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Chronic Pain
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Posted 1/25/2013 8:18 PM (GMT 0)
I'm 27 years old. 2 young kids and 2 step kids... I can't cope with the pain. The injections, the pills. Every day. I feel like I'm drowning. Screaming for help and nobody can hear me.
Posted 1/25/2013 8:32 PM (GMT 0)
Are you able to just relax in the bath, or use a heating pad to ease your pain, Are you raising the children by yourself? No one that can come and give you some time out.
Posted 1/25/2013 8:41 PM (GMT 0)
I have some help, but not much. It's just so hard raising 4 kids with my disabilities. I'm just depressed. Nothing seems to help. I have heating pads, muscle relaxers, pain pills, etc.
Posted 1/26/2013 12:07 AM (GMT 0)
I just posted on "they shoot horses". Please read it, bottom line, have you tried 2nd opinions?
Posted 1/26/2013 12:15 AM (GMT 0)
This is my 4th opinion... I wear a back brace and everything and was told I'll eventually need surgery.
Posted 1/26/2013 12:53 AM (GMT 0)
Will the surgery help or just preventive? Do all the rocks agree?
Posted 1/26/2013 2:39 AM (GMT 0)
They said it's a 50/50 chance it chance it could make it worse. Limit my range of motion... I'm just always in pain. The surgery ain't worth it to me. I've heard too many horror stories.
Posted 1/26/2013 5:32 AM (GMT 0)
SSandT,

I am on iPad... so bear with me with typos and such.... this onscreen typing kills my hands. But I wanted to respond to your post.... not because I have the answers (sure wish I did) but I can so relate to having health/pain issues.... having young kids.... and the cloud of depression that all of this can cause.

Life is hard enough raising kids - without health/pain issues. Add that to the mix.... and I know how hard it can be.... and the discouragement that can be felt. I really do.

I have learned a few coping techniques for when I am at my worst.... first, I make sure I haven't forgotten to take my anti-depressant, lol. Sounds silly... but missing even a day can start me spiraling out of control... and there has been a time or two where I have just forgotten to take it.

Next, I try not to over think things (which can be really hard for me)... and just focus on the present moment... taking care of myself, for one thing. As a mom, we can often overlook our basic needs. Eating enough, drinking enough, taking our meds.... and finding even 30 minutes to ourselves. I don't know the ages of your kids.... but, if one of them is old enough to watch the others, let them do it -- even if that means you just go to your bedroom and close your eyes or read a book for 30 minutes.

Use any support you have and accept any offers of help. It took me a long while to heed this advice... but I wish I did it sooner.

Next, re: your medications.... maybe it's time for a med change/med increase? Are the meds in your signature line current? It might be time to consider a long acting med (so that your body has a consistent level of pain meds on board). Also, there are other muscle relaxers out there if the robaxin isn't working.... though it works for some, I consider robaxin one of the weaker muscle relaxants.

I can't tell you how many times I've been in my PM's office (before my meds were stable).... in tears and saying that I couldn't go on, trying to raise children (which, as you know, is a very full time job)... and feeling so lousy. So, I am hoping you have a good PM doctor that you can just open up to. Like I said, could you just need a med increase?

I see you have depression and anxiety.... so do I.... and, I don't know about you but when my pain is flaring... so do my mental issues. Just another important reason to get your pain controlled as much as possible.

I don't know if any of this helped.... but I hope it helps just a little to know that someone truly understands. I will pray that this dark cloud lifts, even just a little.... and maybe you can get a med change. Like I said above, try not to look at the whole picture right now. Try to figure what are immediate, "doable" things you can work on to make your situation better (make doctor appointments, find someone to help with your kids/house for the next several days, and so forth). And keep sharing/venting here and letting others support you.

Hugs, Tina
Posted 1/26/2013 5:34 AM (GMT 0)
hi im new and just wanted to say hello. you need a good smile to look at. of course the best smile would be to look in the mirror and see a smile coming back at you.
im disabled too and i have grandchildren. i get on the floor and they come to me. i like making up songs and singing to them. it cheers them up.
we are in pain but we see their energy and its heartwarming to know they are pretty happy. someday they might look back and say that you were a loving mother who despite pain did the best to make them feel wanted....pal pete
Posted 1/26/2013 6:34 AM (GMT 0)
My children range from 5 to 12, so the oldest does help out. But I can't depend on her for everything. But, yes, I do get down time to relax. I have an appointment next week with my pain doc, I'm going to ask for a stronger muscle relaxer. I was on flexerils but they made me hallucinate... I googled it and it said it was a dangerous side affect.
Posted 1/26/2013 6:44 AM (GMT 0)
SSandT:

Welcome to our family, it's a great place to vent, share our experiences, possibly offer up some advice that we've tried, of course none of us are Drs, but we can really sound like it at times LOL.

I can SO relate with your feelings of not being able to hold on anymore. I know when my daughter was little it was really hard, she never slept through the night, so neither did I. I have to say now that's she's almost 20 and off at college things are better somewhat. However, a woman is a Mom until the day she dies.

I'm in so much pain right now I'm just at my ropes end. Saw my PCP yesterday, and she knows there isn't much she can do for me. I've had lupus for 25 years now, RA since 2008, and Fibro for 18 years. I'm also dealing with several other potential life threating ailments.

When I feel like I need to give up on life, I try to do some meditation and attempt to go anywhere nice in my mind. I have days where I literally take my day minute by minute. I know it's hard and I also know recommending stuff like this may seem dumb. When I can do it and get myself together I know that I'll do all that I can to relieve my pain and sorrow, thinking about things like my daughter getting married etc, not that shes even thinking about that. I like Tina, my depression gets worse as my pain goes up.

If you are feeling hopeless, know that we are all here for you. I might also add possibly seeing a therapist, preferably one with dealing with chronic pain patients. The therapy is a bit different than standard therapy

Not sure I've helped much, but you can and will get through. If you're not on anything to take for depression maybe you could book an appt with you Dr and let them give you something I'm taking cymblata, they gave it to treat my fibro and arthritis pain. It does help my depression too.

Wishing you the best and gentle ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) to you. Please hang in there our kids need us no matter what.

Hugs,
Barbara
Posted 1/26/2013 7:05 AM (GMT 0)
OH,some of us here definitely hear you sweetly. I too am a mom of 6 all but 1 grown now and she's a teenager. When I got hurt and disabled out I was 40 and had a 3 month old preemie as well as my oldest was only 14.

There great Dad left somewhere between my 2nd and 3rd knee scope leaving me with nothing more then workmans comp an a very lean road ahead,didn't bother to help with any child support either.

My only other support was my wonderful Mom who passed away while I was pregnant with my preemie.

There were days I was not sure how I was going to even keep us together and losing even of my kids would have simply pushed me over that very thin edge I was hanging to.

I reached out an late one nite while I was wondering how to feed them the next day and found a forum much like He. Met a wonderful lady that literally saved my life.Her words of encouragement over the years,her pushing and prodding as well as prayers got me thru all those years.

She taught me most to be kind to myself,none of us asked for this and I deserved this life no more then those 6 kids who were counting on me. The most important thing she ever said Tomas someone's signature here and its "don't sweat the smallest stuff" I had to learn to do that and once I did life was a little easier for all of us.

Find time for you,don't get lost in the vastness of this life and pain.if it's only 30 minutes out of the day make it your time. Set boundaries,bedtime is and stick to it as that's adult time,time for you to regroup.

Little ones can actually do slot,they got clothes outta the dryer and helped me fold and put them away.They loved having picnic suppers on paper and picnic food as well,sit an do as much as you can they really love helping if you make a big deal over how great they are.

Learn to utilize every source you can to get things done.If you have alot of errands check to see if there is a church volunteer group that runs errands for free for disabled and elderly. Make use of the internet as you can do everything from paying bills to ordering groceries to have ready for pick up.

I'm now over those years and we made it and all my kids turned out more then great! Everyone of them grew up to be warm compassionate people and understanding of others limits. They all are in medicine or services for the disabled. My 15 yr old is planning an education in physical/occupational therapy.

So slow down,take a deep breath,evaluate your meds,and take some me time,participate in a pity party for others and they really are great stress relievers and vent when needed here. Allow the kids to be a part of your Cp life as much as possible and don't sweat the little stuff.

They will be grown before you know it and you look back an be amazed at how well you've done under such dire circumstances.
Posted 1/26/2013 5:53 PM (GMT 0)
I hear you. All of us who live with this stuff can hear you. But you can't give up. It's against the rules.

I'm a single (well divorced) guy, I don't have kids, but I do understand. I was raised by a single mom under some very trying circumstances. Single moms (and dads) are incredibly strong, and somehow keep finding strength. Because they have to. There's all these little pairs of eyes looking at them.

Always remember that. Because those little people behind those eyes need you, in whatever shape you are in, more than they need anyone else in the world.

It's hard. My mom and I have talked about it later in life, the trials she went through trying to raise us and go to nursing school at the same time. My brother and I were a little young to pick up on all of it, but we knew we had to help out somehow. I was excited when I was big enough to run the vacuum cleaner. But I knew I was helping her, and I was having fun at the same time. That carpet got done everyday. We couldn't reach the kitchen sink, so we washed our dishes in the bathtub. Mom got a kick out of that one. She made us stop. We would argue over who got to feed the dog that day, so mom had to schedule us.

Kids pick up more than you realize, and they love you. Let them help. Age appropriate chores and friends to help with the bigger things when you are having a really rough one can help. But remember that we do hear you. Scream it here. We are listening.
Posted 1/26/2013 6:06 PM (GMT 0)
I understand what you're both saying (in the last 2 posts)... It's just hard to not feel defeated sometimes, I'm 27 and on social security. I want my kids to be proud of me. How can I strongly stress how important their schooling is so they can get a good job, when all they see is me limping around the house everyday. I thank God for my oldest daughter, she helps me so much. And my kids all know and understand "mommy's back hurts". It's just sad, they want to be tickled and wrestled with and I can only do it for a few minutes. They get disappointed. I always promise we'll play later. But we do enjoy reading books together. That's easy for me.
Posted 1/26/2013 6:35 PM (GMT 0)
I'm 45, divorced, on disability, and live with my mom. Think this is how I wanted my life to turn out? We don't always get to decide that. This just happened to work out for us, as my step-dad passed away right as my wife and I were separating, So I have a roof, and mom does not have to come home to an empty house.

Just because you are in your position does not mean you can't teach them something. You can learn things as well. I'm a huge history buff, whether it's WWII, music, technology, and a bunch of other interests. I like to find out how things work. I learn new stuff every day.

Here's your chance to teach them about anatomy, for example. Find pictures of the spine on the internet, and show them what's going on with yours. They will have a better understanding, and probably be kinder to other people with disabilities, making them better people at the same time.

You can all learn about nutrition, and let them help you plan healthy meals. You can still teach them life skills. How to treat other people. How to be a giver, not a taker. And the whole time you are doing this, they are learning how to learn. You just remind them once in a while about the good grades, and how that is going to help them do well in life. And just because you are in a situation where you are unable to work, your job is now to keep learning and trying to teach them things that schools don't teach. Like sewing on a button. Or holding a door open for someone with their hands full. And paying attention to whats around them. This is going to make a big impression.
Posted 1/26/2013 6:48 PM (GMT 0)
That's good advice. I do a lot of that already (aside from teaching them about my disabilities, which is a good idea). At their young ages, they know how to do laundry, wash dishes, I make them clean their own bedrooms and teach them to cook with me. I include them in most everything. I want them to each independent adults (unlike myself).
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