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Posted 3/22/2009 9:45 AM (GMT 0)
At times, some of us with CP wonder why we feel like we are treated like durg addicts. Current figures show that over 15 million people in the US missused prescription drugs in the last year. The prescription drugs missused the most, Opioids, prescribed for pain. Who feels the effects of these figures the most? Those who take the same drugs responsibly for legal reasons.

This last week has been extremely difficult for me. The pain has increased dramatically. I know we all go through these seasons. I did not sleep for three days due to the pain. In the midst of this painful episode, I developed a headache that would not quit. It felt like my head was going to explode. I have never had migranes but I now think I know what they are like. I am stll feeling it but not as bad. I took my regular pain meds but no help. Earlier this week I had to deal with one of my students who went to the ER, faked a tooth ache to get a prescription of an opioid. He was able to convince the ER doc to write the script. I caught him while he was high and he decided to leave the school (a college program for former addicts). I had contact with him several days later after scoring some methadone and shooting it into his veins. After his run, I was able to get him into one of our six month drug rehabs.

At this point I could not hardly walk due the pain. My neck was so knoted up I could not move my head. Again, some of you experience the same thing at times. I wanted to go the ER, the same ER my student managed to walk out with a script for pain pills, but was fearful. I just signed a new contract with my PMS and my PCP. I hand delivered it to my PCP to sign who has turned over the medication issue to the PMS but won't get it back to the PMS until Monday. I did not want to risk messing up my relationship with the new PMS so I spent two days going from my bed to the shower and back again trying to survive. I am no drug addict, I just work with them. Life is not fair but then again nobody said it would be. It is now 3 AM and another sleepless night.  

Posted 3/22/2009 11:46 AM (GMT 0)
AMEN fatherjohn..... As you probably know better than anyone, once you realize and accept that fact that life is NOT fair, you move past the stage of being constantly angry about your less fortunate situation. When I finally came to terms with my disease and pain (and it took time) I was able to move forward. When pain keeps me from sleeping for days......I now meditate, toss and turn, and do anything I can to try and cope with the minutes...hours..and days! At least I am no longer enraged and want to lash out. Working in rehab situation must be hard when you are going through difficult times yourself. We CP'ers try so hard to do the right thing with regard to the relationships with our PMS and Drs. We go out of our way not to do anything that would appear to violate trust. Listening to how people manipulated the system to get their drugs on a daily basis must be hard at times. Many of their actions are the reason we CP'ers must sign all of these contracts, constantly worry about suspicion and fear using the ER for legitimate reasons. I am sure you know that better than anyone else. I admire you for the work you do.
Posted 3/22/2009 1:22 PM (GMT 0)
hi there fatherjohn

 

 I totally understand your predicament... awhile back i had to sign one of those wonderful contracts so i can get my meds and in doing so i can no longer go to the ER for my migraines which i only have once or twice a year.. i get why they are doing the contracts but it still isnt stopping the people who dont need them from getting them while people like us have to fight like mad.... the newest thing that they are doing here is the manufactuar of vicodin, percocet and such is only allowing the pharmacy to have so many in a certain time span, I felt so bad the other day when this elderly man who barely could get out of a car into the store and then to the counter just to be told that they didnt have the stuff that he needed i believe was percocet then they proceeded to tell him that the only other pharmacy we have in this area didnt have any either... but then i know of people that have nothing wrong with them other than the addiction and they end up with them just fine it does not make sense...so far i have lucked out in getting mine but im sure there is going to be a time where i cant then i will have to travel atleast an hour to a different pharmacy to get my meds and i have a hard time being in a car or driving that long so i dont know what ill do then....................... wanted to say i think it is a excellent thing you did to get that person into a 6 month program it shows you are a caring person when u obviously have alot of your own problems but u still take the time to help someone else, i hope he makes it thru the program and is able to stay clean but even if he doesnt every day he goes without those in his system he is that much better off. i think u have done great and try not to get to discouraged.. hope you have a good day and lots of soft hugs (((((((())))))))

 

                                                                  ~papasgirl  tongue

Posted 3/22/2009 2:10 PM (GMT 0)
Father John,
You summed it up nicely "Life is not fair" and like the other I admire you for what you do
in trying to help people, Hopefully you'll have more success stories than failures, My pain
is bad now and I think I've gotten tolerant to my medicine as it's just not helping like it used to.
Plus the doctor never called out an antibotic for my eye infection so added eye pain, don't help,
Try not to get too discourage by all the bad things in life as there are the beautiful sides, it
may not seems like it to you now... "and this too shall pass"...
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Father John}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
--hope this made sense...
Posted 3/22/2009 3:31 PM (GMT 0)

fatherjohn

I read your post and you are right "life is not fair" I think one of the things that upsets me, is that here in the United States where we are supposedly so advanced in the field of medicine, but yet in so many areas we are so behind compared to allot of other countries!  Adequately diagnosing and treating pain, and Sleep Apnea, just to name a few. Everybody is so specialized now, and having a Primary Care Physician is not like having a Doctor that can take care of you, they are little more than building contractor,  if you have a problem or ailment, you go to them first, and then they refer you to the appropriate specialist, and in most cases you can't just go to the apecialist without going to your PCP first! But the problem with that is, Pain for example, if you experiencing severe pain for some reason, and you can't get into your  Pain Clinic or Pain Specialist, going to your PCP is useless they usually don't know how to adquately deal with your pain, and because your under the care of a specialist they usually don't want to treat you anyway. I know my PCP alway recommends going to the ER for everything, I did that once, I called my PCP, expained my problem and was told to go to the ER, I sat in the ER for 5 1/2 hours before I was even seen, and  then finally got my BP and Temp taken and was put in a room, I sat for another 3 hours, and then was told it would be another 3 to 4 hours before the Doctor would see me. It wasn't because I left! I had told them that I was 3 hours past my sheduled  meds, and they said that was alright, because the Doctor doesn't want you to have the meds till after he has seen and evaluated you anyway! They acted like it was no big deal, but for them it wasn't!

 People with CP are not taken seriously or treated properly by most in the medical community. And I resent that! It is not fair that people with CP are treated like  Criminal Addicts! I have seen and heard nurses say and I quote " that patient isn't in pain, he/she just wants to get high!"  One particular patient had  CP because she was misdiagnosed previously and ended up having terminal cancer! Her pain was not taken seriously, they thought she just wanted drugs! Because since she had a previous history,.......she was unfairly labeled, and thus did not get adequate treatment, when she was finally properly diagnosed it was to late, and even then she still did not get adequately treated for her pain! It aggravates and frustrates me, because this goes on all the time! fatherjohn  you shouldn't have to suffer like that, I know and understand why you do, but it's not right!

 I do wish you well!

White Beard

Posted 3/22/2009 6:50 PM (GMT 0)
Fatherjohn,
As I read your post I had to wonder about the anger you may be holding in - countertransference issues (I think you know what I mean). And I wonder how much that may relate to some - SOME - of your pain.

i find myself becoming increasingly angry in the little work I have left to do. I don't want to go into the details here, but it would only be human for you to have feelings some of the active addicts you work with - and even some in recovery. Yes. there are the rewards of the job; I know those well. But there is the other side that is also part of it, and in the case of us with CP to deal with active addicts may actualy make our pain worse via the tension being held in. Physically and emotionally.

You've probably already thought of this, but I wonder even more about your long work hours. Maybe it's time to examine boundaries, as you mentioned in a post elsewhere? I say that with the full awareness that it's not easy to do, but again I wonder how much extra pain it may be causing.

PaLady
Posted 3/22/2009 8:52 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Fatherjohn:

I have a twin sister that has been manipulating doctors and abusing prescription pain meds for years.  Since day one, I knew she was faking a back injury, (her back hurt whenever she didn't want to do something, but if she wanted to do something, all of the sudden she was "having a good day").  I can't even begin to tell you the number of pain management doctors, psychiatrists, orthopedic and neurosurgeons she had been through that have either come right out and said that there is nothing wrong with her, or they will give her the benefit of the doubt initially and then after some time goes by, they realize they are getting bullied by her and her boyfriend (who is also working the system), and they dismiss her as their patient.

The local ER's know her and will not give her what she is seeking, but she just goes from doctor to doctor, traveling as far as 2 1/2 hours one way until she finds one that will give her what she wants.  She gets full medical and prescription coverage through Workman's Comp. (no copays), and she gets a home health aide 3 hours a day, 5 days a week that does her grocery shopping, laundry, cleans her house, etc.  I cut off all ties with her because she and her boyfriend were stealing my pain meds, and even though I have not initiated any contact with her in years, every once in a while, she or her boyfriend will call me asking me to give her some of my pain meds because she has run short because she is "in between doctors" again.  Of course, I don't even take the calls, the whole situation makes me sooooo angry!! and it hurts my feelings too because she has no regard for how difficult people like her and her boyfriend make it for those of us that truly need these meds.

She has a 21 year old daughter who I have remained close to despite my estrangement from my sister, but she is following right in her Mom's footsteps and I try to tell myself that it's not completely her fault because it is the example that has been set for her her whole life, but it is affecting my relationship with her.  I have to hide my meds when she comes over because I have had times where I believe some of my pills have gone missing after she's been here.  I realize now that it is just good practice to hide them anyway, but it angers me that I have to do that with people that I am close to.

I, too, have felt like my pain has been "over the top" for the last week or so, and I keep trying to find something to blame it on - the weather, overdoing it, etc., because I don't want to believe that it is going to stay like this.  I have a spinal cord stimulator and an intrathecal pump and my SCS battery is almost dead - I am having surgery on the 31st - but even with a brand new battery, it only gives me about a 10 - 20% reduction in pain, and to get that I have to run the SCS on the highest settings.  The battery is supposed to last 5 - 7 years and I go through a battery in as little as 2 months.  I know some would say (and have said) why bother, but that 10 - 20% a lot of times is the difference between my barely being able to cope at home and going to the ER.

I could go on and on, as this issue definitely hits a nerve, which you seem to be very good at Father john (in a good way, HaHa), but I will stop, at least for now.

Bluejet2 

   

Posted 3/23/2009 1:27 AM (GMT 0)

Bluejet2, Thanks for your reply. You state that I am good at hitting the nerve. I guess that is because mine are so well exposed due to CP. I try and bring up topics that I deal with on a regular basis. I constantly look at what demands my attention and uses up my energy on an ongoing basis. It sounds like you know very well that addiction to prescription drugs is a major problem in our society. Becasue there are no clear tests for a doctor or pharmacist to use to separate those who really need the meds and those who neglect and abuse them. Time will help differentiate but like you said, they just more on to a new doctor and get what they want. There also are those who sell their prescription drugs and there are plenty on the streets for people to feed their habit.  

PALady, I believe this is one of the ways that I deal with the anger issues of countertranference. I do inventories on a regular basis and if I find that I harbor feelings that are unhealthy I deal with them. At times, I have several men that I trust and they help hold me accountable. They don't understand the complication of CP but they keep me on my toes. I also have my wife who knows me very well and is not afraid to carefront me. I say carefront because one thing I teach is we should care enought to confront others in a loving way. That does not mean I have it all worked out. The work issue is also complexed. I am supposed to hire but the money is not there. My superiors know that I am stretched but I do everything I can to hold this place together. They also know that if I were to leave, they probably would not find someone who will come in and do what I do. Working with those who have come out of Drug and alcohol abuse is not easy, very demanding. I have thought about changing jobs but with the CP issue, it is difficult to look at a change. Boundaries, yes that is an area that I neglect. I am not a workaholic but a ministryaholic. The difference, how I try and justify why I do what I do. I understand that my work schedule probably is not helping my CP. I also know that I am not going to be able to keep this pace up for much longer. By the way, it is Sunday and I only worked in the office for 5 hours today. I am planning on running away for a few days with my wife. I think later this week we are going to the Oregon Coast for a little solitude and personal time. Anyone want to hold me accountable?

Posted 3/23/2009 2:53 AM (GMT 0)
Father John, I think that when the economy gets back and running then
maybe you should try for a different Job, it'd give you something to consider
and perhaps look forward to as well. Have fun and enjoy your trip to the coast
as that sounds wonderful...
Keep us posted as to when you'll be going..
lots and lots of soft hugz to you
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{FatherJohn}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Posted 3/23/2009 3:30 AM (GMT 0)
Well as angry these "people" make us, we must remember that they have a disease. The disease of addiction needs more attention, cause it's the fact that we ignore them is what makes it so hard for these people to get help. Like in my city, we have been fighting for a methadone clinic for the past 10 years. 2 years we ago we had a place bought, and the doors where about to be opened when the bussinisses around it decided that it would bring the homeless and **********s and gang activity around (gansters sell, not use), when in fact, we have barely any of those people living here, and why cant we have security guards like the other methadone clinics have. So people here have to drive an hour and half to the nearest clinic, and their rules are that you have to go for 90 days straight before you get any take homes, and that is just plain impossible, especially if you have no car, or you have children, and have to find a babysitter, and did I mention that you have to be there at like 6am in the morning. And we have no Suboxone doctor here either (I live in as city of mostly upper class cause we have Hanford here) and nobody wants any drug treatment centers here. So my town is filled of addicts who wants help, but cant get any. and I know this because I tried so hard to find help for a friend, and their was absoutly nothing but counciling, but she needed to detox first, and with no insurance, there is just nothing around here or even somewhat closeby. Actually I have a good friend that was a high school teacher, who has a great life, big house, fancy car, but is in the middle of opiate addiction, and even with her nice insurance, she cant get any help either, so she doesnt work anymore right now cause of her addiction, and it has ruin her and her family's life. This is a huge reason why I wanna work so badly with addicts, and I wanna get the message out there about the lack of any treatment, and I live in a pretty big town, thiers absoutly no reason why we cant have treatment centers. And if these people got off their highhorse, and actually opened their eyes and see what a huge problem it is here (and just about everywhere else), and know that methadone clinics dont always bring homeless criminals around, but actually bring in people that are just like them, that live lifes just like them, hold jobs like them, you would never know they where addicts. And until we start helping them, we are going to continue being treated like them. So if ever you see a town meeting where they're trying to stop the opening of a clinic or treatmet center, please go and advocate for them, or write letters to the congess and others like them. I hope you all dont get mad at me, but please try and understand what I'm trying to say, cause the more we turn our heads to the addicts and just get angry, the it will just make our lives that much harder. And you must understand that an addict's brain cant understand what they are doing to us in pain, cause their brains just thinks about them and their drugs and not anyone else, it is a disease, and they need help BIG time.

-hellokitty
Posted 3/23/2009 4:45 AM (GMT 0)

Char, Maybe I will look for a job selling those little umbrellas for drinks. I know on our virtual thread we seem to go through alot of them.  I know that I work in a controversial field. When you add to it that it is a faith based program that is based on donations, it can take on a whole different view. When I go out and speak about what we do, people are amazed because almost everyperson knows of someone who is either directly or indirectly effected by addiction. If our staffing level was where it needed to be it would be better, But in order for the staffing level to change the income needs to change. Looking at financial issues in this economy is overwhelming. What a vicious cycle.

Kello~Kitty, You are so right about trying to open clinicks or treatment centers. People know we need them but the attitude is "but not in my community." I have stories that I could tell about opposition to our program as well as others connected to it. I have been very careful not to divulge the name of the recovery services program that I am working with (not a small organization) and we are trying to open new centers all the time. My job is to help train staff for them. Unfortuantely, there is job security in this business. The economy we are in does not help as people want to escape and many times they do it through drugs and alcohol. That effects us with CP because in some peoples minds we are an extention of those who are identified as addicts. Addicts use drugs so people that use drugs are addicts. For some it is a compelling argument but not a true argument. It is even prevelent in the program I work in. Not everyone in our program (my superiors) like the idea that I am on medication for CP. Now that my PMS is looking towards putting me on methadone, if that gets out, my job could be at risk. If they ask me I can't lie. So please no one tell them. (joking of course). I hope you find the satisfaction you are hoping for in this field. It can be very rewarding and also very draining. Thanks for your post.    

Posted 3/25/2009 7:04 PM (GMT 0)

I fully understand the abuse of the system.

My father!  He has medical issues but since my mother died he has went out of control.  Hes 70.  He was getting pain medication for the VA and a PM doc at the same time.  The VA found out and cut him off.  But he still sees his PM doc.  He gets 150 30mg morphine tabs and turns around and sells them 20 dollars a pop!

Here I sit with many medical issues.  My referals to a PM (2 one from a Nepherologist and one from my PCP)  I am taking lortab 10's 3 times a day to get by on until I see a PM doctor.  I have struggled to get this referal.  All my dad did was walk into the clinic (he took a friend to his appt.) tell the doc hes been buying off the street and he took him on as a patient.  When my dad runs short from selling them he comes to me.  I always tell him I can't.  I really can't if I give any to him I will be short and cause me pain.

He receives 1500 a month is social security (mainly my mothers after her death).  He gets free medical care.  I on the other hand have to pay 20 dollar co-pay and 15 or 25 for prescriptions. (I take 19 medications a day)  I'm afraid I can't even go to the PCP for my refill on pain medication because payday is not until Friday.  Our household income is suffering do to cut back in hours at both our works.  But my dad seems to just float through the system without any concerns.

So I understand!

Posted 3/25/2009 7:10 PM (GMT 0)

FatherJohn,

I posted a similar thread a few months ago and got such a response...Some of it I did not expect... This is a touchy subject for CPer's.  We aren't addicts but are treated as such.  I had to force myself out of that mindset and I am so glad that I did.  I now have a better self-image and don't let what others think get to me like I used to. 

If it wasn't for this Forum I couldn't have done it.  So, thanks everybody...

Me.

Posted 3/25/2009 7:18 PM (GMT 0)
LLPLUV

Isn't that typical! Sure doesn't seem right does it?

Good Luck to You

White Beard
Posted 3/25/2009 9:17 PM (GMT 0)
Most people don't understand that there is a difference between addiction and dependence. I was told that if I said I was addicted to my pain meds that I would get disability a lot faster. Knowing that I am going to need pain meds the rest of my life I didn't want to be labeled as an addict so I am still waiting.

People that don't deal with CP have no clue what we go thru. They have no clue how bad we feel when we have to go to our doctors and say I need more, this isn't working. I know the few times I have gotten up the nerve to ask for something different I feel like they are looking down on me so most times I keep my mouth shut. My original ortho, in Alabama, is the only one that never made me feel bad for asking for more. Sadly, because of laws, since I haven't actually been to see him in X amount of time he cannot call anything in across state lines ( I live in Tennessee ) so I have to deal with the looks and head shaking of my local PCP when I need help. I really hate feeling like I do when I have to ask for something. It makes me feel like they are going to think I am an addict when I just need a little more help.
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