Hate it when I am right.

It's been a week since I ran out of pain meds. In that time I have only eaten 3 times, one small hamburger, 1/2 bologna sandwich, 1/2 peanut butter sandwich, and had to force myself to do so and two of those times I threw up within an hour. I am able to hold down liquids but just barely.

I am now having to use a cane just to get around the house and have rarely been out of bed in that time. It simply hurts too much.

On Tuesday afternoon I had to travel 7 blocks to get my son off a school bus since I am no longer allowed to drive thanks to a major screw up on the part of the state and their unwillingness to want to even look into making it let alone actually correcting it. I figured riding a bike would be far easier than trying to walk so thats what I did. When I arrived at the bus stop and got off the bike I almost collapsed as my legs were in severe pain and barely able to support me. I was suppose to take my son to the bus stop this morning but when I got up to get me and him ready I could barely make it to the bathroom. As a result my kid missed school today. It has taken a full day of bed rest just to be able to get from one end of my small house to the other. I am suppose to take him to the bus stop tomorrow and pick him up in the afternoon and I am having concerns if I can. I am also concerned with letting him walk on his own since he has to cross a fairly busy street not to mention the distance and that he is only 7 and has only made that trip once. I am trying to find someone who will pick him up and take him from home to school each day but haven't had any luck so far.

I know part of it is a result of withdrawing from my pain meds, but things are getting worse instead of better so I also know a big chunk of it is due to pain.

I knew that my overall condition had worsened since the last time I had to go any time without pain meds but things seem to be a lot worse than I thought. I am also sure all the stress between my legal problems not to mention with my son and his schooling and the stress my wife is going through between all of this and trying to finish up her last few weeks of nursing school isn't helping matters either.

If things continue like they are I am going to end up in the hospital which is just going to make matters a lot worse.

All I can tell you is to keep hanging on, man. Look for the positives, as small as they may be, and try to build on them. There is some help out there. Churches, hospitals have social workers, you just have to keep digging and work the phones. You are trying to turn your life around, and there are people who can help. I don't know who they are in your area, but get to work finding them. Work around or break through those walls. For your son, if not for yourself.

Keep your head up. We are all pulling for you.

Maybe the school system can help. Call them and see, before it becomes an issue. Be proactive about it.

Look, I've followed your other threads and postings, I know what you're going through, and it's a helluva lot. Especially right now. And I really feel for you. If I could do something other than type stuff on a screen I happily would.

But, right now, if you just lie down, you're giving up. Don't ever give up. You have to fight. Find another option. Find an appeals process. Then try to find another option. If someone else made a mistake, don't just take it, get it fixed. And keep on it until it gets fixed. It takes a lot of energy to do, and I know it's hard. But if you don't want to lose what you have left, you have to do this. Nobody else is going to do this for you. You need to be your own advocate, until you find someone who will go to bat for you.

I've seen this before. I'm a sponsor in AA. It's a different situation, but the behavior and mindset changes that have to be made are the same. You have to be responsible for you. This may make you mad, but I'm just putting it on the line here. I support you in spirit 120%. But you are the one who has to find ways to make things better. Venting is fine. You need to do that. But you also need to be looking for solutions at the same time. Aggressively.

I'm pulling for you. Please understand that. But if you want to get out of the situation you are in, changes have to be made, and you have to find out how to make them. You are alive and you are breathing. As long as you are doing that, you can fight. Don't ever give up. You are tougher than you think.

We technically live too close to the school for my kid to get bus service. Illinois law requires schools to provide bus service for kids who live 1.5 miles or more from school. We live right at a mile from school. We have already talked to the school once trying to get help with transportation and supposedly the best they can do in having my kid meet the bus 7 blocks away.

We are going to talk to them again but it is going to be Friday at the earliest. My wife has to do the talking because right now with how I am feeling I know I won't be able to hold my temper.

It isn't like we haven't been trying to find a solution. Freecycle is huge in our area and I have posted a request of there but so far no results. It actually is not like I am asking for someone to do it for "free" as I/we are willing to chip in for gas. I really thought that at least one of the 200 some odd parents who transport their own kids would see that ad and be willing to help.

The only person we have found who would be willing to transport my son is the Mom of my kid's best friend. The catch there is that she is also a school employee and state rules prohibit school employees from transporting kids that are not there own and/or supervising kids that are not there own on school grounds before or after the official school day. The school opens at 8am and closes at 330pm. She works from 745 to 345 so she would have to technically supervise him for 15 min before and after school.

I am also trying to find someone who will either donate or let me borrow something like a riding mower, a gas or electric bike, or an electric scooter/moped but haven't had any luck there either.

Getting your son to school is very important, I know you are aware of that. These days will likely be considered unexcused, at some point you will need to provide medical documentation for his absences too. In our district it is 15 excused absences or 3 unexcused absences, then you are reported to children and youth as well, which is definetely not what you need.

How about an older child from the neighborhood that could be your sons buddy for getting to and from school? We often use an older responsible kid as a mentor to help out the younger ones. Maybe the guidance counselor at the school, or your teacher friend, could help with finding someone.

If you are in the position to do so you can find scooters on Ebay for discounted prices. I would say that would be a last resport as you want to keep mobile and the walking is great for you. I know its super painful, but as other have said, sitting and laying in bed is about the worst thing you can do right now.

Not sure what else I can say, but I want to let you know I am thinking of you.

Hugs,
Shell

Been there, done that with the bus supervisor/transportation director. That is how we got permission for my kid to ride a bus to school even though we reside inside the no busing zone for the school he attends and when we talked to them we were told that is the absolute best they can do since it is not the child who has health issues.

The schools, states, etc wants kids to stay in school and be at school everyday if for no other reason that every day a student is there means money for the state and the school but they don't want to do much more than what is required by law to help make sure that it is possible. In the end it always comes down to money. I have even considered pulling my kid out of school and home schooling him for the time being but even though I pay property taxes every year and my wife pays all kinds of income related taxes we would still have to cough up money to home school not to mention we would also have to pay for all learning materials we would need and use.

While I appreciate the various suggestions I have either already thought of them, tried them, or they are not available. Quite frankly if we had money we would not be in this position to begin with. If I had the money I could hire a decent lawyer and I would have my license back within a week. If I had money I would be able to purchase the pain meds I need. If I had money I could, if nothing else, pay for taxi service to and from school each day or buy an electric scooter or a riding mower or something of that nature to use to get to and from that bus stop.

98% of the stress and problems I have in my life right now I can trace directly to the state of Illinois. For the past couple of weeks when I am not having nightmares of being thrown in jail and dying there I am having dreams of moving to a deserted island that is answerable to no country where I can live peacefully without tons of bureaucratic nonsense to deal with.

I'm going to lay this out for you, and this may tick you off, but the pity party has to end for now. I say this with all of the love in my heart, and with the best of intentions. Please understand. You're in over your head, and you may need a guiding hand to help you up. I'm offering that right now.

As I have found by dealing with various government agencies over the years, you can call 5 different times, and get 5 different people with 5 different answers. This may involve you getting your own paperwork in order, such as medical records or a letter from your doctor stating that you are physically unable to walk your child the 7 blocks to the bus stop and back home twice a day, and going to the school or board of education, and seeing someone about it.

When presented with evidence like that, a decision can be made. If it's not acceptable, get the supervisor. Then get their supervisor if needed. Call your school board member/alderman/city councilman or whatever they are called where you are. Get the school's principal to get their hands dirty. This is your kid were talking about, and we're talking about 7 blocks. You're telling me that the bus route can't be modified to accommodate a 7 year old having to walk 7 blocks unaccompanied? They may not get to your front door, but they could get to the end of your block, I'm sure.

There's always a way. Don't take no for an answer. Make 'em mad enough, and bother them enough so they do it just to shut you up. At least it gets done.

Then do the same thing with your license. You don't need a lawyer for this. You need to get that paperwork in order and educate yourself about it. Then use that to follow the chain of command to a state representative or senator if needed. Especially if they are running for election soon. Keep bugging the hell out of them. Daily if needed.

Be the squeaky wheel. Don't complain. There's a difference. Tell them you have this problem and you need a solution. And keep working until you get a solution to your satisfaction.

And write down the name and number of everyone you talk to, and the answers they give you.

If all else fails, there's the media. A concise, well thought out and spell-checked letter to the editor of the paper or the reporters of the local TV station. Bureaucrats hate media attention, and things start happening.

Keep working. Keep pushing. I know it hurts, I know it takes a lot of energy, but dig deep and find it. Rocky Balboa type stuff. I say this as a friend. I say this as someone who has been on the mat. YOU have to find a way to make things happen. And do not get discouraged. Take every "no" and use it as fuel. Keep your temper in check, but use that energy to move forward. Even an inch forward is forward. A new phone number to call is a victory. A new contact is a victory. Every step up the ladder is a point in your favor.

I am still pulling for you. I will always pull for you. But you have work to do.

Jim, believe me when I say that I KNOW the frustration you are feeling right now. My issues were/are different, but those feelings of anger, fear, frustration, uncertainty, hopelessness, and confusion that you are experiencing at this moment, are the same for each of us when we go through times of great stress. Within a 4 and 1/2 year period, my fiance fell through faulty scaffolding on a job site, was hit on the head by a steel bar that fell from 2 stories up on another site, was hit from behind by a woman barreling through a Target parking lot, we lost our truck (had to sell it to pay rent), my car was stolen and subsequently totaled during a police chase, we lost our jobs, we lost our home, we lost a storage unit that contained EVERYTHING we owned (47 years of my life - from family pictures and jewelry to clothes and furniture - EVERYTHING!), my fiance was diagnosed with cirrhosis and 4 months later, liver cancer, 2 of our cats died, we had to move in with my mother (me, my fiance, our 2 boys, and 4 cats have lived in 1 and 1/2 rooms for almost 2 years now), and my fiance had a liver transplant last Sunday. All of that while still dealing with my unrelenting CP/health issues. I only mentioned all of that so you'll know that everything I say or any advice I give, comes from 'walking the walk'.

Through these last few years, I have fallen apart (and gotten back up), felt WAY sorry for myself (then told myself to get over it), hated the world (then realized 'the world' didn't do anything to me), and shut myself off from everyone (THAT only hurt the ones I love and who love/care about me). I was given some of the same advice that's been given here - and some of it pissed me off at the time - but many times they were right - although sometimes, not. We are FAR from getting on our feet and we still have tremendous problems/issues to overcome. I still have some things going on that I have NO idea how to solve. But, I have learned to dig deeper when I think I have nothing left to dig with. I've learned to scour the internet, talk to friends, talk to people that are connected to whatever issue it is that I am dealing with, make as many contacts as I can in various areas, keep track of times, dates, phone #'s, etc. I don't take 'no' for an answer until I am absolutely sure that is the only answer I'm going to get, then I'll try another avenue. I've learned that many times, it is not WHAT you know but WHO you know (it's true in many situations), so I keep track of everyone I speak with. And no matter how frustrated or angry I am at the time, I always try my best to be calm and polite/respectful to the person I'm speaking with (yes, I know how hard that can be sometimes!). They are more willing to help me and less likely to want to get me off the phone or out of the office! That old adage tends to be true: "You attract more bees with honey....".There are a couple of things that we're dealing with right now that there doesn't seem to be an answer to, but I keep an open mind and when new suggestions are given to me, I check them out. Everything always seems to work out in the end. I know you feel like crap right now, but please don't give up!

See if your son's school has a social worker. That's who I work with and she's been great. She doesn't work for DCF, she is a school social worker. She is there to help with anything my son needs. For example, my family fits the school board's definition of homeless (because we live in someone else's home). In the state of FL, there is a statute that says a homeless child deserves the same school experience as any other child. That means my social worker gets my son any supplies he needs, finds a way to pay for any school related event - anything that any other child has access to. If your son's school has one (it should), he/she may be able to help or direct you to someone who can. You may want to talk with her about your medical issue. Who knows, she may be able to point you in a direction you haven't tried yet. You'd be surprised how many times I have been working on one problem and ended up getting help with another, separate issue just by mentioning it. Remember what I said - it's not always WHAT you know........

And also remember that there are a lot of great people here who really do care.

Post Edited (Splashdancer) : 11/11/2012 3:04:37 PM (GMT-7)

All of our friends have either moved away in the last few years or they work during the day.

We have also talked to the head of my son's school PTA who has been trying to find someone to help out.

Splashdancer -

Extremely WELL said. Really. It amazes me how much we are able to make it through.... I could write a *similar* (but different, of course) list of our own issues and struggles.... and, somehow - though there were moments I could NOT see the light - we've made it through and will continue making it through. Of course, I'm so sorry for all you've been through :( But thank you so much for sharing your own experiences....

--Tina

Hope things will work out soon! Thinking of you and sending prayers. Keep us posted as we do care.