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Since my return to HW....

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Chronic Pain
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Posted 8/18/2011 5:53 PM (GMT 0)
I wanted to express how much I have missed you all and how much I appreciate my HW friends.  I also thought I would give you a little info on why I was gone so long.

First, I started feeling better for a while and needed the site less for support.  I didn't want to be selfish and not give others support, but I found that I was enjoying life for a while and I wanted to take advantage of that time.  Also, my daughter was with me a great deal and my adopted POM (who is thriving now with a new vet and a lot of treatment for the heartworms and emotional scars left from her abuse) was helping me to learn to let go and give love more freely.  I needed her as much as she needed me and I love her with all of my heart.  She has brought my family closer together in so many ways. 

I found that you guys still kept my interest and I checked (lurked) fairly often, but I always had someone with me and they needed my attention (as I'm sure you all understand) so I would take a quick look to check up on everyone and then go back to my family.

When I started having the major pain increases, I gave up and came back here for support.  I knew I could count on you guys to give support even if a member had been absent for a while.  It's like coming home after being away on a vacation.  I missed you all and hope to be able to stay in touch much better now.  I found out that I needed you all....especially those worse off than I am so that I can appreciate what I really have.  I've been crying a lot and complaining even more and that is never a good thing, so I came here to lean on my friends for support and to get over feeling  sorry for myslef.

Well I guess that is all I needed to say....I just wanted to say hello again and thank you all for accepting me back in to the family. 

For those I have not gotten to know yet, I look forward to meeting you and helping in some small way.....beware though....I tend to type books instead of small blips :-)

Posted 8/18/2011 7:16 PM (GMT 0)
 

      Good afternoon retiredmom! wink

           I know just how you feel!....it's quite all right to take a break from time to time, and in some ways I encourage it, as do others. The nice thing is,... that we all know where home is when we need support!

       I'm just glad your back!....and we will gladly support you!

       Take care!

   SE wink

Posted 8/18/2011 9:41 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Retiredmom, Kathy here I myself and no longer new but I have been here only since March 2011, I love to see the words "regular member" under my name its makes me feel so good.  Which brings me to words you have said, there is always someone worse off than me.  I dont like the fact that they are in so much distress, but it does make me step back from myself and say, "see, you dont have nearly the problems of ........" and makes me feel bad that I am feeling sorry for myself.

It is difficult even sometimes when I am really hurting more than I sometimes do, either I have fallen, or I stupidly pick up something knowing I shouldnt but still trying to be "normal".  Thats never going to happen, and although I have made my peace with that long ago, I still boo hoo now and then.

I am sorry you are not feeling well, but glad you knew you could come and be as welcome as if you were always there.  I know I am always grateful for this forum.  I often feel if I had known about it in 1999 or 2000, maybe...., but as we know there is no going back, only forward.

Please take care of yourself, and hope you will be feeling better soon.

Kathy

 

Posted 8/18/2011 10:53 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks SE, you always seem to understand. I can always depend on you no matter how long it has been.



Hi Kathy, I really appreciate what you have written. It feels good to know I'm not alone out there and somebody understands. I too have made peace with not being "normal" anymore, but when the pain kicks in so badly that I feel like I can't breathe (that happens a lot in the evenings.....like NOW), I get so down that I only want to cry. I feel like a bad wife, a bad mother, a bad sister, a bad daughter, a bad friend, and the list goes on and on. I feel like I was useful to the world at one time, but now I'm just another person out not contributing to anything or anyone. I feel like I'm not giving my blessed child what she deserves and she is so understanding that "Mama" is hurting really bad now and can't do "whatever".

I did make it to her Baptism a few weeks ago and was in agony the whole time. My husband was wonderful and my sisters, mother, and step-father were in tears. Everybody in the church just looked at me and I felt so horrible to be taking the day from my child. We celebrated her decision with a large family meal at a not so great restaurant, but I would love to have been able to have hosted the celebration at my home....like I used to. I used to do so much and now...well, you understand.


This too shall pass.

Thank you for everything!
Posted 8/19/2011 3:50 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Retiredmom I'm so glad to see you back my friend. I have missed you. It's good to have you back. It feels so good to know that we can take a break and then when we come back we are welcomed with open arms.

I have been missing getting the emails from you.

Welcome back. Take care. I hope you're feeling better.

love and hugs
Loretta
Posted 8/20/2011 1:25 AM (GMT 0)
So glad to see you back my friend. I have missed you. I hope your summer is going well for you.
And so happy to see how much you are enjoying your new dog.

Hope we can catch up soon.

Take care
Suzane
Posted 8/20/2011 2:36 AM (GMT 0)
RM I think it is wonderful that you had such a drop in pain and was able to enjoy some life again. Stories that this gives hope to others that even with CP there can be good quality time out there. This is something that really does need to be told by people. Lots of time taking a break from the forum is helpful as well.

I am sorry though that the pain is back and you are not feeling so well. I do hope that you can get something done to improve your situation for sure.

Aw, so you now have your pal on track and in better health that is awesome to hear. I have two hairy legged buddies and they keep me company, even when I am tired and not wanting to be sweeping up dog hair, I still don't know what life would be like without my buddies. We have had two pals always for the past 20 yrs and they are very much like our kids. We have had and still have a golden retriever and a Brittany Spaniel. They are a mess.

Keep us updated on how you are coming along. Take care.
Posted 8/21/2011 4:55 AM (GMT 0)
RM,

People come and go for a variety of reasons.... but those of us that have been here awhile - always remember those that posted a lot and made an impression - and you are one of them!! You are always welcome here - whether it's been a week or 6 months. I'm just glad to hear from you! I know how it is when day to day life takes over, trust me. But we are your family here, too, and you are always loved and always wanted. Remember that, ok??

This is my last e-mail as I just tried to do a massive catch up and I'm wiped out!! I have so much more to say.... but I gotta rest.

I read your daughter got baptized! My 12 and 13 year old sons just got baptized.... it was really incredible and stirred up so many emotions - especially realizing that they are growing up! But I'm happy I was able to make it, as I had just gotten out of the hospital. Anyway, I'm sure you had the same happiness for your daughter!!

Many hugs to you - and I'm glad you are posting again. You were dearly missed.

Love, Tina
Posted 8/21/2011 6:00 AM (GMT 0)
I'm glad you've returned. Brings out this quote by Christian Morgenstern:

"Home is not where you live but where they understand you."

For me, this is Home when it comes to true understanding.

Hugs,
Chutz
Posted 8/21/2011 2:47 PM (GMT 0)
I'm not the generally sappy kind, but I've got to say I love you guys. You are family!
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