Update good and bad I guess...

So its been a while...I always seam to spark heat on here but I think I'm finally getting somewhere with care. I know this is a long post but if I could get some helpful replies I would seriously be grateful

Its pretty much 90% ankylosing spondylitis... :( Its gotten painful too and I can't take NSAID's because they are eating at my stomach quicker than I thought...I occasionally sneak an ibuprofen/aleve if I have a really bad day. Long story short my primary freaked out with the narcotics and stopped prescribing them about 6 months ago which was hell, my mom has the same thing and is getting worse and finally my moms rheumy called up our internist and explained how painful these diseases are and how you can't just get stingy when someone needs potent meds, Mixed feelings about that, seeing my mom's illness better managed is nice but at the same time I'm scared of deteriorating like that.

I am seeing a physiatrist who has the best bed side manner ever, she has been prescribing me an appropriate amount of oxycodone IR (5mg 4x day, its an ok dose for everyday work but I helped someone move in the other day and I was in bed) and has referred me to a rheumy on the 24th! I asked about extended release opioids too and my doc seams weary and I just explained that Ive been doing more hard labor so she is going to put me on Nucynta ER or OxyContin...I told her up front that I will talk about meds allot because until the rheumy can figure out what to do (in my moms case Humera but that scares me) its torture without strong meds and seeing has how 5 Internists were stumped tell now a "cure" is not too close.

I've got allot going on outside of medical issues and all these meds are just idk. I don't want to take opioids anymore...or any meds if I can bear it but I don't think I can. This week I didn't take more than 4 oxy's and sitting down I felt like I was being impaled and my heart started racing as usual when I have severe pain, It was sort of embarrassing because people kept asking if I was okay and I don't want to let others down or worry others, I'm a leader in allot of areas and I just would rather not have it look like I am in as much pain as I am, does that make any sense? I just see my mom who is on humera, fentanyl patch, and hydromorphone and I don't want to be like that at not even 20 years old. I don't live with my mom anymore so every time I see her she looks worse...I don't want that, I dont wish that for anyone. I guess Im just venting since I haven't been able to talk with my psychologist....Overally I want advice and opinions on my progress and curious about drugs like OxyContin for severe pain all the time...It seams like the devils fruit if in the wrong hands I know that but I want to know how its improved others lives....also has anyone taken Nucynta ER? How risky is Humera? Sorry for the long post I just don't have anyone I can talk to about this all...