Pamela:
Thank you for the offer of a shoulder to cry on, unfortunately I do a lot of that these days and as much as my family tries to empathize (I have a wonderful husband of 23 years and three boys ages 21, 15, & 11), they don't know what I'm going through and I know I'm tired of dealing with it after 13 1/2 years, and I feel like they can't help but be tired of it affecting their lives as well.
Unfortunately, the root of my problem is nerve damage to the nerve that controls my ability to walk and back in the beginning the doctor's told me that they could sever that nerve and alleviate the pain, but I would never walk again, but they never told me there was a time limit on that. As the years have gone on and the pain gets worse and the my tolerance to pain meds gets higher, I was considered my options and when I brought this option up to my neurosurgeon, he said after all these years, the nerves have a memory including the nerves around the one that controls my ability to walk, and even if they sever that nerve, the ones around it will "remember" and I would probably wind up in worse pain and not be able to walk. I have gotten second, third, and fourth opinions on this and they all agree that it is too late for that option.
I have an intrathecal pump as well as the neurostimulator along with oral pain meds which usually keeps the pain just barely tolerable, but before the pump and stimulator combo, I was completely bed ridden and literally screaming from the pain (and I am normally very quiet and keep things bottle up).
I will definitely take you up on your offer when the need arises.
Bluejet2