recovered anorexic, flare ups cause me to have relapse thoughts HELP!

BunnyGirl, I know what you mean about steroids & weight gain. I was on them for years because I did not know they are for short term use only. Try 3 1/2 years of them. My weight ballooned and it took well over a year to get them out of my system. I now have steroid induced osteoporosis in my spine. I did knock out the weight too. Now, I only get steroids as a last resort. Kudos to you for losing the weight, now you know you can lose steroid induced weight.

You are not going to like what I am about to say but laying around is not going to make your back well. Inactivity is the very worst thing to do. We lose too much muscle & strength when we lay around. Keep yourself up & moving around. Have you asked your dr to try you on an anti-inflammatory, it sounds like this may be something going on. You may even need a good muscle relaxer to help get you over the hump. Have you thought about getting a good massage? Have you tried heat packs or cold packs? What about water therapy, that is excellent for backs too, especially since you have had previous back surgery. You are weightless in the water & cannot hurt yourself.

Seriously, the best thing you can do is be honest with your dr about what is going on. I do not know if you see a GP or a specialist for your care but being honest about how you feel physically & mentally is the most important thing of all.

Good luck.

This completely educated me about things I was totally unaware of. Wow....

Bunny, re: your steroid "intake," has it all, always, been exclusively from injections, or were you also given oral meds?

Susie, I had absolutely no idea at all that we could gain weight from steroid injections. I've certainly gained my fair share of weight when they put me on oral meds, but the way the doctors present the injections is quite different. They emphasize how the injections are localized, and almost seem to go out of their way to minimize concerns over s/e's.

The very fact that so many pain clinics use steroid injections, multiple ones, and on a consistent schedule, as the "treatment of choice," especially when treating orthopedic pain issues.... My doctors would merely state that we don't do injections into an arthritic joint, but never, not once, did any discussion come up that their treatments were potentially making my bones even weaker, putting me at even greater risk for more severe, and less treatable, orthopedic problems down the road!

How do they justify years of treating with steroids with repercussions this serious, and permanent?

Bunny, Susie is absolutely right about being totally honest with all of your healthcare providers. Omitting something, -- even something you think is a conquered problem from the past, or something you feel is inconsequential or couldn't possibly be related, -- well, it's also possible that the "something" you're leaving out could be a big factor in how your doctors treat you....in what meds they give you, or need to avoid, or may contribute to tissues that unbeknownst to you, were damaged from the past.

She also brings up a vital point about our needing to move. There was a time, a very, very long time ago, where it was thought that bed-rest would help back pain, but we've since learned the opposite is true. You need to find some ways, however small, and get yourself moving. Even if it's 10 minutes every 2 hours, but you can always find ways to exercise....whether some of it's even from a bed, or in a chair...there's chair yoga, and heck, whole workout routines based around sitting in a chair that will get your joints mobile and your blood pumping. Being sedentary has absolutely got to be one of the worst things you can do for your body. Do what you can, don't try a distance run, but don't let yourself down, either, by doing nothing for yourself.

I know it can feel like a big, scary hurdle, and you an feel exposed trying to share delicate matters, but remember, you're hiring these health professionals for their expertise in treating you and helping you to heal. Bring things up sooner rather than later, and you could potentially save yourself from harm.



M.

Thanks everyone for the advice, I will begin to move more, It's just really hard when I also have an auto immune disease that is not in control either and I am exhausted. The steroids were injections, I never take the pills they make me gain quite fast and make me angry aswell.

So 1-Move more 2-Talk to doc about the past eating disorder 3-eat better

Bunny make an appointment with your doctor a soon as you possibly can, and tell him everything that is going on, and your fears about your anorexia! Also talk with your therapist! You have been given good advice by Susie and the others. But you need to get this under control now, as you know how this can spiral out of control! I am very familiar with Anorexia my daughter has it, she has kept it under control at least I think she has, we are estranged since my divorce from her mother. But she had it bad in her younger years, (like 7th and 8th grade) and as you know it can be devastating! So Please, Please Please talk with your doctor ASAP and just tell him out right your fears and what this flare up is doing to you not only physically but also mentally! Maybe he can do something or give you something that will help with your pain but not have the side affects of a steroid???? You will never know unless you ask him! Right?

I understand all about the feeling of needing to exercise, and since you can't do that, then that whispering of Ana, Don't listen to it! You will make it through this alright, just talk with your doctor, and your therapist. Don't worry about how to tell him, just be your self and be honest, and let it all out! Your Doctor will understand, and hopefully he can help you! When is the last time you had a MRI of your lower spine? Maybe some test might be in order to find out for sure what exactly is going on to cause you all this pain.

Just know we are here for you!

White Beard

Hi Bunnygirl,

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles with anorexia (and pain, of course). That is tough. My sister was anorexic for years in high school and college, and although she has been in remission for quite a few years now, I know that it is something that will on some level always be a struggle for her. While I don't completely understand it, because I have not experienced it myself, I was the one person that my sister felt she could (and still can) confide in about her battle with anorexia because I am completely nonjudgmental. And my own struggle with depression (and chronic pain, for that matter) parallels her struggle with anorexia in many ways. It is not something that you can control, and that is very hard for people to understand. If you could easily control it, then you wouldn't be anorexic in the first place! Just like with depression, it isn't just something that you can "just get over" or "snap out of." It's not that easy. It is something that is physiological NOT just psychological -- some neurochemical imbalance that is hardwired into our brain. So many people just don't understand that. They think that just because they can easily control their eating habits or their emotional state, everyone should and can. And because of that comments that were intended to be helpful become quite the opposite. So tough. I commend you for being able to achieve remission AND knowing when you are slipping and when to seek help. Asking for help isn't always easy, either.

Is your therapist really familiar with anorexia? Something that my sister found helpful was seeing a therapist who specialized in eating disorders and was also a certified nutritionist. She was able to not only help Katie with the emotional side of things, but she helped her to better understand her food choices. I wish I could be more specific, but that is where lack of personal experience comes in. All I know is that my sister worked with her for several years, and she was very helpful to her.

I also wonder if you might benefit from seeing a doctor who specializes in integrative medicine (can be an MD, DO, or a naturopath). I've worked with several over the past few years to try and get my severe, debilitating fatigue (that no one can figure out) under control, and I found it very enlightening. They know a great deal about food and nutrition and its role in disease. And they can help you create a diet (with or without supplements) that will best support your medical conditions (ie. anti-inflammatory diet, gluten-free, allergy testing & eliminating foods that you are allergic to, etc). It may be worth a consult. They think about the approach to treating a patient very differently than regular MD's. To them every part of who you are and how you live your life is important. And analyzing and modifying your lifestyle based on your medical problems is a big part of what they do. It isn't for everyone, especially since the changes that they suggest are sometimes drastic. Honestly, I wasn't always the best patient, because despite my best attempts, I had a hard time following all the food guidelines plus I have a really hard time taking lots of supplements because it makes me super nauseous to take all those pills. But given your history with anorexia and fear of relapse, plus your chronic pain, I really wonder if they could be of some help to you. If you are willing to put in the time and effort it may very well be worth your while.

As for the inactivity. I know you can't run anymore, but can you walk? Maybe even just getting up and going for a short walk outside (even just a block or two -- whatever you can do) a couple times a day will help with the restlessness. Or maybe you could try gentle yoga or stretching. Obviously don't do anything that will get you hurt, but if you could just do something to take your mind off of things, I bet it would help. I really do understand how hard it is to go from being very athletic to more or less sedentary. I used to be a competitive swimmer on the US senior national level, but I destroyed my shoulders and was forced to stop. I had been swimming competitively since I was 5, and it was all I knew -- school, swimming, and family. So when it was taken away from me, I felt like I had lost a huge part of my world. It is very disconcerting. But eventually I found other activities to take its place. It has been 11 yrs now since I was forced to stop, and I still miss it every day. But you do learn to adapt in time. It may not be ideal, but you do the best you can, one small step at a time. That is all you can do.

Hang in there. I'm glad that you reached out to us. I know that that is not always an easy thing to do. You can do this. Just try not to get too overwhelmed. I know, I know, easier said than done!

Skeye

Skeye-
I have contacted my therapist and I go see a new PM tomorrow within the same pain clinic. I really keep anorexia at bay when I exercise right and Eat correctly but then i have no flare plan. Tomorrow I meet with a doc and am going to discuss a pain plan but I had to tell someone who understands the fear, the exhaustion, pain, depression, ect that come with a flare and with multiple surgeries. I didnt fear a relaspe but the thoughts were what i feared b/c i cannot starve anymore, my husband asks what i eat everyday and my bestfriend calls me and asks what i eat too. They keep me accountable but I needed Chronic Pain ppls opinions as to how to deal with it.

TO EVERYONE: Thank you for listening and letting me be honest as to my fears about anorexia, I have been in remission for 7 years and then also battle the exercise addiction which i still struggle with. Thanx for your kind words and for advice, this place is a haven to me when i feel like i want to pull my hair out.

I still struggle, usually i can keep the anorexia thoughts at bay with diet and exercise but when i have a flare all that seems to go out the window. Tomorrow will be a step up for me, I will get a plan and i will follow it.

THANKS ALL! <3