I'm a retired Army veteran with 27 years of service. I'm married with 3 daughters. As an Infantry Officer, Airborne Ranger, SF... I've had multiple severe impact injuries (broken neck, multiple herniated discs, knee surgery, severe degenerative disc disease, etc.). I had a Total Shoulder Surgery that was botched June 2011. During the surgery, the doctor destroyed my Cephalic Vein, broke the top inside half of my humerus off and fractured the back of my humerus. He manipulated me so badly, my right leg was numb for a week, my arm was 3x's the size and I couldn't use my right hand/arm for a year. I have had to sleep in only the sitting position for over 33 months and cannot lean back against my shoulder blade. The pain has been horrible.
I continued working and finally gave in and retired last month. I had even trained my wife for several years to take over my job as Director of a national business and also Advertising Manager. I did this knowing my time was short and she never really had a full-time job. My wife and daughters don't begin to understand the pain I'm in.
I was always the happiest guy around with a wonderful attitude. Now... sometimes the simplest issues set me off and I get angry. Not for "no reason" though; it's usually something that they should know "not to do" or "to do" that gets me upset. Even though, they should know better and I have asked them multiple times nicely, they still "don't get it." I can no longer work out, play golf, or walk over 100 yards without going into 8 to 10 level pain. I've been to a lot of doctors and the only relief I get is with Morphine (time released); I also take Percocet, Gralise for nerve damage, and Paroxicam.
This has caused serious issues with our marriage. She continues to blame me for getting angry about
issues. She has not been affectionate since my shoulder replacement surgery and this is the biggest problem. I can go 3 or 4 months without any anger and she still says she can't be affectionate, because of my anger problems. No matter how much I try, it's still a vicious circle and I DO try. She will say something that isn't true or not correct and if I correct her, she goes back to it being my "anger problem." Example: I have asked her many times to walk our dog and not allow him to urinate on our (my) well kept lawn; it kills the grass and I have to fix it. I just caught her again, letting the dog pee on the grass and when I told her to please walk the dog somewhere out on a leash anywhere but the grass, she got upset at me.
There are many issues like this, but they just don't understand why this is an issue. I don't want a divorce and she says the same, but it's getting more and more difficult. I'm simply a man living alone in our own home. There are only 2 places in our home, where I can rest... in bed and on our sofa lounge; she won't join me and at least cuddle. What can I do? Travel (flying) is extremely difficult, along with driving due to the stress and not being able to even sit up straight very long (harder surfaces).
Over the years, I worked extremely long and hard hours in the Army and that continued the last 16 years; I've worked every weekend to give a decent life to my family, pay the bills, save, and pay for our daughter's education. I've held conversations with all our daughters daily over the years, but tonight... my wife told me-- "One of our daughters said-- "I went 2 and 1/2 weeks without saying a word to her, when she was in high school." I absolutely know this is not true, because I make it a point to talk to them daily. It's what my father never did and my mother "always" did with me. I told my wife, that she knows that is not true, but she still repeated the same thing. I asked her--"Why are you saying stuff like this to me?" "You know it's not true." Why would one of my daughters say that to you?" "You know I have always been interested in my daughters events." My wife has become really great friends with our daughters... better "friends" than a "mother." She has pitted them against me, for whatever reason, I do not know. I don't believe, she has done it wittingly or on purpose, but I can do nothing right.
I'm a "loving" guy and very spiritual, but it seems now, that I'm a lone duck in a very large pond of despair. I sincerely feel absolutely worthless to my wife and my daughters. My life is basically finished as I once knew it. Now that our daughters are mostly grown, I come home to an empty home. At least, the dog loves me... unconditionally.
Hello, I have made paragraphs to make your post easier to read. Some of us have tracking problems when reading. Thanks.
Post Edited By Moderator (straydog) : 3/14/2014 7:26:12 AM (GMT-6)