Need some shoulders - tired of people who don't understand

Dear HW Friends,
Once again I come here looking for shoulders to cry on. (please, please, I'm not lookint for solutions, just comfort)

I don't even have it in me to go into all the details. You've heard them before. You've lived them before - and continue to live them, just as i do.

It may seem like a small thing, and maybe it's just the straw that broke the camel's back for this day (many other straws on many other days, as you all know), but I got one of those forwarded e-mails from a distant relative who always forwards stuff. She "knows" my situation, although seems to conveniently forget it. The e-mail was something about work and frustration with one's boss, etc,, the typical thing people who are working "normal" jobs but have stress find funny. But for me - someone whose heart is breaking because it doesn't seem I'll ever be able to get my career back here in my late 50's - it was painful to read.

This woman I always respond to when she needs advice (about a career change she wants to make, about her daughter even though I don't have children), and then I get this stupid e-mail which just sent me crying. Especially on a week when my unemployment ran out. When my cousin just had to send me another check to pay my COBRA. And the job I applied for...well, it's been 3 weeks and no call for an interview, so...

So I wrote back to this insensitive relative. I finally got a little angry and told her please not to send me any of those forwarded e-mails anymore. And explained - once again - what my life was like. Well, she responds with this paragraph about how she knows people have it tough, but everyone needs a sense of humor. And other stuff along those lines.

I'm just tired today. Scared. And hurting and feeling so very, very alone.

I just need some comfort and understanding voices.

Thanks for listening.

PaLady

PaLady,

I'm an emotional wreck already today - for VERY similar reasons - and your post brought tears to my eyes.   My situation dealt with getting an e-mail from an "old" friend (maybe we should stay off our e-mails...); she and I used to teach classes for our kids, when life was different...just hearing how things are going for her (and as happy as I honestly am for her) reminded me of just how very limited I am. 

I wish I could offer you the wonderful ideas that Linda did (and I'm sure others will).  I just wanted you to know, that even with different life circumstances, I can very much relate to the feelings you are going through.  I live with my husband (of 15 years) and six kids - and, yet, I too deal with feeling very much alone.  Honestly, I don't think it is possible to relate unless you have dealt with the severe limitations that we all have. 

I told my husband last night that I've figured out something about having a long-term chronic illness.  It is not human nature (for most) to deal with something like this for long-term.  95% of the people that were there for me the first two years of being ill - have gone on their way.  Not many of my friends and family could deal with the fact that I'm not the person of before - I can't go out , can't talk on the phone much, and what little energy I do have...I HAVE to give to my kids and husband.  VERY few people have stuck by me through all of this. 

Boy, I'm in an uplifting mood, I know - I'm sorry.  BUT, please know - we DO understand and are here for you.  I'm praying you can find a way to just try to take your mind off it and just find some type of relaxation for tonight.  To me, it's just about getting through each day right now.  I'll be thinking of you :)

--Tina

PAlady,

I'm really sorry to hear that you are hurting both emotionally and physically today -- sending you some long distance hugs and happy thoughts. Since I joined this site you have provided me with some excellent support and advice, which has really helped to get me through the last few weeks. Please know that you are not alone. We are all here for you.

I've also been having a really bad day, both emotionally & pain-wise. My PM appointment today didn't go so well. My doc acknowledged that my pain is basically ruining my life right now, but he didn't seem to have too many suggestions to offer, so I feel like I'm no better off than when I went in to the appointment. I also got word from my school today that they are allowing me to drop some of my classes due to my situation. Despite this being necessary, I'm horribly upset about it. I don't even know if I can get through the semester (even with the reduced load), let alone continue to pursue the career path that I have been working so hard for my entire life. So I can definitely sympathize with your bad day and fear about the future!

You'll be in my thoughts. Hang in there!

Skeye

Post Edited (skeye) : 10/24/2008 8:29:42 PM (GMT-6)

PAlady, It's been a few hours since I posted you; and just wanted to let you know that you HAVE been in my thoughts.  I'm praying you had a better night tonight... Sorry you've had a rough day, my dear Post when you can. Tina

Hello PaLady,

I have had this Intractible Chronic Pain for about 6 1/2 years now. I've lost
my friends, my job, my son, my painting, my writing, my home, my town
and now with the stock market as it is there may be much more to lose.

I don't say this as a competition but as a way to tell you that I REALLY
understand.

I had a sister-in-law who sent me a book by Dr. Serrano about 4 years ago. I glanced at
it and with thanks sent it back. A couple of months later she spoke by
phone about the wonders of this book and how it had cured fifteen or
fifty of her closest and dearest friends. I went right out and got it again. As
I was reading it, the words all blurred together and I felt like I was enclosed in
a glass brick or something ~ couldn't move. (Can't explain that one)
I didn't say anything to her at the time. It was there that I gave up trying
to have friends and be "normal" Of course I tossed the book out.

To end my story, I never spoke to her again because SHE DIED. She
got Cancer and her ending was not easy. As she left planet Earth she
did one last harm, she took my husband out of his Dad's will! My
husband didn't travel to be with his Dad because I was terribly dangerously
unstable at the time. (I can't say the totality of my condition outrigt because the word
is outlawed on our Forum, but you can guess)

Maybe you'll feel better tomorrow. You see how many people care and
UNDERSTAND.

Serrano's thesis is that we make our own pain and can cure it with happy thoughts
or something. If anyone agrees with him, I will not read your posts. Ever.

Tomorrow maybe we can think up some of the things that help us: The computer,
and books on tape occupy my mind.

Pamela

"If you're going through Hell, keep going." Winston Churchill

Post Edited (Pamela Neckpain) : 10/25/2008 1:41:35 AM (GMT-6)

Pamela, I understand your post very, very much - and I'm sorry.  I could have written much of it myself.  Many people would say that just to imply that they "care"; (and you know me, I do care, of course)...  But, reading between the lines as they say, I have experienced very similar loses and very similar situations. I've received books of the very same nature.  Or things people have copied off the internet.  Mind over matter stuff.  OR, if I would just start "(fill in the blank)", I'd feel better.  I have other medical conditions on top of the chronic pain; I've had friends (?) give info on juicing, alternative-doctors, exercise (which actually puts me in bed), etc.  I know some of it was well-meaning.  BUT the "mind over matter" stuff IS trash.  I agree, that's where it needs to go. My husband's family, who never embraced me anyway, thinks everything I have is in my mind.  This is despite all the tests, everything that has come back.  Nope, to them - I'm a drug addict and a mental case.  It's very hard trying to maintain a marriage with all that stuff in my husband's ear.  He says that he knows the truth and everything, but does he?  At his very core, does he really know how much I'm suffering and how bad things are?  I don't know.  So much of our issues (pain & health stuff) involve grieving, don't they?  I don't know about you, but I feel like my old-self died.  I'm trying to find my place in this world with my "new self" and it's VERY difficult.  Especially when I am faced, everyday, with memories of how it used to be.  Hope today is a better day for everyday. --Tina

Oh PAlady,

It is almost impossible for me to imagine your saying anything that would hurt me.
I kinda know what you're going through. It's similar to what most of us are going through.

It is possible that you know a different path. If so, share it! You have a license.

I personally have given up trying so hard. However, when I gave up, things
seemed to get a little better for me.
I think it would be impossible for anyone to know how hard I tried.

I still do stuff. Today it was a greeting card. Oh! It was awful. It was all gluey like
something I would have made in the third grade. I made a big tall paper birthday
cake and then covered each layer with different colors of tissue paper and then around
it I painted little fairies with tissue paper wings... I used a lot of glitter and gold paint.
The wings wouldn't fold right. The glitter remains on my diningroom table.

I leave you now to go peel glue off my fingers and give myself a manicure. The fairy card
for my grandaughter is in the trash. I'll buy one at Hallmark because I Care Enough ...

My last post may have been a wee bit pessimistic. I don't wish my attitude on others. I read
something that called these painful neverending conditions "a little death."
Right here on the Forum we
are free to grieve. Ain't nobody gonna sing "Don't worry. Be happy." Here we can be who
we are at the moment. We can have other voices help us along. Priceless. Sometimes we
change a little the next day.

And it's possible that we find ourselves lost in fairy painting and grieving the loss of our
best paper. And like Tina said, I hope today is a better day for everyone.

Pamela

Hi PaLady:

I just wanted to say I share and understand your feelings. I know I don't post often here on the CP forum, but I do read the posts and I just wanted to say I'm sorry you're feeling so poor.

I'm hoping that things are looking a bit better for you and that your pain has lessened for you. I'm afraid I can't offer any suggestions as how to cope with things. I take each day one hour at a time, I'm in a position where that's all I can do. I've got a terminal condition and unless I get a miracle I'm going to be leaving this planet long before I'm really suppose to. How do I go on and face it all. The never ending hours upon hours of pain and suffering, I'm honestly not sure what keeps me alive and fighting.

I know having this HW family is a HUGE reason why I'm still holding on. So I offer to you my hand and hold on tight we'll make it through together.

Hugs,
Barbara

Barbara Lee,

I too want to welcome you to the forum. My welcoming words would be the same
as PaLady if I didn't stumble on my fingers.

As PaLady said, "The fact you're still reaching out and posting and fighting is
inspiring to me, and I thank you for being here. For being part of "our" family"

Come often. Come in all the shades of your moods. God! It helps so much.

Pamela

Post Edited (Pamela Neckpain) : 10/25/2008 6:50:26 PM (GMT-6)

You are right to feel so frustrated and so angry! You really can not believe the stories and pieces of advice that have come my way:

"Why don't you just take a Tylenol"?

"You have Rheumatoid Arthritis? Oh so do I. My doctor told me that my thumb hurts a tad bit sometimes as a result. So Aleve is just the best, don't you think?"




That is only the beginning of my hurt, and feelings of abandonment. Hang in there.

Thanks for welcoming me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have hope, but to feel welcomed like this adds to my spirit.

I tried to send a post, but it has not appeared. Or maybe I left out some things. How is your pain today? How is EVERYONE??? Stories of woe accepted here.

Scrizzy

Hey, PA Gal!

I am in fact logged in, and I really appreciate your help! Perhaps my topic is yet to be monitored and edited due to weekend hours, no? I just finished a jewely order for a client. Finally.

Now to bed.




Thanks for your kind words. Needed that real bad. Thanks for the welcome.

Scrizzy

Thanks, Mom (is that mother of nine?)

I just got word from the Chronic Pain support group (a member) I had left and the facilitator lied about why I had left her group: that we were not allowed to socialize outside of group and that I did not agree with her Control Freak regulations. We had a neat thing going. Now I am grateful to be welcomed by you. You have nerve damage as well? And a host of other things which would make us sound like twins.

I have hope, Mom9mom. I do. Thanks so much for your response. I have RA, Osteopenia, Thryroid disease, RSD from Foot surgery, have had a hysterectomy, two myomectomies, and a polypectomy, skin cancer surgery, depression as well (gee, I wonder why) two remaining neuromas in my right foot and my family doesn't understand a single THING!!!!!!!!!!!!

My dad is a Medical Doctor! My mother and sister, nurses! When one of my three sisters got breast cancer (now in remission with gorgeous free new boobies badly needed by our lack of natural endowment, jogging now with her dog - the whole family and WORLD DOTED of her. She is doing GREAT now. I live every day in hell, in disappointment towards my family. In absolute astonishment to the amount of support groups and FREE SERVICES like transportation for cancer patients. Where was this service when I was on Crutches for six months? Not to mention the pain that chronic in nature - is something I need to hide for fear of being even further abandoned by society.

Friends? Funny how you find out who your real friends are when you go through this, no?

How do YOU deal with it???????

Scrizzy