My pity party for today:(

It just hit me like a ton of bricks today as I was driving to the Pharmacy to pick up my medicine...

Here it is, a holiday weekend, I was seeing my neighbors packing their car for a fun road trip with bikes, coolers, beach chairs....I was noticing all the people driving around getting last minute things done...And then all the people at Sam's club buying their holiday bbq foods and drinks...as well as seeing all my friends FB statuses about their fun plans for the weekend. (not that they don't invite me...just not able to go)

I also was listening to 80's/90's music in the car on the 20 minute drive there and that is when I look back and think of 'in my prime'...From after high school through age 30...before any real huge pain issues started to change my entire life...

So it was a Van Morrison song that set me over the edge with all these memories that came flooding back...

Thinking of all those holiday weekends through the years where it was me feeling great, no pain, lots of energy, tan, healthy, planning my own road trip to go camping or to the beach with friends or a boyfriend...How exciting it was to just have no money worries back then with working at a good job, looking forward to a 3 day weekend knowing I would have so much fun and feeling that giddiness of 'the world is my oyster' type feeling...

And then here I am right now...still young at 42, but my body feeling older...driving to go get my medicine, no big plans for the weekend as I certainly don't have any extra money to get away, and it will pretty much be like most other weekends with nothing too exciting...

So...I waited until after I got my medicine and was driving back home as I didn't want my face and eyes all puffy after crying walking around the store! LOL....And I don't want my mom to see me so upset at the house....So I had myself a very good 20 minute cry on the way home...Mourning the loss of my 'old self'....wallowing in my own self pity....going through the mad/sad emotions..

Then when I sat in the car for a few minutes and got myself together...Knowing that God still has big plans for me....that I'm thankful for a roof over my head, food in my fridge, my wonderful family and friends whom I love and love me back....and that it could always be worse!..LOL..

Thanks for letting me share my 'woe unto me' story...I try to only have these every so often to not sit in sadness...as I truly feel blessed in my life..but ya just have to let out those tears at times...

I believe in the saying of being never able to appreciate the beauty of the Rainbow without the rain..

So...anybody else want to share a pity party moment or a story of picking yourself up and dusting yourself off?

This can be the catharsis thread!

Hugs to my HW peeps:)

Snowbunny, I am right there with you. Oh, how we planned these long weekend getaways, but for us this weekend meant the big vacation we had been waiting for. Husband always took this time off for two weeks and I did the same. We took off with a group of friends in rv's and went down the road looking like a band of gypsies, lol. I ran across some of the pics from a couple of those vacations not long ago and it was shocking at how much we have aged. It is getting harder to sit around on each of the holidays I know that. On the other hand, I am very grateful for the memories too, those were some wonderful times in our life.

I don't mind getting older a bit, I just wish my body was a little more cooperative. I am not sure what will happen over this long weekend. My son is working out of town now for the summer so he will be in this weekend and I want to spend some time with him.

Perhaps some wine and cheese is in order for us Snowbunny.

Dont think there is much more I can add to your post Snowbunny, well said. That was my car ride yesterday exactly. 36 years old, no parties, no games, no diving in the pool, no nature walks, but i do know when all my meds are scheduled. If i didnt see facebook or supplies at Walmart i would never know its a holiday. Just another day

Snowbunny, pity parties are good for the soul as long as we don't let them lag on for days at a time. Usually once I get mine out there, then I am ok, lol. We always use to say here at the forum we always wanted to be invited to any and all of them, misery loves company you know, at least that is what they say.

No, you are not Debbie Downer either, lol

Now I am really having a bad day because someone took my frozen twix bar out of the freezer that I have been saving for a treat. I am good at controlling my emotional eating and abstained yesterday. I am feeling much better today after crying a river yesterday, but if i find out who took it i am gonna let them have it for ruining my afternoon, lol.

Snowbunny21 said...

Speaking of yummy treats...I just had my favorite sandwich of toasted whole wheat, lean roast beef, provolone cheese, chipotle mayonnaise, lettuce and sliced avocado.....pefection:)

Hope they can go get you another one to have this weekend!

Now that sandwich sounds much, much yummier than my Twix,lol. Wow, now i am hungry! I have some thin sliced dark rye out there that would make that perfect for my taste!

I bet hubby is going to put hot dogs on the grill and make macaronni and cheese. I just remind myself that at least he is cooking,lol! I cant wait to get back out to the grocery store and do the shopping!

I have pity parties about once every month too. Maybe I should put them on here and get them out there and then I will feel better.

For once in a long time, Jerome and I are having some fun on the 4th. We're going to the waterfront in Buffalo (just next door to us) They are having a free live concert, fireworks, and I don't know what else. I have my wheelchair, so I won't have to walk, and make sure I have everything I need.

It's been quite a few years since we have went out for a holiday. We always stay home because we have no family here and only one friend that keeps in touch.

I hope you get some of that corn on the cob Snowbunny. It's always the best when you're craving it yum.

I hope everyone has a good 4th no matter what you are doing.

love and hugs
Loretta

Dani used to host a weekly vent thread where we would get off our chests whatever had been bothering us. I think she had it on Monday's along with the weekly check in thread.

Snowbunny21 said...
The Rye sounds good too!!...And mac and cheese....one of my favorites!!!!

But I understand what you are saying that you want to get back out and pick the things that you want to cook...

The last man I dated used to be a chef....so I got to eat some amazing meals:)

Oh my that must have been nice! My hubby is a good cook, but right now he is stuck with simple things since he is covering everything, cleaning,kids, cooking, work. I like mac and cheese, but i think hes making it 3nights a week!

I need propane too, need to get the grill going! At the grocery store they wont load it for you, so i have been out for 3 weeks, hubby keeps foregtting it,lol.

Thanks Suzane for your sweet words!....I am divorced for about 5 years now...and just ended a 6 month relationship with a wonderful man...thankfully we ended amicably and we are still great friends...

I wasn't blessed to have children of my own because of health issues...but I have man nieces/nephews and great nieces/nephews and 'kids'..(all grown up now)...that I love and spend time with from my church youth group that I helped lead..

I am very close to my mom and I moved back home late last year to help take care of her as well as figure out my financial situation in regards to work or disability...

I love camping too!! I totally empathize with going by yourself and being independent that way...I'm glad your hubby looks after you and you can at least enjoy some time together doing that even though it's different than before...

Thanks again for your post!...

Pebbles....I'm so sorry you are having a really tough day...I understand what you mean about just 'leaning' into it...and letting yourself have a bad day....

Just PLEASE don't let that depression get too far that you would even think one second of harming yourself...I pray that it isn't that bad for you and you would call for help immediately if so.....We are always here for you...and we know what it's like to live each day in pain...

I hope that you can either call some friends to come over to spend some time...or if you are in the mood to just put on some jammies and cuddle up in bed with a good book or movie on tv...

I am sending you some BIG hugs (( ))

You're welcome SB! The support from everyone here really makes a difference, doesn't it.

Pebbs, I am so sorry you are feeling so badly but I certainly understand. My depression has been

getting the best of me for a while, and it's quite a struggle to get thru each day. Hang in there girl

and you know how to reach me.

hugs
suzane

I believe we deserve pity parties. I am in CONSTANT pain that others without CP cannot even begin to imagine, so therefore, I allow myself a release once in awhile. If we held all the emotional pain in...the results would be catastrophic to some. While my pain 'agitates' me, sometimes it is too much to bear so I simply HAVE to have a good cry, lengthy prayer, anything to get me under control and not spiral into a frenzy (which makes the pain worse!) So a simple "why me" is better than a trip to the emergency room!

Snowbunny21 --- we are the same age and my pain started in 1999 when I was 30 yrs. old. I look back of HS, College pics of me and wish I could time travel back and change an event or instant in my life that caused the pain. Memories during my 30's are nothing but trips to endless doctors and not understanding why my life took this daunting turn for me.

Only God knows...for I know there lies an answer to this pain somewhere in HIM. And that gives me hope for the future.