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MORE surgery needed....so depressed

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Posted 6/28/2009 8:29 PM (GMT 0)
Hello everyone,

It has been a while since i last posted.

Aside from my chronic pain (foot), i have been really down and out since the decision to do the hysterectomy. Jan. 21 i had a total hyster, and 16wks later had to have a second surgery for a entrapped nerve ad hernia repair. I am in more pain now with a large lump in the groin area. Doc says that it is another hernia. He says that i am to thin to do anymore surgery, that if i don't gain weight, i will just continue to pop out hernia's.

I have always been thin, (100lbs, 5'7) but weight fell to 89lbs since hyster, and now i am down to 86lbs. I look horrible, i FEEL horrible, and i can't have surgery till i gain. I have sought the help of a eating disorder specialist (not sure if that is what is going on w/ me or not, but i figure it can't hurt) who is a shrink, and i will be starting with a nutritionist also. 

My husband and i are not getting along, as im sure he is sick of all this to, and sick of having to help out as much as he is since i can't lift to much, ect. Taking care of the kids takes everything i have to just make it through the day.

My hormones are a mess, even with HRT, and i think i am very depressed. I just don't feel ANY joy in life right now.

I can not believe that i have to have another surgery, yet it is even harder to believe that i can't fix the pain until i pack on the pounds! Im so sick and tired of being sick and tired....when do i get to go on with my life?  I am beginning to think the hyster was the worst decision of my life.

Anyways, i know that you all have your stuff to deal with to, yet always find the time to help out the poor sap who is crying in her spilled milk (it's me!).  I wish you all the very best and thank you for all your support as of lately!

Posted 6/28/2009 9:13 PM (GMT 0)
Shannon,
I'm so sorry to read all you're going through. I know you hoped that surgery would relieve that nerve pain caused from the first surgery. I wish we all had a crystal ball to know if a given surgery will work for us, but sadly we don't. So you made the best decisions you could to try to get better. I did the same. So did many people here.

You are making some great steps consulting an E.D. specialist and nutritionist. You are what sounds to me dangerously thin and I don't know if it's an E.D. but you do need to find out so you can get some nutrition in you.

I just want to hug you, but very gently! Keep posting here and at least you'll get some support for yourself. Just MHO but I wouldn't rush into another surgery anyway. Sounds like you need to shore up your basic health.

I do understand just being sick and tired of being sick and tired! Sadly, we probably can't get our old lives back (or our old bodies), but you've got to be able to improve from where you are!

(((((((((Shannon))))))))

PaLady
Posted 6/28/2009 9:38 PM (GMT 0)

I am so sorry for all you are going through.  I know that there are always people sicker than I am when I read these boards. I agree that you need to see the ED specialist before even thinking about more surgery.

I will pray for you to find out what's wrong and get some relief.

Posted 6/28/2009 10:35 PM (GMT 0)
OH MY I'm so sorry everything is going haywire at the same time. I also had a hysterectomy when I was 24 and I never felt the same again. I chose not to do HRT for the fears of the cancer coming back. So I just deal with it.

All I can say is take a deep breath, a long hot bath and read a good book or watch a good movie. Let your mind wander for a few then come back to reality and face the issues.

I will keep you in my thoughts

Laurie
Posted 6/28/2009 11:14 PM (GMT 0)
    

      Dear Shannon,

 

     Hello there! *huggs* It is good to see you again. I am enjoying getting to know everyone here these last few weeks.  :-)   Really glad you stopped by.

 

       I am sorry that you have so much stress in your life right now  shakehead   I get the impression that the doctors can help with the hernia if you gain the desired weight? With the help of therapy and nutritionist? That sounds like a good plann to me, for sure. Thou I get the impression they are seeking life changes?... and life changes are hard to do. Or they were for me atleast.. In fact still working on one. But! Before I get off-track I wanted say that if ever someone could make a million man march look like a breeze through the park? Its you. Hands down :-)  

    

      shakehead   Was odd for my dynamic with my husband as the pain slwoly increased too. I found that it truly took all I had just to survive and there he was... asking more than I could give. Eventually thou we began to work on other parts of our marriage. The ones we could handle or aspects we could control, could change. Love bank, hobbie sharing, you know all the little stuff. Then after a while things just... got back to Home. :-)

 

     Hey! BTW don't go lookin back. You made the very best decision you were able ot making at the time. Peroid! No use in thinking that way, only forward for you my new friend! And think! You will be able to personally shape all your female attributes! I for one wish my dairy air were a bit more shaply!  *sigh*

    

        *warmest huggs*

dani

    

      

Posted 6/28/2009 11:35 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks so much Palady, Pain, LLPLUV, Dani.

It is so nice to know that no matter what is going on, i can come here for unbiased support.

I saw the ED specialist last wk, and tho he said he was not going to "label me as ED" he thought i would benifit w/ help. So, i see him twice next wk and should be meeting the nutritionist next wk to.

My surgeon did not even tell at what weight i can have the surgery again, but i am even afraid to do anything even if i gain weight because i will be back to square one, pain, nausea, not wanting to eat, which is what got me in this problem in the first place.

I hope to be able to join u all everyday now so , i hope that everyone if feeling well and have a good night.
Posted 6/29/2009 12:46 AM (GMT 0)
Look at the bright side (and there always is one); at least you know what should be done. You know the course of action. Gaining weight is essential. That's one of my problems as well. Once that has been achieved, no matter how long it takes, you can have the surgery and things mght get better. Gaining weight will make you stronger and better anyway, even if it is a drag. There are many ways to increase your weight and a specialist will most certainly be able to help you out here. Look at eating as a necessary part of the treatment, which it actually is. You don't have to like it but you have to do it.

You'll feel better in a couple of weeks.

No point secondguessing what would have happened should you not have had the hysterectomy. You had it and it probably was the best decision.

Take care and keep us posted please.
Posted 6/29/2009 1:13 AM (GMT 0)
shannon1

I for one have a bone to pick with you! You said:("Anyways, i know that you all have your stuff to deal with to, yet always find the time to help out the poor sap who is crying in her spilled milk (it's me!).  ") well let us set the record straight right now!,  YOU are not the "poor sap crying in her spilled milk" but yes we always have time for you, and everyone else in our family on this forum!  And what could be more important to us than YOU if your having a rough time of it!  Which it certainly sounds like you are! And since you are,  then we are definitely here for you!

I do hope you can get help with your weight, you really are dangerously under weight. If you have an eating disorder then you must and I mean MUST get it under control! I have had experience with that, as my one daughter suffered from anorexia when she was in Junior high school. It can be treated successfully, with time and patients.  If it is something else causing your low weight then I do hope they can find out what it is and treat it!

Anyway shannon1 just remember we are all family here, and we all care about one another, and that includes YOU! So Please don't think twice about posting, especially when your having problems!   I think I can speak for most everyone when I say when we care we also worry!   So please keep us informed of your health and progress! Remember.....We are all supporting you!

Good Luck to You and I wish you only the very very Best!

White Beard

Posted 6/29/2009 4:32 AM (GMT 0)

Shannon,

I really can't add anymore to whats already been posted by OUR Family already, just want to send you  a big soft giant hug!

(((((((((((((((((((((Shannon))))))))))))))))

XXOO
Patti

Posted 6/29/2009 6:53 AM (GMT 0)
Shannon, You have already been given some excellant advice. I can't think of one thing that hasn't been said. We do care about you and the things and problems that you are facing. That is what makes this family so wonderful. We will give you all the support that you need. You are most definitely not alone. We are here for you. Sounds like another hug might be in order:
(((((((((((((((((((((Shannnon))))))))))))))))))))
Keep on posting. It helps as you already know.
anice
Posted 6/30/2009 11:53 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Shannon,

I'm posting a bit late, because I haven't been around much the last few days. I just wanted to say that I am also so sorry that you have to go through surgery AGAIN! Once is more than enough for anyone. And on top of that, I can't even imagine all the hormonal changes that you have been thrown into! I do hope that the nutritionist & eating disorder specialist help you gain some weight! Supposedly a good nutritionist can even change your diet in ways which can affect your pain! I've never tried it (although my mother is pushing me to), but I know a few people who have sworn by it. So maybe this will turn out to be a good thing in the end! Best of luck! Let us know how it goes!

hugs,
Skeye
Posted 7/1/2009 5:19 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Shannon:

I'm sorry that you are having such a difficult time, and that you are facing another surgery. I know exactly howthat feels as I have had 23 back related surgeries as well as a couple of others, and every single time one comes up, I get very upset that I have to put my family through the process again.

Regarding your husband, could it be that he feels helpless, frustrated, &/or angry that he can't make you better. I often feel like my husband is angry with me when I mention how much I am hurting, or when I am frustrated by my limitations, etc., but I know deep down in my heart that he is angry at the guy that ran the stop sign & changed mine (& my whole family's) life forever, and he's angry that he can't make the pain go away or at least ease it somewhat. He's frustrated that the doctor's can't seem to find a way to give me any significant relief. He's angry that he doesn't get nearly enough sex because I am in too much pain (sorry if that is too much information, but I'm just trying to be completely honest).

I pray that you are able to get the surgery done soon & that it gives you significant relief from our pain.

Lorie
Posted 7/1/2009 8:29 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Shannon,

Wow, this is just not good news at all. I assumed after this second surgery things were really going well for you. I am so sorry to hear that is not the case at all.

I have some info I am going to post that may help you put some weight on. This stuff really does work and its very nutritional. I have crohns disease and when I get to the point of having to go on bowel rest or end up in the hospital in a bad flare, they give me these fruit type drinks caused Breeze's, they are made by Boost. I order mine online and they are a little costly but very much worth it. I always have some on hand for the just in case days with crohns. I cannot stomach Ensure or Boost, but the Breeze drinks are great, these are always ordered by my gi when I get stuck in the hospital.  A very good friend of mine's Dad was really sick and lost alot of weight, like you tall & thin to begin with and really could not afford to be losing weight. I told her about the Breeze drinks and she went online and ordered them for her Dad. In 3 months he gained 13 pounds and his dr was just ecstatic and wanted to know where they came up with the drinks and such. She told him the story. Now, he is recommending these to his patients who have similiar problems.

Any chance of trying a different HRT medication. Man, I have been there and done that from having a hysterectomy, I feel for you. By any chance are you on medication for the depression? If not, please consider going to your PCP and explain what is going on in that dept and try to get something to help you out. Being as stressed out as you are sure isn't helping you any. Take care and please come here and post to us.

Posted 7/1/2009 8:51 AM (GMT 0)

Shannon, I have not sounded in yet and as I sit here tonight, waiting for my meds to take effect and hopefully allow me to get a few hours slepp before going to work, I notivced something that I feel was neglected it the posts. It seems that the hernia needs to be taken care of. The hernia could be cause by a weakness due to the body weight and health of the muscles and tissue possibly too weak. You must gain weight in order to have the surgery. The Dr thinks that if you gain weight it could mean no more surgeries. Now the part that is missing. You say you always have been thin but may I ask why? If it is not due to purging or self imposed starvation, then I can understand the Dr. not wanting to lable you as ED. Why is it that your weight is so low?

I have recently lost weight, I believe partially due to the meds I am on and flat out not being hungry. I reallize that loosing too  much weight will hinder my body to function properly so I have to make choices. I make myself eat. I have always loved to eat and before this I loved to eat too much. Food does not taste good to me and I simply don't feel hungry. My wife helps me by checking to see how much I ate. She even tells me that if I eat 4 to 6 small meals or snacks a day it will help. I try and have things around that I used to like and eat them in small quantities. I try and stay away from sweets but I reward myself a little ice cream if I am good. I don't want gain more weight, I am just trying to stop loosing weight.

Is it possible that you also don't feel like eating and thus you don't. Have someone keep you accountable. By all means continue to work with the professionalOur bodies were meant to be healthy.

Posted 7/1/2009 9:49 PM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone! Thank you so much for all your thoughts and advice!

I have seen the eating disorder doc twice now. I don't get the feel that he thinks i have a true eating disorder, just a bad relationship with food. I know this is soooo off topic, so i will make it as short as possible w/ trying to answer some of your questions. I have been skinny all my life, picky eater and usually chose foods that are bad for me rather than good fruits/veggies. Over the last 10yrs or so, my weight and lack of hunger i think have been a direct affect from my pain levels, meds and ulcerative colitis. After my hyster, i literally had NO appetite, it is just starting to come back 5mo. later.

straydog, thanks for the boost tip, i actually had it before when hospitalized for my UC, but i didn't know it was high calorie...i will look it up.

fatherjohn, i am skinny, my mom is skinny, just seemed to be my body type. i think now tho it is something different (ie, stress, pain, ect) causing my lack of hunger. i have chosen to see the specialist on my own just in case there is something more going on that i just don't see.

My pain level really sux, like a 5-6 during non moving times and then ofcourse, i am at home with two children and i am lifting my 25lb daughter multiple times a day since she is sick with Flu (doc says likely swine, lucky us), and she needs me more than usual. My cough is killing me to, so i really am ready to do whatever i need to so that we can get the show on the road. Thanks to all of you for the support and im feeling much better (emotionally atleast). PS, we are discussing antidepressants.

hope u all are doing well, and hope u all have a LPD!
Posted 7/2/2009 3:45 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Shannon,

I did not realize you had UC, oh, I do know where you are coming from in the food thing. I developed a bad attitude towards food which resulted in a 32 lb weight loss last year in 3 months. My gi hit the roof because the weight loss was too fast. I had no appetite and at that time went as long as 2 days at a time with no food. My PCP and gi were frantic, flu season was hitting, I was not eating or sleeping and getting any rest to speak of. I still have bad food issues, I guess thats something that will be with me forever. GI saw me a week ago, lost 10 pounds in three months-got the raised eyebrow look. This food problem is typical with CD & UC people from what my gi tells me. Its discussed at every appt plus he sent me to a nutritionist.  Peanut butter sandwiches are my main stay and no red meat, veggies & fruits are limited because of the skins or seeds. Ever try to peel a grape lol?

Hang in there, I sure hope the little one and you get better soon.

Posted 7/4/2009 9:54 PM (GMT 0)

Thanks Susie, my gi has said the same regarding IBD and food..like u i am unable to eat red meat (used to LOVE a good steak), most veggies, fruits are out and milk is gone to. (along w/ my fav. icecream!) lol

Anyways, just wanted to thank everyone again. Today is tough, daughter is in hospital w/ Flu, mycoplasma phenomnuia (sp). She is spend her second nite there tonight. I came home while husband is there for a few hrs, and my body just fell apart...my joints are killing me and in the last 4hrs i have been in the bathroom 15x.....should make for an interesting hospital night...lol

hope u all are out having a nice 4th of july with ur families and are feeling well.....

Posted 7/4/2009 10:08 PM (GMT 0)

Shannon, wow so sorry to hear about the little one, jeesh. Well, at least she is getting her medical needs addressed and those little ones bounce back so fast.

I imagine all the stress you have been under lately has kicked up your UC, not a good time for that to happen, but then there never is a good time for that. Try to keep yourself hydrated-really easy to get dehydrated when dealing with the bathroom issues. I was not talking about the regular Boost drinks, I cannot handle them. They make another nutritional drink called Breeze, thats the one I was talking about. Those should really help you out.

I got overheated this morning when it was still early. We had a new shed built so we were putting some thing in it and i just got too hot. I ended with a raging headache, shakes, terrible nose bleed and leg cramps. Needless to say I have been in the cool air since that took place. I had planned to go to my daughters and swim & cook out. I am waiting till later to go over when its a little cooler, at least down to 95 lol.

Please take care of yourself and keep us posted on the little one is doing.

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