Advice about dealing with an addict (sorry this is so long)

Thanks David! That means a lot that you said what you did... Even if chronic pain wasn't a subject I take very personally, him being healthy is. It just so happens that cp is very near and dear to my heart.

I am going over there tomorrow so I will keep an eye out for any kind of medication bottle. I know the odds of him lasting another ten years like this are slim to none. I'm worried about him and I'm worried about my aunt who can't get proper treatment for herself because she is dealing with his incompetence.

I really appreciate all of you for shooting from the hip and giving me the adviceI need but at the same time... I don't feel like anyone has judged my family. That really makes me feel good because I was so hesitant to say anything out of sheer embarrassment. I really appreciate the family we have here and that you all took time out of your day to give me advice about a situation outside of our board. Words can't express my gratitude. You are a very special group of folks!

Linds

Hey Linds:

I'm sorry that you're caught in the middle of this problem. I'm certain it's a HUGE stress in your life right now, I know it is, as I can hear the stress in the tone of the post. I have to agree with Susie I wouldn't allow my kids around this situation at all. They really don't need to see this happening.

I want to you say that you're very brave in facing this problem head on and asking the opinions of the folks here. I mean you never know who you really are talking to on the internet. Shows how much you care about your Uncle and want to help him, so that he doesn't kill himself. Your Aunt is totally wrong by enabling him in this. However, I can understand why she does it, I'm not saying it's right but I understand it .

My Mother had a serious drinking problem, from a very young age. I was very young the first time she went into rehab. I remember the day they took her away, she had drank a whole large bottle of vodka and taken a bunch of pills. I guess she was trying to kill herself, I guess I was maybe 5 at the time. I remember seeing her laying on the floor between the door to her room and her dresser. I have that very dresser sitting in my bedroom now, so I think of this often.

Anyway, my older sister found her and call for an ambulance, I remember them getting her and carrying her out of the house. My Dad treated me that day to pizza a Pizza Hut, took me to K-Mart and bought me a pair of blue shorts and a red handkerchief halter top. He then took me to the beach down by the lake and allowed me to play in the water for over an hour. I can see this all so clearly in my mind. She spent months in rehab and finally became sober. She stayed sober for many years until my brother got married when I was 14. She had a drink that day, and I remember thinking, OH NO HERE WE GO AGAIN. I was correct, she never stopped after that. She was a violent drunk and me being a teenager I did enable her for a long time. It's really hard NOT to enable someone you love. You make excuses for them and deny what you know to be true, it's a hard spot to be in.

I only bring this up because, you mentioned that your Uncle has/had a drinking problem too. He needs treatment for all of his addictions. If he doesn't get help he's going to kill himself for sure. You mentioned something that actually might work. You were wondering about talking to the pharmacy where he gets him medication filled. IF you could figure out where he gets them filled, it might be worth a try of going to the drug store and asking to speak with the head pharmacist and talking to them.

I would tell them what you see and whats happening with your Uncle and that you're worried he's going to kill himself accidentally. I'm going to guess if they hear this, they may contact the Dr's office and let the Dr know what's going on with your Uncle. Now, I may be totally OFF base with this, but it would be worth a try don't you think? Or maybe contacting someone in Social Services that deals with adults and maybe they could help you figure out a way to prevent him from overdosing.

I'm with Vickie on the Methadone, it's not a good idea at all. The half life can be a real issue, I know from experience. My Dr has NEVER prescribed this medication on her own and when she started me on it, she gave me way to much. I was so OUT OF IT, that if you would have handed me a piece of bread with peanut butter on it, and the other piece with jelly, I wouldn't have been able to put the two pieces together at all. The scary part was I THOUGHT I WAS PERFECTLY FINE. I even wrote my Dr an email about how my hubby wasn't allowing me to do certain things and how I wanted her to tell him to ease up on me. The email is full of rambling words and misspelled ones too.

I know while I was in this condition my hubby was thinking there was no way he could care for me like this and was thinking of putting me in a home. So, IF your Uncle were to get on this stuff he'd never even realize how affected he was on it.

I'll be saying prayers for you, and I really hope that you can find a way to get him the help he really needs. Your a good niece to care so much about your Uncle to be willing to intervene. I wish you the best and I hope and pray that we hear really soon that he's in rehab and doing well.

Hang in there sweetie, and I hope and pray that you're doing alright health wise yourself. Congratulations on the A's in your classes too. You're doing a great job in school, keep up the good work.

Hugs,
Barbara

Hey Linds,

I've been following your thread since you posted - and SO wanted to respond -- and this has been my first chance.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this - and I feel your passion and your concern. I really do. I've dealt with this issue before in my own life (dealing w/ people w/ addictions) -- so even though the details may not be the same, I understand many of your feelings.

Obviously we are all going to have different viewpoints -- so I'm just adding in mine (I know you asked for all viewpoints, just putting that out there for others!)....

I definitely would not contact the PM doctor. I wouldn't contact any doctor, for any other person - other than for myself or my spouse/children. Even for my children, I hold that to my minor children, in most instances.... To me -- those are the only appropriate times that contacting one's doctor would be ok. Again, I may be in the minority on that viewpoint -- but I passionately hold to this.

Addicts are going to find a way to feel their need - no matter what. If your uncle was cut off from his prescriptions... I believe all he would do is find another means to feed his addiction - be it alcohol, illegal drugs, etc.

Others have listed all sorts of great ideas..... so I won't repeat any of those...

I would definitely try to talk to your Aunt.... about rehabs.... staging an intervention.... etc.

But - at the end of the day -- and I truly don't mean this in a harsh way -- there's nothing that you are going to do that's going to "fix" his addiction, and what seems like his wife's co-dependency. Finding out his PM doc.... telling his doctor.... all of that.... is not going to fix an addict. He's gotta want to get better... and - given his LONG history of addictions - that seems like it's ONLY going to happen through intensive, in patient rehab.

So............ if this was my situation - I would do all the things suggested... but at the end of the day, you can only do what is going to be healthiest for you and your children. To me, I wouldn't want to watch a family member die of addiction. I would put some "bottomlines" out there -- go to rehab, etc -- as a means to have a relationship w/ you and your children. Yes, it sucks this is your only family where you live... and that you are super close to your Aunt.... all of it is so very sad.

But after doing all you can with your Aunt, I would stick to your bottomlines... and for me, it would be not having myself or my children around an addict.... just too sad to watch someone kill themselves.

Take care hon... keep sharing here... and know we care!

--Tina

I hope he gets the help he needs...

Both my biological father, brother, uncle...and many more family members...have addiction problems. I have had issues with my brother especially(stole a bottle of my pills...when i was between doctors may I add, so he put me in quite the pickle).

I just cut them off from me...you are the stronger person if you are actively trying to help. All I have done is cut off contact and refused to help till they become better people. Personally, for me, life is too short to have to deal with people that only bring you down. Not suggesting you do that, I highly applaud you for being a better person than me :)

Lahaina,

I'm sorry this topic has upset you... I haven't known what he was doing the whole time. We just knew he was strange and we didn't see them as much because we lived out of state. I lived in California and Florida for my job. We moved back to Michigan in June of 2012. I have been trying to convince her to do what's right since we came home and I realized what new patch day is.. And it was my son who told me. I asked him "what is up with uncle ed today and he explained the abuse. My youngest doesn't know but my teenager does. I have dealt with this personally out of shame. I brought it to the board because I was very afraid of this medication when I found out they would be putting me on it. When I found out that my 16 year old was afraid that I was being put on the medication, that was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back. So while I haven't brought it up here... This is NOT new for me in my personal life. You see how hot and upset you've gotten over this topic that I posted a few days ago and you don't know us personally... Now imagine if this was your family? So yes, I want to do something but I'm not sure what I'm supposes to do. And my aunt takes vicodin for her pain... She's not so much in chronic pain but moreso untreated pain because she won't get the two surgeries she really needs because she's afraid that she can't count on her husband.

I really do hope this works. If it doesn't I'm going to cut out a woman that's closer to me than my own mother. My mom abandoned me when I was nine and my Aunt was the woman who picked up the slack, so to say. So when you guys look at this situation you may look at your relationship with your own aunt and you may see them a few times a year on Christmas and things like that but I see this woman every day. Since I'm unemployed, I take the kids to school and I stay with her all day until they get out at 3:30. This isn't someone I see now and then and I get angry when I see them. This is something we see in our daily lives. She is the only grandmother my kids know. My real mother has come back in my life now that I'm a grown up but she lives in Virginia so we see her maybe once every five years.

I also found out recently about the surgeries my aunt needs and just how long she's postponed them. She's had seven hernia surgeries and the laprascopic scope went in through her belly. She showed me two weeks ago that the hole has reopened and is bleeding constantly. I asked her for the name of her doctor (she has no problem giving me her surgeon's number, nothing I can do there) and I called him for her while I was on the porch with her. She talked to the receptionist asked if this was regarding the surgery they suggested in 2008. I got very upset! And that's when she told me why she won't go. Of course, I've taken her to the surgeon already and gotten her CAT scan this past Wednesday. I was going to stay at the house so she can get the surgery but now that I may have to cut them off... I'm not sure what will happen.

So when you read my situation, imagine this is your mother and then put yourself in my shoes. Would you still not try everything you could to get him healthy? Would you let him kill himself? He's 58 years old, he's not 88... Not that age makes a difference but if he dies, it will be tragic. And I think my aunt will hate herself.

Thanks again for all your ideas. I will not be looking for his doctors number but I still feel its unfair that this doctor is in the dark and he/she can end up in trouble for what he's doing. He is the reason that PM docs don't rust any of us. Because people aren't honest and they hide the abuse of the meds that are given to CP patients in good faith.

I wish this wasn't happening to my family :-(

Lindsey.Do your see you Uncle everyday because you see your Aunt every day?


Rick

If you are still trying to figure out who his doctor is, look at his fentanyl box, the prescribing doctors name is on it. If you can't look at his box it should be on the printed form that they give that tells you all about the medication you are taking. Many people just through that away so you may be able to see it that way.