off topic, being threatened for no reason

Hello Everyone, so sorry this is off topic but I need someone's opinion, as I tried to ask my father but he went out of town and I cant get a hold of him and my best friend is sleeping. Well I have a neighbor that is just plain CRAZY!!!! He is accusing my son of opening his back door and taking his cat when my son was inside the whole time with me and never went outside, and he is threatening to call CPS on me and called my son a "little Sh**" and said he wants us out of here......And then he threatened to hit my son with a tent pole. What should I do??? I'm afraid to let my kids outside, and afraid to go outside myself. He's a 60 year old man who has always done some crazy things and drinks ALL the time (I once literally caught him yelling into the dryer vent for an hour straight in the laundry room, and he will wander the parking lot staring at he floor for hours at a time). What do you think I should do? I'm so worried that it's making me sick, I really feel like I may throw up, I get like this when I'm really stressed. My son has no reason to open anyone's door and take someone's cat, their's no hidden cat in my apartment, I know because I just cleaned my son's room and their was no animals in there. So I have been cleaning my apartment like crazy incase CPS comes here, I have never dealt with them. Can he even call CPS on me?? Thank you for listening, I'm trying hard to not cry as I dont want to worry my kids, but I'm having a non-stop panic attack.....

-hellokitty

Kitty,

Why don't you call the Police non emergency line and tell them the situation and ask them for advice! This way you will know what to do should he follow through on his threat....he sounds a lot loony to me!!  I'd be scared too! 

XXOO
Patti

I am in chat if you want to talk

Anyone can call CPS on anyone else whenever they want. CPS then has to determine if they need to investigate the complaint. If your neighbor makes it sound like your son is in immediate danger, they will come tight away. Otherwise, it can take up to a few weeks depending on how busy they are. Sometimes they call first, sometimes they just show up.

If CPS comes to your house - don't panic! They will ask to come in and it's best if you let them in. They will probably talk to you and your son together and they may choose to talk to your kids by themselves. Just be honest. They don't expect anyone to be perfect and don't worry if you have dirty dishes in the sink or if your son has a scrape from falling off his bike. They expect you to be nervous, just don't fall apart when they talk to you. Answer the questions they ask you but don't give them extra information. Don't go into details about your health or your medications, it has nothing to do with what's going on. (I've had a lot of experience with CPS due to my job.)

They'll probably just write a brief report and dismiss the case. If your neighbor keeps calling just to harass you, he can get in trouble.

Sometimes calling the police on your neighbors ends up making more trouble for you than it's worth but if you are truly afraid and think he poses a danger to your family or anyone else, call the police. The drinking makes him more dangerous because it impairs judgment and makes him unpredictable. Filing a complaint is a great idea because it gives you a paper trail in case he continues to harass you or if he actually does something to you or someone else.

I'm sorry this is happening to you.

Kitty,
Unless you've got some prior history with CPS, even if he did call them they'd come out as others have done and assess the case, and see that you're not being negligent or abusive to your child. That's all CPS is for. And even if your son did take the cat (I'm NOT saying he did, just trying to illustrate a point) it would be a police issue and if it was your son's first offense at something they'd only likely at most get him into some kind of treatment program or, in all ikelihood, let him off with a warning. Now that's the worst case scenario, and I believe you when you say your son didn't take the cat.

The fact this man abuses alcohol is likely known by more people around than just you. And I will say this - if someone threatened to hit my child with a tent pole, I would call the police. I would get them over there while it was going on and if they smelled any alcohol at all, they'd get who was the problem. Yes, sometimes it can aggravate things, but sometimes it also tells someone that you're setting a limit and you are not going to shrug off threats to harm your child. That might put some needed fear into him to leave you alone, and it also documents the issue. That's the minimum you need to do - to make sure it's documented with the police.

I can understand why you would be scared but I'm not sure why you're allowing yourself to be so intimidated. Be proactive.

Stand up to this guy - not a face to face confrontation, but by using the legal system. He has threatened to hurt your child.

PaLady

p. s. Dani - Ummm...I'm going to be 60 this year and I don't consider myself elderly! Rotten things don't happen with old age; they happen with illness and injuries and yes, health slowly decilnes with aging, but if I hadn't taken a fall a few years ago I'd be in pretty darned good shape, "for my age".

Post Edited (PAlady) : 6/27/2009 9:35:41 PM (GMT-6)

Kitty, Don't worry about the CPS. I worked for them for 7 years and my job was to go out and investigate reports. The reports are then documented and from my experience, If I received a call from someone who sounded disoriented by alcohol or mentajustl incapacity, it would have been listed as ubsubstantiated for lack of information. From what you have said, it would have been referred to law enforcement instead of CPS. I heard nothing in what you said that indicated abuse or neglect. As per Dani's suggestion of Adult Protective Services, I also did that when our Adult PS investigator was out. If you called in with a report of what you you stated, it would be investigated. Your name would not be released. If he is alone and has an alcohol problem or mental issues, they can try and provide services to him and help him. I like the idea of trying to help him instead of calling the police. If you think that he is capable of carrying out the threat, then call the police. Inform your son to stay away from the man and if the man starts to approach him or starts yelling at him, advise your son to return home immediately. In many cases, the Adult PS and law enforcement will work together. Remember, as a parent you are responsible to protect your child and calling Adult PS will assist in doing that.

By the way, I am not sure this is off topic as the stress that you experience as a result of this can have a negative effect on your pain. We are here to encourage and advise each other in regards to our pain and the things that cause or affect it. I hope your stress level has come down and that you and your son are handling this together.

thank you everyone for the advise. I decided to take a step back and keep a close eye and ear on my neighbor to see what he would do. I guess he found his cat sleeping somewhere inside his house, so I think he's embarrassed now as earlier he was all outside ranting and yelling, and now he's not saying a peep, but he's outside drinking, again, like he does every night. Actually it's against my apartment's rules to be drinking alcohol outside, so I think I may make a complaint about that when I complain about him threatening my kids. I refuse to live next door to this wacko anymore. I never know what's gonna set him off. I know he's a vet and has some mental issues, he's admitted that to me several times before. My son gets picked on ALOT by older kids (my son is 9 years old btw) so he picks on younger kids alot, but I have him in boyscouts and other activities so he's around boys his age that dont pick on him. But that seems to be the only problem i have with him. His 3rd grade teacher was convinced that he has ADHD but I heard from the school's nurse that this teacher likes to push adhd meds on kids all the time (the school's nurse has been a family friend forever), so I took him off of those meds and he seems to me to just be a normal boy, he gets good grades, he even got a medaillion for reading achievement a few weeks ago. I have gone to a couple parenting classes to just learn a few things, it's sometimes hard being a single mom, their dad is very mentally ill and I cant let him be in my kid's lives right now, he's too unstable. My house is not perfect but it is picked up, we have food all the time, my laundry builds up but I always make sure my kids have clean clothes at all times. I'm not sure what CPS could possibly find. My daughter and I saw my son not go anywhere, we where sitting in the living room all morning, when this crazy guy came knocking. Now unless my son can do some hudini moves, he didnt go anywhere outside, and it's not like my son to just randomally open someone's door and take a cat, he just doesnt do those things. My son is a very sensitive and caring boy, he loves to help me around the house and play video games with me, he isnt a normal trouble maker, not more then the average 9 year old boy. I just think my neighbor is now mad that he was wrong about my son and is embarrassed as he isnt saying a single word now to anyone, I just know that I am complaining big time about this guy, and I will not live next to a crazy man that will probably hurt my kids next time something like this happns. Actually this isnt the first time this has happened, last summer he thought my kids took the cat too and he found it sleeping a small little space in his closet. GRRR, he needs to be a convelsent home or somewhere far away from me and my kids. I know the people next to my friend is moving out, I'm gonna go beg for the manager to let me move into there, I'm willing to repay deposits, this is just plaine crazy!!! My best friend is a 61 year old lady so I have nothing against older people, just when they do crazy things that can hurt themselves or others, and he is one of them. Actually he likes to look at very nasty things on his computer with his window wide open, I have to make sure my kids never go near his windows, I mean come on, I dont care what he does with his time, but he can atleast shut his windows, grrrrr, sorry, I 'm just so angry....

-hellokitty

ps, I'm very excited that my guinea pig about to give birth, I have been pampering her all day, I cant wait!!

 

 Dani - Ummm...I'm going to be 60 this year and I don't consider myself elderly! Rotten things don't happen with old age; they happen with illness and injuries and yes, health slowly decilnes with aging, but if I hadn't taken a fall a few years ago I'd be in pretty darned good shape, "for my age".

    

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     *gasp*

  Im so embarrased and sorry! Gosh! *huggs* I didnt mean to offend you. I love reading your posts. Im so terriibly sorry 

*huggs*

dani

Hello-Kitty

Just be vigilant, if he is breaking the apartment rules by drinking outside report him. The thing is, if he does have mental problems, and he is displaying abnornal behaviors, it should be documented, as he may need help and treatment! about the only way that is going to happen is through reporting him to the local police, or maybe some other organization?? Anyway your first obligation is the protection of your children and yourself so please be careful!! If you can move into that other apartment, that might help solve the problem, but I would still be very cautious!

Good Luck to You

White Beard

 As for PALady, You know some of these people in their upper 50's and early 60's can be down right Ornery some times!   I am sure I am not one of them! But of course there might be others

Glad you fessed up, Laurie!

The whole garbage can thing was YOUR idea! Hey, WhiteBeard, I ain't the ornery one, no sirree!

PaLady