Why are we here, anyway?

Why are we here? I suppose that sounds like a mighty dumb question but I'll bet there are nearly as many answers as there are members. We come for support and to support others.

When most of us were diagnosed we had no idea that we were in for the long haul. We probably didn't absorb the concept that "chronic" meant forever. Pain 'forever'??? How can we even contemplate that? Well, one way is by taking our lives in small pieces. Maybe one day is all you can handle at at time. For others just managing one hour is mentally a huge load. But many people do fairly well yet on occasion need someone to hold them up and remind them they are not alone.

So, we come here for support...BUT, if we didn't GIVE support then this format wouldn't work at all. Most people who come here and see the warm and caring family that we are quickly start giving of themselves. We find that by offering our experience to others and sharing our compassion that it takes our mind off of our own misery and pain. That's a true win/win situation.

Yes, there are a few who come only for the taking side of the equation. They come to this forum, and others, only for the attention be it valid or not. Some even invent their illnesses to gain pity and self gratification. I'm sure we've all seen this type before. It's a sad lot that feels the need only to be takers when most everyone here are such warm givers. We're not a Facebook or Daily Journal, we're not here to make up stories about our misery, but we are here to share and to offer our aid to those who also suffer.

I'm so proud and honored to be a part of this wonderful group of caring and loving people. The takers?? Yes, they come too but I can greet them and then move on and ignore the drama. This type needs help that I'm not qualified to give. A marvelous gentleman named Peter started this forum many years ago because he too suffers and his intent was and is to have it a place for support...that means, in my opinion, the support that goes both ways. Giving and taking. That's what we have and I'm thankful for this place to call my second home and my family!

Thanks to all of you for your caring support of everyone in our CP family. You bring my days alive.

Warm hugs,
Chutz

Hello Chutz,

I like the point that you made very much. I do hope, however, that you weren't referring to me removing my posts on the vitamin D issue. It's just that the information was getting more and more confusing each time I tried to clear up my thoughts, so I decided to stop the drama and sort of "leave it at that". I'm not mad, frustrated, irritated, or angry and I certainly love my time here on healingwell.

Several weeks ago I spoke to my Dr about stressors that were out of my control and how I tend to take on stress from others that is unnecessary. He suggested removing myself from the situation and not discussing the issue anymore. Although this was a family thing we were talking about and is personal, I have adopted it into my life almost completely. It helps me a great deal not to get caught up in drama (if I remove myself from the equation). I did not do delete my posts on the vitamin d issue to spark drama, but to stop what was starting to make no sense to me. I choose to think that there was a missunderstanding of information and so I removed it. I don't always get the point across that I am trying to make because I am so direct in my responses. Sometimes they come across as curt or short and I do not mean for that to happen.

This forum has been a great deal of comfort in coming to grips with CP. Your are right that we are never prepared for it to be forever. I think most of the people here are wonderful and the conversation is very helpful. I honestly feel we get a great range of opinions and that it is important for each person to be able to see from another's perspective.

I'm very glad you make this thread.

Retired Mom...

No, not at all...I wasn't referring to you. There are only a couple now and then who drift in and try to work over this forum, and other health care forums, and they are very obvious. I was mostly just thinking out loud about why we come here and what a wonderful place it is.

Chutz

 Thanks Chutz!  Just making sure.

I for one am new enough that most of my posts are for information, but I do read that others and sympathize with all my heart! This is the first place I have found that I can ask, complain, be happy or positive, and no one thinks I am a faker....There are so many people that I know on a personal basis that it seems like they either just don't care or don't beleive me because
I am so young. The people I have encountered on this forum have been so informative and have helped lift my spirits. I really hope that the day comes that I can return that favor in the future. Everyone is so accepting...regardless. I guess all I can say is thank goodness I found this forum and the great people that are a part of it!

I'm here because it just feels so wonderful to be able to be with a group of people who understand what life is really like to be in constant pain.... that is all I want.....understanding.....it's just so darn frustrating because one can look fantastic on the outside but no one can see the inside.... I try so hard to always keep up a strong, brave front all the time... but I cycle.... it is hard to try to comprehend that "chronic" is forever and for me getting worse all the time.... I don't post often anymore but would like to.....

Hello Chutz and nice to meet you....I originally came here because my sister was a member (damouthy1) She told me about this site and I came here and spent a lot of time just reading... looking for answers! I am not one to burden others with my problems, I have always been the problem solver....the one EVERYONE came to. The one who always listened and gave great advice but always took on all of my problems by myself....until now....until I starting feeling like I could not handle this alone and feeling like all I ever did was whine anymore! And feeling like no one understood! So after reading, and seeing that people do understand, I joined....just recently and have been amazed at the people here! So many have already helped me sooo much! I hope to be much more then just a taker, because that is who I am, but don't want to jump in to quick! I am new and don't want people to feel like I am pushy or something! I love to help even if it is just by saying I understand!! I am looking very forward to getting to know more of you better and being the one that helps someone feel better someday!

Take care of you.....all of you!
Beckey

Glenn, I understand what you are saying about some of the research and I sort of agree with it to a certain extent. I think a big part of that comes from what the person's mental makeup is about to begin with and how they deal with their problems as a whole. There are people that cannot deal with any type of illness or sickness in their life and when it happens they feel they will never be well again or the same and will dwell or spend too much time thinking about it. I have seen this happen before and it really does exist. sad but true.

Many can come to a forum such as HW and learn so much as well.

RetiredMom very well put. This is the only forum I have ever belonged to and I do understand what Glenn was writing about on those studies about the effects of forums and illness and such. I think alot of it goes with the persons mental makeup and how they perceive either an illness or an injury in their life. It is healthy for everyone to take a break from here from time to time because of the nature of the forum. Kind of like getting fresh breath of air we all need that.

This is a very interesting thread. Taking some intriguing turns. Thanks for starting it, Chutz. I do tend to be in agreement with Retiremom's post, and am glad Glenn raised the aspect of forums sometimes having a downside. I think it has to do with maybe getting too immersed in the negative aspects of our life for too long, and not take breaks and try to find some sort of a new life even with CP. I think for me HW has helped and is helping me to move through the process of facing the challenge that no, this isn't going away, and no, I don't like it, and so now what am I going to do with what's been handed to me?

I'm still not 'there" yet, but I believe I'm inching closer to some better level of acceptance, and maybe, just maybe, believing there might be some different life I can still make out of the chaos that exists now. I hope I'm making sense, as I'm just speaking my own ramblings!

I do think one important distinction between HW and other forums is the fact it's moderated, and the forum rules set up by Peter Waite. I think those components make all the difference in the world.

PaLady

I want to thank you Chutz for starting this tread too. It made me really think about my time spent here. I first found this forum awhile back before I was diagnosed with fibro and just kind of hung around the migraine/headache group. I didn't register and just read posts. The migraine group is pretty quiet from my experience (maybe it's because we always have a headache lol) it just doesn't seem as "busy" as here and fibro. Anyway, after I was diagnosed with fibro I jumped right in and wanted answers. That was when I registered and started asking questions. Now I feel guilty for not trying to support my fellow headachers! I was pretty selfish and your post today made me realize that! Once I started getting so many responses to my posts and realized how much everyone here cares, I then started to try and offer support. I just hope it isn't too little, too late. So I guess this is an apology for being so self absorbed. I have always been a caring person and usually the one people come to for answers and support, I don't know why being online was different. Thank you all for opening my eyes and showing me that you can make friends online and help others and be helped by others! This place is amazing!

And "a time to sew and a time to reep!" That's me!!! Pete the farmerboy" I planted 29 tomato plants and 34 lettus plants just the other day! I know I'm late but it's my first garden since I moved to the country and I started everything from seeds when I saw the price of a tomato plant!!! $3.50 for a 6" plant> they'rte crazier than me!! My corn is late too but is over 2' and my watermellons have tons of flowers. I know this isn't "on topic" but those are some of the words to your song. I love the Birds version of it!
Sorry for jumping in but I'm so excited about my little farm thing!~!
Hugs to all!
Farmerboy Pete!

Well said Chutz! I agree that this place is wonderful, just brush off the bad eggs and move forward. We Rock!