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Posted 2/27/2009 12:40 AM (GMT 0)
I went to the Dr. yesterday. Today I got the kids ready for school did the dishes etc and around 11:00 I went to lay down I slept till 2:00pm My boyfriend was looking in my eyes when I asked him what he was doing he said he want to make sure I had not taken too many pills he accused me of taking 4 pain pills I said no go count them if you want. GRRRR. Oh and as soon an I came home form the Dr he put his hand out wanting a pain pill I just looked at him like he was nuts.

thanks
jennifer
Posted 2/27/2009 12:49 AM (GMT 0)
Jen so sorry to hear this. Is he in the habit of asking for your medication? If so, I would be hiding my medication from him, all its going to do is cause you to run short. I don't think your dr would like to hear you are giving it to a boyfriend or the boyfriend is helping himself to your meds. Thats rotten of him, sorry.

What in the world made him think you took too many pills. Whats his deal???? Hugs Susie
Posted 2/27/2009 1:32 AM (GMT 0)
Jen,
Yes, what is this deal? Have you taken too many before, or is he just worried there won't be enough for him? Either would certainly be a problem.

I'm not accusing you of anything - please don't think that - but if he's taking your meds it's abuse and it's illegal. Plus you're abusing your meds by allowing him to have any. This is why many of us have trouble getting pain meds.

It sounds like your BF may need some help if he's not wiling to stop immediately. In the meantime, as Susie suggests you need to lock them up and stop giving them to him.

PaLady
Posted 2/27/2009 6:15 AM (GMT 0)
Jen, I know that people pressure others to give them pain pills or other meds. As others have stated, this is very serious. I deal with people every day, 7 days a week that abused drugs. There are over 14 million people in the US that abuse perscription meds. It might not seem like a big issue when it is one or two pills, but people who are taking others pills, especially pain meds, don't want to stop with one or two. Like PAlady, I am not accusing you or your BF but from this side something does not sound right. Protect yourself and your children. If your BF is pressuring you for your meds, there is a problem. I spend 7 years investigating child abuse/neglect, 3 years as a lawenforcement officer and not over 5 years running a drug and alcohol program. I have seen it way too many times from many views. Be careful! Remember we only say these things because we care.
Posted 2/27/2009 3:02 PM (GMT 0)
jen,
sorry that you bf is doing that to you that is not every nice of him. it makes me wonder if he really cares about how you feel cause he should not to run you short on your meds.
asking you how many you have taken sounds like he does not trust you or he is looking for a way to hide if he has taken them.
it is a hard thing to think about but have you ran short before? i hope that he is not taken them but some people have issues with pain pills and you would not even be able to tell just by looking at them or talking to them.
keep your chin up i am sure that it was all just a misunderstanding about something.
Posted 2/27/2009 10:27 PM (GMT 0)
I've run short the last 3 months in a row. I'm so depressed. I love him I know he has a problem with drinking but he always makes it to work and brings home the bacon. BTW they counted my rx's at the pharmacy and they came out on the money. Going to get the lock box out now.

jennifer
Posted 2/28/2009 12:13 AM (GMT 0)
Jen,
I can't remember all of your background (sorry - poor memory these days), but do you have a counselor or therapist you can talk with? I think you need some support, and someone to help you look at this situation.

If you've run short for 3 months you know what's happening to the pills now. And if he's drinking on top of that, it's very dangerous. Even if he's not doing both together, medications as well as alcohol can stay in your system a long time. This will also just get worse without some help, so even though he's making it to work now, over time that will probably be affected, too.

But is this really the life you want? Having to hide your pills from the man you love? Please keep talking to us, but look for a therapist for yourself to help you look at your options.

PaLady
Posted 2/28/2009 12:25 AM (GMT 0)
jenpen400
It sounds like your bf is putting you in a really bad spot. You need the meds for yourself, and if your pain doctor thinks that you are abusing them or other wise not using them properly they could deny you treatment, I have seen that happen to individuals that go to my pain clinic. It does sound like you might be in a very ticklish and also wearisomee situation, so in any event please be carefull!

Good Luck to YOU
White Beard
Posted 3/6/2009 6:03 PM (GMT 0)
Well it has been confirmed. I hid my meds and BF asked where my purse was at three AM. I told him I put his Tramadol in the cabinet and went bact to sleep. This morning I find out he is now hitting her up for her lortabs. She feels powerless because she 100% disabled in the last year she lost her house then her husband began building a new house for her while living in the shop and literally dropped dead of a heart attack. Neighbors and friends are helping to finish her house but this is the only place she has to live. My boyfriend uses the pain pills to overcome his hangovers. Sooooooooooo Tomorrow Rene , the kids and I are all going to IHOP on his dime before he wakes up (I'm going to take the money out of his wallet before he wakes up!

thanks

jennifer
Posted 3/6/2009 6:34 PM (GMT 0)
Well it gets better. I went into the shop looking for a tape measure and found a mirror a blade and a straw in his tool box when it rains it pours.

thanks again
jennifer
Posted 3/6/2009 7:15 PM (GMT 0)
Jennifer, he may bring home the bacon but for your childrens welfare you need to either remove him from the home or yourself and your children. They certainly do not deserve to be around such a person. Do you want to run the risk of losing your children over a boyfriend? Who are you talking about he is getting her lortabs? I am sorry if I sound harsh, but when children are involved I do take a hard stance.

There ar too many children suffering in slience over their parents behavior and decisions.

Susie
Posted 3/6/2009 7:44 PM (GMT 0)
If he gets visitation he will be driving around drunk and stoned with my kids and I can't have that. If I push the issue in court he will take the kids and go to Costa Rica. At least now I can protect them which is more than I had growing up. My Moms an alcholic too.

Thanks
jennifer
Posted 3/6/2009 8:00 PM (GMT 0)
Jenn,
I have to agree with straydog. You aren't protecting your kids at all. You are insuring the situation will continue to get worse.

You CAN protect them via the courts if the judge knows about his alcohol and drug use. He can be prohibited from seeing them without supervision. I hate to say this to you but you grew up with it, so it may feel normal to you. Do you want to break the cycle for your children's sake, if not your own? If you stay, you risk everyone's health and lives. Your BF is doing some pretty heavy duty stuff that's dangerous and illegal. You need to get yourself some help so you can protect yourself and your children.

PaLady
Posted 3/6/2009 9:07 PM (GMT 0)
Jen; I agree with PA you need to get out of that environment! There are ways of making it to where you and the kids are protected. Please, please get out of that situation immediately...I fear for you! Gentle hugsssss


Scarred
Posted 3/6/2009 9:25 PM (GMT 0)
just my 2 cents...kids pick up on EVERYTHING (being both a teacher and coming from a dysfunctional home). Legal aid and other agencies (even contact school nurse or your own therapist for referrals) including churches would do almost anything to help (heck, even most teachers will bend over backwards to help their students in this type of situation). You AND your children deserve better....
Posted 3/7/2009 1:28 AM (GMT 0)

I agree with straydog!  You know Jen you could very well lose your kids, if the authorities ever find out that you knowingly have kept them in an unsafe environment with your bf. Your there mother for crying out loud, your suppose to care for and protect your children. That is your responsibility! Keeping them in an environment like that is not reponsible parenting! If you don't care about yourself that is one thing, but not caring about your innocent children is quite another! So do the right thing for them!

White Beard

I am sorry if I sound to harsh,but somebody has to tell it like it is!  Jen you have to stand up and be the responsible parent here!

Posted 3/7/2009 1:40 AM (GMT 0)
I don't know why you think he can take the children from you and go to Costa Rica. No judge wil allow him visitation unless, he gets treatment for sure and then after that it would be supervised visitation, and yes he would or could be ordered to do random drug testing. You can forget about a judge allowing him to drive around drunk with those kids.

There is an enormous amount of help availabe to women in your situation that go far beyond what most average people can get. If there are children involved they make the extra things available. But, you have to ask for help.

You are making excuses just like you did over him "bringing home the bacon". How sad. My heart goes out to your children, they don't deserve this. I would never run the risk of losing my children over some man-forget it, my children mean more than that to me. What is it called guilt by association. You really need to get your priorities straight because it really sounds like you don't want to leave. Again, I am sorry if I sound harsh, but children don't deserve this. Susie
Posted 3/8/2009 8:23 PM (GMT 0)
I hear you guys and I know what you say is right but I don't feel strong enough yet. Guess I really need some psych help my dad is terminal my mom is an abusive alcoholic and I'm taking care of a lady who is disabled she has nowhere to go. Hmm guess I'm pretty good at the excuses. I guess I always thought that I was putting my kids first because I never really saw any alternative. Thanks for the kick in the behind I'll try and find a better way to live. I have soooo much on my plate I can't even go to my folks because of dads chemo (he can't be around the kids) . No siblings its this or the shelter right now. Oh and with out any income no Dr. no meds.

thanks
jennifer
Posted 3/8/2009 9:44 PM (GMT 0)
Jenn,
Please look for some organizations to help you. One thing you can do for free is attend Al-Anon meetings, which are for families of addicts. You can begin to find support and resources by talking to people there. If you call their phone number, or go online, you'll find a meeting schedule in your area. Some places even have day care available during meetings. That's a start.

And you will tend to make excuses because this all feels "normal" to you. But you've got to reread the posts above that you are putting your children in harm's way by staying. A shelter for women and children would be better than this, and a place that could help you get started in a new direction. You won't be able to do it alone. None of us can. But it is doable.

Please, take care of yourself and your children! I know you care about them, but you need to put that caring to work in a different way.

PaLady
Posted 3/8/2009 10:13 PM (GMT 0)

Jenn

PALady is right you need to get you and your children  out of the situation your in. Back on the 27th of Feb, I expressed my concern for you and your children. you have told us some of your bf's behaviors, those type of behaviours frighten me, for you. They frighten me for your children. You are obviously in a very bad situation, and I do feel for you, but only you can get your self out of it. Taking action now, has it's risk, but waiting, will only make things worse, and make it harder. You must start a new direction while you still  have a chance. A shelter for woman, might not seem as nice or as comfortable as what you are in now, but comfort is not a luxury you can afford to worry about right now.  Safety and security for your self and your children is far more important, the luxuries will come later, as you find your new direction in life. I echo PALady sediments you can't do it alone, search out and find help, there are lots of organizations out there that can provide you help and support. It is doable, but you have to make it happen, if you really do care, about your self and your children you will. With everything you have said in your post I do believe you care. But actions speak louder than words, and words do not give you or your children security nor safety, but your actions will! I wish you only the best!

Good Luck to You

White Beard


Posted 3/8/2009 10:44 PM (GMT 0)
Jenn, it is not a matter if you are going to do it but when. If you wait for a perfect time to act, you will wait forever. You can do it. You are strong enough. You are a survivor, you have already proved you have what it takes. It might not seem like enough, but we are all here for you. I don't want to scare you but I am in the pain I am because of a domestic violence call that I resoponded to as a deputy. Unfortunately, I was left permanently disabled and they are both dead. I am not saying that this will happen to you, but without intervention of some type, these kind of situations don't get better on their own. I am prrying for you and your children.  

Posted 3/8/2009 10:54 PM (GMT 0)
Jenn,
I've been reading your posts and everyone elses but have held back in saying anything because I'm not sure the whole story has come out yet. You tell us your B.F. is taking your meds and now you found evidence he is doing cocaine. From what you've wrote about your history, your Mother is an alcoholic, I find it hard to believe that you didn't know what was going on all along. I'm sorry , believe me, I'm not judging you, it's just that I was no angel some years ago and I lived the party life. It's hard to snow the snowman if you catch my drift, especially if you are living with him! I don't believe you are as naive as you lead us to believe. I didn't fall off the turip truck yesterday and no one who has lived through and come out the other side ever forgets. I'm not acusing you of doing illegal drugs, I'm just saying it's very hard for me to beleive that you didn't known what was going on for a while. I hear everyone here telling you to get out of there now and I know they are telling you that because they care for you and your kids. I'll probably get beat up for what I'm about to say but I have to. I also know the differece between a junkie & a recreational user. I'm not condoning either one!!! I'm just saying, your B.F. is holding down a job, right? Junkies rarely can and most end up stealing and comitting other crimes to support their habits. Is he a bad person? Is he doing this junk every night? Is he too far gone to get help? Obviously this guy has a full plate too. Have you talked to him about his drug use and partying and what the conciquences of his actions will be if he continues? Only you know the whole story, we can't possibly know whats really going on from reading a couple of paragraphs here. Again, I'm sorry, I'm not trying to side w/ your B.F. or saying what he is doing is OK, it's not!! I'm just letting you know what I'm thinking about when I read your posts.
Big hugzz Jen, I hope you do the right thing>
Your Friend,
Pete
Posted 3/9/2009 12:46 PM (GMT 0)

Jenn,

It takes 1 second for something disastrous to happen, don't let that happen.  Listen to everyone, go today to a woman's shelter or go to the courts, they will direct you....do you really think he would waste his drug money and follow you or take your children?  My ex husband had a drug problem, I made excuses for him and felt sorry for him, I guess somehow I felt responsible...I had fears (I didn't have children by him THANK GOD and I wasn't in chronic pain then) of the what iffs, please get out of there. I was frightened too and with help I did get him out, it wasn't easy but I did it...by then we were bankrupt...!  The emotional roller coaster was awful!

You are just prolonging the inevitable and putting your children at risk!  If you can't do it for yourself do it for your children!  You have to be ready for THEM! 

PLEASE............!!!!!!

edt 

Posted 3/10/2009 4:36 PM (GMT 0)
Jen.
Im so sorry your BF did this to you!!
I am wondering also if he is worried that he is not going to get enough of your meds?
I had cancer 11 years ago, I had a boyfriend that always asked me about my pain meds.
How many I was taking , did I really need them ect..
needless to say I busted him in my kitchen with my bottle on morning.
I asked him what he was doing.
He said he was counting them for me to make sure that I had enough.
After he left I counted them 4 where gone..
He was also gone as I was not having someone who would steal from me around.
People who are in CP need these to just keep going on.
It people like them that make things harder for us to get the meds we need.

My husband now is wonderful.
He would never in his life time think of taking any of my meds.
He knows how badly I need them to keep going in life.

I hope things work out for you.
And he loves you more than your pills!!
God bless
Atticbat smurf
Posted 3/10/2009 5:11 PM (GMT 0)
oh my jenn, im so sorry your in this situation. I hope that you and your children will remain safe and you can find a way to keep your meds safe. GL
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