How Men Think....It is not that we don't care.

As I read through many posts I see a somewhat common theme among the ladies with spouses or boyfriends in that they all too often think the man in their life is fed up with them, that they don't care about them and so forth.

While it is possible this is true in some cases, and not knowing the guys in question it is impossible to say which ones, it may be more likely that the man in your life does care a great deal but because of the way guys are hardwired to think and act it does not show as you might like for it to.

For the most part men are not the nurturing type. Men are doers and fixers. When there is a problem men want to help by fixing it and when they can't it becomes a point of stress, embarrassment, and in a very real way attacks part of what they feel it means to be a man.

This all comes from thousands of years of evolution (if not millions). Kids and wife are hungry and the man goes out and gets food. They are threatened or scared and they leap to the rescue and get rid of what ever is causing the alarm. Car has a flat tire and off they go with the wrench to change it. Sure you have exceptions to this, but I am talking in general.

To a point men can learn how to be more nurturing, but even when they get part of that mastered it often fights with their need to "fix" the problem.

This is also a big part of the reason why men, when they are the ones hurting, often seem not to respond or become angry when they are hurting and all anyone can do is offer emotional support. While it does help some they are wanting whatever is wrong to be fixed, either by themselves or by someone else and when that doesn't happen.....well it is not pretty sometimes.

One last thing. Men are not mind readers. While we can sense when something is wrong we don't automatically know what you want us to do about it. We could really use some direction and more times than not we need it every time because our genetic code wants to solve the problem forever. So communicate. Let your man know what you need, what you want.

 

      Jim!....I'm glad you fixed me here!....now I'm begining to feel like a woman!

      Great post! Thanks for taking the time to post it.

            SE

Yes...men are typically classified as being left brained...logical and analytical...and women right brained.  Emotional and nuturing.  My most dibilitaing disorder is fibromyalgia even though I have a laundry list of other conditions including all kinds of spinal/back issues.  It is the ole 'eye roller' disease and it is hard enough to get a doctor to take it seriously let alone friends, family and a spouse.  We 'look' fine.  The hubby gets it when I'm gimping around because of the bulging discs compression pain, but I'm not so sure about the 'fibro flares' that can make me cry for days.  What man want to hear "don't touch me', and when I run in the house after a torturous trip through Walmart and tear my clothes off...it's not what he thinks!  It's because it hurts to just have the fabric against my skin.

Good post...good perspective.  Okay...I'll tell you what I want.  Three pounds of chocolate, a nice massage, dinner served to me as I lounge in my fibro chair and a new Hot tub.

huggies

Donna

Hi Jim. Excellent post but I've got a question for you. I understand that men are "fixers" but is it too much to expect to have my husband acknowledge that what has happened to me sucks? This is sore point with me but am I being unreasonable?

Lisa