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Posted 4/5/2009 10:36 AM (GMT 0)
I posted a reply to someone and thought I should follow with an intro.

As the subject line reads I am new here kinda as I joined about a year and a half ago and briefly enjoyed your home here when life thru me another obstacle and I have not visited for sometime since.

I have lurked from time to time and am at a farily stable point healthwise for the moment and thought I might try this again since over the years I have belonged to other CP forums and gained a wealth of compassion and info about many subjects.

I think being a part of a community such as this is a big important part of learning to live and survive CP.

A little background on myself now and then I will move on.

I have been a CPer for 11 years since a wrok related injury,was a paramedic in another life! Lol. Am 51 years old and have 5 children all but 1 grown,and she is 11, I also have at this time 1 wonderful full of life 4 year old grandaughter and a grandson due the 25th of this month and looking forward to sharing that with you guys.

I had a significant other but he bailed out early on in this CP life.

I have had 9 knee surgeries bilateral and both knee's have now been replaced,as well as am now having a hip problem and looking forward to that also being replaced in the future.

I was found to have Ankyl spondyl which is a degenerative bone disease at the L-4,5 & S-1 locality but really dont have alot of problems out of that yet.

Have lots of other medical problems some associated with years of running the gambit of non-steroidal anti-inflams which all Docs have to shove at you until finally someone relaizes they cause more harm then good.

Have been on methadone now for 8 years and rejoined the living at that time. Havent had a suicidal tendancy due to extreme never ending pain untreated since that day! Got lucky and got a Great Doc early out (only 3 years of searching) and he has stuck with me thru it all. Worry sometimes since he is getting tot he retirement age and past it already.

Applied and denied SSD 4 times over 3 years and eventually took it to the ALJ hearing stage and won it hands down in less then 5 minutes,sheesh I dont know why they have to put us thru all of that denial crap all to give it to you anyway!

Well thats my story and life as a CPer and as you all know there has been alot of ups and downs in between for sure.

Hoping to give and take from here and looking forward to calling your home mine and making some friends which we can never have too many of in this life we share.

Hoping you all have a great pain-free day starting now!

Posted 4/5/2009 10:55 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Angel.

You've had a difficult time of it. I'm glad you've decided to join us.
Everybody here is pretty nice. Welcome.

It's 3:44 AM. Dam n, I hate my sleeping and wakeful time. This is
my pattern. The TV puts me to sleep pretty fast.

I keep trying to watch Rachel Getting Married and I keep falling asleep. I've
heard it's good but my vote isn't in yet. Instead, I've been watching Reruns
of 6 Feet Under. I do like that.

So hard for you with your husband. I'm sorry. Some of us can hold up ...
some can't. When I first understood that I had chronic pain, I realized there
were two roads I could take. (I saw them in my head like some kind of
dream or premonition) I took the road of fighting the beast. Sometimes I
get so tired.

Could you say a little more about "Ankyl spondyl" Could that be a typo?
Could you mean Anklyosing Spondylosis? I have that, but i don't knw
what it is. Allll those medical words!

I take the maximum of Methadone. 120 mg in divided doses. I also take
a little Morphine IR for between times. They don't do me much good.
I'm going to try a pain pump in June, I guess.

Pamela
Posted 4/5/2009 12:35 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome Angel to the Chronic Pain forum of Healing Well. I am so glad you joined us.

Reading through your post, I realize what pain you must be having--so tough and to have gone through so much. I'm very sorry. But it sounds like there might be some light in your life now.

I know how wonderful it can be to have grandchildren. I just had my second from my daughter and she (the granddaughter lol) is four months old. She is such a good baby and I take care of her while my daughter works, along with the five year old as well. It can be a challenge sometimes, with the pain and all, but it's a struggle I am willing to endure.

Hope you continue to post with us and let us get to know you and you get to know us as well. It will be wonderful having you aboard.

God bless.

Lindaloo
Posted 4/7/2009 9:44 AM (GMT 0)

Thank you for the welcome. I must say in all honesty it has been a long and tiring road but along the way I found many great thing that I now realize I might not have noticed otherwise,about myself others in my life,and they systems I so took for granted as a non-cper.

I have met some wonderful folks in this journey,learned more about the medical field and those who are dedicated to it then the entire 2+ years of college. I found that I have far more strength and conviction then I could have ever guessed about myself and I certainly once injured slowed down in life long enough to realize that the most precious moments are those I would have most likely missed in my hectic pre-cp state.

As for my ex I dont blame him for anything other then being weaker then I imagined and for being able to walk away! I cant say I wish him to ever know what being thrown into this life of pain is like as I cant wish that on anyone but I hope somewhere along his life he can understand it somewhat and learn to be more compassionate with others.

As many of you know our first year of acceptance brought changes to us that were most difficult for others to live with. I went thru so many different emotions to such a varying degree I sometimes wonder how I lived with myself! The anger and remorse and the "poor me days" were far too many. It takes us along long time to get out the rut and accept the changes in our lives and even though we didnt ask for this life we were handed it and we have to learn to live with it not just settle into it.

I am amazed almost everyday to talk to another CPer and see how they have adapted and the many things they have done to adjust.

It can and is more then most partners can deal with. We actually have to change almost everything about ourselves,how we react to things,how we deal with things,how we relearn to do things we have always done,we have to become a totally different being and that isnt always easy for those who know and love us to accept I think.

Having places such as these to come to and read and listen and vent,ask questions is one of our survival techniques as who better to understand what we are asking then those who have asked the same questions.

Thanks for your welcome and looking forward to knowing all of you better.

Posted 4/7/2009 1:58 PM (GMT 0)

angel8

I also want to welcome you to this forum!  I can relate to just about everything that you have said in your post!  Yes! It is great to have a place, such as this, to come to that has others that  really understand and know what your going through! The folks here tend to be more like family than family, if you know what I mean!  Anyway I am not happy that you have CP, but am happy you found this us! It does sound like you have been through allot over the years, and you are right about SSD!  It does seem kind of funny that they make you jump through all those hoops and your hopes get raised up and dashed so many times, but in the end it all works out. It  does seem to be a waste of time and resources doesn't it! But uncle Sam is known for that! Anyway we do seem to have a few parallels in our history of pain! But so many of us seem to have so much in common in our history with CP I gues it is just the nature of the beast! 

Anyway Glad you found us!

White Beard


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