Chronic Pain has turned into Chronic Pain and Severe Depression

I am so sorry. All i can do is say I will pray for you and you need to keep strong thoughts. Don't give up, your family needs you and suicide is hardest on the family. They will always wonder why? and how could they have stopped it?

Hi MattBo, welcome to the forum. I'm becoming very familiar with the impact that workers compensation has, not just on the injured worker, but on their family as well. I'm a 29 year old, single father, due to some bad circumstances, I have full custody of my 3 year old son. I've had full custody now for almost two years, and, at the time, I felt so grateful that he had at least one parent to take care of him; but sometimes these days, I feel like he doesn't even really have that any more. I love him with all I've got, but I'm barely able to set a plate of food in front of him, I can't lift him, can't play with him on the floor anymore, can't even give him a bath. Fortunately, he's been able to learn how to do a number of things very quickly, like bathing himself, but I feel like all I can do, most of the time, is just watch him live his life, with me lurking in the shadows, hoping that I might find five minutes of less pain.

A year ago, I was a wind turbine technician, in extreme physical shape. But my back went out this time last year when I was changing a part out. And I've been in pain ever since. I had lumbar fusion surgery in September, which helped a bit, I can currently walk without a walker again, but the nerve damage spawned a wonderful journey into the world of CRPS (complex regional pain syndrome). I've been experiencing the effects of that since around late October, and it's only gotten worse. Now, my back hurts all the time, my feet and ankles are 3 or 4 times normal size, and feel like they're in a furnace.

Yep, it's a lovely game that work comp plays, had they treated my back from the start, and not required me to continue working until late June, I would possibly be back working today, but they decided to wait until I was nearly wheelchair bound, before even doing an MRI to see what was going on.

I know exactly where you're coming from, it's the worst place on earth, to have you and your family's lives just sitting on the desk of a claims adjuster who doesn't care about you, and probably not even about their own mother the way some of them act.

All I can say is, you have found the right place, with people who do care. Everyone here has had their lives dramatically impacted by something that brought them here. Here, we're no longer patients, or victims, or another chart on a doctor's desk, we're all here with different experiences, that we draw from, to support, and understand each other, in a manner that no one else can understand unless they've been there.

I hope you're work comp case comes through soon for you. Feel free to come here, ask for advice, vent your frustrations out, and just talk to people who understand. You're not alone in this. Take care, and keep us posted on how you're doing.

BTW I have a few thoughts on your WC case, if you can provide a little more info on the current status of it. I'm not a lawyer, but do have a knack for some legal matters. If you have any questions, feel free to ask, my email is on my profile if you'd like.

Let me just say thank you to all that have responded to my post yesterday, I am actually on lunch break now trying not to cry after reading all your words of encouragement, I was trying to reply to each of you individually but I have not figured it out. I am seeing a therapist . Today at 3pm will be my 3rd visit. You all have given me some strength! Thank you so much, you have no Idea how much your kind words mean to me!!!!

Hi MattBo...welcome to the boards...Others have given some great thoughts and advice..

I just wanted to say in response to your last post...you can easily just start typing below or hitting the Post Reply button and then address each person (only IF you choose things to reply to a specific person)...for example..

MattBo.......thanks for your thought on x...I am doing such and such...

Tina....Thanks for the welcome..it is great here...LOL



This way you aren't actually copying/pasting each actual post as the owner of the site pays for things by the letter/word so we try to keep from ever doing that:)

If you haven't had a chance, please review all the Forum Rules which are found in the upper right hand area of the page underneath the line that has Home Calendar Chat Search......

We are happy that you found us and I truly hope that the appt. with the therapist goes well today. As mentioned, please let them know everything you are dealing with as we all understand how big a toll that chronic pain can take on us.

I ended up continuing to see my counselor after my divorce to work on healthy ways to deal with my chronic pain. Along with my PM and my Neurosurgeon, and all my peeps here at HW...they are all part of my "team" that helps me find the best treatment plans to keep my pain at a decent level and find joy each day.

Keep us posted....

Hi Matt and welcome to HW. Really sorry your going thru some difficult times but rest assured you are not alone. For the most part each and everyone of us have had to deal with the feelings your experiencing,and most of all the feeling inadequate when it comes to our families and responsibilities.

I also got injured at work and like you they had no problems until they figured out this was not going to be a simple get over and return to work deal. I eventually hired an atty and sued and finally after 2 or so years was offered a settlement that allowed me to pay off all medical and my atty and break even if you can cal it that after losing my home and everything I had but at that point I just wanted that part of my life over so I could get on with learning to deal with the chronic part.

We do learn how to cope with most of it but many many of us use anti-ds and it kinda goes hand in hand with CP. We have experienced a loss of our life as we knew it,too many changes far too soon and its overwhelming for us. Our losses of how things were are as devastating as the loss of a family member and we go thru the same grieving process as such, we come here and we lean on others who have pass this way before us and we vent if we need to cry if it calls for it and then one day we find our self laughing again.You will too, then when others come here for help you will be that hand of experience in the dark that reaches out.Take it easy on yourself I sometimes think we expect more from ourselves then others really do.

Hang in there and take it all one baby step at a time.

David,

While the discussion of self-harm isn't permitted here on HealingWell (and by that - I think mentioning a plan and any in depth conversation).... I think that many CP/depression sufferers go through moments of not wanting to live w/ the pain anymore. I'm fine w/ someone expressing that sentiment here on the forum - and, while I don't want to speak for the other mods, I think they probably feel the same.

The one thing we like to do w/ new members, though, is encourage them to read the forum rules.... I see that Susie did that in her post.

Thanks,
Tina

I did read the rules on the forums I did not intend any disrespect to the forum or its members, I do not intend to do any self harm. I just wanted to reach out to see if anyone else with Chronic pain ever felt the way I do now. I am sorry if I offended anyone by being so open.

Matt, I had no problem with your post at all. I felt like you were making a general statement about how bad you were suffering & you were not making a threat, therefore, I felt no reason to go in & edit your post. I know a lot of long term CPers will tell you this may have crossed their mind at one time.

By chance will you have like a third opinion where you go see another doc to see if can break this tie breaker one way or the other. Not knowing the laws in your state, some states will bring in a third dr and whatever his decision is will be final. I am floored at the number of people that have come to this forum and have a work related injury and the injured worker gets so yanked around by the insurance carrier and appears to be no recourse even with they are ordered by a judge to take care of the worker. it truly shocks me. I thought our state was bad but they are a breeze compared to what I have seen here. In my state at least when something is denied there are still other options.

Take care & keep us posted on how you are doing....Susie

Susie its astounding the number of loopholes the insurance carriers manage to find and use to stall paying us.

Like I said in an earlier reply here they were fine with paying until which time it was looking like this injury was turning into long term.
One day I didnt get paid no warning no explanations just no check in the mail and with 5 kids and no other income but that.

Now remember this was during the late 90's when the nursing shortage was at its best and everyplace had sign on bonus,huge shift diffs,weekend and 12 hr bonus and even working 2 sixteen and getting paid for 40. I happened to be working weekend 12's at night so alot of my pay was bonus.

W/C in the state of KY pays 2/3 of your base pay so you can see where this is going, Im already getting paid by them about the same as I was paying in taxes every week out of my reg check,hence losing everything I owned eventually.

Sorry for the side step but the background was kinda important. This by the way was my part-time job as I worked 4 ten hr shifts at the hospital and the nursing home on weekends so I lost both jobs in that mess.

It was Labor day weekend and nursing homes at least in KY are notorius for being short staffed and here it was a holiday weekend and numerous ppl had called in. It was 6 a.m and we were trying to get everyone up and in dining room and there were me and 2 aides for 58 ppl and I was passing meds and giving insulin as we went. One of them forgot to fasten a seat belt on this patients geri chair and she decided she was going to go back to bed and forgot she no longer could walk.

I made a dodge for her across one of the feeding tables and I went down with her but on bottom and as I hit the table and landed I felt my knee pop really loud. DX as a massive meniscal tear similar to what football players experience,3 arthroscopies later it was determined it was not going to hold the repair and I was looking at a knee replacement at 41. The rest of that some other time an place.

My point in telling this is that when the Dr said knee replacement it all went downhill from there and w/c filed a motion to stop payment based on the fact I was injured working outside the scope of my ob description? In other wors I was a supervisor,passing meds and should not have been feeding in the dining room and certainly not doing basic care.

I and my lawyers fought long and hard to prove that patient care n matter what it entails was my job description, finally years and battle after battle they offered me 12,000 and I took it and paid the lawyer and whatever bills I could and we went out for a nice meal on the rest. LoL

So I know exactly how crooked and sneaky they can be and how very unfair it is to think your covered and then they leave you out in the cold.

At that time my mood was about as low as it has ever been,my job both of them and nursing was my life it defined who I am and then the house,the new van,and my knee as well as dealing with the everyday pain and it was really dark times but I want Matt to know that no matter what I had my kids who stood by me as Im sure yours will and I had the chance to redefine myself and it all worked out ok you know?

You will be too! Let others help you and remember to give yourself a break.