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Do you see a link between us cp'ers and major emotional loss?

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Posted 7/21/2013 9:42 AM (GMT 0)
I was reading back in one of the threads and realized how many of us have lost children....either before or after birth. It is almost scary to read the number of angels we have.

Anyway, I was wondering if anyone knew of a study or simply had an opinion about the relationship of cp to deep emotional pain. Anyone can call it what you like, but loosing children is deep emotional pain in its rawest form. I know Loretta and I have talked in the past about her angels and mine. For those who have not lost children or think that a baby so wanted who dies before birth is not the same, I can assure you the depth of emotional pain is very real. Simply imagine choosing one of your live children and deciding how you would feel without that person in your life ... Just gone....

Intense grief is all I can use to describe it, but generally loosing unborn children is dismissed by most people as "mother nature's way" or "just one of those things." I can assure you it is very, very real to the mother (& perhaps father.... I can't speak from that perspective)! I can say that my husband could not emotionally bond with our daughter at all before birth. He said it was just too hard to loose another one. After she was born, he held her in the corner in the dark for over three hours in a straight back chair....never realizing any personal uncomfort. It was their bonding time and they are still amazingly close almost 14 years later.

Anyway...please don't flame anyone in this thread, no matter the reason. If you don't want to answer, please don't and if you don't want to respond....that's cool too. Live and let live!
Posted 7/21/2013 10:45 AM (GMT 0)
I also noticed the huge losses suffered by many of us. Im not sure anyone could say losing a child before or after birth could be anymore or less of a loss. Its still the most emotional and lifelong pain I could imagine.

My daughter was never out of the hospital and was in extreme pain her short weeks of life so letting her go no matter how painful was not as difficult a decision for me as maybe it would have been had she been one of my healthy children.

The trauma from her loss no doubt has effected me my entire life. Has it played a physical role in my CP I can't say. Imagine it has had some effect on how I perceive pain since there's as we know, no greater pain on earth "
Posted 7/21/2013 11:53 AM (GMT 0)
This reminds me of a discussion with my dr. Does pain cause depression or does depression cause pain? I see a many of us are on anti depressants as well as pain meds. I'm on two. My answer was I didn't really care which way it went, I was in pain that needed to be delt with.
I traded my daughtor for an angel in 1984, I started my first anti-depressant in 2001, my lower back issue and pain management started in 1996. If the time line is an indicator The pain came first. Losing Alex was part of the sadness and depression, but it evidently didn't cause the pain.

Just my 2 cents

Lesley

Post Edited (care???) : 7/21/2013 10:57:56 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/21/2013 2:03 PM (GMT 0)
I'm not sure about the connection between CP and emotional loss. I know many women in my life who have suffered through losing many babies - and don't have CP.... so I'm not sure of the link.... but it's seems completely possible.

That being said, I think that losing a baby is definitely a traumatic thing. I have one angel baby that I know I'll see again one day.... but the loss of that baby was very real.

There probably are studies between CP and trauma now that I think of it.... just not sure.

Re: flaming others - I certainly can't imagine that anyone (particularly on our board) would flame someone, especially over this subject.... so not really sure about the need for that statement. We are all adults here... and I think we on the CP board have a great amount of sensitivity to these type of things. Just my two cents worth.

--Tina
Posted 7/21/2013 4:36 PM (GMT 0)
Being a guy in this group, I haven't suffered any major emotional losses as some of you describe. But I fully empathized and respect all of you that have. Couldn't imagine dealing with the loss of a child or my wife. I would be devastated above all compare, and that might lead me to not caring what happened to my health, and thus lead to a downturn. Hope and pray I am never in that situation.

My heart goes out to all of you that have and are dealing with such tender matters.

david
Posted 7/21/2013 5:33 PM (GMT 0)
My aunt, all three of her children were born with cystic fibrosis (CF) first child died at 6 months, and I grew up with my other two cousins, but it was hard and I did get close to my cousin, she died at 25yrs old, her older brother died at 27 yrs old and it was so very hard for all of us...nothing is worse than pain of a child's death, my deepest Sympathies to all of you that have had these experiences...
many sympathies...
prayers
Posted 7/22/2013 12:17 AM (GMT 0)
There were several traumatic events that occurred in the few months during which I started developing symptoms of CRPS/FMS/CPS/MPS. Two people I knew took their own lives, two other people died suddenly of previously undetected medical problems (one of them a young mother who left her baby and toddler behind to be looked after by a depressed, grieving father), housefire completely destroyed the house of one of my friends, a dust storm came through my hometown and destroyed the houses of so many friends and family members that I can't even count them. Also one of my best friends moved so far away that I've never seen her since and my other best friend stopped talking to me because she partially blamed me for something that wasn't my fault.
Posted 7/22/2013 3:07 AM (GMT 0)
Wow, that's an interesting perspective. I had a lot of emotional loss growing up, even before my daughter died (and I was 17 when she died). I wonder if there is a link... Hmmmmmm.
Posted 7/22/2013 5:46 AM (GMT 0)
I've read comments on a medical related forum where the physicians state that the two are definitely related.
Posted 7/22/2013 7:01 PM (GMT 0)
There have been several studies done that point to a link between state of mind and state of body. I don't think emotional pain automatically means physical pain, but I do think that emotional pain can and does exacerbate physical pain and vice versa. Being in pain DEFINITELY affects your state of mind.
Posted 7/22/2013 8:57 PM (GMT 0)
Yes. RetiredMom and I have talked about our angels. It is devastating to say the least, to lose all of your children, as I have. I lost them in 1997, 1999 and our twins in 2000. I fell and my chronic pain started in 2001. I definitely do think that the emotional pain does affect my chronic pain. I'm so sorry to those that have lost their children.

Thank you David and Chartreaux. You're both such great friends.

I hope everyone has a low pain day.

love and hugs
Loretta
Posted 7/23/2013 4:12 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you for the perspective guys. It does seem an interesting link.

I know miscarriage is often a way of letting us know the babies were not able to survive in the outside world, but often people do not know it can (and often is) genetically connected. In my case we know that to be a fact. Each case is obviously different though and each person responds differently to the loss....just like with personal injury and with pain...chronic or otherwise.

I appreciate all of the responses and opinions.
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