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Posted 8/8/2010 8:19 PM (GMT 0)
Hello all of my dear family, I hope you are all having a LPD! I just wanted to stop in and say hello and tell you what a wonderful visit I had...just wish I would have felt better! Friday afternoon. my daughter got her for a visit from Colorado. It has been almost a year since I have seen her and it has been a rough year at that. When she left Nebraska, almost a year ago....she was a mess! She had just gotten out of re-hab and prior to re-hab she was in a mental hospital. She was really messed up. She was on ativan for anxiety and was abusing them and mixing them with alcohol... and the results were terrible! She would black out and be violent and physically fight with anyone around her. It was terrible. I could tell when she left for Colorado that, even though she had just gotten out of re-hab, she was not okay! She kept telling me she was and that she needed to go back to Colorado so that she could "have a life" because there was nothing for her in this small town! Which was true, but I knew she was not okay! So I worried and wondered daily! Received phone calls at 1 or 2 or 3 am with her drunk and crying about how terrible everything was! I finally had to tell her that I could not do this and I would turn my cell phone off at night. She was 21 and I could not fix herand was too far away to help her out of her jams! Then I got the call in the morning.....she had just gotten out of jail and had gone and picked up her car! Turns out.... when she picked up her car it was wrecked and she had no idea what had happened and she had been arrested for DUI! I did not know what to say. I told her that I loved her no matter what, but that mom could not fix this one! I told her I would always be here to listen and to stand behind her, but she had to take charge of her life and stand up to what she had done! Well, she has! She is working FT at King Soopers as a checker, she bought a car, pays her insurance, pays for her intoxilizer (sp) that she has to have in the car, pays all her bills, has taken her classes required already and has not even had her sentencing!

When she showed up here....I saw my baby girl again! She had life in her eyes again! Family here had a get together and everyone was drinking pretty heavy....Amber had 2 beers and that was it! Everyone kept pushing.....because of course they knew "Amber the party animal" and she said "no, I'm good. I had a couple beers and that is all I want. I hardly ever even drink anymore!" Needless to say, I was so happy! We had a very nice visit Saturday morning and just spent some precious time together before she had to go. It was so nice! The only bad part.....of course.....I felt horrible and still do! She wanted us to go to the lake and I couldn't, so she took Shannon's kids which both them and her really enjoyed! I just wish I would have felt a little better! But it could have been worse....I could have felt like I do today! She looked at me and said "Mom, I am not trying to make you feel bad, please know that....but I can tell how bad you have been since I left! You do not look good at all" Then she started crying and hugged me! So anyway......it was wonderful to see her and to see that she is OKAY, but CP had to rear it's o-so-ugly head!!

Miss and love you all! Take care everyone!

hugs,
Beckey
Posted 8/8/2010 9:05 PM (GMT 0)
I am so happy you had a wonderful visit with your daughter and that she has overcome some difficult issues herself. I wish you could have felt better too.

I can feel some of what you are saying. This weekend my husband went away with the boys to this home town where it was his brother's 35th wedding anniversary party. Of course I did not go due to the pain issues. but anyways my 21 yr old son was talking to him and telling him how much he misses his mom and how it hurts him to see me in so much pain. Well that just did me in and I just cried and cried. My poor boys and husband have been thru a lot in these past ten years, seeing their mother suffer so much.. I only wish.......I am lucky to have such a special family and a hubby made of GOLD.

Hug your kids and tell them you love them tonight.

Love
Posted 8/8/2010 9:52 PM (GMT 0)
Beckey...

So glad things are better w/ your daughter... I bet it was wonderful to see your little girl back to "herself".

I'm sorry, though, that you are suffering so much... and pray you'll get answers - and relief - soon.

Hugs, Tina
Posted 8/8/2010 10:09 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Paula and Suzane....it was very good to see her and relieved a lot of my stress about her! I have always been one to praise my daughter and tell her I am proud of her! The past year or so it was hard to find things to be proud of....even though I have always loved her with everything I have! So....I would still celebrate the little things....like when she got the job, I told her how proud I was....or when she stuck it out when she did not get the first promotion (she did get one later) I always tell her I am proud! She is an only child and my biggest mistake was always taking care of her problems for her.....fixing things and spoiling her rotten! I protected her from everything even life! It is hard not to do those things, but there has to be a limit! You have to make them responsible! Now she is and I could finally look at her and say "I am sooo proud of you baby!" and mean it with my whole heart and soul! That was the very best part!!!!!

I just would have given anything to feel halfway decent....to go to the lake....to stay later at the get together for her (which I left in tears!) to be able to just be me!

Anyway, I know everyone here understands and have suffered through the same things and I feel for you all!! Thank you for listening and understanding and I am praying that somehow, someday we will all find a way to feel better!! Take care!

Hugs,
Beckey
Posted 8/8/2010 10:10 PM (GMT 0)
Sorry Tina....we were posting at the same time! Thanks for responding hun! How are you holding up? how are them babies? Take care of you and babies!!!

Hugs,
Beckey
Posted 8/8/2010 10:19 PM (GMT 0)
Wow,

You and your family have really had a trying time and made it through all the better for it. That is so good. Hopefully she sticks to it. Tough love really does work. I have had to do that with my adoptive daughter. that and some trouble she got in were a real wake up call for her as well. She's now married with 2 buitifull daughters and a really good job. Hang in there, I know it's hard and you will always wonder if she is doing the right thing.

My daughter recently read me a report she had to do for school. I didn't realize how much the disease and pain had taken a toll on me either, until I heard it through her eyes. I hope you feel better and am so happy for your daughter. Gentle hugs, Heather

Posted 8/9/2010 3:56 AM (GMT 0)
 

   Dear Becky,

 

     It is so good to hear from you. *hugg* I was wondering how things went after we had a chance to talk during chat night. Goodness, what wonderful news! And you know why it is so special? Because she did it all, by herself, because SHE wanted to. That is what makes the difference. I can tell she has alot of her mothers fight in her and I can see you did a great job! I wish you two were able to spend more time together. I sure do hope you two are able to visit again soon.

 

     Hearing your news really brightened my evening *hugg* Gosh you raise a beautifully intelligent daughter.

 

*hugg*

  dani

Posted 8/9/2010 2:59 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Dani and Mama6,

Thanks so much for responding! I miss my daughter already.....but I don't feel so lonely thanks to my family here!

Take care of you....all of you!
Hugs,
Beckey
Posted 8/9/2010 5:31 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Beckey Girl , I'm so happy for you my friend thats so great that Amber is feeling well now . She is beautiful just like her Mom , she's shown great strength getting thru a rough time . I know this must've been a hard time for you too , but apparently she has your strength and resilency , its great ! I sure hope it continues forever and she moves on to the wonderul life she deserves , which I know will make you very happy , and then I'll be happy too ! Continued good fortune to you and Amber Sweet Beckey ! Mikel
Posted 8/9/2010 9:44 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you so much Mikel! You are an amazing friend! Take care of you!
Posted 8/10/2010 5:20 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Sis, it really did turn out to be a great visit didn't it? I wish that both of us would of felt better, but I am so happy to see that my niece is doing so much better! You are right in saying she had life in her eyes again, that was the first thing I noticed too! See, you got your babygirl back, it just took some time!
Posted 8/10/2010 6:45 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks sis.....you know how much that means to me!! You were always able to see through Amber's bull when she was in her addiction! I mat not have liked to hear it but I needed to at the time! You gave me the strength to help her in the right way instead of just fixing the messes she made!

Love ya',
Beckey
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