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My kids were in a car accident last night

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Posted 7/17/2010 6:14 PM (GMT 0)
My older two kids were in a bad car accident last night. My son was driving my daughter home from work around 11:00 last night when a deer jumped out in front of him and he swerved to miss it and ended up in a ditch. It was my son, my daughter, my son's girlfriend and my daughters boyfriend in the car. None of them were wearing seatbelts and got banged up pretty bad. Thankfully no one was killed.

My daughter flew from the backseat into the windshield and got cut up really bad. She had to get her scalp sewn back together and her lip, her face is really cut and scraped up. My son's girlfriend broke her leg and I think my son broke his knee but won't go back to the hospital to get an xray.

He is blaming himself and it wasn't his fault. There was no drugs or alcohol involved, he didn't even get a ticket but he is a wreck! I feel so helpless to help him or my daughter, her face is really messed up but the doctor's say it will heal up good.

I don't know how much more my family can take! I see the rheumatologist on Wed. and hoping for some answers as to what is going on with me. I really wish life had a rewind button, I could really use one right now. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. I hope all of you are doing well and having low pain. Take care.

 

Posted 7/17/2010 6:35 PM (GMT 0)
My God Shannon I'm so sorry ! Thank God there alive ! Give your son some time hes probably still in sbock , but I hope he goes to the hospital and gets seen too . And I alsp hope your daughter heals quickly , with cosmetic surgery like it is today I'm sure she'll be fine in the end , I surely hope so . Please hang in Shannon and try to stay positive , they are alive and thats the important thing . Hoping it turns out well very much , Mikel
Posted 7/17/2010 7:05 PM (GMT 0)
Shannon,

Wow! That is really scary! I'm so glad that everyone made it out (relatively) okay! It sounds like there isn't much that your son could have done to avoid the accident. I've had deer jump out in front of me before & only by sheer luck, did I avoid getting in an accident. It happens so fast & it's a lose-lose situation: hit the deer, total the car; swerve to avoid the deer, total the car. I think anyone would be pretty shaken if they were put in that situation.

I hope they all have a speedy recovery!

hugs,
Skeye
Posted 7/17/2010 7:11 PM (GMT 0)
I love you sis! Somehow we have got to find out who it was that we ticked off so bad, and make amends, so they will remove this terrible curse they have put on our family!!

We will all get through this one too! Thanks for the concern from all of our caring friends here on HW!

Hugs,
Beckey
Posted 7/17/2010 7:14 PM (GMT 0)
Shannon,

I am so very sorry! Hubby had a deer jump in front of his Volvo on a freeway a few years ago but at least he was driving a sturdy car and was wearing his seat belt. The car didn't look good but he was fine.

I will sure include extra prayers for the young ones for quick healing to their bodies but even more for they heart and souls. You son is going to hear and see that crash and his friends hurt for the rest of his life. If someone hasn't already suggested it, I would very seriously suggest some counseling for him and maybe the sister.

And please remember that YOU count too. Take care of yourself and work at de-stressing. One thing to remember...you have them alive! They are banged up and may have some scars but they are alive and in your arms.

Hugs,
Chutzie
Posted 7/17/2010 7:19 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all so much! I am so thankful that they all walked away too. It could of been much worse. My son's girlfriend just had more xrays done and she doesn't have a broken leg, so that was some good news. I believe my daughters wrist may be broken though, but we live in such a small town that a radiologist wont see the xrays until Monday. They put a splint on it for now. The doctor says she should have very minimal scarring (hard to believe by how bad she looks) but that is such good news too. She is doing well mentally and emtionally and my son seems to be doing a little better as the day goes on.
Thank you all again for your well wishes, it means alot to me.
Posted 7/17/2010 7:22 PM (GMT 0)
Oh and Chutz, I agree. I do think he will need someone to talk to. He doesn't think so, he thinks he should beat himself up for the rest of his life! I will check into where I can take him on Monday. Thank you for caring...I love all you guys!
Posted 7/17/2010 9:56 PM (GMT 0)
Shannon,
I'm so sorry to read of this but like everyone am glad it wasn't worse, as it sure could have been. Chutz has an excellent suggestion about counseling - but the best would be to try to find someone experienced dealing with trauma. The earlier this is handled, the less chance a person has of developing PTSD later on. That's what they're learning from the soldier in combat zones. And there are a lot of new techniques that can help that aren't always just "talk" therapy. Again, someone trained in dealing with trauma, critical incident debriefing, mental health aspects of disasters, etc. would be best for him. But I'd have him get that knee looked at. We all know how important these knees of ours are, and how aging affects them, but with an early injury it makes things worse for him later in life. He may feel guilty and that he doesn't deserve treatment, but we all know different. And even if it's not "broken" there are lots of ligaments, etc. in the knee to be injured.

For your daughter I hope there's a good cosmetic surgeon available for a consult. If one hasn't been called in for her, I'd ask her doctor for one.

And I hope you can find some peace yourself with all this going on. It could have been so, so much worse. We just had two fatalities in separate accidents here yesterday. I hope they've all learned the value of seat belts!

Hugs to you!

PaLady
Posted 7/18/2010 3:58 AM (GMT 0)
 

    Dear Shannon,

 

     It always good to hear from you of course. But, goodness, I am so sorry that your children were hurt in the accident. I know you must be worried to no end, even if they are injuried that they will heal from. I know you have alot on your plate, so I wont chatt away endlessly. Please know your family is our prayers tonight.

 

*hugg*

  dani

 

p.s. I know when our loved ones are hurt or sick we want to take care of them... but try to take care of yourself as well. It wont do to have you in extreme flare on top of everything else. *hugg*

Posted 7/18/2010 5:41 AM (GMT 0)
damouthy1

I am glad that they all survived and no super serious injuries, yes they are all extremely lucky!!! damouthy Please Please Please stress the importance of wearing seat belts to them, I know that younger folk often don't, I have a daughter and husband that do no aways put them on, and I harp on them about that all the time! In my state, they stop you and give you a ticket if you do not have them on! They are very very lucky indeed, and I do hope that they will all be alright! Anyway deer are a major problem in the area where I live too, my ex hit one few years back and did over 5 grand worth of damage to the front end of our Mercury Gran Mar Que. Deer are dangerous, and also out in my area, on the country roads, you have to be extremely careful at all the intersections of the country roads, because of the corn that is planted you can not see other trafic, and every year in my area, we have at least a couple of people killed, from accidents on these blind intersections! My good friends their kids went to school with my kids, and we used to play cards every Saturday night with them before we got divorced. Anyway there 22 year old son was killed, out in the country at one of these intersections, he got T-boned by a pick-up truck, and it was all because of the corn blocking everything on all four corners and they were both just cruising along about 55 mph! During the late summer I try and avoid these country roads, and when I do drive them I slow to a snails pace when approaching thise blind intersections. You just never know! I would agree that maybe counseling might help your son, if he continues to blame himself, watch him and see how he is doing! You know it might have been a whole heck of a lot worse, had he hit the deer, as they have been known to come up through the windshield and that can really have tragic consequences! Several people in the area where I live have had that happen, one of them was fatal to the driver! I do wish you and all your family all the best, hang in there your luck will change!

White Beard
Posted 7/18/2010 5:54 AM (GMT 0)
Oh Shannon.  I'm so sorry that your kids were in an accident but I'm glad that they're doing reasonably well.  Take care of yourself as well so you don't get sick yourself.

 

love and  hugs

Loretta

Posted 7/18/2010 9:23 AM (GMT 0)
So sorry for all the stress you and yours are going through! My Grandmother used to say "This too shall pass!" and it will! We live and learn and your son will too, God bless you and your Fam's!
Big Hugs,
Pete
Posted 7/18/2010 3:52 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks again guys, I always know I can count on all of you for support and some very wise words! I am carrying alot of guilt myself because as a parent I never pushed the seatbelt issue. My parents didn't and I have never been in an accident to make me realize how important seatbelts are. As the doctor was sewing my daughters scalp back together he said that none of these injuries would of happened if she had been wearing on. I know that to be true, because she flew from the backseat into the windshield.

Needless to say, my family and I learned a tough lesson this weekend. The new rule is, the car doesn't even start until seatbelts are on! My son's girlfriend is working hard to completely drain him of any sanity he might have left. I have talked to Dani a little bit about her, and right now it is a disaster! She walked away with a bruised knee (they thought her leg was broken by the way she was screaming and crying and the xray showed a line in her leg which had been there since birth but the docotrs in our town didn't know) but you would think she was dying!

My daughter looks horrible but when the girlfriend comes around she moans and groans at how bad she is. She tried to tell us last night that the doctor's said if she moves her leg at all the tendons will blow up. Well I had spoke with her Mom and already knew what was going on. So I called her out on it and my daughter told her she would trade her places anyday! My son feels so much guilt anyway that he really doesn't need her crap. He can't even look at his sister without losing it.

Anyway, sorry to start rambling here, I am just a mess. Once again thank you all so much my friends, your concern and well wishes mean so much to me! I hope you all are doing well and having low pain. Take care.
Posted 7/18/2010 4:27 PM (GMT 0)
I am so sorry for what your family is suffering right now!  I do feel that your children will be OK because they bounce back pretty well at that age.  I worry about you feeling guilty and your son feeling guilty....do you see the connection?  Imagine (Mom feels responsible because she didn't insist on seat belts.....son feels responsible because he had the accident...) 

Perhaps some family counseling about guilt could be of benefit.  Please don't get me wrong, my WHOLE family suffers from this overwhelming guilt complex.  I see signs of it in my daughter too.  She was worried because I left the house the other night without taking her (her father was home) and she thought she had done something wrong to have to stay home....guilty...I had only gone to help with a computer problem at my mother's and didn't want to have to drag her out that late.  It was not punishment and had nothing to do with her, but she felt guilty and couldn't even explain why.

My psych has helped me with this a lot.  He has given me the ability to say no without being consumed by the guilt that I could have prevented or should have done something when I never had control of the situation anyway.  Your son is feeling guilty when he didn't really have any control....the deer ran out in front of him...period.  It was not his fault!  You had no control over this accident either and did the best you could with your children.  You obviously love them very much. 

Please quit kicking yourselves for something that you had NO control over...and consider letting your son read some of these posts.  He should never allow another human being to "make" him feel guilt.  That relationship is doomed to fail if she continues to manipulate and he allows it....and he will be left with the scars to prove it. 

A very wise person once said that nobody can make you feel bad about yourself unless you let them.

I wish you all the best!

 

Posted 7/18/2010 9:33 PM (GMT 0)
Shannon,
If you need to feel a teeny tiny bit of guilt about not having emphasized seat belts while they were growing up, fine, but don't let it fester. You know the 12 steps are really good strategies for all of us in how to live life. You acknowledge things you did, make amends when you can (like you have with the "new rule"), and then forgive yourself and move on. Life happens. Your children were not little kids, however, and I'm sure they've heard things about seat belts in driver's ed or taking their driver's test - think they could have passed without a seat belt on? No, they were old enough to make choices, too, and again SOME guilt isn't such a bad thing if we rectify what we can, learn from it, and then forgive ourselves or others and MOVE ON. Let the guilt go.

As far as the deer goes, that wasn't something anyone had control over, with or without seat belts. I hit one myself several years ago, and it was frozen in my headlights and I couldn't do a thing to stop. Then on top of it, after hitting the front of my car it swung around and hit the driver's door. I was lucky I wasn't injured, and was wearing a seat belt (guess I've had too much old religious guilt in me! LOL) but my car had over $4,000 worth of damage. Add to that I had those deer whistles they used to sell on my car (we have a lot of deer around here at certain times of the year) and I still hit one. Accidents happen. I hope your son can begin to accept that. He couldn't have done one thing to prevent that deer from being where it was. Nothing. It wasn't hit fault at all. NO GUILT there!

To me a "healthy" amount of guilt isn't bad if we did something wrong or violate some of our own principles of how to behave, etc. But too many people let it fester instead of acknowledging it, doing what you can, and moving on. Take a look at the 12 steps and think about it. But the deer was a pure accident. It's kind of like how many of us got in our situations. Stuff happened that in many cases was not in our control, and the best we can do is manage what we have.

Hugs,

PaLady
Posted 7/19/2010 10:12 PM (GMT 0)
Shannon,

I haven't been able to post much in the past few days, but I wanted to let you know that I read about your kids and have included your family in my prayers. I'm so sorry for what happened, but also glad that nothing more happened.... How are they doing today?

I understand the "mom" guilt thing, definitely. But I agree w/ the others - this is something you had no control over, and as you know, life can happen at any point, any time. It's hard being a parent, though, isn't it?

Re: your son's g-friend.... I'm sure it's difficult for you to listen to it all, and also not to say anything! It would be difficult for me, that I do know!

Anyway, please know we are all here for you.... and I sure hope your kids recover quickly... and that you hang in there w/ everything. Keep us updated...

Take good care, Tina
Posted 7/20/2010 3:40 PM (GMT 0)
I just wanted to thank you all again for your care and concern and most of all your wise words! My kids are healing (both physically and emotionally) a little each day. They are very close and always have been so they are spending alot of time together talking through things. For some reason right now, because they both blacked out alot of what happened that night they are trying to piece things together about what happened.

I don't know how long they need to talk about it, but I hope in time we can put it behind us and move forward. They both feel a strong need to see the car (it is still in the ditch, we are having a hard time finding someone to get it out) So, I guess today I am going to take them to see it. I worry because my daughter lost alot of blood in the car and it is really bad. I hope this is the right thing to do. They feel like they need to see it to put closure on this. Any idea's if this will make things better?

Oh, and my son did read all of your posts and it helped him so much! I will never be able to thank you guys enough. The fact that people that don't know him had so much compassion and are so worried about him gave him a completely different outlook. Your posts helped him to not blame himself so much, he still does to a point but after reading what everyone wrote you could almost see the weight of the world moving off of his shoulders. Thank you again, and I hope everyone is doing well and having a wonderful and low pain week!
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