Ouch.

Well I'm up as usual at 2:15 am and hurting so badly that I'm sick to my stomach.  I've had all the meds I can take and I still am in such pain, I don't know.  I don't know anything. I feel lonely, tired, confused, angry, sad and on. I could handle the pain...who am I kidding? I can't handle the pain. I can barely type I'm shaking so hard. Pain has such a strange affect on me or is it the same for everyone? Does everyone get nauseated when you're in a lot of pain? I've taken Phenergan, but that's not even helping. I want to wake my husband and get him to talk to me, but that isn't fair. Today is our anniversary.  I don't know how he stands it..me being in so much pain all the time. I've tried to tell pm how bad it is, but most of you knew immediately what I haven't know for years, that my pm is not the best. I am keeping the pain charts; maybe they will see. I really want to start a new pm, but I feel stuck in this nightmare of pain. I just needed to vent. Cry.

Cat

PaLady, Thank you for taking the time to just acknowledge that I am here and I feel pain. A good cry did help the inside, the emotional part of me which helped me relax. I haven't slept yet, but I'm going to be able to take another pain pill in a 20 minutes. I may take it early! I wish I could just delete this whole thing. I'm sorry for being so verbal! I try so hard to keep it in.
Again thank you,
Catz

Catz,

I just wanted to say that I hope that you are feeling this morning. I know how it is to be up all night with pain. And that is when it seems to be the hardest, at night time. And you feel so alone at that time. I know it was tempting to wake your husband up. But I understand why you didn't.

Know that we are all thinking of you right now and hope that you feel better soon.

Many gentle hugs, Karen

hoping you were able to get some rest, and that the pain is under control.

melissa

Hey Catz yes pain can be so bad is makes you sick at your stomach. Never feel bad about coming here and venting, that's what this place is for remember? Try to look at it this way, if someone you see on here is hurting and you send them a post, it makes that person feel better to know they are not alone, also it makes you feel better just to reach out to someone. It goes both ways, whether it is you needing a hug or someone else needing a hug. I hope you were able to get some sleep. That is a luxury as far as I am concerned. One I have little of.

Happy anniversary and do something different-try to have some fun w/hubby, maybe a movie a good dinner.Anything to help distract the pain this is something we do to survive. Work on getting a new PM dr . Hugs.

Yes, I agree with White Beard! This is the place to come, when you feeling bad. So bring it on! Lets just hope you will get some relief soon.

Cat,
I'm so glad you didn't delete this! Like you said, you're in a house packed full of people just like you! And like others have said there are days when we need a hug or just knowing someone is "out there" who understands, and there are days when we can give the hug and be the listening ear by responding to a post.

So please don't feel bad about it.

And I do hope you're able to smile and cuddle a bit with your husband for your anniversary! Valentine's Day - must have been a neat wedding!

Hugs,

PaLady

Wow, I feel bathed in love and understanding. I don't know how to react to such kind words and words of motivation. I'm stunned. I feel kind of like Sally Field when she won an Oscar back in the 80's for Norma Rae, "you love me, your really love me." Lol! I'm just so surprised by all the caring. I'm still going on no sleep. I've written it down and I have gotten a grand total of 13 hours sleep since last Sunday. 13 hours!!! Is it the pain that keeps me up or the lack of sleep that puts me into more pain which then keeps me up?? It's a vicious cycle. Anyway, thanks again. I can't believe that so many people care even though I know you are going through as much as I am and more. One question though, how many people are, for the most part, bedridden? It's the only way I'm able to keep my sanity even though it still is horrible to be in bed except when I have a dr appointment. I don't want to spend my life in bed!
Thank You,
Cat (z)

catz,
I'll be praying that you can get some relief tonight to get a good night of rest. Do you have any self relaxing cd's you could try to listen to, maybe us some ear buds instead of head phone or try going to bed earlier in the evening and putting on the relaxation cd's. and hopefully you'd be asleep before you hubby gets back to you, just a thought..
I will be thinking of you in hopes that you can get some rest.
lots of soft hugz
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Catz)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
good luck tonight and Happy Anniversary...

Yep, up all night. I'm exhausted now. Jim, are you talking about Emetrol? I used to live on that stuff, but when I developed diabetes I understood it was not good for diabetics. I too have had debilitating migraines since I was 12 years old. It's so much different, but it's all pain! I have another question for all of you. When I go into the pm group and they ask how much pain I'm in with my meds, I've always put 7-8 and without I've put 9-10. I know pain well. I've been through some things that taught me that there are levels way far past a 10 that there isn't even any crying anymore, just delirium. So, if I put on my sheet each week that I am at a level that high with and without my meds, why in the world have they not addressed it more aggressively? Any ideas? I'd like to get an idea what kind of pain level many of you consider yourselves. I mean, looking at the happy face/sad face chart, I'm the levels they say. I have had the following procedures at least once and with some 3 or even 4 times. Radiofrequency Treatment (but it was called something more than that), Selective Nerve Root Block, Trigger Point Injections, and Nerve Root Block. I know I've had a couple more procedures, but I can't remember them all. I had little to no relief from any and on most, I would swell up in my neck to the point I could almost not breathe. We (my husband and I) figured out that I was allergic to Marcaine and by that time, the dr was just finished with me. Now I only see NP’s. Anyway, I’d be very open to knowing what others rate their pain. Thanks again you guys.
Cat
Cat

That's what I mean, it's all so relative. The most painful thing I've ever gone through is not having babies! It was when my colon ruptured. It was the kind of pain that made me seriously consider...well you get the idea. Anyway, the pain I feel now is constant. It's not like I think I'm going to just get better like I finally figured out about the colon. No, this I know will last forever. The colon wasn't even a 10, it had so far surpassed any pain I was ever in before! I'd give it a solid 16! So with my back and neck creaping up to a 10, I get into a panic. I don't know, I guess some of the others can make better sense of it that I can. Thanks Jim.

My doctor started a new system other than the 0-10 pain scale, it's an A thru M scale and it gives more definitive descriptions under each letter other than using a sad face. He started this new system in December..at last office visit my pain was either a J or L because of the pneumonia and I think it would've been a 10+ on the older scale, but recently my migraines have been acting up as well and by evening I'm hurting pretty bad that I'm taking an extra tylenol at night and I will tell my doctor this at my next appointment which is next week. but I sure hope you can get some much needed relief soon.
Sure hope you can get a low pain day soon, lots of soft healing hugz coming your way.
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hugz

Catz,
You're right about it being confusing to rate and describe our pain. And like Jim said, there are so many factors that go into it. I was reading some research a few months ago that indicated the 1-10 scale really wasn't very effective for many of the reasons Jim described. Whenever I'm asked "how's your pain?" I kind of want to scream, but I take a breath and ask - which pain, in which location? Because in one area it might be a 2, in another area it might be a 9. And some of the pain might be acute (a muscle spasm because I just bumped into something), but most of it is chronic. Then we get into the different sensations - numbness and tingling or piercing or burning or whatever! Honestly, I think it takes a good, caring doctor to really understand each patient's pain, and then treat it effectively. And we know from what you've said you don't have one yet. (neither do I, come to think of it, but I hope that will change once winter's over and I can drive the 3 hours!)

Guess I want to say to you don't give up and think that your pain has to stay at the levels you're at. Yes, I sure understand that it's not going to go away completely, and you know that, too. But have faith if you keep looking, it can be better managed.

Have you checked out the CP101 thread at the top of the page? Because there's a lot of great info. there, including links to pain journals and that may help especially if you're going to a new doctor.

I don't know if this helps, but just don't give up!

PaLady