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My anger, my gf doesn't care about me anymore plus pain today and everyday

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Posted 10/20/2009 10:28 PM (GMT 0)
I just can't abate this anger i am feeling all the time. I keep having stupid taughts because i never get to recharge. I feel so isolated and because my pain is invisible i feel like i am always on my own. No one understands especially the ppl that should understand the most. they expect me to be the same as everyone else and always ask if i'm in pain. My gf has said a few times recently that she can't do it anymore. She doesn't ring or text me like before and i amke all the effort in a long distant relationship. I get so low at times because of the isolation, i push ppl away because its easier. I know thats a contridiction but thats the way things are. I don't want to hurt anyone but i feel i can only take so much more myself
Posted 10/20/2009 10:58 PM (GMT 0)
thanks alison
Posted 10/20/2009 11:35 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Shamboy, I think we all have days where we feel isolated with our conditions. Pain takes such a heavy toll on our everday existance.

Have you thought about talking to a psychologist? I saw one at the beginning of the year plus tried anti depressants. It sort of kick started me again, aftermonths of gloom I suddenly saw the sunshine and felt able to cope again.

I ended up not staying on the anti d's , just too many side effects to add to my growing list from other meds. Talking to people really helps, especially people who understand pain. Have you anyone you can talk to? If your gf has never suffered she probably has no idea what you're going through.

Try not to push your friends away but go and talk to someone about how you're feeling, it can really make a world of difference.

This place is great lots of people here who live with pain and know what you're going through.

Best wishes, golitho

Posted 10/20/2009 11:58 PM (GMT 0)
Hi SB,
Sorry to hear about your problems. I know that everyone here can relate to what you are going through. C.P. puts such a strain on any relationship, there is no way that the other person can know what we are going through and our constant complaining about our pain really seems to turn them off. My wife and I have been through it so many times its frightening! So how she has stuck with me for 30 years blows my mind and I thank God every day for that. Lets face it, we are not the easiest people to live with or in your case be with. I have gotten to the point where I really think about what I say before opening my mouth. She knows I'm hurting just by the way I walk, get up, sit down, turn around> hell everything! I don't need to talk about it but still catch myself doing it. I guess it's human nature to show our pain and hope for compassion. Please try not to get too upset. I know it ain't easy but getting all wound up always just makes my pain worse. I hope I didn't offend you w/ my words, it wasn't my intention. For me coming to this special place and letting it ourt really helps. I hope you stick around and try it. There are much smarter and caring people here than me who you will meet if you hang around.
Good luck new friend, I'll be praying for your pain to ease up and your girl to be more understanding. C.P. is hell sometimes!
Your new Buddy,
Pete
Posted 10/21/2009 3:03 AM (GMT 0)
I'm in the same boat. As an only child, I've always been somewhat of a loner. But with work and my husband being a social king, I could choose to engage when and for how long I wanted.  Once I got sick, add a few moves in and with a very small extended family, I have a great case of being lonely. Even when we get with people their everyday stuff is so far off my radar, I usually end up not speaking much. Most people don't want to hear about illness and pain and if they do it's usually in the context about their older parents or grandparents.  I used to think it didn't matter what we did for a living but through this I have found to others it means a great deal. No one is interested when they find out I don't work.  I personally have given up. I tried for a few years but got upset that people never seemed to want to know what was going on with us.  It may have been because they were uncomfortable and didn't know what to say but I and even my husband to some extent have become invisable.

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

Posted 10/21/2009 5:37 AM (GMT 0)
Shamboy,
I just wrote you a response and then it got deleted! So sorry if this is a bit brief. I do want to welcome you to the chronic pain forum, and tell you this is the best support group on the internet, IMHO. But we're not doctors, and can't substitute for some good in-person help. I think a good pain psychologist or therapist who deals with chronic illness could help you process your anger. Some medication may also help your mood. And you can come here and post anytime and know you'll be "heard" and understood.

Many of us are isolated, which isn't always a good thing, but it comes at times with CP. Especially during the time we have to make some adjustments in our lives. It's not easy for us or those close to us. Some friendships are lost, but sometimes new ones are found. I know most of us here feel like we've found a new family - at the very least a family of support and understanding.

Talk to your PCP or PM doctor about finding a good therapist. There's nothing wrong with that. We suffer many losses with CP, and they're not always easy to cope with.

Hope this helps a bit. Again, welcome.

PaLady
Posted 10/21/2009 6:31 AM (GMT 0)
Isolation seem to go hand in hand with chronic pain. After spending a year and a half cooped up in a dark room with no stimuli, I can definitely empathize.
Posted 10/21/2009 2:43 PM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry Shamboy..... but... yes... I understand.

I lost my three really, really close girlfriends this summer.

I never spoke about my pain to them.... I started opening up to them this summer.... expressed how depressed and suicidal I was (due to a certain medication I was on) after that they all stopped calling me.... right now I am furious with them since I was always there for them.

Like you said.... for me... it's just better off being alone..... or just with my wonderful husband and two dogs who I adore.
Posted 10/21/2009 8:45 PM (GMT 0)
GCoin,
I don't think you've ever introduced yourself to us. If you feel comfortable, start a new thread and tell us more about what brought you here to our CP family.

PaLady
Posted 10/21/2009 11:20 PM (GMT 0)
 

   Dear ShamBoy,

 

     Good evening. I do not remember if I introduced myself to you yett, but let me take the time to now. My name is Dani. It is a pleasure to meet you. I do hope you decide to stick around and let us get to know you better. Healing Well has become a wonderful comfort to me these past few months, I am sure it will to you aswell.

 

     I am sorry to hear of your relationship with your Girl Friend. Do she know about, or has she learned about Chronic Pain? Understanding the mechanics of chronic pain can be a real eye opener. Thou, in a long distance relationship, I am unsure how one would go about learning together.

 

     I too, would like to recommend a pain psychologist. I saw one for a very long time. We re-defined "me". She taught me everything from the mechanics of pain ~~>physical, mental, emotional, social, aspects ~~> Bio Feedback. It was a true blessing to have her as part of my pain management programm. It might be something you would be intrested in. I know I wouldnt be the "me" I am today without her help.

 

     I have a bad habbit of chatting endlessly. But!! It truly was a pleasure to meet you. I hope to get to know you better as time goes by.

 

*huggs*

  dani

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