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I've been trying not to Whine....

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Posted 6/15/2010 9:53 PM (GMT 0)
I have really tried hard not to post, because I have been so miserable! I just want to cry! I've known for the past several months that I needed to increase my pain meds, but I could not afford my COBRA insurance or the higher dosage of my pain meds. Well my husband and I decided last week that we were going to have to just pay the 4 months I owed on COBRA, because I just could not live like this anymore!! I take MS-contin and had been taking the 30mg - 3 times a day, but as of Friday, I went up to 60 mg - 3 times a day. I doubled my dosage, and for 2 days, I felt pretty good! Starting yesterday and today, I feel like nothing has changed and I am back to being miserable. The last MRI I had was almost 3 years ago and they told me there was a "non-specific" problem at L5-S1 with nerve impingement. I have, since then, had lower back pain that never completely goes away but used to, at least, be manageable! On the old standby scale of 1 - 10, I could keep my pain at about a 2 or 3. It is kind of hard using that scale because it is based on each person's opinion of what their pain is, however, I have always believed that I have a high tolerance to pain. I also had all the nerve problems in my hips legs and feet ranging from numbness to tingling to terrible pain and cramps along with spasms. Recently I also found out, after a trip to the ER with new pain, that I had 3 "good sized" cysts in my uterus, 2 small cysts on my right ovary and one large cyst on my left ovary. The one on the left is 2 1/2 inches across, which when compared to the size of an ovary is huge, and it is twisting my ovary and pushing against my bowels. Monthly...ladies...that pain is excruciating!! I just can not seem to get any relief anymore! My back hurts bad all the time. I guess I get an hour or so of some relief after my meds, but it is terrible! I am also totally exhausted and now the joint pain is starting again! I have it in my fingers, thumbs and some in my wrists now. I also noticed going down the stairs today that my knees hurt too. I just feel like crying....and I have been....quite a bit. I don't go anywhere and send my husband to friends houses without me because I am so miserable. I would prefer he go without me then stay home with me because I just would rather be alone!! I am grumpy and would prefer just going to bed....but I don't get good sleep because I wake up several times a night hurting! I guess hand in hand with my pain, the depression is taking over too! I just feel like it is consuming me! I am afraid that I am going to be totally crippled before I am 50 and that is only 5 years away!! I am scared! I don't know why I seem to just be getting worse and I don't know how much more I can take! I am so sorry....did not mean to go on so long....just needed to get some of this out!!!

Take care of you.....all of you!

Beckey
Posted 6/15/2010 11:00 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Beckey -

First, don't apologize for venting... that's what we are here for :) I'm sorry for all of the stuff you are going through, I really am. It's too much for one person to deal with, definitely! Many of us here w/ chronic pain suffer from depression, too. Do you take something for it? Without my Effexor - I'm a mess :) So - if you aren't on something - I definitely would recommend you thinking about it. If you are on something, do you think it needs adjusting? I was on Zoloft for the longest time (years) and, one day, it suddenly quit working.

I'm not saying that medication is the only answer.... or that it takes away all the depression.... but it does help with the "chemical" component of it all.

I wish I had some magic words of advice... but I absolutely understand what you are saying. I'm 37 and I wonder how things will be in a few years from now. That being said - I *try* to take things day-by-day and just do the best I can do for that day. Sometimes, looking at the bigger picture is just TOO much!

Take care, Beckey... I hope you feel better soon...
--Tina
Posted 6/16/2010 12:01 AM (GMT 0)
Dear Beckey
I am so sorry you are hurting so bad, and actually just like me. I just finished posting the same kind of thing. And i just finished talking to my husband and saying i don't know how I am suppose to keep going like this with these horrible headaches. I too am so depressed. I don't know how to get out of bed each day. And I haven't except today I had a massage appt and then a doppler test this afternoon. I have no meds that will help. I am lost and sad and beside myself. So I know exactly where you are. Like Tina said we can only take it one day at a time. Quite often I take it one hour at a time. I can lend you my ear so i can listen to you and my shoulder so you can lean on me. We will help each other and everyone else here to get thru each day. It's all we can do sometimes.

I am sending you a huge hug because I care and it makes me feel like I can help someone and it takes my mind off of my own pain.
Love
Posted 6/16/2010 12:07 AM (GMT 0)
Yes Beckey Girl , your not whining at all , just sharing your feelings with your friends , and you are always welcome to do so .Please try to hang in there and stay positive , things will improve I'm sure . Mikel
Posted 6/16/2010 12:13 AM (GMT 0)
Please don't think you are whining....you're not! It seems like these increased pain times make us feel so lost and like relief is impossible. I honestly understand exactly how you feel with this and wish there was some way I could help!

I find that adding ultracet (tramadol/tylonol combination) to my pain meds helps a great deal with the fibro and arthritis type pains. It seems to offset some of the other issues too.

I wish you the best!
Posted 6/16/2010 1:26 AM (GMT 0)
(((((((((Beckey)))))))))). I know you hurt. I know that you are stressed & scared, but try not to look too far ahead. Yes, that is easier said than done (I'm guilty of doing that too), but it might help to make things feel a little less overwhelming (emotionally, anyway). Just think about what you have to get done during the next hour or the next day. We don't know what is going to happen two days from now, let alone 5 years from now. A lot could change in 5 yrs, so don't dwell on the "what if's" too much.

Also, depression can undoubtably make pain worse, so if you can get your depression under control (either through meds or therapy), you might not only feel better emotionally, but physically as well. That's certainly not to say that all of your pain is caused by "something in your head," but it has been shown that things like lack of sleep, stress, and depression all increase the intensity of pain we feel (it's kinda like how someone who is run down has a temporarily weaker immune system & is more susceptible to harmful bacteria & viruses). Of course pain also causes depression, stress, and lack of sleep... Ugh, it hurts my brain to think about the cyclical nature of it all!

I hope you are feeling a little better tonight.

hugs,
Skeye
Posted 6/16/2010 1:50 AM (GMT 0)
Tina, Suzane, Mikel, Retired Mom and Skeye thank you all so much for responding! When I logged back on, tears came to my eyes and these were good tears for a change. I have always been the one who helps, not the one needing it, which is why it is so difficult for me to ask for help....even when I need it!!! I did forget to mention that I am on Cymbalta. They chose that for my depression because it also helps with the nerve pain. I took it a few years ago and it seemed to help me much better at that time then it does now! I am not really sure if it is helping. The nerve stuff has lessened but is still there. It is different, also, I don't have the spidery feelings and stuff like that, but I still have the really bad stuff....like the foot cramps that wake me up at night!! I am starting to believe more that the "unknown" flare that happened a few weeks ago is RA. My hands are so stiff in the morning and after the stairs several times today....my knees are killing me! I would assume, that because there was an injury in my back, it would add to my back pain too. It is just soooo consistent, lately!! I feel like I never get a chance to breath, let alone...relax, sleep or just think without pain! I truly feel like at times it consumes me! Anyway...thank you again...all of you and I will do my very best to not stress to much about the future that is further then an hour away!!! LOL.....I really do understand what you mean! I was just trying to lighten up a little!! You are all amazing and I thank God I joined this forum....well I thank my sister too (damouthy1).....she told me to come here! Please know you helped me get through the night and I truly appreciate all of your friendships!! Like I said, you are all amazing!!

A little note to Suzane, thank you for responding....you have so much on your plate with all of your pain and you took the time to talk to me! That means a lot!! With all my pain, I still can not handle headaches....never have been able to!! I feel for you, with all of your pain!!

All of you.....thanks sooooo much and take care of you!!!!
One more time.....you are all amazing people!

Hugs,
Beckey
Posted 6/16/2010 8:25 AM (GMT 0)
Beckey I am sorry you are feeling so bad, hope things slow down for you. But, as one of the members said, some times trying to look at the big picture is just too much, and it is easier to take it a day at a time, not so ovverwhelming. One thing I wanted to point out, is your female problems you have going on can contribute to your back pain I do hope you plan on getting into your ob/gyn about these issues to see what can be done. I would not dismiss the problems at all.

Take care.
Posted 6/16/2010 1:10 PM (GMT 0)
Awww Sis, See I told you it's ok to whine here! If we don't get it out sometimes I fear that we will explode! I know how bad it has gotten for you, I see it everyday. I wish I could do something to help, I know how you felt last July when I had the never ending migraine and there was nothing you could do. We have always been so close and take on each others pain (both physically and emotionally). I can still remember you pushing and grunting right along with me when I had my children (I know tmi..lol) It was hysterical! Even though we can't take away each others pain, we can at least support each other and be the shoulder to cry on. I love you Sis!
Posted 6/16/2010 1:43 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Sis!!! I love you too!
Posted 6/16/2010 5:46 PM (GMT 0)
antbuggy-
I didn't hear a word of whining:o)

catahoula
Posted 6/16/2010 6:52 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Catahoula, and thanks again to everyone here! It feels like a wonderful little family here! I am doing a little better today, probably because I have spent most the day in bed! I hate that too! I am not hurting AS bad but I feel so weak and shaky today. Anyway, I hope everyone has a low pain day and everyone takes care of themselves! I think I may have lunch and go back to bed!

Thanks again!
Hugs,
Beckey
Posted 6/16/2010 7:14 PM (GMT 0)
I am glad you feel a bit better today beckey. And don't worry if you have to be in bed. I am often in bed with ice on my head. Sometimes it's all I can do. Hang in there girl and keep us posted.

Hugs
Posted 6/16/2010 8:24 PM (GMT 0)

   Dear Beckey,

 

      Good efternoon *hugg* How are you doing so far today? Any improvements or just in a holding pattern? I hope you are doing a little bit better by now. You really have alot going on, in so many areas of your body... it must be weighing heavily on you. No doubt you are frustraited with it all. Who could blame you? That is ALOT to try to live with.

 

     I have had surgeries for cysts on my uterus and ovaries only when they became VERY large. The others burst eventually, and cause alot of.."irritation" and stiffness while the fluid is being absorbed in your body after bursting. I would suggest seeing and GYN for it. They have such detailed knowladge about this sort of thing, it helps a great deal. Also, they can keep an eye on the ones that are hardening and becomming large, in case you need surgery to remove them... thou no doubt this is the last thing you need on your plate. When I had the ones that did eventually need surgery... I would put 2 pillows behind my knees when I sat and layed..well not really layed down... my head was elevated and also pillows under my knees. I would set the heating pad on low with auto shut off, put it on my belly and fall asleep that way. The discomfort and stiffness from the bigger cysts on our female areas HURT, while standing and sleeping. It was all that would really help until surgery. I was given many meds... but obviously as you well know, meds do very little for the larger cysts.

 

    Most of all I want you to know you are NOT WHINING! Not one bit! We care, we really do. And we want to know how your doing if your elated or sad. Happy or just plain mad. We just want to know how YOU are holding up. And try to not be hard on yourself. You really are doing VERY well at adjusting to what life is tossing in your path. You really are. *hugg*

 

    *warm huggs*

        dani

Posted 6/17/2010 12:50 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Dani, are you doing okay since your trip? You are very brave....I have turned down soooo many things because I am afraid I can't "handle" it! Hope you are doing well!! I am okay....thanks to everyone here! Not a lot better and I slept most of the day today.....I feel like such a lazy butt when I do that! But I will get through this too!! Thanks again to my wonderful CP family!

Take care of you!
Beckey
Posted 6/17/2010 4:20 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Beckey!

I will just start by saying Ditto, Ditto, Ditto...lol What a great bunch of advice and love from everyone, including me too! I too am on an antidepressant and like above, without it I'm a crying mess. You mentioned that you were on Cymbalta a while back but now it doesn't seem to help. That's normal with this medication, apparently. From what I've read, for the people who find Cymbalta helpful it only lasts about 2+ years and then begins to give out. Your body gets used to it and it's no longer effective. But then that's the way it is will most all antidepressants. After several years you often have to switch to a different one and then maybe back to the original after a while. I sure would give that avenue some investigation. I personally think that getting the antidepressant working right would make a huge difference. When depression keeps us down then there's not much hope of getting control of the other parts of our lives that are difficult. At least that's how it is for me!

I do hope you begin to feel better soon. Always come here and share...that's what you were doing, ya know. ;-) If you were whining I'm sure your sis would let you know...hahahaaaaa.....

Warm hugs,
Chutz
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