newbie - introducing myself

My name is Amanda I live in Scotland and am 36 I have suffer a condition called symphasis pubic disorder also known as pelvic girdle pain. This condition starts in pregnancy mine was in 2002/2003 SPD starts around three months when a hormone called relaxin this causes the ligaments around the symphasis Pubic joint to loosen making the joint unstable, in most cases once the pregnancy has ended and the baby is born the hormone levels return to normal so does the joint, unfortunately in my case this has not happened, I had an accident 8 years prior in the army in 96 which had left stress fractures in my pelvis and they believe that this is what's caused the condition to worsen I've had a number of surgerys to stabilise the joint which have all failed.
I take 360mg of oxycontin with a further 40mg of oxynorm available as and when required for breakthrough pain, and diazapam for breakthrough and spasms I also take a plethora of other drugs for pain and it's many side effects.
I suffer chronic pain and there is no light at the end of the tunnel for me, only understanding and learning to live with what I have and living my life not letting the pain live it for me, but its so hard and i have thought the dark thoughts, i have made 3 attempts to try and take my life fortunately I have not let the pain beat me, don't get me wrong there are days when i wish it wasn't happening to me, i don't think i would wish it on my worst enemy!
But I have a fantastic husband a beautiful daughter and a supportive family, but i suppose what i'm looking for is someone who can say i know how you feel and truly do know how i feel, does that make sense? I hate ranting at home, my daughter is 9 and is struggling at school to make friends, she is a mix of a mature older soul with a 9yr old child fighting to get out. She does a lot for me helping me to dress in the morning, making breakfast, making sure i have juice and everything i need for the day and then she goes off to school to be a little girl and she's struggling to fit in, I know some of the kids have been really nasty to her, one of them in particular hurts as i had considered her mother to be a friend our daughters have been together since nursery and the girl is very aware of what Ellie has to do at home, yet now she has to give Ellie friendship points and if she has enough she will play with her, it's been going on for a while but she's been hiding it, when it all came out the other night Ellie was sobbing and this little voice said i'm lonely, i broke my heart i feel guilty, I approached the mother and was surprised to get reaction i did that the girls would just have to sort it out yet the year before there was an incident which i felt was just kids but i was all over Ellie giving her into trouble, yet when it's the other way round...

i'm sorry no one here knows me and i'm already vent posting.

i hope this doesn't put people off getting to know me

Amanda

Hi Amanda. I'm sorry we had to meet this way.

Lets just say, those dark thoughts, I am familiar with them. There are rules on the board here though, so I can't go any further with that. But you have your daughter. And a good husband and family. Don't ever forget that.

Kids can be cruel. Making and keeping friends at any age, especially if anything is out of the norm is difficult. I was always the smart kid with glasses. Worn them since I was 6. I understand that part.

Those sacral ligaments are really tough, and when they don't do what they are supposed to do, it throws everything off. Chronic pain is just hard to live with. All of us here have to do it. We have to find a way. You seem to know about the anatomy pretty well, so I don't have to go into my usual dissertation, you just have damage there. Sometimes, it can't be fixed.

With most of us here, it can't be fixed. It's about coping strategies, taking care of your sanity, and trying to find something better.

Feel free to vent here. We've all done it. It's a safe place, and we've all gotten frustrated at some point, so we understand. I do hope things get better for you and your daughter. At 9, things seem so much bigger than they really are, but that's not much comfort to her right now. Just make sure that she knows you love her, respect her, and appreciate every single little thing she does. Same for your husband. It's something that goes by the wayside sometimes when we are in pain, but try to remember to do that every chance you get. It's as important as your meds.