stimulator. Wish I had a magic wand to take away all of us CP'er's pain and that we could enjoy the little things in life that each of us miss so much. I worry about each of you, wondering how you are, whether your pain is increased and how you are dealing with your every day lives.

I hate being down like this, feel so helpless while I lay in bed and wait for the pain to subside that courses down my legs and causes even my toes to hurt so badly. Cuddle up with the dogs, but they don't understand why mom is crying and are trying to comfort me. Jazzmine my chocolate lab found her ball and brought it in wanting mom to play with her and I just snapped at her which I didn't mean to do. That made me feel even worse so I threw the blankets back and she crawled in bed with me and I held her and cried telling her I was so sorry for being mad at her.

*screams at the pain* "Go away!!!!!!" Makes it feel worse as I seem to try to concentrate on something else to try and make it subside to no avail. I am thinking now that I wish for the little things in life.......bending down to smell a rose.............watching sunsets.........sitting outside and watching the sun rise..........taking trips up to the mountain to take pictures of the deer in velvet........throwing the ball for my dogs.........walking through the freshly cut grass with bare feet.

xxx Scarred

Thanks Worse. I think that dealing with all of this in the middle of a move has really taken a toll on my psyche and that with change comes new options and new hopes for the future. My WC adjuster has assured me that they are taking this new diagnoses seriously and that they will look into this with all the options open. Found out today that my new meds did not make it to the Pharmacy and that bugs me too as my Lunesta did not get refilled until 3 weeks after I was out of the last refill.

This makes me feel as though I am not getting the proper treatments that I am being seen for and I feel like I am being lost in the system as I am trying to get things done quickly and without any kinks. I have placed a request for an early refill of all of my medications since we will be moving in 2 weeks and will know Monday where we are going.

I think each of us get frustrated with our daily lives as our health issues fall onto those we love and I really feel for those that do not have anyone to rely on to do things for them. I'm probably rambling and that is due to the medications being on board. I feel for you having to deal with children that do not understand why mommy has to lay down and rest and do hope that you can juggle the everyday things in life as you go through each day.

hugs

Scarred

Scarred,
Yes, you are doing so much at once. I would be overwhelmed - even if I didn't have chronic pain issues! So I think you need to have those good cries (maybe we'll cry on eachother's shoulders?) and give yourself some extra TLC. I know I am feeing so overwhelmed and scared right now all I can do is take it one day - heck one hour - at a time. And pray that something is going to get a little better.

Hugs,
PaLady

Awwww thanks you two I do so appreciate your thoughts. I had a good cry and I wish I could say I feel better but I don't. Hubby sounded so depressed on the phone when he was talking about his mom and I wish I could have reached out and hugged him right there. But I couldn't even drive if I tried right now, it hurts just to move let alone drive 20 minutes to Powell to give him a hug.

PA anytime you need a shoulder to cry on I am here for ya sweetie! I am so sorry you too are having a bad week (hell its been a bad year right?) and I wish so wish that there was some miracle cure that would fix all of us with pain. But since there is not, I guess we will have to rely on one another for those extra hug times that we so desperately need. I'm taking this one hour....one minute at a time and wish that I could at least manage a little stretching to make the pain ease up but since it only makes it worse I'll just lay here and cry again.

Worse; I so wish that I could really explain all of what is going on right at this minute to you but, there is so much on my plate that I am getting very bad headaches because of it. I worry so much that all of us CP'ers will never get the relief that we so desire and wish that things were different. Anyway I will keep rambling through the pain and hope that I don't say something that will upset anyone on this board

Scarred

Thanks Ry darlin....I knew I could count on my CP friends to console me through my crummy day. I got up enough energy (as well as struggling through each "Ouch" and "Crud") to actually make it out to the hot tub and it seemed to help a tiny bit. At least enough to get my muscles to relax for a minute or two.

My dogs are a riot! Remi decided that he needed to go into the hot tub and of course mommy wouldn't let him, so he sat on the steps and laid his head on the edge of the tub and looked so dejected as I sat there going oooo and aahhhhh. Silly dog! Anyway I am so glad that you all are here for me in my bad days time and if you ever need anything my dear CP'ers I am here for you! Hubby will know Monday the whole KS thing and of course we have a back up plan but the way it sounds they are going to accept his offer and we will be leaving in about two weeks. What sucks is the fact that I have to drive the truck with the camper on the back to KS and I think that will be the hardest part of the whole trip. But hubby says we will take our time so that I am not too wiped out by the time I get there and that helps me as far as my psyche.

Good thing we have 6 days to get there LOL..I think it will take all of that to get me to KS driving LOL. Oh speaking of the hot tub....you will be happy to know that if things do not go as planned on Monday (new owner wants an inspection) and he begins to complain about this and that, hubby plans to do a counter offer that will state we will leave him the washer and dryer and sell him the house for 12,000 but that we get to take the hot tub with us. So we have a plan just in case the guy decides that he wants it at a different price .

Anyway thanks for all the hugs and comfort. Took my meds and I am waiting for them to kick in.

Scarred

Scarred,
I wonder about all that driving for you, too. I know I could never do it. You don't have a friend who might want to go along with you who could share the driving? For me, the sitting becomes too much. Hope you have lots of car cushions!

PaLady

Good morning, Scarred! I saw you in the posts, so I wanted to check and see how you are feeling today. I hope much better!

Ry

Scarred,
I know it's easier said than done, but try to take it easy with moving chores, ok? We don't want you to do more damage and end up in worse pain.

Are you relaxing any about the move? I know you've been understandably anxious about all the changes and decisions (I would be, too!), but maybe as those are resolving and you can take some breaths and know where you're headed that will help, too.

Hugs,
PaLady

Hi, Scarred:

I'm sorry I didn't reply yesterday. After I posted that message, I started getting error messages every time I tried to get onto the forum. I couldn't get on for the rest of the day yesterday and couldn't this morning either until just about 30 minutes ago!

It was a bad day for me yesterday, too, unfortunately. (which made it even worse that I couldn't get onto the forum - oh, I needed you guys!). Today is not great, but not quite so bad. I only got a couple hours sleep and I've had some laundry to try and finish, so I'm pretty wiped and hurting a lot, but the pain meds are helping take the edge off today. Yesterday they didn't touch it.

Anyways, sorry for going on about me! I'm going to second PaLady's advice. I'm glad to hear that your hubby is taking good care of you during the move. LET him. I know it will be hard! I'll be praying for you about the Neuro. I'm going to see one myself in a couple weeks, so I know how nerve wracking that is!

Hope your legs are feeling better today!
Ry

Thanks, PaLady. I am really glad to hear it wasn't just me. I'm like you - kind of panicked when I couldn't get on. It sort of shocked me to realize that I'm at the mercy of the computer gods and if they crashed on me I might never get to "see" you all again! That would just be AWFUL!

I'm with you on getting a clone of Scarred's guy! With a guy like that, I think I would take just about any age, too!

I agree on the HUGS emoticon, PaLady. Maybe Wilson will send us one in his stead (or bring one back WITH him!) tee hee....

Ry

hahahahaha PA and Ry! Nope I am afraid when they made my dear darling husband the good Lord broke the mold on that one! He is one of a kind indeed and by the way I have 6 days to drive to KS so hubby says we will take it easy on my back and try like heck not to wear me out.



hugs

Scarred