Tell me it's worth it...

Having a tough time today. I am a prisoner in my own home. Taking around 22 meds (some multiple times a day), plus lots of other treatments, for a variety of conditions.....pause for phone call.....ok, my bad day just got a little better. I had been waiting around for the pain clinic to call to get the ok to take pain meds that the dentist will prescribe after a rather involved oral surgery Thursday morning. Well, that eases my mind, it's all worked out.

I'm overall doing pretty well mentally with everything that's going on (physical illnesses). But today, not so much. I am 35-F, do not work (on disability due to chronic mental illness), not married, no kids, very few friends. Days like today I don't understand why I am here. I feel alone and useless, if I didn't exist, all that would be different is that some people would have less work to do (taking care of me).

I pretty much feel nauseous every day, am in pain from spinal cord surgeries 15 years ago and from chronic migraines, pretty bad GI problems, infected jaw bone, hypersomnia, bladder problems, recent numbness and pain in hands/thumb, recent probs with low blood pressure, and of course, issues with depression and anxiety (if you haven't already figured that out!).

I'm sorry for complaining so much. Please, if you are reading this, tell me, what's the point of getting up each day and going to the doctor and trying to get better? What is so great that I am living for?

Please don't tell me to go to therapy/increase my depression meds, and I am not having thoughts of hurting myself.... I REALLY WANT TO KNOW, WHAT IS IT THAT'S OUT THERE THAT MAKES YOU BELIEVE THAT LIFE IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR? PLEASE SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS...

It is hard when you feel like a burden. Chronic health issues does that. I've got a grocery list of no fun issues.

What keeps me going are the things I choose to do with my time. I volunteer at the local humane society. I visit nursing homes. Sadly, many elderly residents dont get visitors. They enjoy someone helping them write letters or read to them. I have 3 cats. Pets are such a good way to stay present.

I'm sure there are things you can do. There's always people or animals in need. Health issues suck, I know. Helping others makes me feel like I'm not going to spend my time suffering. You have to give your life meaning. If it's through hobbies, church, pets, volunteer work or something else.

Sunny, you never know what great things tomorrow hold. This is one reason why you should try to get better and hold on to life. Things may seem tough now, but tomorrow may be a great day! You may see something incredible or meet someone new who will impact your life, or you may impact their's.

I just bought my brand new car. I have to stay around to enjoy it

UA

Sunny, you know why I think life is worth fighting for even when I can't fight a good reason? The answer is in the question - it's because as long as we are alive, we have the chance of finding that fight within us, our place in this world, our reason for being. It all may seem pointless today, but maybe tomorrow will be the day we find what gives our life purpose...or maybe the next day....or next month.

Like others have said, it can be the simple things in which we find our reason for being. This train of thought is very relevant to me right now. Every single morning I remind myself why I need to be here.

Have a peaceful night, Sunny.

thanks for all the responses. I really appreciate it and the things you all said remind me that there are positives in life, things to look forward to, and to enjoy all the little things. Today has definitely been "challenging" to put it nicely, but I am glad that tomorrow is a new day and I will try to make it a better one!

I have to remind myself that I am doing things to improve my quality of life, and working with new doctors who believe that I just have to "hang on" for a while and make it through this rough patch, and then things will hopefully start getting better. Once I get this jaw bone infection under control (oral surgery Thurs), I can get off the antibiotics, which will (fingers crossed) cut down on the nausea. It will be over a year before the problem is "fixed". I have tests tomorrow to help the GI doc further understand what's going on. So, I guess my point is that I know something is being done, they are trying to help me.

I used to volunteer at a sort of senior daycare center, but haven't been there since last August, when I went into the hospital for depression and then the physical health problems just spiraled out of control. It gave me a sense of purpose, but right now I am too ill to go back. And I had a cat, who I had a very special relationship with and loved very much, but one day she stopped eating. Took her to the vet on a M, Mom took her back W (i was too sick), and on F, Mom took her back and they said they may need to keep her for a day or two. Got a call an hour later to hurry and get to the vet to say goodbye (they thought she may go into cardiac arrest at any moment due to cancer causing fluid to build in and around her heart and lungs). Made it there in time. I know you don't need all these details, but I have to tell you that the night before she died, we did our usual "cuddling" as i was falling asleep, and she purred. Glad she left me with a good memory. I'd like to get another cat, but I don't know....I'd feel so guilty if I got one now and was too sick to give it the attention it deserved.

After that long and unnecessary paragraph, I guess I just feel kind of stuck. My life is on hold right now. Thanks again for sharing the things you live for...made me smile and find a glimmer of hope.

I agree Sunny, yoiu should get another cat. They are easy to take care of, you don't have to take them outside to go potty & it doesn't take much effort giving them attention....You can have them on your lap or laying in bed with you and pet them or talk to them. Get them a scratching post one they can climb on and maybe hang some cat toys with long strings to a table and they can entertain themselves. My cat likes when I pet her, talk to her, give her treats. She's always has been an outdoor cat (she was at the property when we moved her 6 years ago. I love her so much that I've taken her in as my own, I'll be taking her with me when I move but she's going to hate being indoors....) and has always entertained herself, I don't think she'd know what to do if I tried to play with her....hmmm idk why I've never thought to do that. Anyways sorry for going off topic...I do that a lot. But anyways the point of what I'm getting at is I really do think you should get another cat & cats would be great for you since they don't require much. I don't have any kids either, want one really bad, always have. Got so happily pregnant with my husband of 6 yrs about 5 years ago but.... :/ lost the baby, I've been shattered ever since. Now that my husband has a job & we're getting on our feet I can't have one bc I am not healthy enough....when I asked my cardiologist about getting pregnant he said "lets just work on getting you healthy again" didn't even say and then talk about getting pregnant....I know that having kids would totally have an influence on my mental state. They would give me that reason to get up in the morning or to stick around feeling....since I can't have kids right now I have pets (I probably would have pets either way since I love animals) and when I get to that point of "what's the use in trying to get better" mode I think about my pets...I think about my rabbit too bc I thin k of how helpless he is & who would take care of him, he needs me.

Do you have any young nieces or nephews? My nephew is 14 & he has problems in life, violence in his house, the kids at school make fun of him a lot, he hasn't said this but I can tell from how he acts that he doesn't feel loved like he should be & he really needs someone in his life to help him get through with it all. I try helping him out as much as I can. Talk to him often, help him with things he wants to buy, give him support, hang out with him (make him feel like the special guy that he is) & when I stay the night at his house while his parents are acting crazy I take him elsewhere so he doesn't have to be around it. He helps me feel important just as much as I do him.

I would love to volunteer as an animal rescuer or animal shelter even at a kids shelter but cant for a couple reasons, 1) too ill most days & 2) can't drive due to a seizure disorder & even if I could I wouldn't have a car to drive we borrow my husbands moms car & I'm not aloud to drive anything under their name bc of the major car accident I had in one of their cars from most likely a seizure possible a hypersomnia reason. There's days I fall asleep hunched over my keyboard.

I get how you feel though, my illnesses have been bringing me down soooo much & having to be driven everywhere I go isn't helping. We live way way out in the middle of no where so I can't walk or take a bus anywhere I need to go. Hope I didn't write too much.

What do you look forward to? There has to be something! Make tomorrow a better day.

Sunny, just wanted to say give it some time. Infections in people like us who have a lot going can be devastating. I recently went through a year with a bad staph infection in my breasts. I felt awful and that is way more awful than my normal awful. I got hopeless and didn't have the energy to deal with anything even though I was going through some major life stressors. Stress is a ***** and hard on us.

What I did was focus on the infection. Getting that taken care of was number one on my list. I wasn't even going to attempt to go to number 2 until number 1 was fixed. It was just too overwhelming. Infections are very hard on the body and affect us in a lot of ways.

Be good to yourself and make sure you are doing everything you can to get rid of it. I went to like 5 doctors till we got a hold on it. They couldn't agree what it was. But it's gone now and the change in outlook and energy is amazing.

You are strong, you can do this!! And getting another cat and when you resuming your volunteer work are excellent ideas.